How many interviews did it take for you to choose your DH?

I have been through 20 and its such an impossible process! Any advice?

Narrow your search. Set up your priorities (e.g., cooking, baby care, elderly care) and start from this point.


Personally, I look at the age and marital status. I don't want a DH with kids. I would fell "guilty" for keeping her away from kids. I know they really need money to support those kids, but it won't be me who hires such DHs.


You might want/not want a DH with experience in a Chinese family. Personally I would never take a DH after a Western family (I am a Western woman BTW). I just know how my friends spoil their DHs.


It takes time and patience. Especially for people like me who work full-time. I went through 5 agencies recommended by friends, but still was offered some candidates that totally didn’t match my requirements. Also, I have noticed that agents seem to think that it’s easy to offer a not-so-good candidate to a Westerner. Strange.

I also made sure I didn't hire one that used to work for a western family. I also didn't want to take the chance that she might have been spoiled. I focused on cooking skills and even though it's suppose to be illegal, I had each of them cook 2 meals. One dish I made sure they all cooked so I could compare and the other one was a dish they felt they were good at. I set it up as me inviting them over for a quick lunch and they "helped" me prepare the food. And while we chatted/interviewed, I got to see how she worked, her attitude, how we got along together in the kitchen, how her previous employer was, etc. Having both of us focus on cooking "together" helped get our minds off the fact that its an interview and made me get to know the candidates abit better.


I'm a stay at home mom, so I didn't worry too much about her child caring skills because I would still be the main person looking after my toddler. But I preferred to check out ones who have kids, older kids, not young ones so that at least I know she has the basic knowledge of how to care for a child. And then I didn't have to be guilty because the helper's kids were older anyways and not young ones.


Oh and before I even set up a face to face interview I did a short phone interview first. I eliminated quite a few just from those phone calls because some could hardly speak English, others asked me more questions than I had a chance to ask them. Some were too eager to know where I lived even before I said anything. Others were too aggressive on the phone or just didn't say anything.


In the end its just a gut feeling you have to go with and pure luck. I ended up interviewing only 5 face to face and the one I ended hiring is working out just fine... for now.


Good luck!

For my first helper I didn't interview anyone else, she came recommended - big mistake. For the next one I outlined the job over the phone the first time I spoke to potential helpers, where we live, number of children cats etc. That weeded out a few people. I also decided that I wanted a helper younger than me, but as close to my age as possible. Also there are language issues which restricted the nationality of the helper.

For my second helper I interviewed 3 people only - we were very happy with her but she had family issues and had to return home. Our third helper is fine, we interviewed 4 this time, following the above procedure. All were from this site.

I had been through the same kind of feeling a few months ago when desperately searching for a DH, chaoticexplosion. I felt betrayed by my Indo helper (made $2000 worth of IDD calls) and on her day off, I made calls to the DH on this website and eliminated the ones that didn't sound right (some may expect more from you). I almost took whoever I saw because I was so sick and tired - but luckily I didn't. I had to wait until Sunday to meet these DH. The screening and interview process took almost two months (During this time, I suffered a lot from my Indo who spread around our neighbourhood that I hit her, pointed at her, not paying her during holidays- Reason for her allegations: I revealed her evil acts of IDD calls with my mobile and stealing our things- I later discovered this with my present helper who spoke to our neighbours). Really regret for not firing her on the spot.


Yes, after speaking to over 20 DH and formally interviewed 5, I chose the one that is younger than me. She seems fine, and to my surprise, she is a very considerate person. But of course, it is too early to judge at this stage.


The key is:

1. Gut feeling (if you don't trust it, then ask for second opinion), like your husband.

(a) attitude

(b) manners

2. Age - Mature helpers are experienced but they expect more from their employers and do start comparing about the better treatments they get from their previous job (but fair enough, we do too, right?)Younger helpers are less experienced, but if you are lucky you might meet one that is willing to try (like mine) which is more important than one that is a pro but disregards your requests.

3. At the interview-

(a) Set out the duties for her and see if she agrees with them.

(b) Checking her skills? - I doubt if this matters since most would try their best during their interview except for cooking (which I am fine with my present helper who follows the cookbook)

My friend trains her helpers quite differently, no external communication with neighbouring DH, no calls during working hours - she named it all during the interview. She thinks that the DH might abuse her rights in the future. I didn't do the same because I believe human beings do have conscience.


4. Call their previous employer - it matters! I called mine before I hired her. As I mentioned in my previous thread, the negative comments didn't affect our relationship as I can compare what was said by the DH and her previous employer. Again, it is gut feeling, don't hold your expectations too high!

I did set out the schedule for my helper in day one but she takes her initiative to adjust it accordingly (i.e. our neigbour's home was under excavation and our cars are dusty every day, she cleans it almost once to twice a day when in fact, my schedule stated only once or twice a week.)

5. Don't set your expectations too high!


Good luck!

Oh, I forgot, I also in the intitial phone call and then again in the interview spelt out clearly that I was paying the minimum wage. Saves any trouble later, even if their previous employer was paying more (which none except the first was anyway), I wouldn't be.