I'm in a dilemma

We are hiring a new helper that will start in mid February. I noticed this past month she had asked me a couple of questions and also jokingly made a couple of remarks which I feel not appropriate.


First question she asked me was are we renting our apt or do we own? And why!


Second - She asked what she is getting in her bedroom?



Third - She helped us moved to our new apt. I gave her money for helping us. She didn't want to take, so I told her is shopping money. Her answer was "Well, if it's shopping money it should be a lot more"


Fourth - She also had asked if she could work 2 Sundays a month to earn more money. I said it's fine. Now she said she cannot work the Sundays because her sister need help on the weekend but she will be able to work on Sundays in April. Okay...


I'm waiting for next request....


Am I overreacting or should I not hire this person.


HELP need your opinion.

from experience...you should not hire her. all these questions ahve already been asked by a number of employees weve had from merchandise dispatcher to housemaids. the only difference i guess is they always ask this questions when they are already hired. they use it to as basis on their motives.


1. it gives her an idea how rich you are, at what level. Naturally, the way youll answer is defensively. like i rent because i intend to go back home and get my own house (kaching! you got money). or i bought this house to save on rent and a good investment (kaching, again! your salary is so big you can afford to pay such a mortage on top of which you can still afford a maid, send the kids to a good school, use private hospitals...etc,). This first question will be used to appeal for salary increases in the future. Some of our employees' twisted understanding... if you earn big, they are entitled to a big salary.


2. Again referring back to question no.1. If youre rich you can provide more if you have a conscience.


3. hehehe...classic, this is done to make you grateful...morally indebted...its a big thing amongst asians and they tend to remind you of that when they will be in need of a favor, usually comes very big, more than what you owe them. and gratitude cannot be paid by cash only by favors. ' the shopping remark is to demean you and make you shameful.' ...having established your status... 'is that all you can afford!?'


4. its again to make you grateful. and she will remind you of those days when shes supposed to be resting and instead she served your family. it is also a trap where she can legally sue you and knowing how well off you are...it could be a goldmine... This no.4 often leads to tragic and bitter situations.


AGAIN SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.....With this tactics..we got stuck up with rather horrifyingly embarrassing situations with our employees and at times in the presence of colleagues.


spare yourself, there are tons of people looking for work, you are rather lucky to discover this prior to signing her employment.

if you are already concerned and worried about her remarks now... what more down the road when the contract is signed?


so better sit down with her before signing the contract, tell her how you felt about the remarks and lay down the rules and tell her about how things run in your household and the process of how you would handle requests.


in that way, everything is in the table and she knows what exactly to expect - working days, what she does on her free days etc., benefits etc etc. and in turn, she lists down her concerns and requirements.


you could put it down in writing so everything is clear and there is no second guessing for both parties

DON'T HIRE HER!!!!! As has been said in the posts above, there are plenty of helpers out there who are looking for work and will do a good job for you. This person has already caused you a problem by her entirely inappropriate remarks (in my opinion) and she doesn't even work for you yet! If that is her attitude now how will she be when you have signed the contract?!!! Step away while you can and find someone else, I know it is a hassle but I am sure it will pay dividends.

Yes it's true. If you are having doubts now, it's just better not to take the leap.

Lots of good workers are looking for employers out there. So keep searching, find someone you are comfortable with.

Thank you all for the advised. I have decided not to hire her and guess what she demanded one month salary. I told her no contract signed therefore no money!

Good on you Chin, sounds like you had the makings of a manipulative one there, plent more fish in the sea!

can i ask you for her name? i am looking into hiring and want to spare myself ...

Well, I didn't hire her but I interviewed someone else today. It was quite amusing and annoying.


First she thought I was the helper opening the door. Of course I said no. She said I look philippina. I said no I am Chinese/Indonesian American. So she replied by saying I have that slanted chinese eyes with her fingers pulling the eyelid to the side but the rest look Philippina. Next she said her employer is American but they are real Americans. So I asked her what is real American? She said they are white. So I gave her the low down. We come in many different colors and American Indians are the real American. She asked how old is my husband?! I said is personal and not relevant. Next "Why I don't have a child?" again personal. How much was my previous helper making. Again personal. How much will I be making?


I am not having any luck here!

Chin, I'm sorry that you are having no luck. I have a good helper to recommend who is a Christian and won't take advantage of you. Please pm me if you're interested and I'll fill you in on the details.

I remember this story in the newspaper about a domestic helper who was taken to court by her employer because she threw all her employer's buddahs in the hillside. The helper believed that the buddahs were blasphemous and against her religion.


Just saying, work is work and helpers should keep their religious beliefs out of the work situation.

We hired a fantastic moderate muslim Indonesian lady and couldn't be more pleased.


I am an aetheist who grew up in a Roman Catholic household in Australia and know plenty of people who call themselves 'christian' --but are the dirtiest, theiving, dishonest, prics around! I know of a friend's very christian, faithful, godfearing phili DH who goes to bible group on tuesdays yet has been seen by her employers friends shaking it in Wan Chai on a saturday night!!


No person from any one religious background is inherrently good nor bad. You may find that you mesh better with an individual with similar values to you but you won't nessesarily find that person from your faith! The best bet is to go for someone with no 'strong' pursuasion one way or another. Our DH dresses modestly but has her hair showing, doesn't drink alcohol but will eat pork from time to time and has a non muslim boyfriend so she's pretty easygoing with people of different ideas.