Posted by
mon3793
20 yrs ago
My one year old has never been a great sleeper and, finally, i'm near the end of my tether. My husband (who does get up in the night a fair bit) is not keen on controlled crying. He doesn't think it worked with our older child (it DID, but not untii she was nearly one); thinks it undermines the relationship and trust of the child, etc. Anyway, it's either controlled crying or a night nanny / helper.Does anyone have experience with a night helper? Any other suggestions? Help....
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If you get someone through the night to help out - aren't you just perpetuating the problem? Children (even from a very young age) know exactly the techniques they need to use for getting what they want - continue to give attention through the night and they will continue to give the behaviour you don't like.
Controlled crying can be heartbreaking and difficult but it is much easier to do when they are little than when they are 3-4 years old when they can get out of bed and destroy the house in an attempt to get what they want. Someone else suggested the pick up put down method - no talking, no comfort, just pick them up - put them down and leave. You may need to find out exactly how it is done from someone else - my babies are teenagers and I am now dealing with other sorts of problems - like staying out all night rather than staying up all night.
You will always get what you always got unless you change something.
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tly
20 yrs ago
If there is nothing medically wrong with your child, then do what you think is best for you and your husband. Don't get caught up with what you think "should" be done, but what works for you as a family of three. You seem to be fine doing the controlled crying, but your husband not. If he is not "comfortable" with this method, then tell him to come up with another method. I've done combinations of controlled crying and pick up put down. Now my son is 16 months and pretty much marches to bed himself when I tell him to. He would still have a bad night now and then, but whenever I go into his room for a reassuring hug or cuddle, he wants to get down and back into his bed because he is so used to not having someone "bother" him when he is trying to get back to sleep again. All my friends who have a nanny that sleeps with their child is now having a hard time having their child sleep through the night on their own and more so simply going to bed on their own. If your child has never known the concept of sleeping with no help, then he or she thinks its standard practice that someone is there all the time when he goes to bed. If he grew up only knowing bed time is when he gets left alone in bed, lights out, then that's it.
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Our little girl is 13 months old and her cot has always been in our berdroom .I have to say my husband and myself feel more comfortable having her near us. We follow a very strict routine with dinner ,bath a nice long soak in the bath tub ,[while my husband prepares the night light and her bottle] we put her in her cot and turn the lights off while she has her bottle of milk and slips in to a deep sleep listening to a classical Cd for chlidren. if she does wake at night ,we can hear but we dont wake up ,we lie still and she falls back to sleep. Personally I find controlled crying heart breaking. but go with what you and your husband feel intutively. Our babies are babies for such a short time...dont let the books tell you otherwise. I also have been massaging my baby since birth,this might help your child to sleep better.all the very best.
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synoah
Where's Annerley's ? If it isn't in Shanghai, would you happen to know its equivalent here ?
I've got sleep problems with my baby too - he's co-sleeping & @ 7mths still waking up to nurse for comfort / to go back to sleep every 2hrs!
Tks
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My daughter was a good sleeper until she was 1.5 years old. All of sudden she just woke up every night and could not go back to sleep. I needed to stay with her for 3, 4 hours and sometimes the whole night. I was so desperate for sleep and I decided to try the control crying. I know it might not work for every one and it worked for us. It took about a week for her to get back to normal. The first 2-3 nights was heart breaking but once you get over that, you will be alright. And i think the clue is not to give up half way coz that will make it worse. If you are sure that you baby is healthy and is not suffering from pain, then give a try. Again dont give up half way coz it is very tempting when she/he cries so much and loud in the middle of the night and every parent will feel guilty to let their babies cry. Good luck.
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My daughter was a good sleeper until she was 1.5 years old. All of sudden she just woke up every night and could not go back to sleep. I needed to stay with her for 3, 4 hours and sometimes the whole night. I was so desperate for sleep and I decided to try the control crying. I know it might not work for every one and it worked for us. It took about a week for her to get back to normal. The first 2-3 nights was heart breaking but once you get over that, you will be alright. And i think the clue is not to give up half way coz that will make it worse. If you are sure that you baby is healthy and is not suffering from pain, then give a try. Again dont give up half way coz it is very tempting when she/he cries so much and loud in the middle of the night and every parent will feel guilty to let their babies cry. Good luck.
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Maybe establishing a good routine would work. My child is on a routine and she loves going to bed when it is time. Plus I make sure she is nice and tired at the end of the day (lots of playtime and activities, one 2-hour nap after lunch only (she is 16 months), etc...
Some friends tried the control crying and it worked with younger children but I would not do that, especially since your child is already older and used to mum and dad coming up to his room in the middle of the night when he calls.
I would try to go and comfort him but not pick him up unless he needs a nappy change. Also, no bottle or snack.
My daughter started to wake up in the middle of the night while on holiday last month and I tried various strategies, this one worked the best. Picking her up and having her sleep with me (i was so desperate for sleep) made her keen to wake up the next night so i stopped. Talking to her would send the wrong message that it is ok to be awake at night. I would keep the lighting minimal (lamp torch) and show her it was night time, everybody sleeps now, etc...
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i have exactly the same problem with my 7 month old. i am so deprived of sleep and still am now. i want to try control crying because the soft method just didn't work and made it worse for him, and for me. but like you, my husband is against it and i couldn't start without his support because control crying is very heart breaking and very hard ( i am talking about the mother, not the baby) and the last thing i need is more criticism from my husband. i have not tried it yet because i am still negotiating with my husband and he is still very dead against it. men don't understand because they are not the one looking after the baby, they think it's just us mothers whinning over small issues. anyway, just want you to know that you are not alone. i will start control crying as soon as i can convince my husband, i believe a few days of agony in return for long term peace and better sleep for the baby and you, there's nothing to loose. that's my point of view. good luck!
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Thanks everyone. My husband has agreed to do ALL the night settling as he is still not convinced on the controlled crying. I am still getting broken sleep and getting up to our 3 y.o. but at least i'm not dealing with the baby as well. Husband thinks last night was better..... We shall see how long it all lasts.
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Ruth,
I just read part of Dr SEars "why high needs children sleep differently" and it could be describibng BOTH my children. thanks.
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:-))
20 yrs ago
If you or your husband wants to try a non-crying method, I can recommend Elizabeth Pantley's The No-cry Sleep Solution (you can order it on the web if you can't find it in the shops, and the La Leche League library also stocks it). It has a lot of great ideas, although I must admit I have also resorted to controlled crying sometimes!
Anyway just briefly about night helpers, our helper has slept over to help our daughter sleep a couple of times. Once was our daughter was 16 months old, jetlagged and we were exhausted, having our helper stay overnight just once had a miraculous effect! In our case there wasn't the same "separation anxiety" when being left by our helper when compared to a parent. BUT we tried the same thing again to deal with a sleeping problem recently (6 months later), and no dice. My conclusion is that there will always be different solutions that work for different families, and at different stages in each child's developement!
Good luck and hope you all get some more sleep soon.
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I have used the pick up put down method for babys. When the child wakes you go in with lights on low or a night light on in the corner and settle the baby. The best thing is not to talk. If you know the child is not wet or hungry tuck them in and quietly leave the room.( I found sleepbags are great for giving them a cosey safe feeling esp in large cot)
The first night I was up nearly every hour and over the next few days it got less and less and so now sleeps through the night. It worked for 3 children.
Also routine is very important. You must have a good routine and stick to it no matter what. Even if your husband is late home the child should go to sleep at the same time every night.
If you want a night time nanny there are agencies that can help you.
I posted a note of a previous thread about night time nannys. Check it out it may help.
Good luck
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Thank you to everyone. My husband did all the night settling for 5 nights and.... after that he (the baby) slept from 6.30pm until 5am. Hooray.
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