DH using our products in the bathroom

Hi,


I just have a quick question. I have noticed that our DH is using our bathroom products (soap, shampoo, air conditionner)...is it normal? I have not said anything so far because I do not know if it is a standard. Could you please advise me.

Thanks

Julie

If she is provided with her own, or an allowance for it, then she shouldn't be helping herself to your stuff. You have to make it clear what she can and cannot use in your household, otherwise she will just take it for granted that she can use anything! and it won't stop at bathroom products.

Hi Susie,

Thanks...Should I give her an allowance for the soap and shampoo? I though that I was supposed to provide only the food.

To be honest, regarding the food, she knows that she can eat whatever she wants (if we have candies, nuts, soft drinks, she can also have some...as example)...But I never talked about the products in the bathroom because I assumed that she will have her own!

So what do you do, do you give her an allowance?

Beancurd, again?

Thanks but I do not need your comments! You are creating a bad atmosphere. Thanks, but I do not want to make a black mark; and I also want to feel free to post a question, and not have to read your ironic answers. This questions is for employers only! Thanks!

(by the way, you are really giving me a negative image of the DH, and therefore I am going to be more carefull with my DH...not sure she will thank you for it!)

Ok, Thanks Cara...

I really want to create a good relationship...but because I have expensive products, I will prefer her to use her own. I do not give her food allowance because she eats like us (unless we eat out, and then she has money to buy her own dinner in one of the restaurant around our house). I will have a conversation with her...and let see what solution we can find.

beancurd, employers are not obligated to provide toiletries for their helpers and helpers, unless given permission, should not use toiletries of employers. These are personal items for hygiene. And also, just because some employers are generous and provide their helpers with toiletries, it does NOT mean all helpers are entitled to this.


So, putting a black mark on shampoo bottles etc does NOT make an employer MEAN. wary, suspecting maybe but not mean. And if the employer putting the mark allows her helper to use her shampoo, it still does not make the person MEAN

Julie,

If I were you, I would let her know how I feel to erase the uncomfortable feeling. Communication is very important and maybe some helpers are not aware of it if not told.

Apparently you are a generous employer as she can take all your food she wants in your household so she must had assumed that goes for the toiletries and for that matter, other stuff. Draw some boundaries. Do talk to her, discreetly but don't hurt her pride.

Julie44, you definitely do not need to pay for your helper's toiletries, she should purchase them with her own money unless you decide otherwise and in the interim she is not entitled to use yours.


Beancurd, I really take offence to the tone of your post. I personally do think it is a little crude of an employer to make marks on the shampoo bottle ect as you implied, but as an employer you do have to have some ability to inventory your outgoings, and this is one way albeit a crude way of monitoring use of your personal belongings when you don't wish another to use it, especially if you have communicated this, particularly when they live in your home. My office inventories lots of things even down to the number of photocopies/print outs from the pc/stamps, and they use more sophisticated means (electronic/cost centres) to do so, but still at the end of the day we all have to watch out costs/bottom lines, and companies, employers like helpers are the same in this way.


Having said that like Cara, if you have an excellent employee then rewarding her with shampoo, luxury toiletries is a wonderful thing to do that builds the relationship, same way when one is a good employee, you get more perks with your job. But to assume it is a right is incorrect.


Finally Julie44, I would set ground rules early, I find at the workplace as well as at home, when you let bad habits develop because you don't deal with them early (stitch in time saves nine) then it becomes much harder and more angst ridden to deal with them later on. As soon as something happens, I pick up on it immediately, talk openly about it, and that way I have not been brooding about the issue, and the helper can say that it is a genuine misunderstanding, and change. Same goes the other way, when I was calculating my helper's ticket home, I did not count for the days it took her to get home ($100 per day for travel expenses) (she lives far away from airports which I did not appreciate), and only gave her $200 when it should have been $300, she asked me about it in an open way and I corrected it immediately. I want to be fair, and the last thing I would have wanted was her to feel I had tried to rob her of $100, when we have such an excellent working relationship.

Hi everyone,

Thank you very much for your answers...I will definitely talk to her today (yesterday was her day off). yesterday I spent 2 hours to think about what expectations we have, what education we want her to transmit to our child and also the bounderies, what is allowed..etc...like homely said, I guess she assumed it was ok to use the toileteries because I never mentioned she couldn't!

I will start the conversation about these subjects today as I know that lagrue is right, I need to set ground rules and I was probably not as clear as I wanted! (It is new for me to have a DH...very different than a nanny in Europe...so I need to make sure not to unbalance the relationship!)

Thanks again...I will probably buy her a toileterie set for Christmas...it is a good tip!