Posted by
MayC
20 yrs ago
I have a helper who is excellent with my baby. However, I find that she's always trying to tell me what to do. Even when I clearly show that I have MY ways of doing things.
She's looking after my baby and I always find her saying things like:-
"You disturbed baby so she stopped drinking"
"You shouldn't let her play with that"
"Babies are like that. You shouldn't...etc etc"
Plus she takes my baby out during the times I tell her I'm coming home. It's an issue for me because I want to see my baby when I get home.
I don't want to get mad at her because I'm entrusting my baby to her and I really appreciate that she loves my baby so much....
But her bossiness is really getting to me.
Today when I told her that I would appreciate if she writes a note to me whenever she takes baby out or make sure baby's home when I finish work, she'd say, "Okay, I better not take baby out anymore". I said, "I encourage you to take her out but I need to know where you're taking her so I could find you guys if I need to". I just feel like she's calling the shots now and I don't like it. I'm not totally dependent on her with my baby's care in the sense that I could look after my baby full time if ever I come to that situation. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate how good she is with my baby but I just feel that she's not listening. What can I do?
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Well, I agree to most of the replies above but could not quite agree to Mrs. Miggins last comment. Even if you are working full time, and that your helper is the no. 1 carer (of course, she wl be) she has to listen to you. Especially when you are heading home, what on earth she is thinking taking the baby out at that time of the day?! This is totally unacceptable, unless she did not know. But you talked to her and her reply was UNACCEPTABLE at all. I m like Mrs. Miggins that I do not like to be bossed around. Though I m a first time mother, I want to do things my way. My helper is telling me what to do! No way, hose. Sabi is right that personality is ingrained.
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My advice is the direct approach. Keep in mind that you are the employer. When employees are not exactly clear on their place or their individual roles in the workplace it can create conflict regardless of the position that they are in. Tell her straight up what you think of the current situation and your point blank expectations. Even if she does not like what you have to hear, honesty will ensure the line will be drawn from here on out.
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ShazP
20 yrs ago
I agree with Caliman 100%.Sit her down & have a straight chat with her about her bossiness. Remind her that you are her employer & she has to follow your ways. She is entitled to advise you on her style but it stays at that. Finally, it is your word that is to be followed.
Tell her to buck up or you wont have her very long as you want a DH...not a BOSS!
Seems like, when your maid says anything, you dont say much in reply of her bossiness. You have to be ready with an immediate reply & cut her short there & then.
If you do sit her down, your DH will be a lot better aftet that!
All the best:)
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Have a straight talk with her, clearly tell her you're the boss, not her and that you don't want to accept her comments anylonger. Tell her that when you ask something from her, she has to do it, without commenting it.
If she doesn't change her behaviour in the next 2 weeks, I would definitively get rid of her.
I had the same problem as you and after 8 months, I finally terminated her. It was the best thing I could do as she never changed her way to behave. She would do better for 1 or 2 days and then start being bossy again. She told her friends I was jealous of her !!!
Now I have an excellent helper that I can really trust. She listens to my wishes, without making personal comments !
Good luck but don't be too "weak" with her....
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swws
20 yrs ago
Ladyfrog, and in many ways what possible way would you be jealous of your maid???
Perhaps she was trying to insinuate to her friends that your husband (presumption yes) was after her.....
I truly believe having a stanger live in your household can cause many problems.
I have a friend whose maids have told me in private that "she does not drink like she used to". I almost bolted, as I was horrified they should say such a thing, and I know for a fact how much or little my friend drinks as I was with her...one glass of wine after an extremely hectic schedule after the kids have gone to bed is NOTHING.....yet the maids (two of them) who are really nice, would comment on that to her employers friends.
Perhaps as they have known me for years, I am like family, and perhaps they do not know what is inappropriate. We are all culturally different.
However I think, not matter how open minded one can be, it is inappropriate.
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I had a bossy maid for 13 months - I had 4 teenagers and she didn't cook what I asked her to, always used high fat recipes, no vegetables - because she felt it was the right thing to cook.
She was bossing me around in my house! She rearranged all the cupboards while I was on holidays - and told me it was better this way - it gave her more control because she was the only one who knew where anything was. I fired her the first opportunity I got even though it took 13 months of not having the right opportunity and am quite happy with no help now - too many dramas.
You need to really tell her how you feel and if she doesn't change get rid of her - she is the hired help - how would your boss feel if you started bossing him or her around? How would they react - similar situation.
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MayC
20 yrs ago
Good grief.... I really don't know how to handle her. She still openly criticises my decisions. I want her to be smart enough to make decisions when I'm not around (not just saying "yes mam") yet at the same time, I want her to respect my decisions. She can't understand that. I hate it that she keeps talking back to whatever instructions I give her. When I tried to talk to her today (again) she cried and talked back all throughout my chat with her. I couldn't even talk to her properly. Then my poor little baby has to wait for us to finish our talking and played by herself for half an hour. Sometimes I'm out of my wits with maids!!!!! Ahhh!!!!!!!!!
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tly
20 yrs ago
I grew up in the Philippines and had to deal with maids all my life. When my parents migrated to the US and left me looking after the house and the household help, I felt as frustrated as you are. At the beginning, I really messed up. One maid ran away with the gardener next door, one got pregnant because I allowed her to stay overnight at a friend's house, etc. Then one maid was just like the one you have now. I came home unannounce one day and she had the nerve to get upset at ME for not telling her because apparently she said she needed the whole morning to prepare my lunch, like a sandwich. She started banging pots and pans really loud in the kitchen and mumbling impolite stuff. After weeks of her trying to belittle my authority, I couldn't take it anymore and told her to reasses just who is paying her salary. I told her how dare SHE get mad at me for something she is suppose to do anyway. I firmly placed my foot down and told her if she continues with that kind of attitude, she is free to go and find another job. From that day on, her attitude changed. I guess it also helped that for the first time, I spoke straight tagalog in my frustration. I gave her a full 5 minute speech, pointing out all she was doing wrong and also her misplaced attitude. I was upset, tired, hungry and loud! And she listened. Hang in there MayC!
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MayC,
What would your boss (or your husband's) do if you repeatedly told the boss what he should or shouldn't do? My guess is he would give you one firm warning and then show you the door. That is the only basis on which anyone can employ anyone else, if you want to remain sane.
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MayC, just get rid off her !
She is not going to change. You'll feel more and more miserable. Just take the right decision for YOU and your family.
I'm sure you can find someone else who can fit in your family.
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Likewise...Mrs Miggins. I would never let my DH boss me around! They would be in the past tense if they do!
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