Domestic Help - Advice please!!

Help me please!! I am an expat from N. America and I have 3 kids.One's at home. I'm looking for a new helper and will pay a good salary regardless of the helper's previous pay, but I'd appreciate some advice on how to figure out who to hire! Can you help?? Some helpers I've spoken to are young, only 25 or 30 and have a few years' experience in countries where they worked very hard and received only a little money and then they came here and worked for 2 years with local families. other helpers are 40 years old, have been here 10 years, have more experience with expats. i wonder if the younger ones would have more energy and perhaps be more willing. however, some of the 40 year olds have raised their own children, so do you think that might help them be more empathetic to mine or maybe they will feel they know more than i do??!!i don't know. i'd appreciate any advice you could give me about how to hire a helper who will

be kind to my children, but willing to do the housework and make simple meals. I don't work and help a great deal, so i don't need someone to replace me, but someone to be my assistant and follow my ways. I don't want someone changing my ways, but who will be flexible enough to fit into our lives. in that way, i wonder if a younger person would be more flexible, but i don't know if any amount of energy can replace the wisdom and empathy that comes from having had your own child!!

notyou, you've correctly pointed out the good and bad points of hiring either a young helper or an old helper.

A young one is generally more energetic in terms of stimulating your children and are more keen to follow your instructions. You will either have more experience than they do or you'll both learn how to raise children together.

An older one will have more experience so they are able to quickly detect things like when your child has a fever and they come with their own wisdom - and they pass these values on to your kids.

It really depends on what you need.

For me, I think it really depends on how I get along with a helper during the interview. You may find that a young helper has a lot of experience too or an older one who is more energetic than we are. No two helpers have the same character.

Good luck!

One word of advice - give them a trial if you possibly can. I've had horrible experiences with 2 DH's who appeared all sweetness and light during the interview process but once they started working for me their true colours came out! I had to learn the hard way!

It is hard to generalize. You'll simply have to interview a few. Perhaps also have them meet the kids. It's hard to fake it with kids.




"Important - no, make that essential - to see references and then SPEAK to previous employer."


I disagree. References are overrated. The exception is the case where you actually know the person giving a reference. Otherwise you have to judge both the reference and the person giving it. A very difficult task.


In any case many previous employers don't want their contact info given out because they don't want to be disturbed.



"the ones with 10 years experience are generally better and more reliable but they are too used their own ways so hard to change them."


Depends totally on the DH. A good DH with plenty of experience can be fantastic. A person who is not humble enough to adapt and be flexible is not good regardless of experience.


Our DH has worked for over a decade in HK. But she'll run us into the ground with her energy. Always cheerful, always hard working. That's just the way she is.

I think age does not reflect the levelof one's maturity. One might be young but matured enough to do the job and vice versa. Just follow your heart in hiring your helper. Upon interviewing her listen to your heart then ask God's guidance He is the only one who can give you the best answer.

During the interview, try to make little scenarios that force longer answers than yes or no. Encourage her to explain her reasoning. A good helper is not afraid to have an opinion, even knowing it may not be the exact opinion the employer is looking for.


"Upon interviewing her listen to your heart then ask God's guidance He is the only one who can give you the best answer."


Assuming you believe in God.

oh dear, yes, i would not listen to God on this one, he is pretty busy i suspect and probalby has better things to do than checking out your helpers.


Anyway - I have both - one in her mid 40ies and one 26 - both have their own kids. And it is exactly like most people said - the older one is very independant and I trust her with kids 100% and she can totally run the house, etc, etc BUT - she does get tired and complain quite a bit, and she has been here 10 yrs and knows her value, so she is quite strong willed and lets you know her opinions even when you dont particularly want them. The 26 yr old on the other hand is very energetic - would chase my kids, etc etc, never seems to be tired but I would not leave them with her alone, she cant cook, she has to be told what needs doing - so in my case - the combination of both is great...

Thanks a million everyone! I think God, my heart and your advice will see me through this one. Our helper had another negative tantrum this morning and I let her go. Now, the scary task of finding a new one is on. I will pray and use my head!

If you really are not confident interviewing a helper, find someone who is and ask him/her to help you. You probably know someone with managerial/hiring experience? Hiring a helper and hiring an office worker are not quite the same thing, but the essential qualities you look for (integrity, good work ethic, initiative, cheerful disposition to name a few) are pretty much the same.


If you go to an agency on a Sunday you can interview 10 people in an hour and half. Not too much to ask of a friend or partner.

Thanks so much! I asked my friend with a HR background for help and it was helpful! I've now hired a lovely woman and am looking forward to having her around. I made sure I didn't hire someone with a job/situation which was easier than what i'm offering. the woman i hired had excellent references but wasn't paid much. i increased her salary, told her i'll fly her home once a year and she seems grateful because I am going to teach her about Western food and whatever else she needs to know. My apartment is much larger than she's used to, but my family helps out and I decided the best person was the one who i found pleasant, flexible and who would find my hours, treatment, etc. good for her.

yay. thanks again everyone!

Great work notyou. Sounds like you're pressing the right buttons.

notyou:it seems problem been solved but did you already praise God for that? you may or may believe It's God's work..

Idsslvn:250,000 words is the average words we utter everyday, out of those how many words had been used to grorify Him?God hears everything, He listened to our problems big or small and it is such an understimate for Him to tell that He is busy.I suggest read Humility through greatness By:C.J.Mahaney..

THanks axptguy! One of the problems with my former helper was that she'd been in HK for so long that nothing I could do would ever make my job even acceptable for her. the new maid will be happier. thanks aremos. the new helper is a jehovah's witness and i'm a catholic which i thought was an obstacle at first, but then i realized it might be good for my children to learn that we like people who are good regardless of the details as to which religion they follow. the book sounds interesting. thanks for the suggestion!!

i am very picky about helpers because i need someone who speaks well, is pleasant, willing and smart enough to help me without supervision. (my last helper still couldn't cook my food without me watching or helping even though i'd been teaching her for over 3 years!!!i'm not that picky. she just had a horrible memory and got offended by my offers to write things down, etc. she wanted to memorize things, but was too stubborn to admit she couldn't do it, etc.UGH!!)

i met or spoke to several other helpers who i couldn't hire and i helped them to find jobs with my friends. those helpers seem grateful and so do my friends, so i hope i helped some people out a little in the process.

My helper's gone now and I had a nagging suspicion several times that she was not honest. she always had a tale of woe when it suited her. like if she asked for time off and i couldn't give it to her, suddenly someone would die in the Philipines, etc. well, this time I terminated her and she had 2 weeks to leave HK. she begged to have me give her 30 days and said she'd work so i said ok, but she only had to work half time so she could have interviews and sort herself out. she got a job and didn't want to work anymore, so SUDDENLY her daughter in the Phillipines 'got Dengue Fever." My helper was walking around crying and carrying on, but begged for me to pay her for the month and let her leave HK so she could process her paperwork for her new job. I was tired of all the dramatics and agreed. As she was leaving, I asked how her daughter was and she had forgotten what she'd told me! I reminded her how her daughter was in the hospital with Dengue Fever and she said "Oh, she's better and back at school. " Um, if you have ever had DF, you don't recover for many months, so yes, thank you GOD and anyone else who helped me get this person out of my life. I can forgive almost anything, but lying and manipulating me does NOT sit well with me. I even knew her lying face and voice. she wasn't a good liar. i am tempted to call the new employer, but i think i have to stay out of it. at least, my husband wants me to stay out of it. i'm scared of her wrath if i would tell the new employer that she is really a manipulator. anyway, i'm venting too much. Thanks again everyone. seriously!! my husband gets tired of hearing about these issues, so it's really great to have another outlet!!PS....I don't blame him. I was tired of the helper too.