What I should do? Please help!

A ten year old girl's perspective on the manner in which a helper treats snother child should be listened to merely as an alert, not as a detailed an accurate account. Ask her two days later and see if her story is consistent.


You should monitor vigilantly, where possible, and see if there is repetitive unacceptable disciplining.


Your son may miss the other helper, and have pushed all day and the coke machine was the last straw.


Or maybe she is very strict about childrens' health and coke is something a 5 year old should not be having really for their teeth (others may disagree), and she was concerned.


Or maybe the old helper spoiled him and they shared a coke from the machine?


Or maybe she is just a nasty woman.


Perhaps she has a slightly higher discipline code than your previous helper. That could explain for the boys grumpiness and perhaps he gets his own way a bit less now - no two people treat a child the exact same way.


If she is just a bit more strict you may have to educate her as to what your quality standard is and request she maintains the same.


Just watch and observe, and decide yourself if she is looking after your boy in an acceptable manner with appropriate limits set, or whether the 10 year old girl is in fact correct. In all probability it is jsut a settling in period and he may be testing her and she is keeping a firm line - that won't hurt, he'll know where he satnds and they will probably develop a good and respectful relationship. But never hurts to keep an eye on it.

Agreed Tiger01. More importantly, have you told her what discipline measures to apply and when? Does she have any guidelines from you as to what is acceptable and how to deal with problems (eg time out, loss of privileges, how many warnings, when to give them etc)? Sit down and discuss your discipline style with her and guide her. Give her a books on discipline etc with highlighted pages/chapters for her to read, print out stuff from the internet. Give her the coping strategies to deal with problems and see if there is a change in a month or so.

And should a 5-yr old be 'yelling at the helper'? Just wondering out loud...

I usually tend to talk straight to my helper about something like this but never in an accusing way. It's always important to build a good relationship with your helper because they're also your eyes and ears at home if they become close to you. Most of the Filipino helpers tend to understand a certain family structure because they grew up/were conditioned in one. They know that someone older than them, or someone who hires them is someone meant to also look after their welfare and that person tends to be the more responsible person in the "family" they share away from their own family. So you should have a "family" type communication with your helper and establish that you're responsible for the family situation and that they should report everything to you - that's key. At least in my humble opinion. I'm personally, a disciplinarian where my children are concerned BUT I do tend to be sensitive to signs and monitor things. If I were told by another kid that my own help was scolding my child, I would ask, "Okay, but did she beat him?" And if the child said no, just scolded or shouted, then I would make time to quietly, on a one-on-one, talk to my help. I would say, "Hey, someone told me they saw you in this place ..." and repeat the story without telling her who spilt the beans on her. Then I would say, "Tell me what happened? I want to hear your side of the story." And let her explain - I would just listen, and watch her carefully to see and feel how truthful she was. Then I would say to her, "Next time, that's fine if you want to control certain things, but if you have to scold my child, do it where no one can see you abusing and killing him." Sorry, I'm kidding here! Hahahhaa! I actually would say this then give my help a sharp look but laugh anyway. It's always important to infuse humour with your help. Anyway, I would then tell her that I'll talk to my kid about the incident. And I would tell her, next time, report all these little incidents to me as I don't want to be the last person to know about the real attitude of my kid. I would then talk to my child and tell him/her to tell me what happened and compare the two stories.


I think it's always best to get a clear idea and not just resort to listening to a person tell you something even if you may sense it's not right. It's good to clear things straight and immediately. Don't loose your temper, be in control, be fair and kind, but if necessary, give clear guidelines on what you expect and the consequences if your instructions aren't followed three times.


Oh well ... I do hope you get along with your help and the child's okay with her too. If there's a problem, and you feel it, a sense or something, then address it and find a replacement as soon as you can.


Just my one cent of contribution. :)

Good aquuarius, your helper sounds like someone who will look after your son well. Not everyone has the patience to deal with the tantrum of a 5 yr old - many would either just give in and get the coke or spank the child.


Sounds like she knows what she is doing and your son will have better teeth and health. Just one point, where you say your son is "yelling at the helper alot", you may wish to consider that he should never be doing it and obeys her. Even if you don't always 100% agree with the helper's way of doing things, you should ensure your son obeys her regardless, then he will be mopre likley to obey her when she tells him something important like "Stop! don't cross the road! there is a car coming", or "careful! it is hot, don't burn your mouth!"....just a thought.


Oh, and I wouldn't mind much attention to what that 10 yr old girl has to say anymore either,