Reasons you fired your last DH.

I just need some advice. Besides the obvious reasons that people fire their DH, usually stealing, or simply incapable of the tasks required.... what else would bother you that you would consider firing the DH or not renewing with her?


I have a great helper at home. Nothing to complain about. We are very strict and dislike our helpers having complicated "backgrounds", and "habits". (this is totally subjective). I know there will be those who disagree but that's our family's preferences.


We hired our helper, who has worked for 1 year now with us. She mainly takes care of my baby, who is now 1 years old.


Recently, I found out that she is having a "relationship" with a man she met in a bar in HK. She is married, and has 5 children back home.

A lot of phone calls recently on her mobile.

And, I know she hangs out in the bars and clubs every Sunday, and she changes her clothes before coming home each time.


It bothers me, but it also seems to be none of my business, but at the same time, now that I know this information, I can't seem to just ignore it. Something is bothering me.


I don't plan to fire her on this basis, but her contract is up soon, we were thinking of renewing, but now, I have second thoughts.


Any thoughts on this? Thanks.

I think your post is very honest, you admit she is a good helper, but that this personal fact bothers you.


The reality is, this person lives in your house and helps you raise your baby. It doesn't matter how wonderful she is if YOU are uncomfortable, you have three choices:


1. Stay uncomfortable and don't do anything - which will probably just make matters worse in the long run as resentment builds up and begins to show in the way you react to her.

2. Learn to accept the situation and don't let it bother you - this might or might not be possible, only you know yourself well enough to say (although discussing with your partner might help).

3. Change the situation by not renewing the contract, which is within your legal right. But then you have to hire again and deal with potential issues with the new helper too.


The issue is not if her personal life is your business or not your business - you admit this is your issue.


And it is very important that YOU are comfortable with your live in help and baby carer. If you are not comfortable, it will effect the household negatively.


Good luck.

It is difficult to give you the best advise.


She is a good helper. But she has a second life.

As long as she separates these 2 lifes, no problem.


My previous helper has a boy-friend here. At the beginning she saw him only the sunday, and call him after the evening. But at the end, she was leaving home each night (without telling us), was on phone all day long. It was impossible to speak with her about his.

I have fired her for this reason and many others.


But, have you tried to speak to your helper, and explained her what you are feeling?

Thanks for all the replies thus far.

I have been thinking about it alot. My position on this thus far is, her "personal" life has not interfered with her work thus far. However, lately, her mobile phone does ring often (during work) but she doesn't answer when I am present. She also was SMS-ing alot while I was shopping, and she was watching my baby in the stroller. When I was back ,she put away her phone.


The thing is, I was told this situation by her relative, who works in HK too. Which means, I cannot confront or ask my helper about this because she hasn't given me any reason to and if I do ask her, she will know who told me. However, if what this relative told me is true, I am pretty bothered by it. Because she tells me that my helper is so "sneaky" that she brings a change of clothing, and perfume, to avoid any possible smell from hanging out in the bars. (because she knows I am very sensitive). I cannot believe this. She just does not seem like this kind of person at all!


The reason this relative talked to me about it was because she is concerned about my helper's behaviour. This relative is responsible in referring my helper to HK to work. She says her husband is already asking her why he can't reach my helper alot of times..... and asking is everything alright... ?


Up to this point, I always thought my helper was a shy, sweet, and has a perfect family back home.....Her relative doesn't want to be responsible anymore in covering up for her.....


I don't know, too hard to ignore, too hard to let go of her too.

Remember...you know what you have..you don't know what your are going to have,

my advice is, that if this person is ok for you 60% better keep her!

Good luck

Instead of being bothered, I would be pleased with your helper changing clothing and wearing perfume after being in a bar, and would call that considerate rather than sneaky. After all, she is probably very much aware of how sensitive and strict you are.


I wonder how she gets on with her husband back home is - maybe, apart from knocking out five children in their earlier days - they haven't had a great deal of time together to forge much of a relationship. Maybe there are all sorts of issues behind the scenes and they're both dealing with what life's thrown at them the best they can. But we don't know, and I guess it's not anyone else's business as long as she's doing her job properly and you can stop her from using her mobile during working hours. Giving her relative the benefit of the doubt, it is nice that he/she is so concerned but I wonder if there was any other motive in grassing her up.


From what you write, I can sort of understand how you might worry that potentially it could upset your happy home, but right now it's not spilling over much into her working life and your helper doesn't seem to be doing much out of order. I'd seriously consider keeping her on and only worry about things as and when they arise.

My two bobs' worth...if you are harbouring doubts and they are bothering you then simply don't renew her contract. You have no legal or moral obligation to renew it. Jut be aware, though, that your next helper might be worse. What was it someone already said about 'if she is 60% OK then keep her' because the chances are the next one will not be as good! Good luck.

Here is my experience. I had a great helper when my daughter was 1. She was single at the time. She went out to bars and stayed out on Saturdays (I was ok with that). It didn't really interfer with her work. Then she got a boyfriend. It was ok at the beginning. Then she would be on the phone quite a bit. Towards the end she was on the phone all the time and even talking dirty in front of my daughter. Even though my daughter was small and didn't understand anything, it still bothered me. So I fired her. She got pregnant a few months after. I was so glad that she left my house.


I know many helpers having boyfriend on the side with husbands back home. That is their business as long as it does not interfer with their work. I would certainly consider increasing phone calls unacceptable.


You should talk to her even though you found out the situtation from someone else. With 5 kids back home to feed, I would think she would take her job quite seriously. She probably doesn't even realize that the situation is making you very uncomfortable. She would have to make a decision also.

I agree with Mc, talk to her and even advise her.

She is somehow a part of your family. She might even appreciate if you will do this. Tell her phone calls are after working hours- even in the office we do not entertain too much personal calls,isn't it? How old is your helper anyway?

Just wondering, 5 kids you know.

In my opinion, I think it's better to confront her about this. Listen to her side of story. As long as she's treating your child well and she's doing good with her work, then all should be fine.


Are you sure her relative is telling you the truth or without any exaggerations?


Again, it's better you confront her in a nice way. Your confrontation isn't out of curiousity and being nosy but concern. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.


Hope everything goes well:)