DH abused

I know of 2 helpers who are working for a rich family in Hk. They get 8 hours off every 2 weeks as the lady doesn't like them to go out in case they bring germs in. They are not allowed to have any communication with outside while on duty, which is basically 13 1/2 days/2 weeks. They don't want to stand up for themselves as they are scared of her. I think the lady is a bit crazy. If she was in London, I would have reported her to social services as she is a threat to her children as well. She overdosed a medicine to her daughter and the girl ended up in hospital.Here, nobody says anything. I feel I should report her to immigration. Shall I?

Most DH's know where they stand with abuse & if they are so badly treated, they should stand up for themselves & do what is required.

No one can tell you what to do. You are a grown up & should do what is right. Just ensure you have facts & proof. Will the Dh's support your story?

Dont go by hearsay or emotions, go by the truth. A few lives & family life could be ruined if the wrong step is taken.

Eddy you have to be very careful in this situation. Mostly all DH know there rights and some of them choose to stay with an employer who treats them this way because they are being paid. Their HK monthly salary will put their children through school for 12 months. Maybe its the devil you know than the one you don't.

I dont agree with the DH being treated like this and it makes me sad to hear it but unfortunately only the helper can help herself.

Completely agree with fairybell's last sentence.


Eddy, unless you are going to hire these two helpers yourself, find them new employers before they are kicked out of Hong Kong or pay for their agency fees again when they come back to Hong Kong, then you have to ask yourself whether you are really helping or taking food out of their families' mouths.

Nice comments. In short, people have to put up with abuse bacause they get paid and may be in financial trouble if they do something about it...

Amazing how there seems to be little that can be done about it and how it all seems so frightfully "acceptable"...

What needs to be done to bar some people from being able to ever get a DH? Would probably make them think twice about how they treat others.

Eddy, some of the details you mention (eg "she overdosed a medicine to her daughter") are things you could not know unless you either have contact with these helpers or else are relying on hearsay. If the former, you could ask the helpers if they want you to do anything. If the latter, consider the source.... does the source have an ax to grind/old score to settle, and might s/he be using you as a pawn?

A friend of mine was working in that family. She left them after the overdose 'accident' as she didn't want to be blamed for it. The mom was guilty but if it did go any worst, mom could have got nasty and turn against the nanny.

The current nanny is staying in the job just because she gets a huge salary.

I can't actually do a lot about it as nobody will back me up as the family is very well known and would drive me out of Hk. I could have done something providing my id was to stay unknown.the labour departemtn should have a hotline where abuse can be reported, or at least be able to send somebody to check what is happening...

I know it's a discusting but I have to think about my place in Hk and that I might be looking for a job one day. If I open my mouth, I will be balcklisted. I just find so unfair that people like that can get away with that kind of behavior... the father of the family is a well known lawyer... typical, isn't it? You preach right but do very wrong inside your home...

"the current nanny is staying in the job just because she gets a huge salary"


I hardly consider this DH abuse. It's a free market. Ask the current nanny if she wants her Sunday off or one-half or less of her current salary.


And, if you don't want to open your mouth and risk your own hide, then why are you seeking advice here?

"it's a free market" - I am so flabergasted at how people seem to think DH's are a different class of human being. They are human beings like you and I and deserve to be treated with as much respect as someone who had the luck to be born into a priviledged life.


And anyway, It's not a free market at all. If it really were a free market there would be no barriers to entry or exit. In other words, if it really were a free market, these DH's could leave to work for other people in HK who understand that someone who serves you deserves your respect and not to be stripped of their dignity.


I grew up with a nanny, a cook and a maid. The cook stayed with us from the day my grandmother was married to the day he died (of old age). The current maid has been with us for as long as I can remember and was the cousin of her predecessor who left us to go back home to the Philippines because she got married. To have domestic helpers is not to keep a slave. It is a responsibility. Like every employer, you are responsible for training your DH's, treating them well and making sure they are fed, clothed, healthy and get to see their families once a year (if you are abroad).


I am so astonished at how anyone could treat an employee who makes their life so much easier with such disdain. In the world you and I live in John, it may well be a free market where you would leave your underpaid job that gives you no down time. In the real world - people do not have the same choices.


As for the family that has this wakko mom, my personal opinion is that if they pose a danger to other people, they need to be stopped. If you suspect that DH's as well as the children are being abused and you have evidence, you have a moral obligation not to look the other way. Whichever way you choose to act, I wish you the best and the strength to do the right thing.

Oh brother, tams, in the world we live in, 99.99999% of the population does not grow up with a nanny, cook, and maid. By the way, did you also have a driver and personal tutor growing up too?


In any case, while you completely misunderstood what I said, I am glad that you are so enlightened not to equate a cradle-to-grave helper with a slave.

Not sure exactly how else to interpret the "it's a free market" comment apart from that you think if abused DH's decide not to leave an abusive employment situation, it's their own fault for staying.


Apart from the fact that mistreating those weaker than you is simply always wrong, the argument also detracts from the reality that these people have very little choice - they have families to feed and they suffer this abuse because they see no alternative (honest) way to make the same amount of money.


Treating others the way you would like to be treated is not something you need formal education to understand. It just takes an ounce of sensitivity and perhaps one or two lessons in humility.


As for your "cradle to grave helper" comment, to be honest I am not sure you would care to understand if I explained to you what that's all about. But I'll give it a go anyway in case I am wrong.


Having a helper that stays with you all of their life is a responsibility and it is (at least where I come from) in many ways a duty to also employ as many people as you can so that you can feed as many hungry mouths as your money allows you to, without standing on the street corner and giving it away. The helpers we have / had were also all taken care of beyond their time with us. My grandmother still sends money every year to their families to make sure they are ok. The cook - well he retired at about 65 and we took care of all his medical bills, accommodation and pension until the day he died (which was a good 10 years after his retirement). My grandmother equally still makes sure his family is looked after - which is a good thing really, because they are from Sudan, where living conditions currently are not very liveable. So really I am glad we are able to help them live somewhere other than the village where our cook originally came from.


So by all means mock me if you like for having been born into the circmstances I happen to have been born into. Next time round (assuming that possibility exists) I may not be so lucky, but hopefully I won't be stuck working for someone who thinks it's ok to treat me badly because they pay me well and, anyway ... it's a free market! ;)