Stay at Home Mothers - DH Expectations?

I am new to the forum, moving to HK in April and am trying to decide if we will take on a DH (the horror stories are putting me off!).


I will be a stay at home mother with a toddler and newborn and would like to have a DH to do all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I would also like the DH to watch the children occassionally so that I could go to the gym, have time to myself, etc., for 8-10hrs a week.


I can't cook myself so I will not be expecting gourmet meals. I am a clean freak, however, so I will expect a spotless flat.


Are my expectations too high to ask this of a DH? Based on what I am reading on this site I'm not sure and thought I would ask....

I think that is very realistic, and you will have no problem once you find the right person.


We had a fabulous helper for 4 years.

I'd like to echo the above. I have a helper who is as close to perfect as I can expect. Like Cara, there are things that I'd change, but bearing in mind that I've hired a human being, I cannot have everything.


I had a disastrous first helper, but that was as much my fault as hers. I took much more time to find my second, and my patience has paid off. Good luck.

I know how you feel - reading this forum before I moved here really put me off. But 2 months of doing everything myself with no family support and hubby working all hours made me give it a try and it has been fantastic. My recomendation - check your references very very thoroughly by phone. Do not under any circumstances accept any excuses for why there is not a reference. I got my helper off this board and would ring each one I was interested in first and do a brief interview over the phone before deciding whether I was interested in doing an interview in person which saved a lot of time. I didn't do it but I get the impression you can do trial days here.

Also set up a very detailed list of things you want done around the house and each room on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly basis.


It sounds very draconian, but if you do this upfront and explain exactly what and how you want things done, it's much easier for everyone.


I gave my list to my helper on her first day. My rule for her was: these are the things I want done around the house and when. If you finish them by lunch time, then you can read a book or whatever...and so far it's OK. She will never be 100% but even at 80% is better than having to do it yourself.

And do a trial day. You say you expect a spotless flat - I would say that might be a challenge. My helper tries hard, I have shown her what I mean by 'clean' but she still doesn't get it. I have given her daily/weekly/spring cleaning lists, and I actually do a lot of the cleaning myself. Before anyone suggests that it's a lack of training on my part and not the fault of the helper, I work in a luxury hotel and conduct staff training on a daily basis. I know what is clean/hygienic, and I know how to train an employee.

Be very very careful when hiring your helper or it will end in tears.


(I tolerate my helper's crap cleaning because she's good with my son and I don't want him unsettled by changing helpers again - my last helper left suddenly with family probs - and also because ultimately it's not a big deal, as I can clean the flat properly in a fraction fthe time it

would take her to do it badly...)

I have a domestic helper who has worked for my family for seven months now and she has been excellent with only the ocassional small problem usually related to a misunderstanding. Before hiring her I spoke at length to her past employer on a couple of ocassions who was very willing to be honest and open. She thought very highly of her and is was important for her to find a new employer that she was happy with.


I had to return to work part time and had a four month old baby so my prority was my baby. I discussed this with her previous emplyer who again was very honest and said her childcare ability and cooking were her strengths with cleaning coming a close 3rd. This was exactly what I wanted as I was working I did not want the cleaning to take prioroty over childcare and the cleaning (for me) could happen on my days off. I suggest you speak to her last employer most are very receptive if they have been happy with their helper. Ask her specifically about her cleaning standards (but bear in mind everyones are somewhat different!). I think an extremeiy important question is - her ability to follow instructions!


I agree with anneih about making a list of jobs you want done and when - then she is clear on your expectations. I think its worth taking the time and showing her specifically how you want things done- saves misunderstandings later.


Also I agree no reference - no job! You hear a lot of horor stories I have a very happy 10 month old now who is exceptionally well looked after by my helper. She cooks beautiful food and cleans when she gets a chance. I feel very fortunate and somewhat spoiled. I know I have been very lucky!


I think if you meet with a potential helper a couple of times check out her references and speak to her previous employer you will increase your chances of being lucky. I was also told by a friend if you don't have a good feeling about a potential helper, despite her references it might be worth considering someone else as she will be living with your family.


Good luck with your move