response: on the termination fence

I'm sorry to repost the thread, but for some reason I can not get the reply to work (someone said something about Mac computers having this problem in a previous thread) - anyway...

We had a similar experience with our first helper. She was around the same age and had been working here for quite some time. We treated her very well, and did not mind her expectations at first because we thought she would make up for them with her experience. Just like your helper, she said she could cook (not really), exibited alot of passive aggressive behaviour (isn't it funny how that disappears when the husband is around?), and made mistakes that endangered the children. She was generally not motivated at all, finishing her tasks with minimal effort and then disappearing into her room. I gave her several gentle warnings using calm and respectful language, giving her what I would like changed in writing, and it resulted in tears. When it came time for the final warning (she left the kids home alone to run out and walk the dog which I had specifically asked her never to do), I simply started the conversation with, "please don't cry, I'm not giong to feel bad for wanting my children to be safe." There was not a tear. I realized that there had been alot of manipulation going on. More importantly, after warnings things would get better for a week or two, and then slowly go back to bad - in effect, they didn't work. I believe you may have a lady who is just simply tired of her job. It's just a guess, but it sounds like she is simply burnt out. Now the hard part is realizing that it's not up to you to make life easy for her. It is easy to understand why alot of these ladies are not happy with their lives, but you can not let her take it out on you. It sounds like you have been very patient and understanding. After my experience, I KNOW you have had a LONG three months - I am a stay at home mom, so she maybe spent 10 hours alone with the kids the entire time, and I am not too particular about the house - in effect she was being asked to do alot less than I normally do on my own! My feeling is that what she is asked to do should be done pretty darn well unless there is a good reason, like illness or death in the family. She should be more than willing to help you in the kitchen and help out when you have guests over - if you asked her about her cooking in the interview, I'm assuming you were hiring here with the impression that she would do the cooking! She may be wonderful with the baby, but the tension that she is causing in the house is affecting you, and indirectly that is NOT wonderful for your baby. If I were you, I would give her the final warning, but start this out with an inquiry about her. Maybe ask her if everything is ok at home, or if something is bothering her in the house. If she has no reason to be depressed, then tell her how you feel about her performance and attitude. Maybe include a list of exactly how things should be done (or not done). The next time she starts to cause tension, please do yourself a favor and terminate her. After our helper left, the tension in the house left. Soon after, I found a young, happy, enthusiastic helper. Night and day difference! She is always happy to help out and there is definitely no more passive aggressive behaviour. Yes she is not as experienced, but if she is not sure how to do something, she asks - no problem! Please don't think that I am discriminating against older helpers (many of my friends have them and they are great too!) - this is simply my experience. I have heard that in general younger helpers come with their own list of challenges. Unfortunately, you can never know how things will work out until they are living in your home. Even then, it is after the first month when the official "trial period" is over, that the true nature of their work ethic comes out. I would chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on - good luck!

Try using http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/all.html

Thank you Ed!

I also tried to respond but couldn't because I'm a Mac user... all fixed now.


Thanks for your response.


I agree that tension in the house isn't a good thing - particularly because I work at home. It's good because I can keep an eye on things, but it's bad because I'm not too keen on her personality when the baby isn't involved.


Anyway, I'll talk to her in the next couple of days and see how it goes from there.


Thanks again!