Posted by
Gabriella
19 yrs ago
Hi there,
we have a part time helper who started off well and then went a little slack. At Xmas she called me in a flap as she wanted HKD$2,500 for a flight home - the night of the flight. My husband said no - i felt empathetic and was going to give her the money. i have noticed that things have started to go missing - there i no need for this as i give her my magaines and when i clear out my wardrobe she has first choice. then she started not turning up for work and started sending her aunties and cousins. the latest is she called me yesterday claiming she couldn't work as she had fallen down. she didn't want to call my husband and tell him - but would rather call me at work to tell me a friend was massaging her legs. she sounded panicked so i told her my husband was away and asked if she needed to see a doctor - she claimed that she didn't. then she didn't turn up to work today and didn't call to advise.
i don't what to think? Any advise folks?
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At the risk of sounding horrible.... when people see a doormat, I'm afraid they will walk on it.
Your boss wouldn't accept it if (without prior agreement) you sent in your cousin or auntie to do your job; and you shouldn't accept that sort of thing either. If you give employees an inch without a "quid pro quo", they'll take a mile.
[Also, the chances are that your employers insurance doesn't cover her cousins/aunties working in your home; so brace yourself if anything goes wrong.]
As for her failure to show up for work without notice, do exactly as you would with an office employee: give a written warning (setting out what will happen if this recurs) and have her signature on it witnessed by a third party.
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that's ok Burgundy - I thought i might have been too lenient with her.
you have a good point - i will talk to my husband when he gets home tonight and suggest we let her go.
it makes me feel a little disappointed as i thought by treating someone well and with respect it would be reciprocated. i have friends who treat their helpers badly - yet they are reliable and continue to work well. so there you go!
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Sorry, my post sounded harsh when I came to re-read it.
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nooo that's terrible! I have a work situation too - whereby I feel a bit of a doormat, so can totally relhow you used to be.
Miss Miggins - I don't have her ID etc. - she was recommended by her cousin etc. when this helper started we loved her - it took a few months then things started to slide. I didn't know what to make of the scared rabbit photo call just on Xmas - we had given her a bonus for Xmas and some presents. Then I received this photo call - asking where I was and could she come and meet me as she needed money for her flight that night. It was the Sunday before Xmas - so I felt sorry for her. My husband put his foot down. If we want to take it on step further - when my husband is around she's quiet and very nice, on occasion when he is not home and I'm either working at home or sick etc. she comments that I am fat - she once looked at my wedding photos and said she could tell who was my mother my mother because she was also fat.
I'm only 58 kg's - not that that is the point - but boy, I was annoyed.
Sorry on my rant horse now.
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P.S. Sorry about the typos - my computer is a little slow as we're uploading some new software.
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pzam
19 yrs ago
I think its about time you change your helper. To be called fat by an acquaintance would piss me off.
To be called fat by my helper without my asking her is crossing the line. Is she a legal p/t helper? if so get her keys on the day you let her go. she sounds like a vengeful kind of person and I wouldn't want her in my flat unsupervised.
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thanks - I might chat to my husband first then sort it out on friday. That's if she shows up. No - she is not legal - can you get legal part timers?
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She has probably figured out you are not a free ticket to anywhere so has dropped you to work on someone else.
A friend of mine had a similar experience - sob story can i have $20,000 to pay for my mothers medical bills - I will pay it back etc from her part time illegal DH- the DH was given the $20,000 and was not seen for the dust she left behind.
Don't lend money to any DH unless you have them in your tight grasp - and then only as much as you are willing to lose. (as with any friendship loans - loan money as if you expect never to see it again)
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gabriella:
i assume you p/t help is a filipina.. i am a filiina myself.
witley is right. we do see weight gain and saying "youre fat" as a compliment. :D people back home frown at you when you are below 125lbs. i am a trim 95 lbs and my fellow filipina helpers are always asking me if my boss is feeding me.
and another thing; be careful of people like youre helper. be as freindly as possible when you let her go. she wount be the first nick things from their boss. and for your sake too DONT LET HER COOK SOMETHING for you before she go. i know some would spit in the food of thier boss out of spite..
just my thoughts.. and yes i am as disgusted as you are by these stories.. makes people lose respect for us filipinos
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Thanks everyone.
I spoke to my husband last night when he got home - he said to see if she turns up today otherwise to change the locks.
It makes me a little sad that there can't be an even playing field. But I guess given the stories and even considering your comments persephone that I was being a little naieve.
She is always telling my husband (whn I am not there) how pretty I am and how badly she is treated by her other employers (especially the women). Which makes me wonder if she pulls the same stunt vice versa.
On the plus side I lost 4 KG's - looking good for 5'6'' :)
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mrsl
19 yrs ago
Gabriella, I totally sympathise. We took a similar approach to our (full-time) helper. She was really sweet and very enthusiastic at interview and when she started. She had some awful sob stories about how badly she ahd been treated by her previous employer and how worried she was that her children at home would not be fed etc. as her employer would not give her a reference etc. We decided to trust her and have learned our lesson.
She really was a nice person, but lazy as hell. We thought that if we treated her well (added 50% to her salary, 2 days a week off, 3 flights a year home as she had not seen her children in years etc.) that she would repay us by making an effort. In hindsight, I was a doormat (more advances than scheduled paypackets etc) and she sure saw me coming.
We thouhgt that a bit of patience and effort on our part would sort out the problems (gave numerous lists, paid for training courses etc), but learned that a leopard does not change their spots. When we eventually decided ro terminate we did it in the same way as it would have been done at work (payment in lieu of termination, escort her out of the building). I know that she would not have stolen from us etc., but was not prepared to take any chances as we have children.
Next time, I will be much more businesslike. I would never have employed someone at work without checking references, why on earth did I have someone in our house witout having done so??? I want to be fair, but am determined not to be taken for a ride.
There are plenty of wonderful helpers out there; you will no doubt find one that will make your life easier, not more difficult. Godd luck!
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Gabriella,
I really sympathise with your situation. It is quite hurtful when you treat someone well and they don't reciprocate.
Until recently I had 2 helpers. One is a gem, the other left about 2 weeks ago, after I found out she was stealing. I was upset because she seemed to be so nice and friendly and we had all gotten to like her. Although we are just an ordinary family living in a small flat (only 1,400 sq ft) I had really tried my best to make things nice for my helpers as far as I could within my means. When she started stealing it just felt like she was throwing it all back in my face.
She tried to give me 30 days' notice but I didn't want to give her a month in which she might steal more stuff, spit in my food, or pick on my babies. So I asked her to leave immediately, otherwise I would give her a summary dismissal. I did not pay her one month in lieu because she was ending the contract.
It's too bad because now is not a convenient time to have only one helper. I was working on my MPhil proposal (due at the end of May) but now I don't think I'll be able to get it in on time. So I'll have to wait until next year. And my present helper, who is great, is now overworked. Although I'm at home, she's up at 6 and doesn't go off duty until 8pm, usually with only one hour lunch break.
I have applied for a replacement additional helper (the sister of the one I've got now) but it will be 6 - 8 weeks before she arrives.
Anyway, so I know how you feel. I was not a 'doormat', I aim for 'firm but kind'. But my bad helper still stole from me. She didn't even apologise when she left.
Anyway, my rant is finished now! Good luck, Gabriella, finding someone more suitable.
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Gabriella,
I really sympathise with your situation. It is quite hurtful when you treat someone well and they don't reciprocate.
Until recently I had 2 helpers. One is a gem, the other left about 2 weeks ago, after I found out she was stealing. I was upset because she seemed to be so nice and friendly and we had all gotten to like her. Although we are just an ordinary family living in a small flat (only 1,400 sq ft) I had really tried my best to make things nice for my helpers as far as I could within my means. When she started stealing it just felt like she was throwing it all back in my face.
She tried to give me 30 days' notice but I didn't want to give her a month in which she might steal more stuff, spit in my food, or pick on my babies. So I asked her to leave immediately, otherwise I would give her a summary dismissal. I did not pay her one month in lieu because she was ending the contract.
It's too bad because now is not a convenient time to have only one helper. I was working on my MPhil proposal (due at the end of May) but now I don't think I'll be able to get it in on time. So I'll have to wait until next year. And my present helper, who is great, is now overworked. Although I'm at home, she's up at 6 and doesn't go off duty until 8pm, usually with only one hour lunch break.
I have applied for a replacement additional helper (the sister of the one I've got now) but it will be 6 - 8 weeks before she arrives.
Anyway, so I know how you feel. I was not a 'doormat', I aim for 'firm but kind'. But my bad helper still stole from me. She didn't even apologise when she left.
Anyway, my rant is finished now! Good luck, Gabriella, finding someone more suitable.
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