Posted by
pinkie
18 yrs ago
just got a helper for the first time - she has been here a while and was recommended to us but so far has asked for tv and clothes!!! the tv i could kind of understand but clothes - she asked for dress (in case we have guests) and two sets of work clothes (track pants and white t shirt). The dress is a definate no and I know we are not required to provide this but has anyone else had experience with this?
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Its not a usual or customary item...some employers (usually wealthy) will provide uniform, but that's it and normally that would be property of the employer.
Most helpers buy their own cloths and wear their own cloths to work...just like most everyone in the world who is not a part of a uniformed service.
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hmmm just what i thought - i was so taken aback i said ok well i didn't realise we needed to I will look into it. should have said no straight away and saved myself the hassle - it is such a strange situation at first.
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There are advantages of course in having her wear a sort-of uniform - at least you know she will be wearing suitable clothes for working - and really, it's not going to cost you much...
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I have always bought clothes and shoes for my helpers -- not a whole wardrobe, but 2 pair of shoes a year and a few items of clothing now and then. Two reasons for this: so she will look presentable and feel good about herself, especially when taking my children to school or otherwise "representing" our family, and also because I have always worked on the basis that foreign domestic helpers count on sending every penny of their salary home -- I know from reading this forum that not everyone feels the same about this issue, but I think that's always what the helper has in mind. Sometimes it backfired because I would buy the helper some decent clothes to wear and they would be sent straight back to the Philippines for her children -- and the helper went around wearing some rather gruesome looking cast-offs picked up from I don't know where. I don't think a few bits of clothing is too much to ask of an employer, considering the salary paid to domestic helpers.
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ritad
18 yrs ago
sinogie,
i think you have not been to giodarno lately, cause 500 buys you just a jean and shirt...not tank tops..
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Perhaps you are thinking of a different Giordano/Giodarno - I could get the whole lot for well under $500...
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My employer provides me with a uniform and arrange the dry cleaning for it - they do this not because they love me, but so they can be sure that I present a professional image to clients. You're right - it's not about the money, but if my helper wanted to wear a uniform (which is basically what this helper is asking for) I would be delighted.
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I think you need to come to some sort of compromise on both sides. If you give her a TV and dress etc. next week it will be a DVD player, steroe and an extra day off. Tell her no to the TV. You will review it after she has been with you a while and you are sure of her performance. Tell her you will buy her a uniform or 2 pairs of shorts and 2 T-shirts for work plus some shoes - one pair for going to the shops, 1 pair of flip flops for indoors. Then I would tell her that your quests aren't really concerned if she wearing a dress so the clothes you'll buy are fine. Then I'd tell her that other helpers do not generally get this, that this is her lot and not to ask you for anything else.
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cd
18 yrs ago
It seems a strange request to me. I don't understand why so many people think helpers shouldn't spend any money on themselves and that they are so hard done by. You as an employer give them a room, buy them food (or food allowance), pay for their water, gas, electric, often supply them them with TVs, stereos etc, the least they can do is buy their own clothes. They could have a nice outing down the markets and get some great tops etc for about $30 each. My old helper had a wardrobe far more bulging than mine, she brought her own things, sometimes went out to dinner with her friends, but still managed to send most of her wages home to support her 3 kids.
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i tend to agree with mrs miggins and insane. if she wants clothes, fair enough. even though, i do not give clothes to my helper. she dresses up very well on her day off, i am sure she is not short of clothes. but to ask for a tv.........that has gone too far. if i want to give her a tv, i would. but for her to ask from me first, that's a bit over the top. after all, i haven't even seen how she work yet. she may be very lousy in her job for all i know. just my thoughts. i have nothing against helpers and i always give her little things as compliment to her work. but she never never asked from me. if she did, i would have thought of her otherwise.
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I suppose a lot depends on what your helper is expected/allowed to do when she is not working. If you allow her to either watch your tv or to go out in the evening to spend time with friends (I'm talking about the evenings, not her one day off) then I don't think there's any need to put a tv in her room. If it's no to the above (as I suspect it is for most helpers) then I don't think it's very nice for her to be shut up in a tiny room (I'm assuming here) all alone. My helper has a TV (a fairly old one that I got very cheap, and DVD player - again, an old one) - I don't feel that I'm 'spoiling' her - she never asks me for anything, but I want her to be happy - she takes care of my son. I can't imagine the helper in question is asking for a huge plasma TV - but you can't blame her for wanting a bit of entertainment in the evening.
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Thanks for all replies has been helpful. I agree it is not a huge ask but it is more that (as some of you say) she asked me and so soon - I might have been happy to do it if she had waited a while or I noticed she was low on clothes but she seemed to insist that all employers do when I questioned her which I know is not the case. I have agreed as a once off but that this is it and stressed that she is not to ask for more of anything other than what we have agreed to provide and if she is not happy with that then this will not work. I hope that is the end of it. It is a bit tough as she was highly recommended to us and we already offered to pay a bit extra because of her experience and previous salary - we thought it was worth it given she will help looking after new baby etc but I didn't expect this and most people I have spoken to are quite shocked that she asked me! i was tempted to get rid of her straight away as I didn't think it was a good omen for the future but my husband calmed me down and she is very good so I guess we hope that i have made it clear enough and that is the end of it! it is all quite stressful - at least we didn't have a big interview process as she was a referral and she turned up etc
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I think it's actually a good sign that she wants a uniform of sorts (tracksuit and white t-shirt) - that would make me think that she has a more professional approach to the job than a lot of helpers.
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that "this is her lot"? what is that supposed to mean?
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owner
18 yrs ago
i had a helper in my past life where she was even wearing more "posh" gears thatn i had. thing is most of them i understand were hand me downs from previous employer.
i never felt bad when we went out that she looks well dress than i did...
after all by the end of the day i am still the "employer". that did not matter to me who is better dressed.
now if i had a maid who would ask for such...well..great. whats few hkg dollars to keep peace?
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tsuiwah
"this is your lot" is another way of saying "that is all I am giving you".
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thanks mrs miggins - good to hear what different people do in regards to tvs etc. As I said I don't have a problem with providing different things (ie possibly a tv and little extras) once i know the person and feel comfortable and trust but it is very different to be asked straight out. I just thought it was a little bit much (regardless of the cost) and it concerned me that she would constantly be asking for things and not be happy with what we are planning to provide even if that is different to what her previous employer provided. Not one of my friends/aquaintances I have asked provides clothes for helpers and were all very surprised at the request. Anyway I'm not worried about it now I just don't want her to be unhappy with us so want to make it clear what we will and won't provide (we already pay above the minimum) and I would kind of like to make a decision about the extras once i know her a little better. I don't want her stuck in a horrible room and feel miserable - we offered our tv when we are out and an extra day off which is what she had previously and if she is finished her work I offer for her to go out or do her own thing so we are reasonable and I think once we know her we would be quite generous employers but I think you need to set the boundaries at the start. anyway i'm hoping that it all works out - she seems very good and i think i can trust her already so I'm just moving on from the issue.
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tmk
18 yrs ago
It's possible the request for clothes was based on cultural expectations. We lived in Manila for a few years. When we first arrived, we discussd uniforms with our helper and said she didn't need to wear a uniform. She appeared disappointed with this so we said if she preferred to wear one, we would provide uniforms. She was quite pleased. This occurred with other helpers and our driver over the next few years, and all wanted uniforms.
It took us a little while to somewhat understand the whole uniform mentality in the Philippines. Most of the working class wear uniforms of some sort. In a country with high unemployment, the uniform might be a source of pride as it shows you have a job. For a new helper, it may also give a sense of acceptance by the new employer. Of course a uniform also saves on wear and tear of her own clothes. This is also important in the Philippnes as the wages are a fraction of HK wages, not to say helpers have plenty of money here either.
Uniforms are not the norm in HK, but her request doesn't seem unusual to me. Incidentally, our helpers that were thrilled to have uniforms provided in Manila, do not wear them in HK. So I could be completely out to lunch with everything I've written:)
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Meems
18 yrs ago
buy her clothes for her Birthday & Christmas presents. Bossini's clothes are nice and the sales are bargains.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
Actually uniforms may not be a bad thing. I once went on holiday with my friend and she brought along her helper. We rented a holiday house and her helper was walking around in see-through pyjamas. My friend asked her helper if she had something more suitable and her DH replied no. So my friend had to go out to buy her a t-shirt and pants.
I buy my helper clothes every now and again when the sale's on. Well, I buy her shoes and watches too. Problem is she saves most for her daughter and wears only 1-2 when she goes out on Sundays. But sadly, we're terminating her (long story).
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i think buying some cloths or things for the helper is not bad...you give it as a reward for working good on your family.. anyways there are a lot of shops that always on sale...you can even buy 3 for $50 for shirts...
giving gifts for the helpers are not different from giving gift for your family members. your living on the same roof anyway..
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I clear my wardrobe at least twice a year, and used to give away lots of clothes in excellent condition 1st to my friends and then for the ones they don't want to charities. Since I have a helper I always offer her to help herself 1st and then I pass on to friends / charities. I am quite happy myself to be given some clothes for me or my kids by friends / neighbours, and she is very happy to get some clothes from me this way. Some she wears to work, some others more 'formal' she wears on her day off. She never asked me for clothes, she never asks me for anything anyway...
Of course I also offer her some presents such as clothes, scarfs, toiletries for her Bday, Xmas etc, but they are not 'work' stuff, they are presents. And every time our relatives come to visit and spend 1 - 2 weeks with us, they will always bring her a souvenir from France (T-shirts, mugs etc). As a rule, anything I am not using anymore I offer it to her (small oven sent to Philippines, plates, body products).
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