Posted by
ohalei
18 yrs ago
There are many problems and questions about helpers has been discussed in this forum. I just wonder, if there is any happy employers who is really happy about their helper, and how do you keep a wonder relationship with your helper?
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@@
18 yrs ago
We have an amazing helper, she is very capable in all areas of the home and with children.
I would have to say we pay her well, make sure she has plenty of time off and we encourage her activities outside of our home - she plays sport on Sundays and often goes to the gym at night.
We are very clear with our expectations around the home and have always had a great level of communication.
Little things make a difference, if I'm making a coffee for myself then I would always offer to make one for her as well - a simple act that I know she really appreciates.
The fact she has a life outside of ours is really healthy for all of us.
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dasia
18 yrs ago
I too am pleased to hear positive things about the relationship between employer and DH.
Hope there are more like you and your DH, @@.
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i just hope i'll be able to find an "almost perfect" employer- blue_just112083@yahoo.com
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The most important thing for a good DH / employer relationship is trust/honesty and communication (like all other relationships). One of the things I found most frustrating with my DH was that she used to say she understood when she didn't. So if you don't understand - ASK. I would rather explain something a few times then not have it done. Also, there have been a couple of instances where things have been broken or chipped and I have later spotted that they have been glued back together - once again be honest. It is far worse for your employer to find out this way - implies sneakiness which is not a good trait. Also, you need to speak up if something is not right for you rather then become sullen and silent - we're not mind readers!
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lace
18 yrs ago
We are in the same lucky position as @@. Our helper has been with us for more than 5 years. She lives out (one of those old contracts) and moves in whenever we go on holiday. She works with a vision, sees the work that has to be done and makes our lives so much more easy. We pay her well and treat her well and have never been disappointed.
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We have a great helper. And she is that – a fantastic help. I could not work without her and I am extremely grateful for all she does in our house. She has been with us for a relatively short time but has already said she is very happy. She has come from a family that was very demanding and she worked long hours and her former employees had very high expectations (almost unrealistic). I think we might be a bit more relaxed and I second @@’;s comments that it is important to give your helper time off so she can rest and have her life.
She is trustworthy and a very sweet person and takes pride in her work. We work long hours but I make sure that every night I thank her for all the work she is doing and the meal she has cooked. We try to meet on Saturday mornings and have an informal chat with her to find out if she is happy and what she wants changed or listen to her concerns. We wanted to start this way so she knows we are accepting of change and very ready for her to manage our household (but is well aware of our limits and needs). We always have ensured that our helper, who has such an important job in looking after our children feels as though she is a member of our household and is cared for and has respect – I think it is important that the children see this as well. In saying that we have some very firm rules that we will not bend on and she understands those. So far so good, but maybe also very lucky but also quite accepting.
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I agree with the above posters. I can't understand why people would mistreat people they expect to then be compassionate to their children! You are trusting these people with your children so it's very important that you develop some kind of relationship with them, incorporating them into your family. We have times when we all eat together, but my helper prefers to eat in her room to relax. If she's off to do a large supermarket shop, I'll add on some money for her to cab it back with heavy bags, and also for her to sit down and grab a bite to eat while she's out. We have a solid relationship now and she repays me in far too many ways to repeat here. When I'm working, I like to know that the kids are happy and that she's happy.
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We're very happy with our helper and she seems reasonably content with us. We pay her reasonably well, but not at the top of the scale (other helpers that we interviewed earned $6k+, but were not as impressive). We allow her plenty of opportunity to go home and try to give her as much space as possible.
We try to involve her in decisions such as whether she eats with us or alone. She said that she is happy to eat with us, but cannot really relax in the same way as if she ate in her room in front of the tv. Compromise is that she eats with us when we are out, but alone when we are home.
So far, so good. Am not saying that she is the perfect employee, but we are not perfect employers either.
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My helper is a member of our household and is treated as such. She is paid very well and my expectations are reasonable, as if she were family. Perhaps some may say that I am too emotionally involved- so be it! We sit and have chats together and I feel that we are like cousins under one roof with different roles. I work, she works. I respect her as a human being and trust her and she respects me.
I am not very demanding at all, but sometimes I need something done quickly and I am not afraid to ask. Honesty is key, but so are realistic expectations. Kind of like a marriage!
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We have a wonderful helper. I have a lot of respect for her and chat openly with her, but I cannot say that I treat her as a family member - we did that with our first helper and it backfired.
She knows that she can approach us about any issues and we try to be direct with her before any problems snowball. We are careful not to overload her (she does the housework, I do the childcare) and we pay her fairly well.
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mrsl
18 yrs ago
We just try to be fair. Pay fairly, reward her when we expect her to do that bit more, like when we have houseguests, a party etc. Her rooms is small, so we tried to make it as comfortable as possible, with LCD tv, DVD, broadband tv, phone line etc. We fly her back to her family regularly.
We try to encourage two way communication and accept that everyone has bad days. When we thought that she was developing a bit of an attitude problem, we tried to work out if she had a problem with us or other problems at home before going on the offensive.
She's a decent cook, not a cordon bleu chef, she's a good cleaner, but I I find myself redoing things every now and then. We're not paying for a professional chef etc. though. Most importantly, we trust her and the children like her (even though she has very little responsibility for them).
We do not treat her as part of the family. She enjoys her privacy and we love ours. We include her in certain things but try to keep mealtime and family events to ourselves as much as possible.
When factoring into the equation that she is a human being and therefore not perfect, we are as happy with the relationship as we could ever expect to be.
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we are extremely happy with our helper.
as pp's have worded it much more eloquently than i:
how to keep the relationship good? pretty much like a work relationship at the office - communicate, respect, reward work well done, don't let the little resentments build up, try to be observant, remember cultural differences, and that a smile and thank you go a long way.
can you tell us more about this book you are writing? haopy to share more about how helpers really have helped our family.
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