Posted by
isonoawabi
16 yrs ago
My helper does not wash her hair or take a shower daily. I have already told her a few times (even since the day she walked past me and I smelt a stench emanating from her hair). I have even written it down as a conduct guide that she is to shower and wash her hair every day. Tonight she was back after a whole day's hanging out with her friends. I came back at 9 o'clock to find her going to bed (she usually comes home at 8:30pm on Sundays). She admitted having neither taken a shower nor washed her hair. I told her she should clean herself having been out for whole day. She said she had a headache and went to sleep nevetheless. I checked her towels in her bathroom. I believe she did not even wash her face as both bath and face towels were completely dry. This personal hygiene issue is really getting on my nerves. She's only been with me for less than three months. I am thinking about giving her the sack. Would you sack your helper for the same reason? Am I being too mean and demanding?
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Personal hygiene is important for the health to avoid deseases and stuff. you also mentioned "stench emanating from her hair" so this whole thing is obviously very disturbing to you. I don't think it matters what standards of cleaniness should be applied and how mnay showers should one take and if she really had a headache or not, the fact is "it bothers you a lot". Since you can't force her to shower nor wash her yourself maybe it's time to say "bye bye".
"I checked her towels in her bathroom. I believe she did not even wash her face as both bath and face towels were completely dry."
Maybe she is using yours? ;)
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I agree with omaharrison. Sit her down. Give her a warning. Make sure she understands that you want her to be clean and that she smells.
If nothing changes, let her go.
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cd
16 yrs ago
Personally yes I think you're being a bit mean. Most people shower everyday, but many people only wash their hair once a week, and its really not going to hurt if she misses a shower because she's gone to bed with a headache. Also you don't have the right to go looking in her bathroom checking her towels.
We have the opposite problem, my helper I think has several showers a day, our water bill has doubled in the last couple of years.
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"Most people shower everyday, but many people only wash their hair once a week, "
I agree, but the thread starter said there was a stench.
"Also you don't have the right to go looking in her bathroom checking her towels."
Agreed.
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people wash hair once a week? oh my!! I really would not like to go anywhere near that kind of hair.... Am totally with with isonoawabi - disgusting, i would not stand for it. Sit her down and give her ultimatum I am afraid.... We had a sort of similar situation - I know I will get beaten up for it by everyone. One of our helpers (who we hired from Phil) had very, very long hair, she always had it down and it was EVERYWHERE! I mean, EVERYWHERE! On the floor, on kitchen counters, in our living room, in my kids beds!! Ahhhgg!! drove me nuts - I asked her to put it up - did not help - still was everywhere! I had to ask her to cut it a bit (nothing drastic) just a bit.. Which she did, and she also puts hair up most of the time now...
But I did have to sit her down for a chat... (I know, i know I am just about to be jumped upon as a bad employer)....
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"people wash hair once a week? oh my!! I really would not like to go anywhere near that kind of hair..."
You'd be surprised how healthy it is. Washing long hair once a day can really wear it out, especially finer hair types. Every 3-7 days is quite enough for most people. This once a day routine is an industrialized country thing.
Of course in HKs summer climate perspiration is an issue. But you can still rinse the hair without shampoo every day.
"But I did have to sit her down for a chat... (I know, i know I am just about to be jumped upon as a bad employer)"
Nah. You had a frank dialog and worked it out. Everyone is sensitive about different things.
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cd
16 yrs ago
I have very fine, dry hair, and although I condition every day I only shampoo once a week, and I certainly don't wash my kids hair every day. I have a friend that only shampoos every 10 days. Shampooing everyday is not good for the hair, rinsing and conditiong is fine. My hairdresser actually told me to shampoo less, so I stick to my point about not having to wash hair everyday.
If she has BO then maybe buy her some deodorant and tactfully tell her.
But firing someone for not showering before bed still seems harsh. Is her work otherwise good?
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I wanted to add that I don't think the BO comes from the hair.
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what do you guys do if you go to a gym (I try to 3-4 times a week) - no way I can just not wash hair... I guess whatever works! But once in 10 days! Oh dear...
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Of course if you have been all sweaty you need to rinse the sweat out somehow.
No need to use shampoo though.
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Everybody's hair needs different treatment. Some people have oily hair and need to shampoo it at least every other day to keep their hair clean, some are "head-sweaters" and need to wash often, too, just for the smell. I'd say that's the case of your helper. I've noticed oily-haired people don't have as smelly hair as head-sweaters (I haven't done a scientific survey, I just have an over-developped sense of smell - quite a curse, actually)
The bottom-line is it doesn't matter how often your helper washes her hair, what matters is that she washes it as often as necessary so it doesn't smell. Same thing goes with her body. I am sure you can work this out so it doesn't come to dissmissal (unless you're otherwise dissatisfied with her anyway.
Perhaps don't chase her around the flat everyday about this hygiene thing, it will only make her feel harrassed and resentful. Imagine how insulting it would be to have someone come at you telling you you stink, no matter how true!
Tact and kindness are the key here. You've -understandably- become emotional about this. Cool off for a few days and reapproach the issue calmly and reasonably. You may also offer to buy her shampoo and soap, if you don't already.
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"The bottom-line is it doesn't matter how often your helper washes her hair, what matters is that she washes it as often as necessary so it doesn't smell."
Right on.
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this is not something just because any of us in this forum tells you it's wrong or not, that you should accept or not. Ultimately, you are NOT going to be able to change your expectations and lower your standards to accepting a helper who doesn't have the same hygiene level as you and your family. I would never be able to tolerate it, I would think of letting her go if she insists to continue this way.
Not mean, just not "clicking" and not " fitting" in your family. That's all.
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Sure, Momoftwo, but one should talk first and see if the situation is fixable.
Having a helper is an adjustment for both parties. The employer must also compromise on some things. This may not be one of those things but certainly one cannot expect life to go on as before.
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Thank you all for your views. Albeit we have different views, I think we are all agreed that one should talk first. cd thanks for telling me about your hair. I didn't know that some people may not wash their hair as often as others do for a reason. Having thought about it, I agree it is mean to sack her just because of this hygiene issue. She has incurred a debt back home in order to come here to work and that debt is still being repaid. Eventually, we talked and worked it out. She is always smilling these days and gee, I like that smile. Thanks to you all.
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