Posted by
Justinsmom
19 yrs ago
On Saturday, I came home from work early. Rang the doorbell a few times, no answer so opened the door with my key. Once inside the house, I saw all the lights off and all the bedroom doors closed. Still I called out "HELLO", but no response, so I assumed my DH had taken my son out for a walk.
I therefore proceeded to make my lunch. Lo and behold, at least 5 mins of banging pots and food smells later, my DH comes out of her bedroom, rubbing her eyes. I ask "where's the baby?" and she says he's on my bed sleeping.
Now, my son is 5 months old and rolling over ALL the time. My bed (although queen size, is still about 2 feet off the floor). My bedroom is down the hall from my DH's room and remember, both doors were closed!
At the time, I just told my DH that I was unhappy with the situation and she should never be in her room with the door closed when there is no one else at home. (My mother had already told her this before) My DH didn't say anything, but proceded to do ironing (why she's sleeping when she has unfinished housework is another question, especially since she goes to bed before 9PM every night!)
However, today I told my parents the story, and they said I should have just fired my DH on the spot.
What do others think?
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HHHMMMM - would you put your baby down on your bed then leave it where you can't hear it? Obviously not, It is duty of care that she has neglected.
Either you get rid of her or tell her it almost cost her her job - explain the situation to her - maybe she has no clue on what a 5 month old is capable of? Has she had children herself - but then you said she has been told - tough call - can you live without a helper for a while?
And yes why is she sleeping when she is supposed to be looking after the baby? and has unfinished housework.
Yeah- get rid of her - obviously she isn't taking her job seriously. But then - she may be sick...maybe this should be explored as well.
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She is employed by you to do a job the way you want it done.
She is obviously not complying with your rules.
I would fire her.
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Do you need to explain that it is one of house rules that you shld not put a 5 month old baby in a queen sized bed? I am sure you dont have to and it is common sense if we are talking about child care here. Where does the baby ususally sleep? To me your helper is very light hearted in looking after the baby and your house as well. If you can put up with that, then its fine.
To be honest, I cant!
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Loulu
19 yrs ago
Sorry, your baby's saftey is the main priority here - would you still be considering this if your baby ahd actually fell off the bed? I think not! And by the sounds of it she didn't really listen to you or take you seriously in which case do you feel comfortable leaving her alone with your baby again? If the answer is no then you know what to do......it's tough but as I said your baby is number one here!
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Don't ever take common sense for granted...
If your helper is good generally, I would give her a FINAL serious warning - anything similar and she's out. If generally she's not that good then probably you should look for a replacement.
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A child's safety is of first and paramount importance, she ought to know, especially you parent had reminded her.
If my DH can't cook or can't do housework properly, I'll give her a second chance, but a definite "NO" when it comes to the child.
And accordingly to what you said it appeared that she does not really respect you. She treated your complaint and warning as if you were singing.
If I were you I would not tolerate her.
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I would give her no warning after such gross neglect of duty. When you are out, her job is to make sure the baby well looked aftered. How can she then be asleep with her door closed too?? She should have hung around closer to the baby...I would fire her with no second chance. What if the baby rolled off and had a head injury....how would she make amends for that and can anyone make up for something like that?? If she doesn't even realise what it means to be in charge of a 5 month old, she has no business to be in your house. Maybe she should work for a childless couple or a bachelor or a family with grown up kids.
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ness
19 yrs ago
Has she given a reasonable explanation for why the baby was asleep on the bed - surely she know this is not acceptable and if she does then why did she take the chance? If she was really tired and needed a nap, then why not put the baby in it's cot and lay down nearby? I don't get it.... looked after my own three so I know it is hard work but to have all the doors closed and have left the baby on the bed.... I just don't "get" it. It's not just one thing wrong it is three. She really doesn't sound intelligent enough or caring enough to look after a five month old. Once your little one is up and about and getting into everthing will she be on the ball enough to keep him safe, you need eyes in the back of your head some days, to be smart enough to forsee possible problems and energetic and enthusiastic to boot to look after infants and toddlers....and you have to really "care" about them and their welfare, even if they are not yours. A full evaluation of her care of your son is required in my opinion and her understanding of child safety.
Have you considered that perhaps this was your "warning bell" regarding her.
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1. The DH sleeps with her door closed even though she knows that there is a 5 month old asleep.
2. She put the 5 month old in a bed approximately 2 feet high!!!
3. When corrected she did not even attempt to apologize, make amends. In fact, she ' ironed' clothes & carried on with her tasks!
This is not someone who lacks common sense. Its someone who does not give damn!!! She is not fit to be a DH!
Whats to forgive??
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So Justinsmom,
What did you do in the end...??
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Life
19 yrs ago
get rid of her. If something ever happened to your baby, she will not tell on herself. Better safe than sorry.
For all those who say it is common in the Philipines as there are several people around, then she should know, that there are not several people around, and that she can not do what she did. AND if she does not have that much common sense, then it is not YOUR job to teach her common sense.
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i have 9 month old twins and have been dealing with all sots of issues from the helper going out until 5am and oversleeping until 8am. Leaving a 5 month old baby in a room on their own, in a bed, and having the doors shut so she presumably doesnt get woken herself is just not on. you deserve to get rid of her if you chose, or write up an official warning, sign it by both and tell her she is out the next time anything like this ever happens. I'e had 2 warnings with mine after she blatantly yeses me off with everything. Ive got cameras in our flat and have watched her clean the bin and then go to make a baby bottle! thats never happened since but i literally am now wandering around like a Sergeant watching her. Its up to you as your baby's Mum. But, Im worried everytime i leave the flat to do something and thats WITH cameras there. No family here and Husband at work until late. She doesnt cook for us and no longer washes any of my things as everything gets ruined. its a non stop battle but there ARE good people out there who genuinely do a great job (we borrowed someone for 2 weeks while settling in/unpacking etc who had worked for a family here for 15 years). Follow your instinct and good luck!
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Shaz26, you may note this was posted 1932 days ago, this equates to more than 5 years ago.
I think you will find that this baby is now in primary school and sleeping in his own bed now. The problem is well and truly resolved.
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Shaz26, you borrowed a dh for two weeks? If she is not a local dh but from other countries like Philippines or Indonesia, then you had violated the employment ordinance, not to hire illegal worker, paid or not.
You have cameras all around the house and still watches her like a Sergeant? Wow, that's a lot of work for you.
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Shaz26, as you have seen cameras don't solve anything. You can never build trust in that environment.
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