Posted by
kneebows
16 yrs ago
I am interested in hearing from others who have suffered a bad experience with their DH and then gone on to (hopefully successfully) hire another.
Our last helper went all bunny boiler and left at the end of November. With four young children and a fledgling business I am constantly reminded by my husband that I need to get another helper. My problem is that I just do not trust them. More to the point, I do not trust the one I might hire. My friends all have lovely helpers with whom I get along well. But as soon as I start reading profiles of potential employees for myself I can feel myself bristling. I haven't even been able to short-list, let alone interview anyone. Has anyone any advice to help me get over it?
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Joeuk
16 yrs ago
Kneebows I had a helper that I thought I could trust and ended up firing her for theft. She also turned into a monster when asked to leave. It was really quite frightening as I thought she would hurt herself or us, she did threaten to jump off the balcony. I too was really scared of hiring another helper as my trust had gone. I got a recommendation from a helper I really like who works for a close friend. My helper now is the best I could have wanted. She just slotted straight into our routine and the kids really love her. I only interviewed 2 helpers and my gut was with the second one who I have now. Go with your gut and you could end up with someone who outshines the first one by a mile!!! Good luck, there are some great helpers out there and they would love to have a nice employer.
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Kneebows Hi---read through the posts here about the problems live in domestics cause -if that does not cure you of wanting one nothing will.
As far as i am concerned the domestics are far more trouble than they are worth
i have a local lady come in 3 times a week and do all the cleaning washing etc and pay her a fixed rate for each session -when she finishes then she goes. She does a brilliant fast efficient job.
No sudden surprises like suddenly entitled to maternity leave courtesy of your truly and all the other b.s. you read on this post
She is the cleaner for our block by the way which is why i approached her to see if she was interested in the extra work
Why anyone would want a total stranger living with them is beyond me -are these people helpless or something-
And never be deluded into thinking your helper is not at least a bit envious/contemptious of you or your money -i know helpers socially and they are scathing of their employer often as not.
How many people love their boss?get the picture?
Get a part time cleaner-there is a Govt web site for this too that i used many years ago too.
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hongkong7, i agree that if it's only cleaning, washing or even cooking work that you need a part-time makes perfect sense. problem though is if you have young kids below school age and both parents work you probably have no much choice other than a live-in helper, since day-care is almost unheard of in hong kong (is it because the local people either rely on a helper or grandparents to look after kids so there is no demand for day-care?). also even if your kids go to school they come home early in the afternoon and still someone need to be at home to watch them. even though some schools have extended hours, a lot of parents also have long hours which means they won't be home till 7 or 8 (i'm really not a fan of the work culture in HK -- i mean in a lot of companies if you tell people you have kids coming back from school so you'll have to go home at 5:30, people will ask "don't you have a helper"?)
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ok point taken about kids in which the situation may be a little different
i have no first hand experience of this and for the locals it is true they can often fall back on grandma to lend a hand etc
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Joeuk
16 yrs ago
Hongkong7 everybody has different reasons for wanting or needing a helper. I don't need a helper for anything other to make my life enjoyable whilst here in hong kong. With 2 children and no family to help with babysitting from time to time I wouldn't be able to go out for a dinner with my husband sometimes or go for a drink with friends. All my friends here have helpers so I can't ask them to help out. Also it makes a welcome change not to have to worry about household chores but I am not HELPLESS!!!! I respect my helper and I think she has made a welcome addition to my family whilst here in Hong Kong. Part time helpers wouldn't really suit me as I never know when my husband will call me to meet him for a night out, or when one kid is ill and I need to take them to the doctors but don't want to drag the other one with me. MANY MANY reasons!!!!!
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HK&...if you read the first post you would have seen 'four young children'...then knowing you have 'no first had experience of this' as YOU put it, why on Earth would you bother with your pointless post? I challenge you to have JUST ONE kid, and be a working couple and then figure out how you would cope...if you have no other family here it is impossible! Trust me, the situation is more than 'just a LITTLE bit different'...
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funhobby,
My mother had three kids in three years in her twenties worked full time (in fact had her own business on the side) and did just fine with all us kids without any helper( or any real help with her husband )
did your own folks need a helper or did they survive just fine without one?
if you go back to your country are you going to have /be able to get live in help?
go back to your expat ghetto lifestyle if you really find a domestic essential to cope with only one kid -cripes get real
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We hired friends helpers a few times to baby sit for us (3 times in 7 months) and were happy with 2 but dissapointed with one other who we felt could have shown a little more initiative, then recently decided to hire someone for 10 hours a week on an ongoing basis. We had plenty apply, interviewed 7 and had 2 that were standouts from those 7.
The lady we hired totally breaks the mold for usual helpers. She's living with her westerner fiancé, they have double the household income we do, she only wants to work a little here and there to keep herself from getting bored and...she found out she was pregnant the day before we hired her!
Our gut said to go for her even though she was 6 weeks preggers, as she was great with our son and we just got a good feeling about her.
So far she's totally execed our expectations, our son adores her (my hubby too!!) she does everything we ask and then looks for more to do to the extent that one night when she was babysitting I asked her to please not do anything after 10pm and just sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and watch a movie only to come home at 12.30 to find her refolding clothes in our drawers and the TV box was still set on the same kids channel it had been on since the TV was last switched off at 4pm! I have to ask her to please stop (in a good natured way) at the end of shifts and go home or else she'll put in an extra 30 mins of her own time!
Like others have said, go with your gut. We did and are so pleased. A good helper will make your life easier and with 4 little ones, you need to also remember to be a couple from time to time and do something as simple as going for a walk and a coffee together. I'm sure you'll find someone you trust soon enough.
Ask your friends or mothers of your kids shoolmates if they know of someone who will relocate soon (lots of that going on right now) who can reccommend their helper. There are plenty of fantastic ones out there, you just need to be a little less scared and trust yourself to make the right decission this time around. Good luck!
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so she brought you all to her work with her every day, i guess....well that's one solution for sure...can't see that working at my or my wife's job...
my mother was a stay-at-home mom so that's not really relevant as the situation is different (as it is with so many people)
if we go back to our own country, we will have access to day care which is virtually non-existant here (and just as expensive as a DH where you can find it ... unless you qualify for govt assistance)
and keep on making your ridiculous ASSumptions...you know nothing about my lifestyle or where I live, dumbass...it's about as far from an expat ghetto as you can get....i guess i have to spell it out to a clueless moron like you...it's not the coping with a child that's difficult (IF you're ever lucky enough to find someone who will accept your seed, you might find having kids is enjoyable) it's making sure they are in a safe secure environment while BOTH parents are working...this is BEFORE they are of school age dimwit...for many people a DH is that solution
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Funhobby to quote you i am a "dumbass.,clueless moron,IF you're ever lucky enough to find someone who will accept your seed,dimwit."
you sound kinda stressed
you do not sound like you are having fun as a father at all
you sound very defensive
you have an anger management problem
you better hope your children don't hear you talk like that i do not think they will be very proud of you as a father
you will not be a good role model if you talk to people like that -after all i did not call you any childish names
you do not sound mature when you talk like a schoolboy
you should be banned by the editor for that language
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Funhobby by the way re "IF you're ever lucky enough to find someone who will accept your seed"
well someone did
your wife
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Joeuk
16 yrs ago
WOW! This has got slightly out of hand!! Hong kong 7 with no kids I don't think your reply was very helpful, but funbobby calm down!!!
This was just a simple asking for advice not an invitation for a slanging match. Kneebows I hope that some of the replies you got were helpful.
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kneebows, you did get burned once. These things happen. Don't think that all helpers are untrustworthy. It's not true. We have a wonderful helper and most of our neighbors do too. No serious issues really.
- Set expectations.
- Have regular "staff meetings".
- Don't micromanage. Expect your helper to use her head.
- Follow your gut instinct when it comes to hiring.
- Don't try to hire the "perfect helper". Such a person does not exist. Any helper (as any person" has strengths and weaknesses.
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joe, ur right. i should have simply dismissed hk7's initial comments as they came from a source ignorant about the realities of child raising. sorry this thread took a turn for the worse...i'll save those type of comments for a PM next time
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Wow! That took an unexpected turn. To those with constructive advice, thankyou. Joeuk, you hit the nail. I have been without a helper for three months (as I did back in my home country for many years). My house is clean, my children are fed and the world is still rotating. However, I am living in a country in which housewives can actually enjoy themselves thanks to the availablity of domestic helpers. But I am not enjoying this luxury. And I admit it is a luxury. So why my friends are working part-time, going to the gym, meeting friends and shopping, I am cooking and cleaning all day like I did back home. I have had to give away physio on my back because I don't have a soul to look after my kids. In Australia I could call on friends and family. Here, I have no-one. And yes, my husband and I would like to go out for dinner occassionally, or lunch, or a walk. Hell, I would even like to go to the supermarket by myself once a week. What a treat!
So perhaps I should amend my original post. I don't NEED a helper, I would like one. And thanks to the kind advice from people here I tried to interview a couple this week. Only one bothered to turn up for the interview. I have decided to trial her rather than just interview. I figure this has to be a better indication of how the two parties gel. And AXPTguy - great advice - have printed it off. I think in the past I have been too softly softly, thinking I didn't want to insult them by telling them what to do. My Fault. More honest up-front but not over-bearing approach for me. Fingers crossed
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