Posted by
namaste
20 yrs ago
In the summer when the children (six and eleven) are at home throughout the day, would it be reasonable to ask the helper to take the older child and two of his friends (also elevenish) to the pool?
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You meant one helper to look after 3 children on her own in the pool. If yes, i think you are asking too much from her and putting too much responsibility on her. How can one manage to look after 3 monsters in the pool?
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Are the children able to swim? If your helper is looking after your 6 yr old, she may not be able to keep an eye on the three older boys. Although there should be lifeguards around, your helper will be responsible for their behaviour and safety etc. You may have a good, reliable helper, but make sure she doesn't have a habit of talking on her mobile when she should be looking after the children.
I presume your helper can swim? It would be better if your helper gets in the water with the children, this way she can keep a closer eye on them.
From experience, I have yet to see helpers taking children to the pool without their employers. This maybe due to club membership issues but not sure.
Personally I don't see a problem with it but maybe you should ask your helper whether she feels comfortable and confident enough to handle looking after 4 children at the pool.
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The six year old was not going. Only the older swimmers. She does swim and it is a public pool so no discrimination issues there (that are apparent anyway). When she is with the six year old she is always right behind her in the water.
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Mighty - We are talking about 11-year-olds who take public transport by themselves and are able-bodied swimmers. It's also a well staffed public pool. This is the first year that I have worked during the summer. I just want them to be able to do the things they have done iin the past summers. Such as go to museums, take a ferry, those types of things. When the helper does this, if she is out with the kids around dinner then I cook . My priorities are more about her being there for the kids than cleaning and cooking. What do you think?
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I personally don't see a problem with your helper taking the older boys swimming but I would really lay down some ground rules for the boys. Meaning just have a quick chat about behaving themselves and doing as they are told ( I'm sure this is standard anyway :)) but you know some children when they are not with their parents, they pretty much like to do what they want and ignore their helpers advice.
Again make sure she doesn't have her mobile with her. Think it's because I've seen so many helpers chatting constantly on their phones when they should be looking after children and have seen some near accidents from this. Maybe I'm getting a helper's mobile phone phobia! if there is such a thing :) LOL
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She had told me that she would go with them only if she didn't have to go in the water. I felt that she was setting rules instead of following mine. We talked and a lot of issues came out for both of us which was good. It is true that children can play their helpers. That's why maintaining communication is so crucial. She does have a tendency to attempt setting rules. She is highly opinionated and values her independence. These are all qualities that I like and appreciate and want in a helper. Boundaries are very clearly defined and she is not "part of the family" but it is challenging, as any relationship is, to maintain. Having a live-in helper is a unique situation for westerners. I think my expectations are greater than her previous English employers from the sounds of it. My last helper was Indonesian and pushed herself toward excellence. So, between both of our previous experiences, our expectations are different. Anyway, enough chat. Thanks for your comments.
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I am wondering about that. With older children, it is quite normal to have play dates. At my children's school, I see kids going home with other kids with helpers. So, if you have a helper watching your children does that mean that your kids shouldn't go to other people's houses with a helper and vice versa? This would basically mean that my kids could never play with other kids outside of school.
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Yes, but what if the other children, who are older, go to meet my son at the pool on their own and he plays with them their and they are without an adult? Kids at this age do go to the pool on their own. It seems to be a gray area (like so many of the regulations here).
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Part of taking care of children is their socialization. It would seem par for course that play dates are a part of rearing children. I think I'll go back home next summer as summer camps here are so expensive and if my children aren't 'legally' allowed to play with other children while I am at work they won't have much to look forward to. Although the 11 year old is old enough to go out on his own (legally) and to the pool by himself. Does this also mean that when a family has a dinner party and the helper cooks, that she is performing an illegal act? What if I have friends over, for tea, or something, is that illegal too?
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still-plain-bob, I 100% agree to what you said. I think namaste just likes to hear what 'she' wants to hear. She is not happy that some of us replied in a negative way towards what she is trying to do. Obviously from her original thread she wants her helper to take her 11ish son and his friends to the pool. It is very easy and irresponsibily for me to say 'go ahead, why not?'. The consequence is none of my business after all. But logically thinking, it should be alright for your helper just take to your own kid to the pool, but not his friends. If something happened to them, can you just walk out the door and be able to say 'they are 11ish and are old enough to swim without adults' supervision'! Well, if their parents say yes and give you the authority, then I've got nothing to say. Good luck.
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If the other two 11-ish boys can go to the pool on their own, why can't your own son do the same? I think you are asking too much of your helper, in terms of supervising three teenagers. Am especially surprised that you would be upset that your helper did not want to enter the water. Is she a lifeguard now too?
Also agree with earlier posts suggesting that you talk to your son before you send him off alone with your helper.
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I would say we are all spoiled now. My mother worked full time and she was able to manage 5 monsters! And our childhood was nothing less although I did not remember going to the pool in summer holidays. I only remember I worked at summer vacation for charity.
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I really wasn't being sarcastic when I was trying to ask the difference of a helper supervising 'play dates' to helpers serving at a dinner party. Both circumstances are examples of taking care of other people (illegal). I am not at all unhappy about your replies, just trying to make sense of it. Plain Bob- like I said, this is the first summer I have ever worked. You were a very lucky child to have your mum with you. I would think I were spoiled if I could be at home with my children and cook my own meals! Unfortunately I have to make enough money to pay for their expensive school as they are too old to get into the local schools (I checked into it). I wasn't upset that she didn't want to go in the water, it was more that she was telling me what to do (sometimes a problem). If I spoke to my boss the way she had spoken to me, I would likely be fired. The point of this thread is to give me more insight into the role of the helper. Those of you with kids, do you have your helper supervise playdates while at work? (Not in the pool). Some of the people that I know who have helpers ask their helpers to do things that I think are excessively unreasonable. Maybe I am being unreasonable about my expectation and that is why I want your opinions. If I were hiring a babysitter back home, I would expect her to be able to occasionally supervise my children and a couple of friends. But maybe it's different here. Like I said before, my priorities are that she spend more time with the children than cooking and cleaning. I am not in this for the 'maid service'.
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@@
20 yrs ago
If my kids have playdates then the helpers of the other children come as well, it makes it a nice social thing and I know my helper loves getting together with the other helpers and kids.
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nes
20 yrs ago
If people can trust a helper with their new born baby, why on earth can't the let their helper take a few 11 year olds to the pool? Is it so unreasonable for a working mother to want her kids to be able to go for a swim during the week? We arent talking about 2 year olds in the pool here.
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When my daughter who is six goes swimming with her friends, the helpers go together with the children. It's too much for a helper or anyone to watch over two young children in the pool. If I have my children go to other people's houses when the parents aren't home, I need to know the helper well enough to feel comfortable with that situation. I also trust my helper to supervise children while they are at our house on playdates (she is an early childhood school teacher). Its interesting hearing what other people have their children do with their helpers during the summer months.
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Many of the older Chinese children are on their own for the summer and check-in by mobile to their working parents. Your suggestion is ideal and preferable. I know I don't want my children out 'on their own' w/o supervision.
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cyan
20 yrs ago
If the other kids parents agree with it there's no problem I believe.
When I was 11 years old I would go to the swiming pool with my brothers 8 and 12 and sister 9. All swimmers. We were 4 to look out for each other... lots of rules... but lots of fun... we knew if we were to break any rule we'de have to spend the rest of the summer at home.
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