Dilemma..fire or not

Our helper has been with us for 1 & 1/2 years and when she started, we told her that if we received one letter or phone call about outstanding debts, we would terminate immediately.


This is because a previous helper borrowed so much from us, finance companies and other DH. The final straw was when debt collectors came to the door.


This week we have received two calls - i took one yesterday but unknown to me, there had been one other.


I have a dilemma.


On one hand, i dont want to have to go through hiring and training another maid. ON the other...we were upfront about debt issues.


It doesn't help that after 1 & 1/2 years, she forgets things ie. puts things in the wrong place all the time, not great iwth marketing, not great with cooking. In general, she hasn't picked up 'our style' after all this time. She doesnt ask questions if unsure but will answer back when she's wrong...but hasn't been bothered to be clear about the instruction.


On the other hand...she does work hard and is honest (nothing stolen).


Any thoughts?


To clarify...the maid swears she hasn't borrowed money, nor signed a guarantee, but somehow this agency has her name as a 'referral' and our home line, and her mobile phone number

Maybe if the debt collector comes to your door again, you could ask them to bring along a copy of the "agreement" she has signed so that you know what's happening.


I wonder if it's debts from hire agencies? I think helper owes the agencies a certain amount of money when they come to work here?

When the debt agency calls next reconfirm all the information. If you have it from them then its almost 100% that she has a debt either purposefully (and is lying to you) or unwittingly (signed for someone else who has run off/not paid). Either way, she is not a star and has broken your house rules. I know this is going to sound harsh but I would let her go, because at a minimum you should do what you say you will.

Maybe she is telling the truth ...


"but somehow this agency has her name as a 'referral' and our home line, and her mobile phone number"


It's possible the agency is calling to offer her a loan, maybe a friend of hers wanting to earn a commission put her down as a referral.

it's 1 1/2 yr so basically 6 more months to go , i suggest termintate her after her contract , but if the finance co. or debt collector come home or trouble you , immediately fire her...75% of the DH swear by every god they know and they r liars to the neck...u r the boss not her...she was employed to bring peace not problems at ur dorr step..

Out of five houses in our road, with FDH"S, (including my house), there is only one of the helpers I would say is honest and she works for my next door but one neighbour.The rest have caused some trouble for their employers, of one kind or other, stealing, problem with debts and all liars, all one nationality I wonder if it is aquired or inbred! Well that is the stats 1 in five of people I actually know.

In the past 9 months I have had five helpers.


The first one, in her first week when she should be trying hardest to impress, me would disappear several times a day, for an hour at a time, with the dogs. She was the one who also said that she was married during the interview, then later admitted she lied to me and wasn't - oh, and could I offer a job to her driver boyfriend (married)?


The second helper quit with extremely high drama after only three days because we weren't "feeding" here. She expected us to cook for her - I'm not kidding. From the outset she was told that she would have a $1,000 food allowance, in addition to the food I bought for her (staples: rice, noodles, butter, eggs, milk and meat) and that she kept in her own refrigerator (full size, in her room, purchased by us).


The third one (who was very good) stole serious amounts of money and household items from us, and our other helper, regularly. We actually couldn't prove it, but we never had theft before she came or after we terminated her.


The driver regularly took the car in the middle of the day without permission. When I asked him about this he said he was entitled to take a 2 hour lunch break (with my car) as this was Filipino tradition (not a joke, he was fired).


Then, tired of having games played on us by experienced helpers, we decided to hire the fifth helper direct. She was paralyzed with homesickness and wrote me a three page tear stained letter explaining why she wanted to go home (and she did the next day, with no notice).


For everyone one of these, except #3, I have had to pay airfare, severance, etc. It has been non-stop stress, turmoil and upset for my children. I now have a helper who can hardly manage a few tasks (I do everything myself) but I don't let her go because I'm just too burned out from all of this to hope for better.


There is something really, really wrong with this whole process.

Oh, and I forgot to add this one:


I found a helper, who I liked, through Asia Expat. I happened to be reading this website on the day that we were to sign the papers and I saw a comment by someone that they had just let their helper go for theft, involving police, but they didn't press charges. The author's moniker happened to be the same first name as the name of the helper's previous boss. I contacted that person to find that the helper I was about to hire was the same that was terminated for theft, but with no police record. Ironically (or not) that helper had indeed provided me with contact information for her employer, but the person who picked up happened to be her own sister.

DREAMERSEVEN2003 , i am not here for votes , u agree or not that's ur problem...from the look of ur replies u too seem to be..?if someone can't do a job it's better to ask her to leave..

Thanks for the replies for everyone.


I feel quite jaded and since coming to HK and having a DH, has made a bit prejudiced. I think the problem is that we don't know who or what to believe.


Too many times have we been nice to our DHs and only to receive lies in return or our generosity is abused. It becomes harder to be patient, harder to be accepting etc.


In this case, we decided to put a little trust in the helper. As Cara said, the gut feel and response is not quite that of someone who borrowed money. Also it's an apportunity for her to see that we are 'responsible employers' and hopefully her performance will improve.


We will still monitor the situation and i've asked the DH to change her mobile number. In terms of our phone, it is hard to not get involved when you pick up the phone and it's the debt collector.

I had an amazing helper for 4 years, we loved her and she ran our household as I run my own business and I needed someone who could take on the home. Was so wonderful I had had no other experience.......we let her go to work for my best friend.....because we left the country, thinking we were going permanently.....we came back to Hong Kong after just 6 months and first thing my friend said was you are not getting your helper back! When you have a good helper don't let her go for anything! they are rare jewels. I have one now who is so hopeless it has made our homelife so so stressful and difficult. She is lovely just not capable of even half of what our other helper could do in a day, and always giving our kids whatever they want when I'm not around. I'm at the point of firing her because of just total inability to do the job. So am also in the market looking for someone efficient and who doesn't mind saying no to 7 and 5 year old. Potato chips for dinner just cause the kids asked for it?? come on!!!