advice for first time employer of dh!

I will be getting a helper in the next couple of months and although I can't wait for someone to help me out, I am quite worried on how I will cope getting used to her!!! So have a few q's if anyone has some ideas:


1. my husband works late, so how do i get around the meal time situation. i hear you shouldn't eat with your helper (apparently it gets awkward), but what is the most pc way of letting her know that i will eat in the dining room and for her to eat in the kitchen (and i feel so bad about that!)


2. what happens if i buy something expensive to eat for dinner like some aussie steak or canadian salmon - how do i go about letting her know that she can't eat this, and has to eat something cheaper? or am i being too harsh?


3. she is fresh from philippines and young (in early 20s) and noticed in the phone interview that her spoken english isn't too good. should i get a philippino/english dictionary??


4. she also kept calling me mam (and i assume my hubby will be sir). i would prefer if she called me by our names, but this may be too awkward for her?? should i just leave it to mam and sir?

1. Make your own decision as to whether you would feel awkward with your helper eating with you or not. We have always let our helper eat with us and it has never been a problem. The only time she does'nt is when we have visitors and that was her decision as she felt awkward.


2. Our helper always eats what we have whether it is expensive or not. She mostly appreciates it apart from the beef so we only have beef when she is not eating with us or not around.


3. Dictionary may be good, but find out if she has one already.


4. We found it really difficult to get used to mam and sir at first but you do get used to it. She calls us mam jackie so bit nicer than just mam.


Hope this helps

1. Our helper doesn't eat with us, but then she lives in a seperate flat so it's easier. I would make sure that there is somewhere convenient in the kitchen for her to eat and show her at the start, She would probably prefer to eat alone anyway. I don't want to have lunch with my boss each day...

2. I think it's reasonable for you to separate food you want her not to eat, but you need to make it clear. If it's a regular thing then put aside one shelf in the fridge (or a labelled plastic box) and just tell her that you need that for something particular. If it's just occasional, then just mention that you 2 will be eating it for dinner - she'll understand. She will not expect you to be buying expensive meat for her, I'm sure.

3. Get a dictionary - it can't hurt, and for things like cooking from recipes it would be v. handy. A decent English dictionary would do as well, at least she can look up cooking methods etc.

4. We've had 3 helpers, and asked them all to call us by our first names - never been a problem. Where I work I call some of my colleagues by their first name and others Mr/Ms Whatever. I don't mind either way, whatever they like. I can't see why your helper would mind.

turquoiseblue,

Just out of interest, why did you select someone so relatively inexperienced with not-very-good English? I'm thinking that there are challenges enough ahead of you without knowingly inviting others.

turquoiseblue,


Will you consider giving your DH a food allowance? (by law the min. food allowance is $300 per month but you can pay more if you want) My husband and I are never home for breakfast and lunch as we both work and we only have dinner at home occasionally. It's much easier to offer a food allowance for our DH to buy whatever food she likes to eat. In fact my DH prefers to have rice all the time and western food is not her cup of tea. My DH just buys her own food and put them in a labelled bag/box in the fridge so we never consume each other's food by mistake.

Imagine you want to have some ice cream or an apple after dinner and by the time you got home you realized that your DH has just finished up your ice cream or ate the last apple - that can be annoying!

In terms of dining arrangement, I guess if you don't have kids (so you don't need your DH to help out feeding the kids) then it's best to eat separately. Your DH may have very different table manner than you do and also it's more relaxed for her to eat alone anyway.

As long as you're fine with your DH calling you by your first name then you can ask her to call you by your first name; but I've found the majority of DHs perfer to address their employers by Sir/Mam.

I would never want my helper to eat with us, meal times are family times. And they like some peace and quiet and privacy and prefer to eat in their rooms. We pay our helper $500 a month food allowance. We have different tastes in foods. They have their own shelf in the fridge, and a separate food cupboard.

Our old helper used to call us mam/sir then our first names. We will try this approach with our new helper too.

The food allowance only applies if you're not providing her food. Our helper just buys what she wants out of the general shopping money and writes down eveything she spends in a book (which I rarely check). If she started buying lobster then I would give her a food allowance instead, but I think this is a good arrangement for everyone.