Posted by
Pisces74
18 yrs ago
I'm recently employed a live-in helper. I have told her that her main duties are to do all the household chores and to prepare meals while I will continue to take care of my 6-month-old baby.
I love taking care of my baby but I also miss working life. I feel so 'out of touch' with the society. I have been a home-maker/stay-at-home mum since I came to Hong Kong last February. I'm wondering if I could trust my helper to take care of my baby while I start looking for a job.
Please share you experience for those who leave their babies with the helper. How much time do you think I should observe her before I leave her alone with the baby? Maybe I'm just being paranoid coz I've heard of horrible stories about what these helpers do to the babies when they are alone with them...
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I don't have a baby, but I do have a large dog. When I interview I look for people with specific quality experience at large dog handling.
So your current helper may not have the requisite skills to handle a baby.
Next, My dog does not require full time attention (though he is codependent enough to feel he should have it). But to me a young child would need full attention and I would not want my baby minder to be distracted with cleaning and cooking.
You may need to consider a second person ... a trained nanny.
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Kind of odd to start such an undeserved attack with the phrase all due respect...
That said, when I was a kid the entire family came to help. 2 Grandmothers 3 Aunts and my elder siblings. Also as I can attest from helping (including moving temporarily across state) when some of my siblings had their children: the house got significantly messier.
The side that was never let down by the mothers was the child care.
You can't expect a minimum wage, low skilled, helper to have the same care for child minding that maternal instinct would provide. And you certainly can hire FDH who specialise in child minding for about the same as helpers who specialise in cleaning.
Besides in the old days the cave-people just threw the kids out the door after a few years. Shouldn't we expect progress for ourselves and our children?
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Pisces> I get the feeling this less about your DH coping and more about you coping...
Leave the two together while you go to a yoga class. Or a half day at a spa. Go to sightseeing/shopping for the day. You just need to know your LO will be ok, while you are not too far away - and not tied up at work unable to get away.
Make sure your DH knows what to do in an emergency. That she knows how to contact your doctor - and where his surgery is.
To give you additional reassurance, have your DH take some first aid/infact CPR courses. The English-speaking dept of the YWCA has these. It also has one to support your LO's educational, social and emotional development.
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MC
18 yrs ago
No one will take care of your child better than yourself!! However, over 90% of the DH I know treat the kids very well. They might have other problems. My daughter was raised by the helper as I work full time. My DH is a very good one in all aspect of child caring. Still she will not remember to have my daugther go to the toilet before going to sleep, as an example. I, on the other hand, will make sure that my daughter goes to the toilet, washes her hands and everything else before going to bed.
Guess what I am trying to say is to give your DH a chance. In most cases, they work out well. But afterall, don't expect too much.
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Thanks. Yah, I guess I should learn to trust my DH with my baby. I know she or any others, even my mum or mother-in-law (if they were here with me in HK)will never do things exactly the same way as I did.
I was still wondering if I should install a video camera in the future.
I was coping fine with my baby as I had a part-time helper to help me clean the house before this full-time helper came in. It's just that sometime, I really need a break to go shopping, have some time to myself without the baby. In this polluted and congested HK with super narrow pavements, it's impossible to bring the baby out wherever I go. Bringing baby out on my own is only limited to a few places a guess...
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TC
18 yrs ago
Pisces,
Just an administrative matter you might need to think of. You said that when you hired the helper you told her what her duties were and that you would care for the baby. If you went so far as to delete the 'child-minding' bit from the list of domestic duties in the appendix to the standard contract then if you are now changing that (to include the child-minding) then you are obliged to inform Immigration as it's a variation to the contract. If you didn't delete it then it's not an issue.
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MC
18 yrs ago
Here is another suggestion: Hire another helper. I did when mine was little and I know many people do. That way, you don't have to worry as much. When my daughter was little, I had 2 helpers which really bought me confidence and lessened my concerns. It actually worked out very well till my daughter got bigger when I didn't need 2 anymore. You can always have one just come during the day.
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dear pisces,
i know exactly how you feel. i gave up my job to look after my baby and it was tough. i constantly miss my working life and has contemplated going back to work many times ( still contemplating now). i too hope that sometimes i can get away for some "me" time without my baby. but when i actually have a full time helper and am able to do so, the first time i left my son at home so that i can hang out with my girlfriends, i find that i missed him soooo much and i just couldn't enjoy myself fully. trust me, if you can go out and work and not worry about your baby or missing him like crazy..........there's seriously something wrong with you. so your feelings are very normal.
as for how long you should observe your helper before you leave her alone with your baby, i think there's no specific time frame for it. it depends on how long it takes for you to feel comfortable with your helper and every individual is different. you have to give her a chance to get to know your baby, thus maybe let her do less housework and more babysitting. you can let her take care of your baby but you observe from a distance how she does things until you feel comfortable with her taking care of your baby full time. that's what i did with my helper.
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Thank you everyone for your advice, suggestions and sharing of your experience with me.
Dear TC, thanks for your advice, not an issue for me as the contract states that she has to take care of baby as well.
Dear MC, I don't think I have enough 'space' in my home to hire another helper, that option will not be feasible. Trying to tidy up my utility room to put in a bed and wardrobe for this current helper took us some time. We did tell her that some DH in HK sleep in the kitchen. But I won't do that.
Dear Mother 2005, yap, I know that I will denitely miss my gal if I go out to work on a full-time basis. Meanwhile, I'll have to learn to 'let go' and let her try out taking care of my baby while I observe her. When I'm comfortable with the way she takes care of my baby, I'll start going out for a couple of hours. Meanwhile, I'll have to put aside the thought working full-time. In a few months' time, I may try working on a part-time basis, since the employment ruling for people on dependant visa has been admended.
Once again, thank you everyone!
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