What does your helper address you as?

I just hired a helper who addresses us using our first names. I find it really weird, though not a big deal. All I'm hoping is that she will treat us as her employers and not as friends.


How does your helper address you?

I prefer to be called by my first name and I said so to my helper, but she said if it's okay with me she would feel more comfortable calling me "ma'am". Still can't get used to it. She calls my husband by his first name though after he told him to. Think I might address it again after Christmas when more time has passed.

first name - cants stand ma'am and sir either. and she is older than us too!

I told my first helper to call me by my first name - I told her 3 times but she smiled and never did. I got used to it so I allowed my next helper to call me "ma'am". Now I'm on to my third (and hopefully my last).

She calls us with our first names without us insisting on it...she just does so. I also want to keep a safe distance between helper and employer. I actually prefer that she calls us Mr. or Mrs X rather than sir/maam...but I guess what's more important is that she would do her job well.

The sir / ma'am thing grates me too. Nothing to do with keeping distance from employer as most companies will attribute. Keeping distance as an employer is through your actions not how addressed!

No way would I let my FDH use my first name. Either 'Mr XXX' or 'Sir'. First name use is not respectful IMHO. No different to how I'd treat my company president or superiors; I would never use their first name. Similar I suppose to I always expect a tie to be worn in the office, no open shirt - keep things formal in a busniess/work enviroment. Maybe its not the same for most western employers but I bet most local employers would never allow first name terms and the FDH I know (family and friends) believe first name use is disrespectful. At the end of the day each to their own whatever suits the employer - the employee should not be the one who decides upon the name that is to be used!

Our helpers have always called us by first name, but with Mr or Mrs. before it. Eg: Mr. Bob and Ms. Sandra. Like many Westerners, we do not like M'am and Sir. It took our helpers a few weeks to get used to it.

katana, you live in the real world? Shirt and tie is for the old farts dude. I don't know any company that follows that apart from a few old school companies. And Mr or Miss? Maybe the local companies are way far ahead. All I know use first name terms. Wow I am glad to be out of the western corporate world!

This MAY not be as classist as it seems. In many asian cultures superiors often have different terms of address. Aunty, big sister,grandmother etc for people who are not relatives instead of first names and use of a first name is quite itimate. Most of my helpers have chosen to call me Ma'am (first name) and in return my children have called our helpers Miss (name) or Aunty (name) depending on the age of the helper.

i think joga is spot on: it's a 2-way thing isn't it? If you call your subordinate by their first name, you should expect them to call you by your first name too, whether in the office or at home.

As for my home, my helper calls me, hubby, kids by our first names and we call her by hers. I "knew" her before, when she was working for a friend of mine, and I then asked her to call me by my first name, so she naturally continued that when i employed her.

My first helper called me m'am, and it took only 3 genuine friendly requests to get her to call me by my first name. I had a by problem with her "m'am", because I was 25 and she was 49, plus i came from a background that doesn't employ DH, so it was weird enough having a cleaning lady! M'am just felt inappropriate to me.

If you're uncomfortable with your helper calling you by your first name, call her Mrs. HerLastName or Ms. HerFirstName, she should get the message and do the same.

My previous helper called me "Maam" which I personally did not like but she insisted. Having said that, though she called me Ma'am she wouldn't do things she's asked to do. She'd say, "alright, next time" and that never came. Or worst, she'd bluntly say, "if I have time OK!?"


My current one calls me by my nick and I call her the same. We're comfortable with that but she's very respectful of me as seen on her actions in the house.


I'd say it doesn't matter how you're addressed, what matters is how your helper treats or sees you. : )

Evildeeds, you did make me laugh loud! Thankfully the whole corporate world is not that stiff.


Anyways first names I requested immediately upon hearing 'ma'am and sir'. Its how the job is done that matters to me, not whether she gives me a grand old title. I call her by her first name and likewise, just like its done in my corporate world.

Have to agree with joga that in many asian cultures, address (especially of superiors or older people) has a more complicated system than in, say, the US. First name is pretty much used by close friends, parents or other older relatives. Sometimes your boss or seniors will call your first name but that's a rather personal way of address; sometimes they call you something else, such as "X zai" (first name + boy), "xiao X" (little + last name). And also, if a Chinese person's first name is of only one character, then in the Chinese culture the use of his/her first name is very very intimate, only by spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.


In the local culture, you rarely see people call superiors (parents, other older relatives, boss, professor, etc.) by first name. In a personal relationship they use grandmather, aunty, etc., and in a business relationship they use Mr./Mrs, Sir/Madam, or sometimes their title or profession, such as General Manager Wong, Lawyer Lee, etc.


I used to work for an international company with people from the US, UK, Korea and China. Almost everybody has some western education background, so we pretty much called each other by first name. But interestingly, among the Koreans, each of them always called any other older or senior Korean Mr. X, and when they met each other, the younger/junior person always bowed to the older/senior.


The particular words "Sir/Maam", in their Chinese equivelants "XianSheng/TaiTai", is actually quite widely used. For example when I stayed in a private hospital to give birth the nurses called all of the new mothers "TaiTai".


So guess my point is that having a helper call the employer sir/maam may not be such a discriminating thing in the local culture; both sides just feel comfortable that way and what matters is how the helper is actually treated, which is not indicated in the real sense by how she addresses the employer.


A side note about the office dress code -- most companies (both local and western) i know do require "business casual", though only very few require formal. By business casual we mean no t-shirsts, jeans, shorts, sneakers, etc. Guess that's not too stiff.

"A side note about the office dress code -- most companies (both local and western) i know do require "business casual", though only very few require formal. By business casual we mean no t-shirsts, jeans, shorts, sneakers, etc. Guess that's not too stiff."


Not bad, luckily we're not HK side so pretty much most companies here are casual as you like. Jeans, trainers, shorts - all welcome. Think we're more progressive - I keep my own office the same. Much prefer it that way!