Posted by
Finnlady
20 yrs ago
That's what I want to know. I have been out with only one Chinese man, and he seemed to be very sensitive and gentleman from the beginning til the end of the date, but that's just one.
A friend of mine is going to Shanghai for a few months, and my Chinese date told me that men are going to be very nice with her... I was surprised. I had thought that East Asians find Westerners ugly. However, my friend is cute and blonde, and so am I ;)
Tell me about Chinese men, and especially if you know success stories of them with Western women :)
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in my opinion, they are "close-minded"...
chinese man is not suitable for westerner...
(generally speaking)
But there is a type of chinese man who are very attractive, usually they have experienced much, and they do not live in China.
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i am shy to say they are boring,,,,, :(
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cyan
20 yrs ago
Eventually...
if they are studing overseas they will learn how to be romantic and might even marrie a girl... but when studies finish they just return home and leave the girl, married or not with kids or not.
I hk, they can be very romantic, very open and uptodate... till they get married. After they get married or first kid comes up... parents rules in their home and eventually move in. And the nice modern thinking man just turns traditional.
Of course... this is generalisation... so there's lot's of exceptions and nice guys out there. maybe as hard to get as a nice finish guy tho.
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I think the Chinese approach to romance is different compared to the western one. If you study the culture, literature, arts, you'd know what I mean. So instead of expecting the western concept of romance you'd fare better understanding the Chinese culture if you want to date a 'true-blue' Chinese man.
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vvvvv
20 yrs ago
Very very very difficult to find a romantic and nice chinese guy....
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Cara, good point about Go Cat's apparent contradictions. Up-to-date is so relative. Depends what kind of man you're looking for. Generally (generalistically) speaking, the Northern Chinese are known for being more macho. The big city guys are known for being more tender (in Shanghai to the point of doing the housework while the wife shops)and HK guys are known for competing with the Taiwanese for maintaining the most concubines around the mainland. Do you want a strong northern type, a tender househusband type or a playboy type. It really depends on your tastes.
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heps
20 yrs ago
romance though, is different in different cultures. In some cultures there is a lot of romance without even touching each other. When u try to romance someone of another culture you have a lot to learn. There is no one concept of romance.
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My Chinese ex was one of the most interesting guys I have dated...surprise, surprise since most, esp. Mainland Chinese men, I have found to be very rude and extremely immature and close minded when it comes to women - Chinese girls and foreigners alike.
He soon showed his true colours and tried his best to squash me into his idea of a perfect, obedient girl, telling me what I could and couldn't wear, who I could and couldn't see but I was having none of that...the more I laughed in his face the more angry he got until he became physical... in the middle of a busy street no less. He became totally obsessed after I broke it off - abusive phone calls until I changed the number and also threatened to kill himself etc if I left him. He was a total nutter and I'll still receive the odd email from him nearly 3 years after we broke up.
Of course, my case is extreme (hopefully), and this could have happened with any guy, but don't let your guard down thinking Chinese guys have no balls to stand up to foreign women, etc, because they can and do. A foreign girl I knew had a Chinese bf and shares a similar story..
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Jane
20 yrs ago
Men who spent several years abroad are the ones you might be looking for. Otherwise, you will definitely have a language barrier.
People who travel extensively, work in overseas companes can also share your interests and you will find compromise much faster.
Dating a mainland man who does not speak English is possible when you yourself spent most of your life in China, fluent in Chinese language and embraced Chinese culture. Otherwise, I just do not see it happening.
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Sabi, I have many foreign friends, and I have lived abroad for years. Now I live in Finland, though.
One more question: since I am a shy person and Finnish guys are dickless wimps who approach women only if they are drunk, I gotta ask this: do Chinese (or actually HK) guys approach women? I want a man who is a Man, not a shy pussy (like me, hahaa!!!) ;) Anyways, I haven't learned to hit on a guy. Every time I have tried, I have failed. Therefore I leave it to the men to seduce me.
Lemaitre: *Do you want a strong northern type, a tender househusband type or a playboy type*
Well, the Shanghai type would be to my taste. I don't want my man to be a male chauvinist who thinks that cleaning is women's stuff. Neither would I like to have a man who likes hores. But surely there are good men in HK as well? OR are there...? :/
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Stupid, it's my experience that showing stacks of money works a lot better with Chinese girls than Western. Many Western girls would probably get offended by such gestures suggesting they can be bought.
Maybe Finnlady is just wanting to experiment. I had a Norwegian American friend who travelled Asia and sampled men as she went. She did stumble upon what she recalls as some impressive ones. One was a basketball player from Taiwan that she called her "horse man" and another from Japan who apparently had similar qualities.
The ability to maintain a long-term relationship and how jealous the guy gets is only as relevant as your plans with him. If you are just exploring China, then don't sweat too much about why Shanghainese don't like Cantonese or why some guys wet their pants in front of Western women. There will be some competent/attractive men wherever you go. Just have fun.
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Finnlady,
It is ten times more likely you will be hit on by Finnish men than Chinese. Most of the C men will be too afraid to approach you. However, if you show them your interest first (don't scare them away) it may work out. Just move slow.
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neurope, gosh! Since Finnish men don't approach me, then Chinese men wouldn't approach me in a million years?!?!?! Dammit :(
Dicolumbiano: *On the whole I'd say local Chinese men aren't as outgoing in terms of approaching Western women as you may be hoping, but most well travelled or internationally educated men will have no trouble approaching you. And if not most, there will be a few--and its evidently these ones that you're after. And when you factor alcohol into the equation, if you're cute I'd worry more about weeding out the good ones from the bad than not being approached at all.*
Well yeah, I am interested in men who have seen more than his back yard... I don't know what cute is in terms of taste, but if they like short, blonde and curvy girls, I might have a chance...
About money: it'd be nice if the man manages his economy on his own so that I don't have to pay his bills. It'd also be nice to be able to do some things without looking into the wallet every time to see if there are 2.5 euros (25 HK dollars?) to get a coffee. On the other hand, men bragging about their wealth make me feel uncomfortable. I think I'd ditch a guy really fast if he makes me feel uncomfortable.
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vvvvv
20 yrs ago
Shanghaiese treat HK people with very high respect, you see lots of HK and Macau restaurants in Shanghai, but they dont treat Cantonese well, personal experience. think they just envy Cantonese
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Why would they envy Cantonese? Shenzhen and Guangzhou don't compare to Shanghai. (Unless you like Shenzhen's beaches)
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OK I have no idea where that envy thing came from.
I got an email from a friend who is now in HK for a few days. She's an Aussie, and she wrote that it is really hot and that it stinks there!!!
That was new to me. Does it really STINK in HK?? The most stinking place I have ever been to was Tanger, Morocco.
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TO all
can answ you all , chinese man are Not NICE, and not ROMANTIC . for those who is ROMANTICwill finally run away and RONANTIC to a new target
I am a chinese woman , hardly find a b/f with a westerner romantic mind , he is good and romantic for 6y , but on 18may 2005 , he walk out and romantic with his newbies . so if he romantic to u , can also to another girl...
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Stupid, give the other single guys a chance will ya.
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hi i am a black guy,can we have a relationship i live in guangzhou i am nice and sincere,email me i will give you my pic francissailover@yahoo.com
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Radiodoc, haha, maybe you live in 30C there in HK, but when do we have a sauna competition?? Would 80C be enough for you? ;) I like it when it is about 80 C degrees in a sauna :) Of course, I don't stay there for that long, and I am naked there...
I'd love to live in a warmer country...
A propos, people in Greenland think that it is rasistic to call them Eskimos. They prefer to be called inuits. Finns and Swedes like to be called "wankers" :D
By the way, what's wrong with Britain? I know that it's a bit rainy there, but...? I have visited the place 3 times.
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djcolumbiano, well done :) Nordic men like to drink beer :D
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NRM
20 yrs ago
Most of my chinese friends and colleagues seem to be quite successful in wooing women. On a few occasions I've actually witnessed them dating, and each time they had the woman hopelessly enthralled. I cannot say if they made any attempts at being romantic, but whatever they did it sure seemed to work out just fine. :p
I do believe that the gestures appreiciated by women are largely intercultural. It doesn't matter if you are Chinese, Finnish or Georgian as long as you know what to say and do you can land a woman anywhere anytime.
In the defense of finnish blokes, G-d wasn't paying attention when creating the finnish gals either. I spent 3 months in Helsinki (the capitol of Finland) and met plenty of rude and obnoxious (not to mention fat) finnish women. Once in a well known drinking establishment I was approached by a poor sod who confided in me that he couldn't stand finnish gals and wanted to flee Finland for Sweden.
That said, I think the asiaxpat forums are as pointless as the soc.culture.* hierarchy on usenet. Every thread I've read sofar collapse into some kind of bashing after just a few posts. Women vs. men, Chinese vs. lao wai, my superior culture vs. your lowly culture etc etc ad nauseum.Why can't we all just get along?!
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NRM, are you sure that you didn't stay in Kerava? Probably you met girls from Kerava :D The girls I know are pretty and kind. OK, you were in Finland for 3 months. I have been here for 23 years, so I am pretty sure that I have a better experience of Finnish men AND women, than you do.
Besides, my American friend (and mane other guys too) loves Finnish women!! He is living with one now, and he thinks that Finnish women are beautiful and mellow. Maybe it is a guy thing to keep together with men, even with Finnish jerks, but you don't understand what you miss. Where in Helsinki did you meet the "awful" women? About all foreign men I have met here keep telling me that they love Finnish women, and they surely run after them like maniacs!!! I wonder what you have done since you didn't like Finnish women.. Of course, if you think that women should stay under a veil, then Finland is not for you. Women here are intelligent, independent, strong and beautiful, and for some dickless jerks that may be too much. For all the other men, that kind of women are heaven: pretty women who have brains of their own! ;) Whenever we go abroad, men RUN after us, no matter if it is Sweden, Germany, Turkey or the US!!
Besides, when did I tell sh*t about Finnish men's looks? They just behave badly, and that is not appropriate to ANYONE. If you, NRM, are so superficial that you had to take the looks into the topic, I must say that you are very poor in your mind! However, Finnish women ARE bigger and heavier than Asian women, but that is in the genes!! We have had to be big like vikings and forest people, and fight for our lives in a freezing climate for centuries, and that has left traces in our bone structure and the body formation. And, we need a bit more fat in us to survive the Finnish winter!! Read some European history, and look at the map of Europe, and you'll understand what I mean.
A few big and successful Finns:
http://www.minedu.fi/etusivu/arkisto/2002/1209/pics/kattely.jpg
Look how small Kofi Annan looks like next to our president! :D Halonen is a very intelligent woman, and she doens't need to be 40 kilos to be a successful woman: she has her experience as a politician and brains enough for being as great as she is!
http://www.perussuomalaiset.fi/vaalit2003/kuvat/helsinki/HalmeTony.jpg
there is one of our MP's. Not a small-boned person either.
http://www.gouvernement.lu/pictures/photos_actualite/2004/12_2004/13juncker1.jpg
Our prime minister with the Luxembourg prime minister. Vanhanen is not that small either.
**
Would I rather date a handsome guy than an ugly guy? Maybe, maybe not, BUT: I have met a couple of charming overweight men. They were VERY intelligent and nice, and I didn't see their weight as a problem, as their personalities were so radiating!! But women usually are less shallow than men, and they don't judge men by their looks as easily as men judge women...
About the lad you met who said that he'd rather be in Sweden: well, that would be very hard for him. You see, Swedish women are used to having all the handsome and wonderful men right there. Why would they have a Finnish guy whom nobody here wants? If the lad were worth having, he would already have been taken by a Finnish goddess. Therefore; maybe the guy had better go to Estonia or Russia to have a woman. Usually men who can't get a Finn go there to get a paid wife.
You said that the Finnish women you were fat and yes, it is true that Finnish women are more and more too overweight. About 1/3 of Finnish women are overweight. BUT about 1/2 of Finnish men are overweight!!! You didn't say anything about that??? Why not, as you think that the looks are so important!?!? Stop having double standards and look beyond the looks! We have enough anorexic girls here, and we are treated like sh*t by Finnish men, and we don't need even you doing the same... It is a shame if women here were rude to you, but maybe they had a good reason. Or, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe that is probable, as Finnish women are really lovely and great!
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Oh, I forgot, can we say now lovely things about Chinese men?? I am "not" superficial, but: I loooove Chinese men's dark, thick hair.. and the dark eyes.... East Asians' long thighs are an interesting detail :P
*waits to see if someone will get provoked and pull a pea up his nose*
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NRM
20 yrs ago
---this was supposed to be posted about 30 minutes ago before your post expanded, got browser prob.---
Well, the bloke I met might have been a Finland-Swede (or Finnish swede or whatever they call themselves. However genetically they don't distinguish themselves from other finns ;-)) if that make a difference.
Your American friend... okay, one sample out of a population of approx. 300 million. And from this you extrapolate that finnish women are desirable?
To be perfectly honest I only related the story above to spite you, and you definitly swallowed the bait. Sweeping generalizations like your own are usually unconsciously fabricated to make up for some character flaw.
Do you really think your father, brother(s) and other male relatives are "dickless wimps who approach women only if they are drunk?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but according to your logic it is perfectly OK for a woman to find a mate abroad, but a man can only choose from the domestic stock? If a finnish man get a thai or russian spouse he is, without accounting for his character, a swine?
-------------------------------------
You seem to read much into my rather compact post. Obviously you turn very defensive when someone criticize finnish women, perhaps we are turning a bit hypocritical?
About being superficial: In the thread "Living in Hong Kong as a nordic woman" you implied that finnish men are "fat pigs watching Formula 1". I'm pretty certain I've seen the same or a similar comment in another thread.
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NRM
20 yrs ago
Finnlady: Reading your bloated post again, I see you infer much about my personality:
----
"Of course, if you think that women should stay under a veil, then Finland is not for you."
How can not appreciating a few finnish women, imply that I want them to "stay under a veil" whatever that is supposed to mean.
----
----
"If you, NRM, are so superficial that you had to take the looks into the topic, I must say that you are very poor in your mind!"
"Why not, as you think that the looks are so important!?!?"
Humm.. for some reason the proverb "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" come to mind. Anyhow, pretty looks are definitly an asset but far from the most important quality in a woman (or man for that matter.)
----
----
"We have enough anorexic girls here, and we are treated like sh*t by Finnish men, and we don't need even you doing the same..."
I treat finnish girls badly now? I'd say I treated every girl in Finland as I treat girls elsewhere. Most seem to think I behave like a gentleman. I admit that "plenty of obnoxious..." was a bit demagogical, but I was trying to make a point.
Anyhow, I also met plenty of nice finnish girls, plenty is after all just a quantifier.
----
----
What I am trying to communicate is that making sweeping generalizations about an entire population, be it chinese, finnish or uzbekian, is utterly useless. All nations consist of individuals, and the only sane way to judge people is to judge them as seperate individuals.
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*Correct me if I'm wrong, but according to your logic it is perfectly OK for a woman to find a mate abroad, but a man can only choose from the domestic stock? If a finnish man get a thai or russian spouse he is, without accounting for his character, a swine?*
Well, a Finnish man can get a spouse from wherever he thinks, but it's just pathetic to get a paid bride only because domestic women don't want him. I can't sympathise a man who regards women as objects you can buy.
*And from this you extrapolate that finnish women are desirable?*
He was just an example. I have met many other foreigners too with the same opinion. And you were ready to say that God didn't pay attention when creating Finnish women, after you'd been here for 3 months? Very good...
*Do you really think your father, brother(s) and other male relatives are "dickless wimps who approach women only if they are drunk?"*
Read my postings more carefully and you'll see that that's not the case.
*
About being superficial: In the thread "Living in Hong Kong as a nordic woman" you implied that finnish men are "fat pigs watching Formula 1". I'm pretty certain I've seen the same or a similar comment in another thread.*
With that I refer to the fact that 1) 50% of Finnish men are fat. I don't want a man who can't come jog with me ;) 2) pigs: they are very rude in their mouths 3) I don't share the interest of F1 with a man who loves it. I have better things to do on Sundays.
*What I am trying to communicate is that making sweeping generalizations about an entire population, be it chinese, finnish or uzbekian, is utterly useless. All nations consist of individuals, and the only sane way to judge people is to judge them as seperate individuals.*
Well, there is a point, but since I have been here for 23 years, I can say that I have met PRETTY many Finns during my life, after examining the huge sample (with standard deviation taken into account), I can say that I don't like Finnish men. I disappointed with them again and again as they treat women like sh*t! My friends think share my opinion. Of course there are some nice Finns, but they are married. No chance to get them.
If you were a woman in Finland, you'd understand why I feel so miserable here. Finland is a paradise for men: not for women.
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Blä. Too much negative text first thing in the morning. Now some coffee.
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Filling? What? En ymmärrä.
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Could you write better English? I don't understand what you mean.
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Forget it :D:D:D OK, if you can't write any better, try to live with.
Besides, everyone knows that size doesn't matter ;)
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NRM
20 yrs ago
My last post on this thread (who has now turned into one of them monkey-throwing-feces-thread), finnlady:
*sigh* glass houses, stones, throwing...need I say more?
I hate long bloated posts so I'm going make this one as condenced as possible, without having to write a novel.
You write:
"Well, a Finnish man can get a spouse from wherever he thinks, but it's just pathetic to get a paid bride only because domestic women don't want him. I can't sympathise a man who regards women as objects you can buy."
This is really funny comming from you who in all threads I've read so far have objectified the Chinese man.
Perhaps it is just you who can't land a good finnish man, and need to take your business elsewhere?
Also, your sample of chinese men seem to be rather small, how can you infer anything about them?
I'd say you are the one with double standards. Anyhowza, I won't make any more comments on your person... I won't reply to your post either, cause frankly they sound like the rantings of a (young?) bitter woman.
-------------------
I believe that intercultural relations need more care then others. You need to use some kind of meet-in-the-middle approach. Learn each others languages and live in both countries for a extended period then perhaps you will understand each other better.
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mofie
20 yrs ago
I have always heard that women in Finnland are very strong in mind and open in character. Now it is a very good example! I am not really sure whether Chinese men should be suitable for them.
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NRM: *This is really funny comming from you who in all threads I've read so far have objectified the Chinese man.*
I have shown my interest towards Chinese men. I have never intended to use them as hores.
*I won't reply to your post either, cause frankly they sound like the rantings of a (young?) bitter woman.*
Bitter, yes. I wasn't like this 3 years ago, but then I moved to Finland, and I met all these a**hole Finnish men. :( Once or twice I was OK, but then ALL THE TIME Finnish men treat women like sh*t! This didn't happen in Sweden when I lived there. But Swedish men are lovely!!!
*I believe that intercultural relations need more care then others. You need to use some kind of meet-in-the-middle approach. Learn each others languages and live in both countries for a extended period then perhaps you will understand each other better.*
Well, interesting is that I feel foreign in my own country. I was so "swedenized" that I had difficulties with adapting myself to the Finnish society again. I still feel more sympathy to the Swedish mentality, and I have it easier to discuss with Swedes than Finns in general...
*I have always heard that women in Finnland are very strong in mind and open in character. Now it is a very good example! I am not really sure whether Chinese men should be suitable for them.*
Hmm maybe not :D However, maybe I become softer in China. I sure became softer in Sweden, and since I moved back here, I feel that I have become more rough in my language-use... Maybe I'll end up to Sweden anyway after a man, via China :)
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NRM
20 yrs ago
Kasta inte sten i glashuset.
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NRM, byt skivan, ditt troll!!
Kis, whatever.
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NRM
20 yrs ago
finnlady: puh-leeze. So now I'm a troll? Perhaps you should take a look at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usenet_troll
I'm just tired of your rantings about finnish blokes, go to soc.culture.nordic.
------
A Finn is Finn, even if you fry him in butter.
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NRM, lighten up.
*A Finn is Finn, even if you fry him in butter.*
There are similar sayings about almost all nationalities. Yawn.
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NRM
tror redan att Finnladys glashus är trasigt...?
/Fudeli
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NRM
20 yrs ago
Fudeli:
Jag skulle i alla fall inte vilja flytta in, är rädd om mina fötter ser du ;-).
Trivs bra i mitt gummihus, men måste ducka för alla stenar som studsar runt här nu.
-NRM-
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JJ, actually that language is Swedish... and those two kusipääs are probably Swedish. Or maybe Nordic people who know Swedish.
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foxy
20 yrs ago
Finnlady, your thread is getting a bit out of hand… lol
Back to your original question: are Chinese men romantic and nice?
Some of them are, some of them are not. I don't want to generalize, and I can only tell you about my own experiences.
I understand your fascination with Chinese men; some of them are indeed exceptionally cute and gorgeous. But for every cute guy in Hong Kong there is at least one really ugly one around too.
What you have to understand is that they have been brought up in a different culture (to yours), they have different values, they sometimes behave strangely (or what Europeans might consider strange) and yes, they do treat women differently.
At the same time, they get treated differently by their girlfriends/wives too. I have yet to see a woman in Europe scream and shout at her husband in the street or indeed hit him. I know I will get hammered for stating this by the Chinese women on this site, but yes, its true, I have seen this happen with my own eyes. Not every day mind, and certainly not every Chinese woman does it, but still, it makes me wonder what goes on behind closed doors.
I have dated several Chinese men, and all them have been true gentlemen, more so than some of the other nationalities that I have met in the past. They like Western women; in fact they are quite curious about us. After all, we look different, we feel differently (or so I'm told), we behave differently and let's be honest, we all like to try out something different, new and unusual sometimes. At the same time, what I find really disturbing is that a lot of them will treat you like a trophy, and in a much more extreme fashion than I have encountered in other countries. This is especially true for the ones over 35, the younger ones are not so bad. If you don't want to see them anymore (even after just one date) they want to know exactly why. And they will not stop calling/e-mailing you until you have given them a 'proper' explanation. Another thing that I find disturbing is the fact that they like to show off their money. They will tell you within the first five minutes of meeting them, what sort of car they drive, etc etc. personally, I don't quite see the point in driving a BMW in Hong Kong, when you cant even put your foot down and do 180 km/h, but if it makes them happy...
Also, most of them live with their parents until they get married. Major turn off for me!
You said in one of your earlier posts that you are quite shy. Well, so are Chinese men, so you'd better practice some subtle chat-up lines before you come here, otherwise, you won't get lucky :)
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hey , finnlady
CHNESE men are romantic to u , can be the same way to other girls, usually chinese men romatice = PLAYBOY. dont trust them .
saying is so easy , but action is so difficult , to say I LOVE U , so easy, how and do it ...
than they will retreat ..
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foxy, I know that people got a little off-topic here :D
Anyways, thank you for the advice! It is nice to know that even more Chinese guys are gentleman; not only the guy I met. However, the trophy thing and living with parents until married is not so good... Talking about money makes me uncomfortable as well :( I just have to be very selective then :)
Hmm I have to learn to relax and then talk to Chinese men and get rid of my shyness. Mostly I am shy if I am interested in someone, but I have approached some nice men too ;)
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Finnlady, most Chinese men are interested in western girls. It is the images most often portraited to them. However, to get them interested in you as a person beyond the superficial images as a sex object, you need to know them as real person and connect yourself that way. Regardless of the racial and initial attractions, true friendship and reltionship continue on a much deeper level.
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Bos, *As for the girl, she belongs to whichever family the guy that marries her. She doesn't stay with her family. That is how things work.*
OK, in the west women usually take the man's surname when they get married, but what do you mean that she doesn't stay with her family? Hope you don't mean that the woman has to move to the same house with the man's parents or something. :D
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Finnlady, it's true that in most cases, girls will live with her husband's parents; even though there're more and more younger couples live independently nowadays.
Try to find a ricker guy who can aford his own house as well as his parents'. So you don't bother to live with his parents.
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