Here we go again

My husband and I have had the WORST luck with domestic helpers. Our latest is only three weeks old.....interviewed well, had great refs, etc, but she is cr@$. Despite ad nauseum instructions, she really doesnt get it and the point of employing her was to look after our three year old so we could regain some sort of social life. There are countless examples of why she is so sub standard. Bottom line: we dont trust her with our child because she really isnt too bright and has no real common sense.Oh what to do. Can you terminate a helper because she is "dumb"? At a loss and over it.

Had read about the "four reasons" and being "dumb" doenst really seem to be covered. Have you (or anyone else) had any experience re: this (firing because of nil confidence?).

I have to agree with Mrs Miggins on this one - it is not always the employers fault Bumpkin - some people are just dumb and dumber and have no capacity to learn. Even the best employers can have problems employing the right people when all they get to see is an interview and some references - until you are actually on the job you never see peoples true colours. Most of the time the bad helpers are retained in their job becasue it is so much of a hassle to dismiss them and find a new one. There are also HUGE cultural differences between many of the DH and the people they work for - they have not grown up knowing how to care for many of the things they are expected to know - but they all have an oppportunity to be good learners and some can't even do that.

Bumpkin, you echo my thoughts exactly. There are bad employers everywhere. If these employers are following Mrs Miggins' advice (interview, references, trial) and still can't hire a competent helper (when there are so many out there) here, then they are the problem.

Thanks everyone. With all due respect Bumpkin, I disagree. Perhaps 6 changeovers simply reflects zero tollerance to the bs some of these helpers come out with. By the way, we are great employers and I think that's the problem. Something comes to mind about giving an inch and taking a mile..... Mrs M, you're right on the money.

Bumpkin - I have experienced two DH in my 12 years of living here for only 3 years of that time - I have now chosen to do without one as I find the cultural differences too much to deal with in my home and family.


I don't have high expectations of the helpers when they arrive - I expect them to learn, follow instructions, be honest and do the best job they can while they are with me, I expect a work ethic to be similar to mine - ie they finish a job, do what they are requested, and work to their best abilities. And in both cases I had to fight to get this result. My Dh lived out, worked from 7am - 6pm, with a long rest period in a the day and had Saturday afternoon off, and all bodies were at school or work in the day. Just explaining that I was not a task master.


With regard to employing someone from my own country - well would happily do that,(and have done so in Australia - they are called cleaning companies and teenagers for babysitting) but my own country does not exploit its young women and mothers by exporting them to work in other countries - they like them to stay at home and look after their families - and they are assisted in doing this by the government.

Georgie 10, Terminate and hire a new one. Agree with one of the threads that "good reference" does not mean too much. 1. many DHs fake them. 2. Some employers fire their DHs but give them fine reference letters. The best thing to do is to call the ex-employers and speak to them over the phone.


I have to say that many DHs are helplessly dumb. Actually I don't think they are that "DUMB". They just don't pay attention and use their brains. I have people working for me like that (with Phds).


If you are interested, send me an e-mail with your contact details. I can recommend a DH to you.

A tip: when you terminate the contract, arrange to have your DH stay at a hostel or similiar for the final month of her employment, instead of continuing working for you. It seems like a waste of money, but I know several cases where a DH has been notified of termination and spent the final month stealing and destroying personal/expensive items ( in most cases, shipping them back to the philipines).

I really think it is time to stop blaming the helpers and for some of these employers to look at the mirror instead.


Sure, some employees will give fake references and overstate their qualifications. What's new about this? It happens wherever you are, regardless of the position.


Spend more than 30 minutes interviewing the candidate. Ask better questions. Pick up the phone and talk to the references. Suggest a trial day. Interview more than a handful of helpers, and definitely don't expect a stranger on some Internet forum to be your top recruiter.


If you still manage to hire a "dumb" helper on your first try, then you can chalk it up to inexperience. If you hire another one, then say it's bad luck.


However, if you, as an employer, cannot find a good employee (in any field) in six tries over a two year period, you are either an idiot or an ass.

Thanks everyone! Great info and advice. MC, check your messages! Cheers!

I agree with teenytiny. My helper quit after being treated very well. Mind you, she was miseable as she really wanted to be at home with her husband having babies. Many of you spoke about her in a forum one year ago - Myrian is her name. She asked for a lot of things - like air con (which we don't even use), for us to purchase all her toiletries (for two showers per day), her medicines (even vitamins), a land line, a TV, a DVD, Etc... She also turned many employers off by saying that she didn't have kids "yet". I interviewed her and liked that she had a degree in teaching home economics and seemed generally amiable. I also liked her sense of indepedence and determination. Her employer gave her a great reference as well. Once here, she suddenly "forgot" how to cook and played like she had no cooking experience - contrary to her employer's reference. She yelled at my children regularly and would swear at us in Tagalog when we asked her to do ANYTHING. We did not want to be intolerant employers and just fire people without really working with them. We communicated with her regularly, listening to her concerns and addressing ours - an inclusive approach. These talks would lead to changes in our behavior and very little in hers. This led to us following her demands. When we did ask for something or do something she didn't like, her attitude became intolerable and the abuse toward us heightened. Thankfully, after I leant her $15,000 HKD for an "emergency surgery", she quit. Now that she has been gone for one month, I see how abusive she was to our family and feel like a fool that I kept giving to her (because I cared) and for trying so hard to make things work out when she cared very little. After she quit, it became far worse - she stopped working altogether. When I hired a new helper, she dug through my paperwork and found info. She even called the new helper and created a bunch of trouble. She also attempted to stir-up trouble for me with Immigration - which was unsuccessful. I called Immigration to ask about my rights during this one-month time as she refused to work. They told me I had no rights unless I pay out the month. So, moral of the story. If you are doubtful - find a reason and pay out the one-month's salary, hire helpers who don't have excessive demands, quit (or fire) when you are ahead. We tolerated her for one year and looking back, she was damaging to my family life, abusive to all of us and acutally tried not to work.