What would you do... advice please?

My helper has a history of skin rashes/eczema. She did not tell me this when she joined me (and to be honest, it didnt even figure in my mind, because at the time I didnt know anyone with skin allergies!!).


Well, two months ago, her allergy flared up really badly. It started from her wrists and elbows. I told her to use the method and treatments (neem) we were using very successfully to keep baby's eczema under control, which she did for a time and it was subsiding, but then she lapsed. In the meanwhile, she was talking to a lot of other people who told her someone had put a curse on her. So she stopped the treatments and started stressing out. Plus an "aunty" told her to use toothpaste all over her body to stop the itching, which she did, to much worse effect. After this she used scrubbing alcohol (apparently shes used it before). Meanwhile she continued to experiment with different soaps, creams and doctors giving her antibiotics, steriods etc. Finally it go so bad the doctors advised her to be admitted to hospital, which she refused to do, so they gave her some more antibiotics.


Well two weeks ago I went on vacation with bubs and hubs. At the airport she showed me her arm, and I was horrified to see that it was dark and hard and swollen. She kept telling me she was getting better, so this was a real shocker. Suspecting cellulitis, I told her she HAD to go to hospital and get admitted and that she had two weeks of rest to get well in the hospital, we left our phone numbers and $500 and said if she needed more she need only call us and we'd transfer funds. I also left a message with another helper friend to see that she got treatment. This helper friend visited her once when we were gone and called her everyday to see how she was, only to be told that she was "getting better".


Well, two weeks later, I get home from holiday to find her at home, swollen from head to foot, no work done in the house, and her skin broken, peeling, oozing and black over her stomach, shaking and chilled. She addmitted that she had been advised by the hospital the day we left to get admitted, but refused again. We took her immediately to the hospital where my husband spent two hours with her waiting for her to be seen and admitted. Long and short, I returned from holiday hoping to find a responsible adult who was 100% fit again, and I found a crying shaking child who threw a blue fit when she was told she had to go to the hospital.


She is responding well to treatment, but blood tests not in yet so they dont know whether its a true allergy or an immune disease.


Anyway, this lady has a history or not taking my advice and ignoring instructions, even as they pertain to her work. This now became a critical situation because of her stupidity and rejection of instructions. Isnt it her responsibility to take care of herself so she can look after my baby and our family? I feel I cannot trust this individual any more and am so angry. Today I had to stay home from work and I've had to fly my sister over so bubs can be with someone responsible and familiar while I go back to work!


What would you do in my position?

This is not heartless.

You have a baby to be responsible for, you hired help to HELP... and she cannot perform her duties.

Not only that, you have gone above and beyond by taking her to hospital, etc...


You have completely legitimate reasons to terminate.

She's simply not "fit" to work anymore until her condition is better. It's a perfectly legitimate reason to have to terminate if she doesn't resign.

Agree with Katetam.

Absolutely agree that you can not have her as a responsible adult helper any more. However, be careful, because somewhere in the DH Guide it says that you can not fire a sick employee. Please, double-check it to avoid possible legal complications. After doing reading on this web site one can expect anything.

Thanks everyone for your advice, particularly reminding me about the sick leave pay. The 80% pay adjustment will go a teeny tiny bit towards my not insignificant expenses because of her irresponsibility, not least of which is flying my sister out here this friday!


Other than that I dont think she will be medically fit to continue to work even after she gets better - she has contact dermatitis which means she needs protection from everything from dish washing to dusting (mold/dust allergy), cooking/cutting meat, etc etc.


arrrrrrrrgh


Witty_han, I got your message thank you. I will consider it in due course and let you know.

she's probably terrified. i know you think she's been irresponsible, but it must be so scary for her... i know when my male sri lankan helper caught chicken pox from my son, he was so poorly. i really felt for him. he didn't wanna go to the docs, and i had to almost counsel him. i felt for him. if i'd have left the country, he would have been in serious trouble...


anyway, i don't know if this helps. i'm not trying to be mean or blaming. it;s a difficult situation. i think you're doing what you can..

Sure Zalca, I know she's terrified. And abjectly sorry - everytime I visit her in the hospital she apologises and apologises, its becoming embarassing.


This situation is different though - your helper unwittingly caught chickenpox through no fault of his own. This lady has knowingly exacerbated her situation by refusing appropriate and timely treatment and advice and in fact trying out experimental unproven home remedies like toothpaste, scrubbing alcohol (I think the alcohol was the one that did the most damage) and a variety of different perfumed creams, despite coming with me to the doctor with my son and seeing first hand his own treatment.


That aside, she has a history of wilfully doing her own thing and arriving at her own erroneous conclusions regardless of my instructions to the contrary, on a regular basis. People have patterns of behaviour and if she is sorry about this instance I am positive there will be other things she does that will drive me mad in the future.


Sighhhhhh!

if i was in your position, i would terminate your helper. i think it's best for both sides. you've obviously lost faith in her and i'm sure she probably needs to move on to a new family or go home after she recovers.


i hope your helper feels better soon. and i hope you find some peace in your house. it's hard for both sides in these situations. and your home needs to be a haven for you, not a battlefield or a source of frustration...