Compassionate leave

I have two helpers and one of them's father has passed away and she will be going home for 2 weeks. Since both are related by marriage, the second one has asked for leave as well, as it is her father in law that has passed away. I have said it is OK for the second helper to be away as well for one week, but I have to find a temp to come and look after my children for a week as I work full time. Now I am having second thoughts. Would I be mean if I told the second one she cannot go back? I don't want her to be unhappy because she is looking after our young children the whole day. The whole experience has put a bad taste in my mouth because they first told me they had to be away for 4 weeks because they did not know when the funeral was. Then I found out when the funeral would be and shortened their leave. It seemed like they were taking advantage of the situation and wanted to take a holiday at my expense. I have told them it's unpaid leave already. They are also borrowing money for the air ticket home. They also asked me to lend them extra money which made me even more upset. Worst, one of them may have stolen some cash from my parents. If I terminate the "bad" one I am worried about upsetting the other one. I kind of feel it is a doulbe edged knife because they take care of our children. I was thinking if I want to come out of this clean, I have to terminate both, but the kids really like the other one ..

They definitely know all of your worries, and are trying to see how much they can squeeze you. One of my friends had quite similar situation. She just told her helper that she could not wait for her for one month, so the contract was terminated and my friend right away recruited another one. You shouldn't let the helpers feel that the barginning power's at their hands, otherwise more troubles are waiting for you. Let's see.


It's one of the most important rules that helpers can not borrow money to employers. I told my helper the first day she came to work for me. Many agents have the same advice to their helpers too. You know many problems started from that. I told my helper save money for emergency and don't expect that I could lend money to her. Actually, if you hired your helpers from an agent, they should borrow money to the agent instead of you. It's the agent who has the responsibility to take care of the helpers in these casese.


It is another important rule that helpers can not steal. All my friends agree it's one of the bottom lines.


If my kid was too close to my helper, it would be a good excuse to change one. You don't want your kids someday love the helpers more than you, do you? If the same helper had takeen care of your kids too long, it would be a great pain to separate them some day. I just see too many casese like that.


It sounds too cold, isn't it? I really want to say something nice, but better just tell you my real feelings, because I can see you are already pretty nice to them.


Take care and good luck.

Sack them both! You are their employer...dont let them ruin you!

I'm a teacher in HK and know of a fellow NET whose father died during school term time. He was allowed 1 week no-pay leave to go back to Sydney for the funeral, etc. I guess that must be fairly standard practice for most schools, although I know of schools who have told their NET's that local teachers only get 2 days' compassionate leave (paid) for things like that, and expect their NET's to be treated thte same (in order to 'be fair'). What I'm saying is that you're way too generous in the first place, in allowing them 1 month. Remember that this society is a 'bargaining' society, and if you start your bid at 1 month, it is not unexpected for the other party to start their negotiations from that premise, so they'll certainly try and squeeze you for anything else over and above that. That's their culture, and that's what they're expected to do. In future, (whether you keep these helpers or not), always tell them or offer them something much less than what you're willing to give. This way, you have leeway to move up and everyone will be happy. In the meantime, hope things work out for you in your current situation.

I agreed to both replies.

WZ is very true about the attachment between children and helpers. I think some how we shld let our children understand that carers come n go. We cant keep our helpers, even if they are no good, just based on the fact that our children love them. Children are much more flexible than we thought. Stealing and borrowing money are my bottom line. Compassionate leave for us locals are only 2-3 days so why we have to give our helpers more than 2 weeks.

Thank you for the replies. I think I have been too generous with my helpers. I used to employ another helper who kept the other helper in line, so I never had to worry about these problems, but unfortunately she left. Since I have refused to loan her any money and cut short her leave to 2 weeks, I will see if they stop taking advantage. I know it is easy to terminate helpers but it is hard to get another helper when you have to take leave and stay home yourself when a new one comes.

No worries, a Mum.


If I were you, I'll dismiss the worst one, and replaced with a local one (part time) as a temp solution. I had a little experience to use a local helper when I fired my helper last year. I called the agent and they sent me a helper next day, no fee, no paper work, no waiting, very convenient. They are kind of government supported, and have pretty good reputation. It's really a very good experience, because I never have to be afraid of any helpers anymore. Anytime, if I really dont' like my helper, I can replace her right away. I was strongly supported by my friends to try that local pt helper because it's really a hard decision for the first time. I still appreciate my friends very much today.


I think if you fired one of your helpers, the other one should normally behave better because she knows they can not squeeze you.


Here is the agent # 3173 1503 or 2866 3256 if you want to call them. I forgot their English name, but the Chinse name is Jia Wu Tong (in Putonghua).


Of course, any decision should be made by yourself. I just couldn't help to say so much, because I really understand your situation and you need help from friends, just like me last year.