re: To Fire or Not?

Hi hshirley, I sent you a private message.


Thanks!!!

Being a helper myself, I feel mortified to hear stories like this. I'm sorry that you have to experience such. I know we, helpers , could be " too much" at times who doesn't seem to know where the borderline ( or respect said borderline) about taking advantage of our employer's kindness/generosity and all and work on it to become a more productive helpers as against that of abusing such previleges ( as in using the boss's computer for example)


The way she treats/handles her ward is unacceptable, especially for a child with special needs. A caring person should already know how to care for a child long before 8 months.


And like you said, she (again) has proven her dishonesty and displayed how untrustworthy she is. That alone is ground to fire a helper without a month's notice. She has been warned, and she should go. If she has any sense of self respect, ahe should know how it would feel like to work in an environment where one is not trusted and quit. Just because we work in an inferior industry is not an excuse for us to forget the basic manner we were taught in grade school-- Good manners and right conduct.


Goodluck on your next search.

HI hshirley

I have sent a PM to your inbox

Hi Hshirley

I have sent a PM to your inbox

Hi, hshirley,


Not at all. I can't think of anyone ( sorry but I hesitate to recommend for I will feel responsible). Though one of my little " sis" ( trusted friend) who used to teach to kids with special needs and was a SPEED teacher was looking for employment( got one for the UK as nanny to an austistic child but was not granted a work visa ). Though as far as I know she got a teaching job in Nigeria and is just waiting for her work visa.

Hi hshirley

I have sent a PM to your inbox.

hs, sounds disturbingly familiar. OK...so she doesnt attend to your crying special needs baby immediately (have done lots of reading on ignoring babies cries and it does not serve the individual well in adulthood - more about that another time). Babies cry for a reason and sometimes just need to be held. Our ex helper had no experience with small ones either and when she joined us when the little one was two, she had a pocketful of Hershley's chocolates in her pocket to bribe an always happy to get treats toddler into doing things - just like a dog getting treats. I think she realised just how appalling she was with kids and pulled out all stops. Our first helper was good with our little one but not trustworthy - to give one eg (there were many) - we used to go away alot and give her a scanty roster (say four-six hours a day) - mainly for the dog and to spring clean the house. Since we had gone away regularly enough before and her idea of a spring clean was very different to mine, this time I clearly itemised EXACTLY and HOW everything was to be done and even allowed time frames. She was going to get a tonne of days off too and then all that time off throughout the days she was going to be there. Anyway....got back, no spring clean - sure - tidy with a lick and a promise cleaning job - but nothing of what was on my list. And mind you, because she had ignored all my previous requests for a spring clean (always done better and easier when the house is free of its inhabitants!), the place REALLY needed it. Of course, she said she had done it and that it had become dirty again, but when I started showing her stuff like a jam stuck (like glue) to the pantry shelf, she knew that I was onto her. There were countless examples. AND THE DOG HAD A SEVERE BLADDER INFECTION - COMPLETE WITH BLEEDING because the amah didnt come back as requested to take her for a wee at twighlight and then turn up at God knows what time of the next day to take her out. That vet bill was $1,800. Now that we have repatriated, these stories still get a rise out of me. And for all the warnings - sack 'em and get rid of 'em - HEED THEM! We are missing so many things from clothes to CD's, trinkets, make-up (all the regular sh@t they take). And they were all there beforehand. Re: not wanting to go home, unless they have kids they prefer to stay as they are expected to bring home even more $$ as they are looked upon as huge money earners, so I get that bit. Oh - forgot to mention - unless you need your amah at your place, do send her home - ours had regular parties (neighbours sprung her). The thought of her mob running around my home sickens me. At the end of the day, hs, the baby thing would be enough for me to get rid of her. There are a few darlings out there - find one! Do your family a favour (dont you spend TOO much time managing her - when she is supposed to make your life a breeze - and SO much time talking to the Mrs about this when you have better things to chat about?) Oh, almost forgot - the mood thing - you hear about it alot and we experienced it first hand. I 'casually' asked whether we had upset her in anyway - and when the reply was 'no', I told her to take the weekend off and come back with a better attitude. I was going out all the time with the baby (in hot and humid weather) cos I couldnt stand the thick air in the house. Something desperately wrong with this picture. And I told her as such. Sure, we can all get the sh$ts at times but constant mood in YOUR home when you are PAYING her to be there - well, not good enough. I'll come up for air now.... PS...There will be tears and your name will be mud, but hey, picture this, an adoring helper to your child and a happy smiley face always willing to please (yes, they are out there). My five cents worth: get rid of her. All the best! Keep us posted.

all the best

good advice georgie10. Sorry you had to go through all of that but great that you are sharing your experience. I know its hard, and guilt kicks in but I think you are right, sometimes when you are walking about the streets trying to escape your own home (which lets face it, must be more of a sanctuary in Hk) you relaise there is something very wrong with that picture.


hshirley, trust your instincts with her child caring abilities. Your little one deserves someone who is devoted to him/her, instead of being devoted to the washing detergent.. you hear this all too often.