Advice? DH starting while we are away...

I don't mean to sound completely naive about this, but our DH is starting while we are away for three weeks. And, we are in the process of moving out there from the US, but our apartment is already set up. MANY of you reading this will say we are completely stupid (rookies), but we interviewed 32 pre-screened DH's over the course of two days (yes, now you have proof we are nuts), and my husband and I both liked this particular DH well above and beyond all the others. That all said, her references were very, very good (we spoke to them immediately), we liked her very much and trusted her, she seemed extremely honest, near perfect English, wonderful with children, and she already had many offers for employment by the time we made an offer. She wasn't playing us, her current employer confirmed this, and we had to work hard to convince her to work with my family. She is in her mid-30's and has 5 years experience in HK. Her current family is relocating.


That all said, she will be in our home without us for three weeks. I have lists and lists of things for her to do: grocery shopping, cleaning, classes at the Y, outings to find things, recipes (she's a good cook), getting familiar with our area and public transportation to and from this area, etc.


Any tips on what to do and what NOT to do? How do I ask her to pay for groceries so the kitchen is stocked when we arrive? leave cash?!? Do we give her her food allowance upfront? How do we/the apartment greet her when she arrives? She is working for her current employer until the day before she starts with us. We also have a secure building with full time doorman/staff, so they know the scoop. We also have friends in the building.


I believe it's better to start tough, and she already has pages and pages of our house rules/expectations/schedules, but if I am not there to enforce any of this. I am getting nrevous that this was just plain dumb.


Thank you for your honest responses.

Are you able to delay her starting date until you get back from the US? I know you said you trust your new helper, but at the end of the day you really don't know her at all.

I would advice her starting when you return and then go through the house rules together, as you said, better to start tough.

I may not be as trusting as you, but I wouldn't want to give my keys to a stranger, which is what she is until you've gotten to know her.

happychick,


I think it's just too late for that. Hubbie already gave her the key and she's started to move in already... Thank you though.

If you feel uncomfortabloe about her being at your place for three weeks without you, you can ask her to stay at a boarding house until you return. I don't know how much they charge but I hear the room rate is minimal and there are plenty in Hong Kong.

Do you have any furniture and personal belongings already in situ? If so, is that what you're concerned about, or is it what she might get up to e.g. having friends over, running up phone bills while you're away? Or not carrying out the tasks you have assigned her, or doing them wrong? If they could get a spare key, maybe your friends could make random visits to the apartment to see that she (appears) to be doing what she's supposed to, like the cleaning and stocking up. I don't suppose you can expect her to pay for your groceries with her money and wait for you to pay her back, so I think you should arrange for her to have an appropriate amount of cash to use. And for her food. Ask for receipts for everything, including the classes she will be attending.


Easier said than done, but if I were you I'd try not to worry or even think too much more about the situation. It's done. From what you say, she comes with good recommendations and you both liked her. I don't believe she'd want to jeopardise things at this early stage in the game by letting you down in any way. Concentrate on the move and enjoy getting ready for this exciting new era in your life.

yeah, worst case, your husband liked her too, so you can always point the finger at him

Thank you all for the good advice. I just got cold feet reading all these postings here about prostitution, gambling debts, sneaking in lovers, theft, damage to personal property... You all read it too, so you know. I have to stick with what I felt initially and not think about it.


Thank you, deskbound! I am having friends from our new building stop in without notice as well. I will call the front desk to make sure all is in order. Your supportive words were just what I needed to hear. It's hard enough moving to a foreign country with young children.


Will keep you posted! Thank you, again!