A 'friend' of mine doesn't provide food or money to helper

I introduced my helper's friend to my 'friend' around 1 yr back. Let's called my 'friend's' helper A and my so-call-friend Y.


I didn't know Y very long before i introducted A to her. She needed a helper because she just had a new born baby. A is a very good helper and somtimes she would come to my flat with my helper and cook for me and my boyfriend just for fun on a sunday. I like them both.


Just recently i found out that Y stopped giving A food while she's not cooking. Y likes to go shop in city super type of places so she thinks food she buys is very expensive. She has told A not to touch anything Y buys. And Y doesn't let A to do any shopping at all. What happens is that Y is asian expat and the food she cooks and what A likes to eat is totally different.


Y is giving A a little bit higher than normal salary (around like $500 more). At the beginning before Y hired A she has promised that A can touch all the food in the fridge if she wants. But half a yr ago while A is trying to drink the milk Y buys Y shout at her saying "What u doing drinking my milk? If you want you buy your own" And Y would only gives A food while she's cooking (different type of food which A wants to eat). Most of the time Y just leaves A togehter with the baby and Y would go shopping the entire day. A is not allowed to cook anything in the fridge so she can only eat what she buys for herself.


Y is giving A around HKD500 month a month as an extra salary because Y thinks taking care of the baby and cleaning is not an easy job. Now A has to end up buying her own food it means she would have around HKD1500 deduct from her own salary. Sounds like she's not getting a very good deal here.


I feel so sorry about it but it's not my place to speak to this 'friend' as she's not really friendly with me anyway. And A doesn't want to say anything becuase there is still around 1 and half yr contract with Y. A doens't want Y to make the job more diffcult than what it is now.


Y's husband somtimes would come home from another country and buys some little bit of somthing to A becuase Y's husband can see A is taking great care of his son. When Y sees her husband is giving somthing to A she would just get pissed off and sat up and left for her room. A got abit worried about it and ended up just giving everything the 'sir' gives her to my helper. My helper suddenly got alot of gifts - that's how i started to ask what happened.


I don't know what i should do and i want to help her. But A is chicken about it and she doesn't want Y to give her alot of extra work just to make her life diffcult.


Thks for reading it.

But if the helper is paying $500 above the minimum then this could very easily be seen as the food allowance. maybe the helper should check her contract to see whether food is being provided or if the $500 is listed under the food allowance. If it says food is being provided then surely she has a case against the employer.

Sorry, that should read if the 'employer is paying' not the helper.

I find the issue of food to be a big headache when it comes to helpers. I know that a couple of my friends have been very upset having received feedback on the grapevine that their helpers do not have enough to eat when as far as they are concerned, they do. For example one of my good friends has a whole house full of food (albeit not very healthy stuff) and her maid has free access to it all. I think a lot of it is that the maid doesn't like the food or is timid when it comes to helping themselves. I know this always gives me a headache. My new maid started today and I took her down the supermarket. I had already bought her bumper packs of toiletries etc. and today we went and bought a massive bag of rice, loads of instant noodles, dried goods, some dried sausage, coffee and frozen chicken wings and sanitary products. I told her that she can eat what she wants out of my cupboards (which are teaming), fridge, fresh veg and fruit but leave the coke (husbands post work out drink) and my son's stuff alone. I told her that when she cooks she takes her portion. If we are out, at lunch time or if we are not hungry then she dips into her stash. I bought her enough stuff (that she wanted) for 6 weeks and she has enough toiletries for 3 months. I told her that was it and I am not stressing over what she eats now because as far as I am concerned she has food and access to food. E.g. I have 2 massive fridge freezers full of food and if she's hungry that's her problem as I've told her to go for it. If I hear on the grapevine that she doesn't have enough to eat then I am going to get really pi$$ed off.

I think a lot depends on the helper as well. My first helper was a very good eater -and she recently immigrated to Canada and I hired her cousin as a replacement, who it turns out only eats about half of what my first helper used to eat per meal. I'm so used to providing the portions of my prev helper that my current helper is filling our fridge up with all of the left overs from the dinner portions which she is not even able to finish for lunch the next day!


I am learning to adjust the portions now but my point is, just like everything else, appetite can be a personal thing and what may be enough for one person may leave someone else feeling hungry.

Thanks for everyone's reply. My helper's friend is now saying that if she knew this woman is not providing food but just give extra $500 on top of her salary - she wouldn't even take the job.


I think it's really much with principle. You can't say you would give food during interview but give extra money on top of the salary because there is a kid in the house. And after half a yr later saying the food thing is not happening anymore and buy your own. This really pisses people off i guess.

I think you have to take what the helper's say with a grain of salt. There are always two sides to the story.


Similar to other posts, my helper told me one day she didn't have enough food and alluded we were not providing enough for her, hence the need to 'bring' in so much food, it took a whole shelf in the fridge.


I was really shocked because, we never scrimp on food - we always ask her to take what she wants to eat before serving us, include her in the numbers when working out the amount of food we need to cook, tell her to cook things when we are not eating etc. of course there are some things i tell her she is not to touch (like the huge king prawns), but these are really rare...and when we do cook them, she also eats it too.


so .....remember there is a flip side to a ooin...