Posted by
Life
21 yrs ago
so..
Primary herpes symptoms usually appear from two to 20 days after infection — but it may be years before the first outbreak occurs.
You may be infected and never know until you come in contact for a second time. In general, it is often difficult to determine who infected whom and when (unless of course you are having sex with a person who has obvious sores).
Moral of this story: It is up to YOU to insist on a condom, or have your partner undertake a medical check up if he refuses.
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CCCMN
21 yrs ago
Ronald - that's exactly what I thought....
Your boyfriend sounds like he's feeding you a LOAD of BULLSH*T.
If he's been infected for over one year - it would be the most amazing (dare I say fantastical) coincidence that you suddenly break out after this phone call.
Sorry to be harsh, but I would personally think that my boyfriend had slept with someone who was suffering from a herpes attack v.recently.
It sounds like he's made up this story to provide an explanation.
Sorry.
Please don't feel dirty or revolted with yourself. It isn't your fault & to be honest, there is nothing you can do about it. Herpes is extremely common (ask your gynacologist!).
You don't need to tell your friends, but in the future if you sleep with another person, you'll have to consider how & when to tell them.
I'm sure that a search on google will find online chat rooms/ support sites for this.
best of luck babe...
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My sympathies, but this is something you CAN get over. It is ultimately more of a mental thing than a physical thing. However the physical thing DOES need attention, and you should get medication for this as soon as possible and NOT wait for the 4 weeks results from the govt clinic. The results of treatment within the early stages of the initial outbreak is MUCH better for long term success in keeping it under control. Either go to a private GP and see someone you trust, or go to a pharmacy here. The drug you need is called Valtrex - and is in tablet form. Don't be fobbed off by creams from pharmacy or GP as they are hopeless. And if someone suggests this then they need to have their medical certificate examined! Although Valtrex is prescription medicine, you can get it from some pharmacies over the counter here. Also don't accept generic versions. It will cost about $700 for an initial batch and will certainly see you through this outbreak - even if it isn't an outbreak, which to be honest, it sounds like it is. But even if it wasn't, and you took Valtrex, then it would do you no harm, and like I say, the results of nipping this in the bud on the first outbreak is much better for long term. Ultimately though life does go on, and your sex life does go on too! Any other questions, post back and I'll try to answer.
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FOTH - No, I do not.
But having had (and managed) genital herpes for a decade now, I feel I know what works, what does not, and how some of the medical profession here isn't quite up to speed with the better alternatives.
Tehanu - The other point to mention is that wherever your b/f became infected from (and that shouldn't be your main concern now) he did actually tell you and so you were able to move forward together. A lot of guys wouldn't have done that so at least he deserves some credit for that - wherever the previous infection came from.
So get the medication sorted out first, and then worry about anything else around your relationsip later. In my opinion.
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Sorry to hear the bad results.
Hope this sends a message out to others not to be too trusting, and I hate to be negative but I agree with Ronald this all is too fishy. I think he caught it from someone very recently then had sex with you before the symptoms came up and when they did come up he scrambled for damage control knowing he quite likely had passed it to you so came up with that c*ckinbull story. Karma will get him.
On the bright side I have a sibling who has (had is a better word), for the first year they had a few that got weaker each time and now none in over 4 years. Keeping healthy and eating properly seems to be critical in stopping the attacks.
Unfortunately this isnt a disease that a condom will protect against.
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Tehanu - feelings of hate and resentment are natural. But I gave up beating myself up over a drunken one night stand I had with the infected partner many years ago.
It's also easy to overeact to the "it's for life" angle. Yeah, true, it is, but with a good dose of Valtrex (sorry to keep championing the stuff, but it really does work) for the first, and subsequent outbreaks, then you may never see another one. Most people only have on or two outbreaks, and then no more. That is the norm. That stuff wasn't around 10 years ago when I got infected, and I didn't really understand the thing as much as I do now.
Yes, of course I have had sexual relationships since, and it's always a tricky subject to broach. But you have to broach them. And your potential partner will appreciate your honesty. And if they don't, then you don't want to be with that person anyway. Besides, you will kinda 'know' when you have a potential outbreak coming on, and so you just take yourself out of circulation for a week and (if you're in a committed relationship) then have fun with your partner in other ways.
Hope you can work things out together - and remember that for every bus load of people you are with, there will be an awful lot of people in the same situation as you. It doesn't necessarily make you feel any better, but you are not alone.
Anything else, just post and I'll reply.
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Tehanu - most welcome. It's incredibly easy to be freaked out and think that the world it over. It actually isn't! Signs of an outbreak vary, but most commonly will be a sort ot itching 'down there' and maybe a slight fever too.
As for spreading the infection... The only way you could do that is if (say) you rubbed the infected area and then touched your mouth or something. Or (for either of you) if you were engaging in oral sex when one of you had an outbreak - that could spread it to your mouth too. But you'll know - really you will - and won't do that.
Oh God, don't look at the scary pics on the net or you'll be suicidal! They are mostly very extreme and by far and away not the norm.
I did try a herbal remedy thing for a while, but found it didn't work for me. Some have swown by them, and maybe it does reduce the odds, but it didn't work for me as such. With many things, it's a matter of reducing the odds. So sleeping well, eating reasonably - just being healthy - keeps the odds lower. Other things work for other people too. Colonic cleansing has worked reduce outbreaks for some too. And stress is quite a trigger too. One of those dumb unfair situations that the more you worry about it - the more likely an outbreak will happen!
But you really shouldn't worry about these things for now. Do the 2 a day (or is it 4 - can't remember) Valtrex thing at the moment, and there's a good chance you won't get another occasion. Or if you do, maybe very rarely.
Best of luck, and try not to be too depressed about it. Shout if you want any more gory insights!
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CCCMN
21 yrs ago
one small thing about Valtrex.
It is VERY damaging to your liver. Don't use it willy nilly (and don't anyone buy it over the counter from a pharmacist, without having clear directions of what dosage you need).
When you do use it - follow the directions exactly & don't over-dose yourself.
You didn't mention earlier that you were with him when he received the call - if you heard her voice & heard the phone ring etc.etc. then go with your judgement. The coincidence factor is astounding though.
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Tehanu- If he isnt the love of your life, and you are staying with him coz you are feeling sorry for him:-0 its not doing anyone good.
And the guy kisses women in a club ( and has the gall you after that), and then he gives"it" to you ( after probably getting "it" in the recent past)
I may be sounding harsh - but Get real
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Life
21 yrs ago
Did you talk to her on the phone? No, so then for all you know if could be a friend of his and he provided you with the best day time acting ever.
Call up his ex and ask if he ever cheated on her. If she says no, then you can continue to "assume" he has not cheated on you.
As for calling to tell you he kissed a girl in a night club, either he was drunk when he called you, or he saw someone he thought knew you and was worried they would tell you.
That aside, if he is not the one, why are you dating him? If he knows he is not the one, then why would he be faithful?
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CCCMN
21 yrs ago
oh my gaaaaaaaaaawsh.
I'm a big fan of appropriate vengeance, but if he isn't the love of her life, they're not living together, engaged, married, parents of children etc... then (if you discover that he cheated on you - as me thinks he has...) just ditch him.
don't don't become a complete nutter & send out mass emails etc.
Ronald Raygun - what are you smoking dude??
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http://members.aol.com/herpesite/hfiles.html
Hope this may help.
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for the good of your health maybe you should consider getting rid of this pig, who knows what else he is going to give you, he is obviously living a lie and is dirty.
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HIV will only show up in blood tests if you ask for them to test for it. If you have a blood test for other things they won't look out for HIV. Did you ask for the test?
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Tehanu - This is obviously an upsetting time for you and you are in shock. However, it is not the end of the world.
You have recieved some invaluable advice from posters on this site and it is true when people tell you that herpes is more common than you realise. We only have the figures for the reported cases - there are many who carry HPV without even realising they have it or are afraid to have it checked out.
Also looking down the line to having children, there is only a very slim chance that this will cause complications for your baby. Many women diagnosed with HPV suffer no ill effects with regard to childbirth.
Good health, good advice and a positive attitude will see you through this.
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this has been a very informative thread.
Tehanu my sympathies go out to you. But as some board members have mentioned, it is not a death sentence, and if you learn to take care of yourself, your health etc, you should be fine.If you look under google, go to groups and run a search for herpes you might find valuable support groups.
Spikester, since you have good knowledge on this subject, may I know if you are an asymptomatic shedder, is there anyway of preventing transmission to a future, long term uninfected partner (in view of possibility of trying for kids as well).
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Life
21 yrs ago
so are you going to keep him? or leave him?
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Balzac - I guess over time I've come to 'feel' when I might be shedding and when I might not be. But it is always possible to get caught out, and so if you are in a LTR with someone then to be perfectly honest, then the chances of you infecting your partner at some time over the years ahead is fairly high. But that also depends on if you do still shed after the initial outbreak or three. Some people don't seem to. Ultimately an unknown quantity but as long as you and your partner are aware of the pitfalls, then that probably makes it less likely to happen.
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How are you going now Tehanu, Havent heard any treads in a while.
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It's been a while since I last posted. I only had the one very mild outbreak and then no further symptoms. I've now broken up with the Infector (amicably)and have gone out for two dates with a new man. I haven't told him yet, of course, about my affliction. It was really effing awkward! We were kissing and he kept trying to initiate heavier petting but I don't even know how much is safe. I'm trying to search the web now for more info. and it seems like I can't receive oral sex without a dental dam (where do you get one in HK?!), but what about masturbation?
I don't want to allow him to go further until I've told him, and I don't want to tell him until we know and like each other a lot more. But I think I've scared him off with my prudishness. Will this be a pattern for the rest of my life? God, it's so depressing, I feel like I'm not a proper woman anymore.
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Tehanu, there is absolutely no need to keep worrying abt not being a 'proper woman' anymore or anything else along those lines. You have to get it into yr head that it is a very commmon situation with millions of people around the world. Unfortunately, those among us who are uninformed abt the nature of HSV attach a stigma to the disease. The name itself is quite ugly, the disease on the other hand is merely an inconvenience. You will see people in society from time to time with cold sores on their lips....I doubt very much they would refer to them outwardly as Herpes sores. U have to get used to the fact that you have it, and that for the broad majority of yr life you will never infact actualy think abt it, only when you have the rare outbreak. When it comes to a new partner I can only suggest honesty. You should let him know what he's getting involved with. You never know, he may suffer from cold sores himself which would indicate he has HSV1, then you can tell him well...you have something similar to that but instead of showing signs on yr lips arnd yr mouth, it shows up every now and again around yr private parts, and thats HSV2. If they guy has a genuine interest in you, even if he's not infected, it will be a minor issue. You have to realise it is VERY common in our society today, and nothing to be backward in coming forward abt. Its like chicken pox, if you've ever had chicken pox as a child, the virus for that will remain in yr body in a somewhat similar way as the HSV virus does. You will never be free of the chicken pox virus for the rest of yr life. Yr immune system however has dealt with it after the initial outbreak, and you have the antbodies in yr system. In the same way as Herpes can re-occur later on in yr life...you can also have an outbreak of chicken pox again, this is called Shingles. My point is....if you caught chicken pox off of someone, it wouldn't have the same stigma attached to it as having caught herpes, although it acts in the same way once you have it. Sorry I've waffled on for long enough....suffice to say, DONT WORRY. It is very common....the STIGMA is the thing people have to get over. And honesty is always the best policy. Laters...
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so any one here have a gynecologist to recommend??
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Tehanu
------
Use a dental dam (a square of latex) or a condom if you have oral sex. A condom will keep the virus, which can be found in semen or vaginal fluids, from getting into your body. Always use a latex condom; lambskin condoms don't protect you from HIV. Always use a water-based lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly or Foreplay. Oil-based lubricants, like vegetable oil, hand lotion, or petroleum jelly (Vaseline), can make the condom break. For additional protection, choose a lubricant that contains the spermicide nonoxynol-9, which seems to kill HIV. But always use a condom with nonoxynol-9 foam or lubricant: the chemical alone is not enough to protect you.
Why not contact Careplus (M) Sdn Bhd at to check out their Hong Kong importer.
(Excuse my chuckle - many of the people at this factory are Muslim who have the same thoughts as the Pope about condoms.)
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i need help i don't know what is happenning to my relationship. i smoked a cig and i told him i never would. and i've hurt him so much and i need to make it up to him
how?
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This is exactly what happened, your boyfriend had herpes probably for a long time, and he of course knew that he had it, he must have had a flare up and knew he might have passed it to you so he had to make up a story which might allow him to claim he didnt know anything about it previously and its something that he suddenly caught. I think this is quite common because if someone has this most are not willing to be honest with their partner because they are afraid of how the partner might react so they tried to hide it. I know of one male who has been married for years and has herpes but has never told his wife, when he gets a flare up he pretends to be not feeling well for a few days so that he can avoid sex.
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