What can I expect?

Hello everybody,


I am a little bit fed up with my new domestic helper....


She received a detailed list from me on her 1st working day which tells her exactly what to do a) every day, b) every other day, c) every week, d) once a month etc. I went through the list with her and asked her whether everything was clear and she said 'yes'. After 6 weeks with us I still need to remind her to do this and that and even if I tell her 'extra' things (=not on the list) she will not do it or only after I remind her several times.


This has gone so far that I no longer remind her again but rather do it myself as I cannot bear hearing me repeat things over and over again. Even my kids do not need so many reminders.


The list I gave my helper was especially designed to help her remember things, but she does not seem to care.


What shall I do as finally giving in and doing it myself is not really helpful to me.


I told her already. I also told her to write down things I tell her extra of the list - but....


In general she has only to take care of the apartment and make sure that my apartment is clean, the dog is walked, my plants are watered and dinner cooked. The rest (grocery shopping, kids, activities) is all handled by me. Is that already too much for her?!?!

How about printing/sorting out the lists as a check list for each day like a calandar/diary, and she has to tick them off and leave a spot for comment for her (black rain so no dog walk, plants got wet by rain).


Not saying this is the case for you, but sometimes lists are not always that easy to follow and can be overwhelming.

Make them point form and not too time specific, like morning what she has to do, afternoon etc. Give her an order that events should be done, not just the list.


These women are not used to the resolution/granularity that we see things - make the points simple.


Then, if she is not doing the things, you have basis to say she aint performing and also to show that what you want is not unreasonable either.


but 6 weeks isnt all that long really.


With the check list thing, you have to be careful be being too specific. I knew of a girl whose boss would ring her up every hour from work to make sure she was diong the 10-11 tasks, or the 11-12 tasks. Thing is, the boss had never tried the list and it was stupid - all the wrong time order for doing things, wrong time of day, silly over/under estimate of duration, no allowance for travel time, ironing before they could even be dry - just ill-conceived rubbish. (incidently this particulat boss had never really "worked" (her job was a family connection nebulous sort of thing) and she certainly had never done housework/shopping/own-child attention-care


Anyhow, the girl always was ready to receive the call and say "yes Ma'am, I have done that and now up to...." and instead had her own sensible schedule - made sure the weird requests were done (the tap in te ensuit had to be shiny and no mark from a drip of water anywhere on it), she knew the boss's litmus test (running a tissue each day on top of a particular skirting board looking for dust) and this girl looked after the house and kids very much to the satisfaction to the boss and her husband in general.

Rosi, I don't think you're asking too much. You say the DH doesn't seem to care when she forgets stuff or fails to complete tasks you've given her and if that is the case then, in my opinion, it's really bad news. But she may be distressed by her failure and trying to cover up her feelings.


If the latter you can check her comprehension of your expectations, check her ability to perform the tasks, train her etc. If she's genuinely forgetting you can train her to check her to-do lists 2-3 times daily, possibly even ticking off completed tasks etc. In this kind of situation you may find that the more you remind her, the more she depends on your reminders. If you tell her once and then leave her to get on with it, you will probably find she forgets the first few times and then realises it's all up to her and takes responsibility for remembering.


Another strategy for the genuinely forgetful is doing things as soon as you remember, even if it is not a convenient moment. For example, I keep an ongoing shopping list so as not to run out of essential items - when I discover I am running low on sth, like bread, I will go write it on the list straight away, even if it is not convenient, because if I write it down it later I may forget and then end up running out of bread.


For more advice on training your DH, I would recommend an excellent book called "Recruit, train and motivate domestic helpers" by Bonnie Pun da Roza. I got mine from Dymocks and paid HKD 99.


If your DH really doesn't care about her work, the above book has strategies for motivating her. Would she respond to incentives? Not necessarily extra cash, possibly other rewards like an extra day off or a useful gift. Or if the "carrot" doesn't work, you might have to resort to the "stick" (NOT literally!!) by seeing if she will buck up on understanding that failure to meet minimum standards will result in termination of contract.


Finally, if all the above fail and you genuinely have a DH with a "don't care attitude" (there are plenty about, sadly) you will probably have to fire her and start again with someone else. You can be the best manager of DH in the world, but it doesn't mean you'll be able to get a result from every helper, some just can't be worked with. I do hope yours isn't one of those, and I wish you luck!