Posted by
elane
19 yrs ago
What do people usually have their kids call their helper? By first name? Aunty? Miss...? Our helper is in her 20s. My son is not of speaking age yet, but when he is.. I want my son to have respect for someone older then himself who occasionally takes care of him. Any suggestions?
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mrsl
19 yrs ago
How do want him to address other adults? In my experience the days of Mrs/Miss are over. Our children call my friends by their first names so they did the same with our helper. She is not a relative so I was absoluteley uncomfortable with Auntie etc. I called everyone Mrs/Miss/Mr etc when I was a child, it did not mean that I had any more respect for them than my children do, that comes out in behaviour.
The key is that they do not learn to treat her as a slave (expat brat), ordering her about etc. You will provide the lead on that, not her title.
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my friend's son refer to the maid as 'che che'which means big sister in Philippines language and also in chinese. i plan to let my son use the same term with the maid that i am going to hire.
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cd
19 yrs ago
My kids call our helper by her first name.
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The only thing that worries us if you give a helper any sort of family title (big sister, etc) is that you might one day need to fire her; and the child might then fear that other family members - including him - can also be "fired"/sent away by mum/dad if he does something wrong. So we go for names. I would be interested if anyone with formal psychological training has a view.
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I too agree with Mrsl.... the most important thing is for the kids NOT to treat helpers like "slaves" and be disrrespectful to them in anyway. It is definitely up to the parents to teach the kids this.
I think by calling the helpers by names is fine. There's nothing disrrespectful about calling them by the first names. I find it very inappropriate to call helpers "Auntie", my kids have many aunties and uncles, and I certainly don't need to confuse them by calling our helpers' Aunties. Also, my helpers are young, seems SO strange to call them Aunties.
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We are the same as Woody - we call our helper by her first name, she does the same to us, and our son will do the same to her. We are all perfectly respectful to each other.
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Excellent point Burgundy.
As with Auntie Woody (:D), I also have become uncle to the children of way too many colleagues, friends and associates. It is certainly a Hong Kong culture thing But I don't want to be uncle to everyone. As a Sicilian American those titles come with specific responsibility, which I do not feel towards those kids. Anyway Cest La Vie.
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ShazP
19 yrs ago
My daughter calls our DH by her first name. My daughter respects & loves her a lot & is full of manners when addressing her. A name is a name....its the upbringing that is important.
My daughter has aunties who are specific people- who are her true Aunties and/or who are extremely close to the family.
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i first refered to our helper as "auntie" then she dind't like that and prefered "che che" in hindsight with the problems we are having, i wish i just refered to her by name in front of baby. i will know for next time. i now feel "auntie" or "che che" should be reserved for actual family and relatives.
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Totally agree spare rib hk.
Candy, no harm in it (although Burgundy makes an excellent point about potentially sacking an 'auntie'), we just prefer to speak to helpers the same way as we address other adults (by first name). It is not social prejudice, in fact calling her something else would be singling her out. Also, my helper has no part in raising my children (apart from babysitting when they are asleep). I agree with mrsl and Katetam, respect is all about how you treat someone, not what you call them.
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elane
19 yrs ago
Thank you everyone for the helpful input!
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