Posted by
Rosi
16 yrs ago
Hi,
I have been quite unlucky with my last 2 DHs (both lasted 6months) and now I am VERY careful in what I choose.
I have told myself that I will not hire one without good references, finished contract, possibility to call employer.
It seems I have found a good one but she actually cannot provide the abovesaid and I am very reluctant to take her. Moreover does she not have a lot of experience in as a DH even though she is 43 already (started working as DH 2 years ago). Furthermore, I do have a 11 months old and she has worked 1 year and 1 month with older kids only. Her first employer left for good but nothing about this is mentioned in the reference letter. She terminated her second employment after 1 month.
However, she has a pleasant personality and I felt I really liked her.
What should I do?! My heart says 'yes' but is influenced by my logic who says 'no'.
Thanks for your comments.
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Hi Rosi
What reason does she give for no references? i personally would need to check references and speak to them if they where caring for my kids in anyway. There can be good reasons for no reference just an ex employer who resents them leaving and making things difficult but it's always best to be sure as it could also be because she was no good.
If you really like her and want to take the chance explain that it will be on a temp basis to ascertain if she is suitable for your family as she doesn't have references. Just to add that references don't always tell the full story either as they may fit well into one family but not another.
Good luck
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Unless she can give a good reason for no refs, I wouldn't hire her. Some applicants are VERY good at ACTING ... I've interviewed several like that. Of course references do not tell the whole story either (my previous DH came with excellent refs but quit on us after just 6 months) but I still think they're a very good starting point.
If you don't mind taking a chance, go ahead and hire this woman, but if it were me I'd keeping interviewing, if you stick at it you'll probably find a helper who you like + with good refs and then very likely you're onto a winner.
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Boo1
16 yrs ago
Please do not employ a helper without references. It would be a different scenario if it was just you, but think about your children. Yes, maybe a difficult previous employer. Don't take the chance though. Take your time, frustrating as it is you WILL find the right person eventually! Ask for personal recommendations, lots of people leaving HK at the moment.
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References are only worth so much in my humble opinion. Unless you get a really stellar one I guess.
I would not hesitate hiring someone without references if she seems like a good person. Worst case, you let her go, which could happen anyway.
"Just to add that references don't always tell the full story either as they may fit well into one family but not another."
Quite.
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Agree with axptguy38 that references are only worth so much and are the opinion of the previous employer whose situation may be different from yours. My current helper had a glowing reference from her previous employer but she lived out and I think it made a big difference. Now after two years with us she says she finds our teenage son 'difficult' but the younger one 'easier to control'!! With the other employer there was a baby that she did not look after that much so of course her cooking and cleaning where top notch. Its all perspective and what you value the most in terms of importance to your household management.
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Contact the original employer who left for good?
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I don't want to sound like those posters who seem to have a go at anyone who has a helper, but it goes without saying that references cannot possibly tell the whole story. At my previous job I too "came with excellent refs but quit... after just 6 months" when I managed to land a far better job with another firm that recognised my skills and rewarded me handsomely for them. Of course I could not expect my prospective employer to wait for me. We are talking a corporate scenario here, but I should imagine that domestic helpers are entitled to do the same, even if it isn't seen as playing fair.
By the way, in interviews I can out-act Meryl Streep but I don't consider it all that fraudulent and I'm sure most people - DHs included - paint themselves in their best light, perhaps promising eternal loyalty and other such things that the employer wants to hear.
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