Posted by
tia
20 yrs ago
Since we are starting a new thread, how's about a little into/update of the situations, sort of a 411 on all the fine ladies in this crazy situation.
I met my darling b/f in Jan 2004 when in Aus on holiday. We emailed and talked a bit after that and met up again 3 months later at Easter. I am in HK until at least July 2007 and he is living in Brisbane still.
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i met my honey at a mutual friend's UK wedding in february 2005. (i've said it before and i'll say it again: weddings are a GREAT place to meet people!) the attraction was immediate and mutual, and the chemistry was effortless - by the time the reception rolled around other guests assumed we were a married couple. i'm based in manila indefinitely, with no immediate desire to leave.... <:-)
i'll see him next month.
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tia
20 yrs ago
HA! I met mine because I went to Aus for a friend's engagement party!
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My BF and I were internet penpal at the very beginning back in 1999. Our email correspondence was as frequent as 2-3 times a day, and then fell in love in 2000. The first three years he managed to come to Shanghai to visit me, even stayed one year here. I started to go to Sweden to see him more since 2004.
Now we're thinking about my fouth trip to Sweden during May, but can't get it settled yet. It's getting harder and harder for him to come out for any trips now since his old dad is very dependent on him. Poor him!
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I met my boyfriend in Beijing at a Language School (excellent place to meet gorgeous guys - I had my pick!) in 2003, immediately went in different directions ... now, 2yrs later, we finally have the chance to live in the same country ... for 4 months.
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Kelly K I envy you. I was also on a good way to being fiance/fiancee but as u know it will take a little longer now.. even had my ring picked out together.
Anyway, I met my man when he was in HK for an internship and met him through my ex, they were flatmates!! (flat organised by their companies so they didn't know each other) and NO, the ex was long gone and done with by the time me and my bf started dating.
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tia
20 yrs ago
CHEERS!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060308/od_nm/glasses_dc
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oh. my. GAAAAWWWWWWD!!! how romantic! i cannot WAIT for those to be available commercially! :-D
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wow, I wanna get one~ In case~
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tia
20 yrs ago
Is that not a little sad?! :)
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rats
20 yrs ago
Maybe they should apply the technology to our bed/pillow/blanket/pj as well. :)
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well - definitely poignant, but still - i think it's romantic :-) and pretty nifty.
then again it might make me drink wine at all sorts of odd hours (given our time diff)...!
:-D *hic*
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what about to the vibrator, rats?
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rats
20 yrs ago
arethusas- vibrator won't do for the technology :P
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rats
20 yrs ago
einfach so. liest den Article noch einmal :P
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ordnung~ aber fuer das Glass des Lieber?
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tia
20 yrs ago
http://wiki.ehow.com/Make-a-Long-Distance-Relationship-Work
Helpful advice for the love-lorn and apart.
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Great article. I just sent some flowers (ok, manly, blue ones) to my honey, am I gay? ;-)
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thanks tia, wonderful article - i emailed it to the honey. ;-)
S_S, you're not gay, you're sweet. have you ever done that before? i haven't. tell us what he says!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Some men like flowers. Why not? I think it is a sweet idea.
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I hope he likes it. I have never done it and was inspired by the article. I have some worries though, as you guys know he "sometimes" see the other woman, I am afraid if she would be there when he receives them. What would happen then?
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;-) ...are you really worried she'll be there, or do you want her to be there?
just kidding, S_S...it's no fun playing games and being in limbo, uncertain of the outcome of your next reunion. i know it will be hard to wait until april because you can't really sort anything out till then, but neither should you overthink things. you'll just drive yourself crazy.
also...it was very sweet of you to send him flowers, but let that be the last special thing you do until you see him again. keep things light and breezy and affectionate in the meantime.
just my two cents' worth, from your other thread. ;-)
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flowers are lovely from and to everyone. I just received a red rose from a four year old boy, who is the son of a student, and a huge bunch of very exotic flowers on the last day of a course I was teaching to journalists at Shanghai TV station. The flowers were so unexpected so it made them twice as appreciated.
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Friends, I just met a delightful Frenchman, who is waiting to take me to dinner at the best French restaurant in Sydney - will be there this time next month. And, all your advice in previous, 'body image' thread will be used 'reasonably' and 'wisely'. Will still keep in touch through this site as I feel that we are confidentes.
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i totally agree! at any age, on any day, from anyone - people love flowers.
my first flowers were in the first grade: 7-year-old W. wrote me a little love letter with horse drawings (he knew i loved horses) and gave me a bouquet of daisies that he had spray-painted a vivid blue. i'll never forget my first flowers.
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susan...YAY!!! you GO girl! tres merveilleux! already something to look forward to. enjoy the delightful frenchman! ;-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
susan- great to hear that!! tres bien~~~ remember to bring us up-to-date...bon voyage ;)
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Susan, good for you, hope it works out in Sydney. :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Susan: Bonne chance! Je vous souhaite de bonheur!
Go get'em girl! Phwoar!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Thank you for sharing Rachk. It is good and encouraging to hear success stories. Thanks.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I agree that being together is not only about physical closeness. I am not near the b/f for a good 90% of the year and I have never felt *closer* to anyone.
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rats
20 yrs ago
sigh...pumpkin good for you, still not sure when to meet my bf aka fiance. I lose the motivation to move to his country.
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<:-( ...i'm feeling disconnected from my bf. i hope our visit next month reconnects us, but i think it should be the way tia and pumpkin put it: feeling deeply connected no matter how far apart we are. i haven't felt that in a few weeks.
don't get me wrong, things are perfectly amiable and cheerful between us, we're not arguing or anything but...i'm not feeling it deeply.
SO encouraging though to read Rachk's great story. that's what it will come down to, in the end: decision time!
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Don't feel down, Voiceofreason. You may be just a little disconnected now because you haven't seen him for awhile and, subconsciously, you don't want to feel disappointed when you do meet up next month. I bet you'll have a great time.
Oh, no, the man in the flat underneath is shouting and maybe beating his wife again.
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susan - ?! oh no! what is going on? have you ever called the police on him? "again" - i guess that means it has happened before?
...pumpkin, yes you're right, that's what i try to do when i'm feeling the distance - i go back to the mental list of things i love and appreciate about him. i also swing through the Relationships threads and thank the powers that be that he doesn't put me through any of that cr*p ;-D ...touch wood!
susan, i am definitely overthinking, as well as thinking too far ahead, imagining disappointment, or - worst case - a break-up.
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tia
20 yrs ago
VoR:
Sorry to hear you are feeling disconnected with the man. It happens to the best of relationships, near and far. I agree with Pumpkin that an online date could be helpful. Phone calls often help when I am feeling completely disconnected as well. It is *so* nice to hear his voice.
Overthinking is one thing I am terribly guilty of and I know how bad it can get. Step back, take a look at this and think about what is REALLY important and REALLY bugging you. There is a reason you are with this man, sticking it out and making it work. You know why you love him and what makes him special to you. Don't lose sight of that.
I have told the b/f when I was feeling disconnected and more often than not, he was feeling it as well. Nothing serious, but usually because of things getting in the way and us not enjoying the online or phone time we have.
Thinking of the possible bads is tough going. Sadly, it is a pitfall that many peope suffer from. Make a list of all the good things, things you 2 have to look forward to, if it helps.
*hugs* We're here for you. Take care.
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Voice, I am sorry to hear tht you are feeling disconnected with your man. As the other said, it will be better when you meet him.. before that, just look through some albums and remember the good times you have had together. I have been doing that for the past week too, reminds me of how important he is to me. Try to send sweet emails to him, he will immediately feel that you care and reply with more, it's a chain reaction u know..
But again, who am I to give advices like this. Sigh. U have been a great listener to me and I seriously hope that everything will work out between you and your bf.. when will u meet him? where is he?
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ladies, thanks so much for the encouragment. somehow, someway - the honey comes through for me, and in the nick of time! we just had a looooooong voice chat today, hours and hours, starting very early this morning - a really excellent one. (it also means he has been up literally half his night - another thing i appreciate about him is that when it comes to sleeping habits, he's like me - a vampire ;-) doesn't need much and doesn't necessarily need it at night.)
tia, i sent him the link you posted earlier and he actually read it! it must have had some effect because he really pinned me down on future plans. he said "right, we've got to get our REAL lives moving forward instead of just our holiday lives" then proceeded to discuss ways, means, and places we might make that happen. based on what he says, i have to admit how committed HE is to moving this forward whilst trying to accommodate my desire to remain in asia.
the delay is really from my end: i love it here, and i will not move out of the region until my son goes to either boarding school or university, 5 years from now. so i really am concerned with what we call our "meantime" period, before our long-term togetherness kicks in.
we also agree that manila is - er - NOT the deal-making center of his professional universe, so it makes no sense career-wise for him to move here.
i've said in earlier posts that he's got a huge project in the works that would buy me time i.e. he goes off and does that for the next 2-3 years, during our meantime-period. but if it doesn't pan out he is open to looking at singapore or hong kong...YAY!!! that's near enough for me. i look at that as us being in, say, the tri-state area (NY, NJ, CT). either way i'm happy.
i felt a bit of an idiot because HE certainly wasn't feeling disconnected. however, i think he did get the message that I felt that way because of the recent lack of daily communication.
pumpkin, i thought of your "reward" tip every time i told him how much i appreciated him... ;-) teehee
S_S, i'll be with him in london middle of next month. when is your trip?
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tia
20 yrs ago
I am glad you two had a nice chat. That has to be some comfort. It sounds like you have good open communication, which is incredibly important.
Enjoy the trip with him. I think it will do you a world of good.
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Yes, VOR, I agree with Tia. You, in particular, are a good communicated. So, you need to keep an open line to your beloved.
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Oh, my English is going down the drain - I mean good communicator.
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thank you so much! i try, i try. :-)
so are you all set for your move back home? and more importantly: have you got your french restaurant in sydney all picked out? ;-)
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Guys guess what, he received the flowers and loooooved them. He is actually a bit sick at the moment so in a way they arrived with a good timing! I would recommend you to send your bf flowers (ok maybe make sure he is not the macho macho type who clearly do not appreciate things like this then don't waste your money) !!
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rats
20 yrs ago
VOR and S_S it is so nice to hear that everything turns out positive for you girls! best of luck.
Tia- Is your honey still in town? would love to have a drink with you again :)
I kinda fix my mind that I should go to mine ASAP, before the relationship between my fiance and I going to fade away. (Thanks for encouraging me S_s). I love him, but the distance is such a torture, I told him once I would call everything off if we could't find place to start our life together in 6 months (either in HK/France/whereever possible), now it has been a year and we are still together. I meant, the distance is a toruture but the fact that not being with the one you love just becuase of the distance is more tormenting. Having that said, I wish there is s.o. physically and emotionally available here, but not X miles away.
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*clap* *clap* *clap* well done, S_S! ;-)
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heya! i wish my bf would send me flowers! i sent some to him and he loved them!!
i am flying home for a short holiday in may and he is going to fly up and see me ! first time he is going to meet the family so i think he is a little worried! hehe. But i am sure everything will be fine! both our families don'tknow about us , it will be easier to tell my family but we arne't to sure about his family(being chinese and being gay is not really accepted!). So lets hope for the best !!
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rats
20 yrs ago
what the??- best of luck. being chinese and being gay is definitly not something acceptable in chinese society, but you neverk nows. A guy friend of mine was surprised when he sees how his family starting from avoiding the fact that he is gay to accpeting him for who he is and his partner as family memeber. (though his family still refuses or still dunno how to tackle it in front of other family members, i.e. the relatives) look at the bright side and best of luck!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Yes he is still here. Give me a buzz sometime!
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Oh voice I just realised that you asked me a question..yea I wil be in London from April 5th to probably the 7th. How long are you going there for?
Guys, I dunno, must have been one of those nights, tonight I really feel like giving up.
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ahhhh what to do !!
it is the b'day and the bf isn't here ! and i have to work !!! and all my friends have no money to do anything!!! life looks down! but i going to take myself out on a me day!! take myself out for lunch and then party hard for patty's day
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hi what_the - is it your birthday or the bf's birthday? in any case, it doesn't matter: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :-D have a great you-day!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Happy Birthday!! Go out, treat yourself and have a great day!
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hey everyone! yay today is my b'day ! and i have to work ! hahahahah!!!!!but the bf called me at like 4 am to sing me happy b'day!! very sweet! and a friend made me a cake!! so i am going ok !! and later on i am off shopping !!!
why you loving your ldr today pumpkin??
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lovely to hear that, pumpkin!
what_the: "If Your Birthday Is Today
Actor Erik Estrada (1949) shares your birthday. You're quick and clever. Not only are you highly imaginative, you're also practical. You like yourself. This self-confidence can bring the best out in others. You succeed because you can see what others want and how they think. This year is the time to let go of certain cycles in your life to create room for something new." ;-D happy birthday!
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...and that blindingly-white, chiclet smile! still, i have fond memories watching and laughing over that series with my dad. definitely shows our age though!!! :-p
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tia
20 yrs ago
WAIL!
He leaves tomorrow. I hate this part...
We had 2 amazing weeks and it is soon to end. *sniff sniff*
The CHIPS 1999 movie was on TV the other day...Did you all watch it? ;-)
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tia! glad your honey's visit went so well. when's the next one? :-)
i totally forgot there was a Chips movie made. I am quite sure it wasn't nominated for anything. ;-D hahaha
a local cable channel here in manila did run a hilarious episode of Mad TV, in which the cast of That 70s Show spoofed Chips.
just a quick update: the LDR is in neutral gear at the moment. my trip is all set, but i still feel it could go either way (stay together or break up). either way, i won't make a decision until we are face to face, and until then, won't think about it too much.
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rats
20 yrs ago
tia- glad to hear that you have spent two amazing weeks with your bf. Don't feel sad and start planning the next visit ;)
what the ??- belated happy birthday.
SS and vor- best of luck, hope to hear some good news after you pay your visit to your honey.
I am doing pretty bad lately...feel so distant from my fiance. Keep thinking maybe it is time to join him(for good). 1 year's LDR is enough. I become so weak and easily tempted....
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tia
20 yrs ago
Sounds like we need an LDR pow-wow soon... Something to stir up the pot and make us recall why we love these crazy men and deal with this crazy LDR thing for them.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia- definitely need a pow-wow. It is not that I don't love my man, same old story, sometimes we just need someone who is also physically present- the toughest part of LDR.
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rats i hear you on that one!! needing him physically here!!and web cams aren't even close!but just the thought of knowing someone is out there in another part of the world loving you and thinking of you makes up for it!( more than a little!)
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rats
20 yrs ago
what the ?? - It doesn't really make up and can never fill the emptiness...
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tia
20 yrs ago
Rats: I changed phones and lost your number. Mine is the same, so you can SMS me yours or drop me a PM. We'll be out on Saturday.
No, webcamming is not the best way to reconnect. We need them around, PHYSICALLY for a loooong time.
2 weeks, I know to some, sounds like a Loooong time, but I tell ya, it goes quick and that is sad.
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rats
20 yrs ago
pumpkin- you are not being a beyatch, but have things correctly said. I need to have someone to keep my head clear and it seems you are that 'someone' :)
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not at all, pumpkin - you are the buoy of positivity today! the rest of us are just having a spleen-venting whinge, is all. ;-) believe me, i'm grateful for your resolve.
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Agree with you Pumpkin. Liza Minnelli was on Late Night show last night and she was soooo happy. One of the ring-ins asked her why she was happy and she said that you can choose whether to be happy or miserable. It is a matter of choice moment by moment. Of course, it does take attitude to get it right when things are going wrong but, 'with the help of your friends' it's possible.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Tis very true. Ah, dear wise Pumpkin! :)
I could spend the night with the b/f moping and praying to somehow stop time so he never leaves. Instead, we shall enjoy a nice quiet night in and I will look forward to Easter and my summer with him.
Pumpkin, I am glad your buoyousness (is that a word?) is around today. Truly. It *IS* worth it. It so is.....
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tia
20 yrs ago
Time difference are not so much fun.
Merci, mon amie!
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Hey ladies in LDR, how are you? Well, I'm about to enter yet again into another ldr. Some of you might have known that my husband and I dated through ldr through half our courtship and got married and about 2 yrs later I let for Sydney to do my masters and now am back in Spore. Well, I'm moving to HK without my husband in Aug to work.
Tia, yup! Given them the answer and would be joining you soon!
And Rats, I'm a survivor of ldr and I'm going to go through it again. I'm pretty sure ldr can work if both parties are willing to work it out.
Well, between hubby and me, we're trying to make the fullest use of time to spend with each other and making arrangments to fly and see each other every month. It's hard but then again, absence makes the heart grow fonder!
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tia
20 yrs ago
GOOD! Give me a shout when you get to HK!
Yes, I think in ANY relationship, if both couples want it to work, it will. Mine left yesterday and I miss him so much already.
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Tia, I know how it feels. Been through that countless times myself! Friends think that I'm crazy to put myself through it again.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I was talking to a friend last night and she is in one as well due to her work in HK. She said she admired me bc I STARTED one...she at least had 15+ years with her man before they became LDR. She says she can't imagine how tough it is to keep the spark alive when you have a short history of time together.
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tia, i hadn't thought of it that way - that someone would think it admirable to have started an LDR based on so little time together. i only knew my bf a week before we decided to go for it. it's either admirable - or totally nutty. :-) (most people think we are the latter.)
three more weeks to go....
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tia, I guess life is too short to have regrets. I hate the times when you think back and say what if....Start one ldr and if it really doesn't work out, end it. At least you don't have any regrets. But if you don't even start one, you never even know if it'll even work out.
vof, 3 weeks more!!!! That's nice to know!
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tia
20 yrs ago
This is my thinking as well. How will you know if you don't give it a go? If I had a choice, I'd maybe not choose to have an LDR, but this is what I am dealt and I will do my best to make it work. Like VOR, I knew him about a week before I left to return to HK. I assumed it would be a fling, we'd maybe email and MSN but nothing else....but there was something worth persuing in this man. I had to give it a go. Will I regret this later? Maybe, but I would regret not trying more.
50/50 on the admirabe/nutty scale.
VOR: am glad you will get to see the honey soon.
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tia, totally true. Why live life with all the what ifs floating in your heads. I've learnt that in life, as long as you tried, and if things don't work out, there's probably a reason for it.
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i met mine on the internet and we began chatting, then he flew back to china to be with his family for the holidays and we met and then 3 days later we were offically an item , 2 months later he flies back home and 16months later we are still going strong!! 6 weeks to go till i introduce him to my family!!!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Anyone get the impression we are a rather impulsive bunch? :)
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you SAID it, girl! :-D
although i am a lot less impulsive than i used to be in my 20s, i think that quick decisions will always be a part of who i am. ;-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
I weigh decisions more than I jump into them. After meeting the b/f, for the first 3 months til I saw him again, I weighed pros and cons in my head. However, once I *saw* him, I knew that there was no turning back.
I have bought tickets for a weekend, which seems rather impulsive.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia- for a weekend to OZ?
For sure we are the nutty/impulsive type. :)
vor- glad to know that you are going to see your honey soon.
sunniefaith- as tia said, let us know when you are in town.
It is so right that life is a matter of choice. I could stay here longer and try to search a better job and preferably a 'career'. Or I can choose to end this tormenting LDR and be with the one I dearly love. In the past week a lot has happened and probably I am going to join him in a few month's time for good. Is it risky? Yes. Am I going to be unemployed for quite some time? Yes. Am I scared/worried? Yes. Am I going to regret? No. I will regret more if I don't try my best to make this relationship works. Relationship is not everything, but it plays a big part in my life. I have always been naively thinking that the meaning of life is 'love'- whether it is from friends/bf/families. (apart from improving oneself to be a better person and
pursuing intellectual inputs- stretching from sciences to arts). If the world ended tomorrow, I would be so mad at myself being so far away from him. You never know what is going to happen. Life is too short. Why we always bother so much about things that are less important and put the more important things at unnecessary risk?
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rats - go for it! WONDERFUL to hear that you are taking the big step after all. that's a great way to look at it: what is the worst that could happen? that you didn't give it a shot. congratulations! :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
GO RATS GO!! Well done! I wish you all the best with this decision. WOW! You're right...if it all ended tomorrow, we would possibly regret not being closer.
Yes, I have jetted off to Brissy for the weekend. Usually at least 3 or 4 days though. I am insane..and now broke! :)
3 weeks til Easter....
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I would also do the same, rats. What is not risky in this life? No venture no gain. And I am sure that you will gain more happiness with your move.
All the best!
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rats
20 yrs ago
ladies, thanks for the encouragement. Hope I still feel the same later on :D
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rats, go for it! Glad you made that decision. Like I said, life is too short and I absolutely hate the 'what ifs' You'll never know what can and will happen.
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tia
20 yrs ago
It's US!!
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/cybersisters.htm
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you said it! cute site.
rats, are you pushing through with your original plans?
you're very brave - good for you. no guts no glory.
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tia
20 yrs ago
More reading....
http://blogs.smh.com.au/samandthecity/archives/2006/03/can_a_long_dist.html
Had to admit, the last line of the article irked me to no end. "Meanwhile, keep your eyes peeled for someone a little closer to home, even if it's the stewardess." GAH!
Love will survive despite distance if the 2 people want it to. It is not a filler relationship.
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hey how long has everyone been in there relationship??
I am up to 16 months and i have seen him around 8 times
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tia
20 yrs ago
Thought of you with that insane line, yes. I think they were refering to as you travel. But highly insensitive for the likes of your situation.
ME? A little over 2 years. Seen him at major holidays, usually for about 10 days, but have had some shorter ones....about 130 days since I met him Jan 2004.
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rats
20 yrs ago
vof- my original plans? Haven't planned yet (well, implusive type doesn't plan much. They just do.) but one thing is sure, I am handing my resign letter in the coming month (if nothing comes up 'out of the blue')
Tia- good for you! Enjoy your trip, and maybe you should leave HK as well :P
Come back to the length of LDR. Started as LDR (two countries) for 2 years, we saw each other over the 'weekend' (Fri-Sun) once or twice a month,move in together for 6 months, then LDR again (two continents!) for 1 year and 15 days...wow, time flies!! and we only able to see each other for two times, approx. every 4 months and each time no more than 2 weeks...LDR really wears me out.
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thirteen months, 5 visits (him to me and me to him and we to other countries). next month is the sixth. hopefully not the last!
rats, i meant your original plans (wedding). anyway - again, i admire your courage in pursuing your relationship. resignation...so brave. hats off to you.
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Been away from each other for 2 years. Saw each other 6 times last year in 4 different countries, from 3 day Frankfurt trip (me to him) to 2 weeks HK visit (him to me).
Good times, actually. But man, it is tiring from time to time.
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pumpkin, have a great time with your sweetheart on monday.
jay2004 - sorry but i have nothing more to say in that other thread. best of luck to you.
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tia
20 yrs ago
T-shirt? May need a memory refresher....
YEAH! It's Friday.
Pumpkin, have a great Monday and Tuesday!
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tia - i just read your latest post in the old thread - absolutely spot on.
jay - go read it. everything you need to do is there. good luck already.
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tia
20 yrs ago
AH...right...that one. Was it you who told me of the shirt that reads "I do that thing that your boyfriend likes?" :) Maybe not....
Thanks for the kind compliments. I would like to slap someone in work today with a wet fish, so this is the next best thing.
Cut and paste it to whomever needs to read it. I thought he DOES read this, so can infer from that.
Difference is, yours is WANTING to make it all work out and is TRYING to keep you.
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jay - congratulations on getting your divorce decree, which as i understand it, frees you from your arranged marriage.
best of luck winning your girlfriend back, now that you are totally free to marry her and be with her openly. i hope it all works out for both of you. keep us posted.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Good work Jay! Let's hope it all works out for you both now.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Jay, give her time, you should be able to understand her frustration.
And if she is the one, is 'begging her back' such a bad idea? The main point is, 'she is back and you two live happily ever after' :P
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tia
20 yrs ago
Glad SOMEONE had a happy day a few days ago..*nudge nudge*
Yes, Pumpkin, I think you are right. I feel for this girl as well and anyone who is waiting for something to happen that may never come. And you are right...she was d!cked around for so long, waited for so long that she needs TIME. TIME TIME TIME.
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Hey Jay go and get her!!!!
I am going back home soon !!!! going to see my parents and they are going to meet the bf for the first time ! He wants to know what would be a suitable gift to give them ! I told him that he doesn'thave to but he wants to ! what would you suggest for him give ?? Thanks, getting all excited now only 5 weeks and one day to go!! I am in serious thought of giving up my job here and just moving there!! but the only problem is that the pay here is very good and i want to have some money saved before i leave!!!
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tia
20 yrs ago
@ what the??: I am with you on the pay problem. Moving for me would mean a BIG cut and I am hoping to save more before heading out.
Hope everyone had a nice weekend. I leave in 9 days to go see the b/f at Easter. Whoooot!
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hey tia where are you off to ??
I am leaving in 4 weeks and 4 days to go !!!! just for a holiday and then be back for a few months and then moving back to be with him !! yay!! how does everyone express to their other half how much they mean to you !!! i am not very good at this !! and some suggestions would be great
have a great day
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i'm gone this saturday, for 10 days.
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so jealous i wish i could just leave now!!!!
where are you all going??
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tia
20 yrs ago
I leave on the 12th for Brisbane and for 4.5 of those days, we are in Melbourne together as well.
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rats
20 yrs ago
I am going to submit my resignation letter this Friday. Suddenly feel stressed and worried, but guess it is normal?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Sure it is. It is a BIG move. You know what is best for you and you will survive this.
We're out this weekend....gimme a SMS.
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i'm off to london. :-)
rats...best of luck! it is totally normal to feel stressed out, you are after all taking a big leap of faith. but as i've said before: good for you! i admire your courage. always think of it this way - if you don't resign, you definitely won't be giving your love relationship a chance.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I am with Pumpkin on this one...she waited for a hella long time for you to make a move and you made it too late. She showed you concern by texting you, which probably means there is still SOME feelings left towards you, but perhaps the feelings are not as strong as they once were. In all honesty, she really got the short end of the stick when she was with you in terms of committment and trust from you. She needs to come to terms with that and her feelings, as Pumpkin said.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia- you mean Friday? Been in emotion roller-coaster yesterday and today (no, not PMS). grrr...need to cheer myself up :D planning to go out as much as possible before leaving HK.
vor- thanks! guess will survive on this one. Just honestly, it is tough :) How have you been doing?
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tia
20 yrs ago
I believe this Friday yes. We are out for a play tonight but no idea what time that will be over. I need to get to China tomorrow...
Lemme know....
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hi rats, i'm well, thanks! the usual: working hard, playing hard. just got back from a long weekend at the beach with son and family friends.
trying not to overthink about upcoming trip to see the honey. honestly, it could go either way. we're not fighting or anything, but the long distance is wearing thin for me. i'm hoping this trip restores my optimism about the whole thing.
when do you leave hk? :-)
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Dear Rats,
It's normal to feel a bit anxious and stressed when you make a big life change. Even a bad routine is still in a comfort zone after awhile - habit and all that. Good luck on your move and I hope you find all that you are looking forward to. You too VOR. Don't analyse too much just set out to be happy and to enjoy bf's company.
Am packing to go back to Australia. This time next week, I'll be having dinner with my mum and siblings etc.
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hi susan! is your date with the frenchman still on when you get home? ;-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
Jay, Pumpkin has said it all.
vor- thanks, good luck to your trip. I am going to leave HK around end of May. It would be great if you come over and hang out with us in HK :P
Tia - nice meeting you again!
Pumpkin- what an impressive woman! ;) it was very nice talking to you in real.
Susan- Thanks. Got to make the first move somehow. Feeling good after Jean's detox programme? Thought about starting with you ladies but didn't manage. Will try again later :D
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tia
20 yrs ago
Perhaps it was not a flat out rejection Jay, but there was a definate lack of acceptance. You made promised you never kept. You said one thing and did another. I dunno about your lady, but I would view that as a type of rejection.
You need to give her time...as tough as it is.
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tia
20 yrs ago
COnflict Resolution....
http://community.livejournal.com/loversfaraway/1299505.html#cutid1
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tia
20 yrs ago
Break up dos and don'ts
http://lifestyle.sympatico.msn.ca/Relationships/Articles/TS+TheDosandDontsOfBreakingUp.htm
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heya all
i need a few ideas of what present i could give to my bf when i see him soon, i was thinking of making a photo album of us . What is the best present you have gotten ? This last week has been so difficult being apart.
aaahhhhh why is it so difficult
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hi what_the - i think that is a terrific idea. call me old-fashioned but i think a photo album/scrapbook is one of the sweetest, most romantic gifts you can give to your honey. it's tangible proof of your most precious memories, that you can look at over and over again.
i've gotten some amazing gifts in my life, but somehow the things i remember and treasure most from lovers are letters, events, gestures, photos, and photo albums.
i love my nifty digital camera but i think these gadgets have made us lazy - while it's convenient to be able to keep and share photos online and in our hard drives, there is still nothing as special as leafing through an actual photo album.
have a great time, and good luck with the family. sending you all positive thoughts from london. ;-)
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that is an excellent idea, pumpkin! and very apt for today's online LDRs. i believe i shall use that idea in the future! i've done it before somewhat - made a lovely little photo/scrapbook with highlights from emails pasted in amongst the various pictures and items.
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That is a great idea about the emails, I printed out a few of them and it was great reflecting of all the great times and eventst hat has happened over the past year.
I would suggest everyone do this, it is great reading when you are feeling down . It cheered me up !!
have a great week !!
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tia
20 yrs ago
I frequently re-read some of the good ones when things are not so pleasant here...or I will re-read the MSN convos I have saved.
2 more sleeps til I leave. SQUEE!
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rats
20 yrs ago
Ladies, I submitted my resignation letter last Friday. I had such a weird feelings...felt excited, yet guilty and insecure at once...
E-mail: I used to print out the sweet e-mails from my bf, esp those he can 'finally' express himself. It seems he wrote better and longer e-mails back than, maybe it is becuase we didn't talk on phone everyday like we do now. :)
Tia- have fun!! ;)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Rats: I hope it all goes well with you and the move. Good luck.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I leave tomorrow night at 11pm. Have beautifying stuff tonight to get ready..facial/waxing appointments.
I am not even PACKED! *gasp*
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rats
20 yrs ago
Pumpkin- we still have time to meet ;) I am going to leave my company at beginning of May and leave HK for good at end of May.
There are so many things to do before I can leave. gr...
Tia- have you taken a day off today so that you can have time to prepare yourself? ;)
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rats
20 yrs ago
Pumpkin- we still have time to meet ;) I am going to leave my company at beginning of May and leave HK for good at end of May.
There are so many things to do before I can leave. gr...
Tia- have you taken a day off today so that you can have time to prepare yourself? ;)
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tia
20 yrs ago
I had to day off as I was unable to fly out last night. Drat. Am packing and cleaning today.
HAPPY EASTER everyone and have a great time with your sigots!
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Happy easter everyone! i hope the easter bunny came and you all are eating lots of chocolate!!
a
After a really long stressful week of work what are the special things that your partner does to cheer you up . mine is -
a really funny message or photo on my blog webspace thing, a phone call about something really stupid but end up laughing for ages about it. midnight phone calls and then falling asleep .
aaaahhhhhh i miss him !!!!!!!
3 weeks to go !!!!
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rats
20 yrs ago
um..seems everyone is out of town of having no news (no news is good news? :))
Jay, gd luck to you! and man, cherish your gf.
I start to going nuts lately. Extremely stressed. My little ego overpowers me and makes me feel really useless and depressed....
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rats
20 yrs ago
pumpkin- moving country is nothing new to me and not a big deal. What scares me is the 'inferior'/disadvantage position which I am going to put myself in. There is not moment in my life do I feel myself more inferior/useless. I kinda take it as a no-return decision. Bet you are right, should set myself realitic goals and fouse on them will probably make me feel better...
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rats - i think i understand how you feel. it really is a huge leap of faith, and i think you probably feel very vulnerable over the thought of losing your independence for an unknown amount of time. is that it?
i'm getting the same looming feeling. i got back from my long visit yesterday - am absolutely exhausted. on the whole, it was good, but while the highs were very high indeed, the lows were also very low. and now he is pressuring me to begin very serious discussions this weekend about our future.
instead of feeling joyful and happy, i feel like i'm being led to the gallows...which, i fear, is my answer. i WOULD be giving up a lot to be with him. and that's not self-pity - that's a fact.
i am really hoping this is just a phase of jetlag and post-visit blues, which will hopefully pass after the weekend.
chin up, rats. have you got a gameplan of sorts for after your arrival, i.e. job search, house hunting, holiday, planning the wedding...?
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:-) hi pumpkin! glad to hear you had a "blissful" visit with the honey
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rats
20 yrs ago
Pumpkin- just need to vent to get a balance :P have the paper work kinda sorted out today, feel must relaxed :) I wasn't self-pitying but worrying. :P I am of course being overjoyed for joining my bf soon but afterall I am still the one who faces all the fuss, so it makes sense to chicken out a bit, right? somehow,I know I will be fine :)
vor-you have it so rightly put! loosing independency for unknown period of time really freak me out, I try to figure out a plan and hope it works.
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Hey Rats! Best of luck for you.. I think its normal that you feel a bit stressed regarding your move, you will become dependent of your bf when you are an extremely independent person(mind, finance, everything). Don't think so much about it!! Just think, if you hadn't made this decision you will still be stuck here and having an endless Long D relationship, although you will have a job and you will have your own life (more or less), but is that what you want? Listen to your heart, you want this!! You should be excited about it! Am sure you will get a job faster than you wanted.. It's a lot of uncertainly when you make a decision like this so of course it's stressful, but come on, life is fun, make it fun. Turn this stress into a positive one, enjoy the rest of the time with your friends(me! keke) and your family as you will not see them for a while after you left.
BTW guys, I am leaving at the end of May to go to Spain for a 3 month study, got my tix already with asiamiles so I will be stopping in London for a few days before another flight to Southern Spain.. my ex (for those who may remember my thread from a month ago) is in London. He still calls/emails me once in a while. I am tempted to meet him, since he is quite emotionally unstable, should I just call him when I arrive (tho he may be on a business trip) or should I tell him beforehand?
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hi S_S...you know you want to meet up with him. be mature about it and give him a heads-up. let him know you'll be in town, and ask him if he'd like to meet up (lunch, perhaps). take whatever he answers at face value and leave it at that - no over-analyzing and reading too much into things. :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Hey all!
@Pumpkin: Glad you had a nice weekend. :)
@VOR: Nice to see you back in the land of the living. :) Glad your Easter went well.
@Jay: Good luck in Beijing and I hope it goes well for you.
@Rats: You are making a big change and it is normal to be a little worried, but I know that you have thought this through well. Be confident in knowing that you are with the man you want to be with and the one you love. Relax and enjoy the last few weeks in HK. Pumpkin is right in that you should focus on the good and not the scary stuff.
I am still in Aus with the boy (he is at work now) and am leaving on Sunday to return to HK. Not liking that plan....being here just feels so right at the moment. Well, mostly right.
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tia! hi :-) have a great last weekend and see you here in the thread when you get back. (or is it IF you come back...!?!)
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia and S_S, thanks! I will try to focus on the bright sides :)
Tia- glad to hear that you had a great time in OZ.
Pumpkin- yeah, attitude matters. Thanks for reminding me of it. :)
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Hey everyone
hoped you all had a great weekend!! I will be with my bf next week!!! so excited!!!
he will be meetin my family! what do you think this means? - his family and i get along pretty well and yesterday his mother called and we met up and she gave me this really nice and expensive present to give to my mother as it is her b;day (reason why i am going home)and my bf is flying over to the party and stay with us for awhile. Not to sure if this could mean that either she is just being really friendly or she is aware of our relationship and being nice. am i thinking to much into this??
thanks
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tia
20 yrs ago
It sounds like his mum is a lovely person. Be thankful, give your mum the gift and leave it at that. It is good that you get along with his family.
Meeting the folks can be a HUGE event for some...especially if the lines of the relationship are a bit fuzzy. I met bf's mum about 10 months after we started dating, at Xmas no less, for Xmas tea. OIKS! It went well and she I email now more often than I mail my own mother. Tee hee.
We spent this past Saturday with his mum and sister and it was nice.
5 more days...
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Tia - so glad you are having such a terrific time. :-)
what_the - sorry if i have missed something in your previous posts but, just to be clear: have you and your bf come out yet or not, to your parents and to each other's parents? just want to get my facts straight! ;-)
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heya voice
no we both haven't come out yet to our parents was planning on doing it this holidays!
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WOW! pretty intense holiday agenda, what_the... best of luck! in that case, it's definitely a good sign that your bf's mum is a sweet and considerate person - not that you should take anything for granted (i.e. it's not necessarily a sign that she has a clue about your relationship), but at least you know she is a nice person.
how do you think your respective parents will react?
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heya voice
yeah mum and dad should be cool about it ! he is a great guy so not really worried! i have always had gay friends and mum loves them!! so it should be cool!!!
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love is all around, then...good for you, what_the, let us know how it all goes. in the end, all a parent wants is for their kid to end up with someone who cherishes and respects them. :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
What_the: I wish you all the best of luck. It sounds like you both have receptive parents and that is good news for you both. All that should matter to the parents is that their kids are happy.
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tia
20 yrs ago
We are a quiet group lately. Hope everyone is ok.
I am off tonight, save a red or black rain warning, for the weekend. :P
Hope everyone else is well.
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Met my fiance OS, did the LDR thing for 1 year, I moved here, now we are getting married. LDR does work, if you work hard at it.
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hey curios!
that is great news!! and congrats to you!!!
it is always great to hear (or read ) of a successfull story!!!
congrats to you!!!! what would be your best advice you could give on how you did your relationship??
have a great day
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yes, we have all been very quiet, so here's my update: my UK trip was by no means easy, but my honey deserves a medal for sheer tenacity and willingness to work things out. he has been absolutely wonderful since i left, keeping in constant touch, and more importantly he initiated truly serious discussions about the future, really pinning down long-term plans and dates. i'm the one who had a hard time at first - every time the possibility of my leaving here came up i'd burst into tears. (fortunately we've come to an agreement on our timeline, so i don't do that anymore.)
it all comes down to what curios mentioned and the rest of us know: if you want it badly enough, it will work out. btw, congratulations curios!!! :-)
what_the, when are you seeing your bf? very soon, right? :-)
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heya
yeah i will see my bf the week after next!! can't wait!!! wish i could speed up time!! I am so lucky to him as i will phone him up and bitch about my day and he will just listen and give me so advice on how do deal with the chinese customs! but every day is becoming more and more harder with my job and the idea of quiting and moving back to him seems easier! but i need to stay here for money and some other things purpose!!
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advise.. be your own woman, dont fret about LDR thing, be independent - its more attractive than a woman who is clingy.. TRUST is #1... and you need to know what you both want, if you want to be together, someone will have to make the sacrifice and move... more often than not, its the woman... but we are stronger and better for it.
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR: Am glad you had a good time, if a bit rough. More glad that you got some things hammered out. Well done.
Curios: Welcome and thanks for the hints. Good to see that LDRs work out. :)
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dgf
20 yrs ago
Hi, I have been following this thread for a few months now, even though I wasn't in an LDR. I was reading the posts because I knew that it will happen to me, sooner or later, and I wanted to see how women cope with LDRs. Now that my boyfriend has left, and it's been less than a week, but I'm getting increasingly frustrated about my situation. I admire you girls for being in LDRs for so long and I wish that I can have your strength. This is my first LDR and I was always against it, but somehow I feel like I've met someone who's worth it, but I don't know how to proceed. Any advice that you girls can give would be appreciated greatly. Thank you.
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rats
20 yrs ago
dgf- go for it if you think he is someonw who's worth it!
LDR is not easy, but you can tell it works for those who want it enough from the successful stories mentioned here ;)
good luck!
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I have only 2 sleeps to go till i am on the plane and 4 sleeps to go till i meet my bf !! yay!!! so excited now! but so much to do before i leave! I am still running around trying to get presents and attend may holiday parties etc shopping with a hang over is dangerous!!
hope everyone is having a great holiday
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tia
20 yrs ago
2 sleeps! Lucky you! I hope you have a great visit!
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hi what_the, bon voyage and have a terrific time and best of luck with the bf's family! how long will you be away? :-)
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thank you
i will be away for 10 days and the bf is meeting my parents for the first time!!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Wow. First meeting. It will go well, no worries.
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
Hi Guys
I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years and it is finally all over in the respect we are now living together in the same country........yeh! It has been worth it and we have both vowed never to go there again! I think it taught me a lot, it taught me how I can manage on my own and it taught me how to make new friends and also enjoy my own company.
A lot of LDR comes down to 'Only the fittest survive', we are all strong focused women who do LDR (Sorry not men excluded but I am a gal and I know there are a lot of gals on this site).
I would say it has been hard and at times an emotional roller coaster but we survived and now we have the foundation to build a very strong relationship on. Not many people around me understood LDR, that at times I found frustrating, I think family thought well you don't care enough about each other to be in the same country, I cared, I cared so much that I allowed my partner to take a job that I knew he could grow in, that is how much I cared.
I also now get the comments from the cynics out there, 'Oh, well now will be the big test, living together full time', but I am not naive I know at times it will be difficult but we survived LDR I believe we can survive a lot what life may throw at us and also we have been together many years before we did LDR.
I have read your threads over the past few months with great interest and complete understanding, I too was doing the prep work where I was having eyelashe tints, manicures and waxing ready to see my man that was part of the fun.
I have the up most respect for you all who are doing LDR and I wish you lots of luck and happiness for the future with your men and we are all unique in our own way and that is why we do what we do.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement, Stuck! It is nice to read about the success stories.
I admit that at times, the naysayers get to me as well. Any relationship is tough and takes work.
We welcome any hints, tips and ideas you have used to keep the LDR going smoothly.
WELCOME!
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STUCK! What a great post - thank you so much, you made my day :-)
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The bags are packed , the presents are wrapped and now just waiting for the bus! the to the plane! after a detor shopping trip in hk first! i am all plucked and groomed! ( not really as being a guy )
have a great weekend to all you .
great story stuck!
seeeyyyyaaaaaaa
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tia
20 yrs ago
PLucked and groomed, maybe not, but I bet you are looking your best.
Have a wonderful visit!
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yaaaaaay! have a terrific holiday, and tell us all the gory details when you get back ;-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
How are you been doing, laides?
I am taking my plane tomorrow :D
STUCK, you rock! your post is really encouraging :D
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tia
20 yrs ago
So, Rats, this is it? You are gone for good? WoW! Good luck to you!
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RATS! is the The Trip?! hey, best of luck, and please stay in touch, let us know how it goes! we will be extremely interested to know how you handle being with your honey after the LDR... i'll also send you a PM with my email address :-)
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
I am pleased my post helped. We didn't really have any secret ways of keeping it together but LDR definetly worked better for us when we started to see each other every 4 weeks (Before that we would go 7/8 weeks). I think we could have possibly done more to keep the energy there but I am not dwelling on that as we are now fortunatly together. A friend of mine did LDR and they did really sweet things together, like having the webcams on and watching the same movie together so they would both press play at the same time and then could hear one or other laugh at the same lines. I thought up having a pizza night together but we didn't get round to it! Another friend gave me advice and said don't ever go for more than 4 weeks without seeing each other, never leave each other at the airport not knowing when you are going to see one another again and be with each other on B'days and Xmas, we did eventually get these rules and understand the importance of them.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Although I wish I could do the every 4 weeks, we rarely leave the airport not knowing when we will see each other next. For that, I am grateful. My holidays are pretty set for the year, so I can book in advance and plan.
We've joked about online dates and the like, but in the end, it never happens. Our nightly conversations are enough for me at the moment.
Every 4 weeks....must work on that. :)
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
Hi Tia I was just really fortunate with the amount of holidays i got and my partner was able to combine work with seeing me!
But I do understand it is not easy for most people..............still dragged though! And then when we did meet for say 5 days we would try and enjoy our time but we had it looming over us that soon we would be apart again! Have vowed never to do it again! But it was workable!
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hmmm...last time i saw my honey was the first time we parted without specific future dates in mind.
we do have a period in mind - june/july - and we do have specific long-range dates - a wedding, my birthday, christmas/new year. my june/july schedule had some unexpected changes, and he simply doesn't know how his schedule will look.
somehow it doesn't bother me for now. but i do agree with the need for more frequent visits - it's something we both promised we'd try to implement moving forward. :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
I got spoiled there for March and April...I managed to see him 3 times in there. This 2.5 month stretch is going to drive me bonkers!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Jay, I am sorry that it came to this end. Best to try to move on and get over it in due time.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I honestly do not know how...but you do. You have to. You are not going to do well if you are not looking after you.
Talk to some friends. Go out and try to relax and take your mind off of it all.
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jay,
I know its very very difficult to keep oneself sane in this situation , but i am sure u will come out of it intact.
remb.....
what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger...
atleast she has shown you a ray of hope, hang on to it, she cares for you , will not fritter away the chance of being with a man who loves her so much....but u need to restore the peace of ur mind to think properly... u must
keep us posted to unload urself...we are all for your happiness.
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Hi,
I'm new to HK and new to this thread. I've been reading through it all and I admire all your strength and positive attitude towards LDR. I, myself have just been seperated from my fiance. He had to return home and look for work whilst I stay here due to some family problems.
I must say that it hasnt' been easy. It's only been a month or so - but it sux! We've been together for 3.5 years and when I say together... I mean we spend alot of time together.. and by choice. I love his company - he makes me laugh, smile, cry and nothing beats the hugs and the kisses that I get and give everday... I feel so upset when I hear that he'sout with our friends cos I want so much to be there with him.
Unlike you guys - I don't think I'll see him until the end of the year at the very earliest
And so it's hard...
It doesn't help that I don't really know anyone here either so I guess it's just adjusting to a new country and getting thru the initial stage of meeting new ppl...
As for Jay - you wanted your ex to be patient and understanding.. maybe it's time you were to her. You sound like you're going thru a really tough time (as most break ups are) so as hard as it may be - try and keep yourself busy doing the things you love to do now - hang out with supportive friends and try and cheer up :) Give yourself some time to mend...
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welcome to the thread, Red gal :-)
is there really no way for you and your fiance to see each other before the end of the year?
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We don't think so. He has gone home to try and find work to sort out some of our finances. (We've been travelling) - so I don't think it's likely...
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perhaps it would help psychologically to at least set a date for your next reunion - surely that can be planned for (maybe the next birthday, or the december holidays, or new year). it will give you both a common goal and ease the uncertainty. :-)
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thx for the advice... but I think the next set date will be around Xmas when I plan to head home.
It's ok, I just have to use this time to adjust to him not being here and I'm sure it'll get easier once I come to grips with it. I'm going to try and concentrate on keeping busy - meet new ppl, see HK for what it is.. go out and join some clubs - to keep my mind off it.
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Well try and stay positive as you can. She hasn't completely shut you out of her life.. it sounds as though she still cares for you. But you have to give her some time if she wants that... you can't force anyone to love you...
Anyhow if anyone based in HK was to go out for dinner, drinks, shopping or the like - pls PM me! I'd like to meet some new ppl!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Hey Red gal! Wil send you a PM with my info if you are ever out and about on a Friday night...we more often than not have a few drinks and the like. Am always up for good food/drinks and a chat.
It's tough when you do not have a plan in mind, and even if money is tight now, try to make a few steps to planning when you will meet next.
3.5 years together! I am envious of that. As much as you may find it hard, in this day and age of email and SMS and instant chat, in some ways, it may feel like he is with you always.
WELCOME TO THE CREW!!
@Jay, hope you are doing better. Hang in there and I am glad you are eating and sleeping now!
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Thanks Tia!
I'm always up for good food and a chat... and did I mention drinks? ;)
Look forward to meeting you soon
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tia
20 yrs ago
You did say drinks...drinks go without saying! :)
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ok.. just making sure ;)
te he he
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rats
20 yrs ago
Hi ladies, seems everyone is doing great and trying their very best to survive their LDR.
Mine seems going down the drain. It seems all hardship/nice moments we had during our LDR are nothing but illusion.
Feel like there is no little thing left to hold on to. I am depressed and upset, very likely I am going to call off the engagement. not to mention the wedding.
Life never gives you what you want it seems, no matter how positive I try to be.
Will bring you guys up to date should there be mircales... :(
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tia
20 yrs ago
Is it that you are trying to make it something it is not? Have you TALKED to him about how you are feeling? What's happened?
Yes, as Pumpkin said, there are adjustment periods and you just made a HUGE leap. Take time...adjust...talk it out. Don't jump to conclusions.....it is not the best form of exercise. :)
Keep us posted!
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rats! you just got there - what on earth is going on?
try to stay calm and get balanced again, no need to make any hasty decisions.
why don't you just vent here, it will help and maybe you'll get your perspective back. come on, you've survived some pretty tough times during your LDR. chin up!
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Jay,
Where are u? why no postings? hope u are alrite. atleast keep us posted. dont bottle things up. will help
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hey everyone
I am back!! wow i missed alot! hehe
I had an amazing holiday with my family bf and friends!! It would have been one of my best holidays so far! my parents fell in love with the bf and treated him as part of the family! we didn't come out and say that we are together but i think they could work it out! all my friends loved him aswell! we had a very comfortable holiday together and with the family! we did all the things we wanted to do and not worrying about how much it would cost and the time involved . went to theme parks, helicopter rides stayed in an amazing 5 star apartment with 270degree views of the gold coast beach! (bragging hehe) fantastic restaurants and lots of quality time together!It was hard saying goodbye to each other but we did talk about the future plans and now everything is finally coming together! plus i think my parents were just as sad to say bye to him as i was . so now i am back with the usual crap of work etc! but i have a goal to work towards and hope the time goes fast!
Jay - no offence but get your sh@t together make today the last day you feel sorry for yourself and start thinking positvely, once you start to get yourself back together everything else will come along. start living your life again and make yourself more aware of how great you are !
Rats = you will be fine dont' stress and let things happen and don't worry! to worry is to pray for it to happen
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tia
20 yrs ago
Whatthe??: CONGRATS! I am SO happy that you had a great time and that your family accepted your partner. WHOOT! You deserve a good brag session.
When will you see him next?
58 days til the summer.....
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What_the, fantastic news, well done and good for you! :-) so nice to know you had a terrific holiday and that all went well.
rats, how are you doing?
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Tia,
How long are you going to be with your man for in summer?
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tia
20 yrs ago
@red_gal: I get 5 glorious weeks...the longest we have ever been in the same place. *eep*!
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Jay... You're going to have to cut ties with this girl until she knows what she wants to do. Sounds like you're really on the edge and you should concentrate on yourself for awhile... not her.
You wanted her to wait for you... so why can't you do the same for her?Things don't always work out the way you want them to - I know it's harsh.. but that's just life.
Tia - HOW EXCITING!! .. sun, sand.. boy....hmm
Rats - are you ok?
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tia, you lucky duck you!!! the longest stretch i have ever spent with the honey is a mere 15 days.
now that i see it on paper, so to speak, i am astounded we are going as strong and as long as we have.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Yes, it could be exciting. Sadly, I have a very sand/water averse boy, so it will be mostly landlocked.
When you look at the numbers, it is a bit of a *WTF*. I know that in the past 2.5 years, I have been in with the boy a little over 100 days. On paper, on the net, that looks measley. I would like to think that we have made the most of the days we have had together though.
5 weeks is a looong stretch and, in some ways, it worries me, but on the other hand, I am excited and looking forward to being a *normal* couple for longer than a week.
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hi pumpkin! how have you been? :-)
i still don't have my next date with the honey in sight, but he is in the middle of a huge project whose schedule is still being hashed out, as is my own summer schedule. but it better be SOON! i miss him terribly. and am soooo jealous of tia's long stretch ;-)
i wonder how rats is doing.
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this summer is logistically complicated, especially june and july: my work schedule here in manila, plus another regional meeting somewhere in asia, plus a u.s. trip, versus the honey's project timeline...it's hard to find one week's overlap where/when we might meet <:-/
my birthday and our friend's wedding are too far away. we know only that we MUST see each other before then.
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hey everyone
i have made a decision and I am going to move to be with my bf as soon as i can save up some money! so now i am looking at going back to university and settling down !!
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tia
20 yrs ago
@VoR: This is the time when being in the education field pays off...longer holidays. There has to be a bonus for tolerating these kids all year. :P
@WThe???: GOOD FOR YOU!! I hope you 2 are really happy together!!
@Rats(wherever she is): HOW ARE YOU?
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excellent point, tia! ;-)
what_the, congratulations!!! what's your timetable?
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Does it get easier than this?
Hey there... I just have to ask you guys a question.
Do LDR's get easier with time?
I am so use to being with my man and having him around alot so now when I want to speak to him - but i can't reach him.. I get frustrated - feel a bit lost too. Sometimes I get really upset when I speak to him, just cos I miss him so.
Is this just the adjustment period?
What_ The?? - That's fantastic news!! Good luck with it.
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Red_gal, yes this is just the adjustment period, don't get discouraged. you and your man just have to find your m.o. it won't happen overnight - give it time. i've known my bf for nearly a year and a half now and i still have moments of frustration at the irregularity of our communication...like NOW! <:-) just have a chat with your guy and tell him what you'd like more of.
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR is right. There is a period of adjustment, especially if you went from a local to a LDR. That may require more patience than those of us who started in an LDR.
Frequent and clear communication is the key. Online chats, SMS, email, phone calls...all essential to a healthy LDR.
Be sure to explain to him that the frustration you may be exhibiting is not directed at him, but at the situation you find yourselves in at the moment. It is sometimes hard to separate the two and it needs to be clear. Misunderstandings can happen SO easily over email and SMSs, not being able to hear the person's tone of voice and all. If you are not careful, it can blow up into a full-scale spat.
Does it get EASIER? I dunno. You become more accepting of the reality, so maybe that makes it easier. I find it gets harder to leave him when I see him and I get more maudlin after I am home than I did before. But I know it is stronger now and can withstand more than it could have in the beginning.
Hang in there, red_gal. It *is* worth it!!
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Thanks girls,
And you're absolutely right about the frustration - it's definitely not about him, but about the situation we're in. xx
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tia
20 yrs ago
I agree that Jay's deands are a little crazy and made me a little freaked.
Things are going fine on this end. Less than 8 weeks til the summer. Am missing physical contact badly though.
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hi pumpkin! i feel your pain. i think handwritten letters are lovely, quaint and old-fashioned. when i was away on my last trip i decided to start sending a postcard from every place i travel to or visit, that we are not together. he said he'd do the same. hopefully we'll have a nice little collection for the albums when we are finally together. :-)
it looks like we'll see each other again july/august.
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hey everyone how are you all doing?
i also agree that jays demands are a little high!
i am totally hearing you on the missing the physical contact!! how does everyone handle it ??
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tia
20 yrs ago
Yes, Bob helps...the only problem is the lack of hugs and kisses afterwards. :P
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tia
20 yrs ago
HA! Make sure you turn off the batteries first...
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hahahahaaa!
that's why i love this thread - most of its denizens really know how to love themselves... ;-)
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haha :)
oohh.. I'm having withdrawals from the lack of physical contact...
SO SO tempted to just fly to Oz and leave HK behind... but I really want to give HK a go!
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Red_gal, hang in there! i know you said you and your fiance probably won't see each other before christmas, but you never know (i.e. what if he finds a job, or you get a bonus, and you two can meet up sometime in between).
meantime, DON'T give up on hk - you've got this great opportunity to live in a really exciting part of the world as an expat. you and your fiance will be together again for sure (and the months will fly by) but you might never be an expat again. the whole experience will enrich you. :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Red_gal: There are often cheap flights to OZ and if you have or can make a long weekend, you could fly off for a *dirty weekend* as needed. In the past 2 years, I have done 4 short (less than 4 day) trips to OZ. You learn to make the most of the short time you have and it is worthwhile.
As tough as LDRs are, HK to Oz is not out of the question with the frequency of flights and the possibility for cheap flights. Not only that, but the time difference is not prohibitive for chats and phone calls. I know people in LDRs who are on opposite time zones. Makes it rougher.
It's not easy, but I can assure you that the pay off in the end is worth it. When you see him at the end of the time apart...*sigh*
VOR: If you don't love yourself first, how can you expect someone else to love you? :P You *have* to come to HK!!
Jay: I never called you a freak. Sorry if it appeared that way. I said that if I were the woman you are persuing, your demands would have freaked me out, made me a little nervous or concerned. We ARE trying to help you but you have to help yourself first. Yes, it hurts. We all know breakup hurts. We are truly sorry you are going through this. However, from what you have told us, all I can tell you is that you need to give her time, back off and let things take their course.
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believe me tia and pumpkin, the minute i have a trip to hk planned, you LDR comrades will be the first to know! (btw, re earlier posts: i have a funny story to tell you about Bob, but that can only happen after copious amounts of drinks.) thus far my regional meetings have been everywhere BUT hk (next month might be taipei)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Oh...I'll get the liquor cabinet ready then. :)
I am not a huge fan of Bob...but in a pinch...well... :P
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actually i'm not either, in fact it's a story about Bob's disposal in the UK :-D hahaha
has anyone heard from rats at all?
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tia
20 yrs ago
No...starting to wonder about her as well. Hum...
Perhaps no news is good news.
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hey everyone
how is your week going ?? mine is ok ! it is so humid here and i have cold so i am abit down at the moment! and home sick hehe
what to do when your bf is starting to disagree with you all the time and trying to always be right about everything. Him and I are very different type of people. I am not a very logical thinking person and where as he is , I always try think of the positive sides of everything, and he points out the negative parts. We dont have a lot in common but there is that certain 'click' thing there. lately he has been saying that I am making him angry at him and i don't know that i am doing it . i love him but sometimes aaagggghhhhh.
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hi what_the, you're just missing each other after such a great long visit together. i had to laugh reading your post, because it sounds SO familiar! ;-D
i think i'm like your bf (logical) and my honey is like you (creative, non-linear). you're bound to have these moments of friction, after all you're not the same people, right? but the same things that drive me bonkers about him are also the reasons i love and admire him. it will pass ;-)
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hahahah cool thanks voice
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You ladies are right... I don't give up that easier so I'm going to give HK a real go. I think it's just because I haven't really been out so I have lots of time to think...
But I'm going to hit a bar this wkend and have a good ole shake of my bootie!
Do you other ladies come to HK often? If you do, we should go out and have a good ole chinwag session!
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hehe - that's what I'm hoping for! Went to Drop bar last night for this 'Manicures & Martini's' thing.. it was fab!
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tia
20 yrs ago
@red_gal: Have friends in this weekend and am heading out Saturday night if you are around.
I play in Central...don't live there...but I am in HK 90% of the time. :)
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Yeah for sure... sms or call when you're in town..
yay!
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tia
20 yrs ago
K. Have your number, so will see what happens. Who knows? Might even be out on Friday as well.
50 days....
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tia: 50 days... woohoooo...
whatthe, what are you making him angry at? The way you think? tell him to 'relax' and try and understand that you guys are two different people.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Hi ladies (esp to Tia, pumpkin and vor),
here i am. maybe no news is good news. Thanks for all ur support. I am heading back to HK in June. Decided to take things slowly and 'procrastinate' everything. need some time to sort things out.
let's meet after I go back and hope you are all doing well.
@red gal- nice to meet you
@what the ??- I can totally understand you; love someone and yet cannot really bear him....
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Hi rats! Nice to meet you too.
I hope everything is ok...
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rats, very good to hear from you again. hope you are okay - we are all here for you. if you ladies do end up planning a get-together, please PM me, who knows, manila is so close to hk :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
HEY RATS!!! Good to hear that you are alive and well. Back in June, eh? Cool...or not. :-S
Yes, we SHOULD plan a LDR meet up. How is late June or early July for people? I leave on the night of the 14th July, so before then...even if it is mid-week. VOR, it would be GREAT to have ya here!
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We can have a nice send off for you..
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tia
20 yrs ago
HEY! Good plan. Before the 13th, though...flying with a raging hangover is NOT pleasant.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Yeah, I have a hellish day tomorrow, so tonight may not be the best idea. Damn social calendar.
Am definately out tomorrow night. People in from Brisbane tomorrow.
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same answer as pumpkin for me: you all go ahead and plan, and if i happen to be in hk on those dates, i'll let you know :-)
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How was everyone's wkend?
I spoke to my man - and he's considering of moving over here!! here's hoping!!!
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what good news, Red_gal! lucky girl :-) all fingers crossed for you
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tia
20 yrs ago
That is great news.
Weekend was a bit insane for me. Friends arrived and left, touring around HK.
Am having a hella week with this LDR crap. Getting cranky.
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hi tia :-) hope the crankiness passes. it's up and down over here too, with me hitting both ends of the spectrum (from total love to total annoyance). but had a great saturday night out with my girl friends. i find that they get more and more important to me as i get older.
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
Hey Tia
Stick in there, I used to go through that when I hadn't seen my man I even had days when I thought that I didn't even like him as I was so frustrated, but as you know the second you see them or they something silly it all melts away and those thoughts seem a zillion miles away.
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
I couldn't agree more pumpkin, I also fouund it got worse the longer our LDR went on.
The busier I kept the easier it was but sometimes I would have a bad weekend when I had too much time to think.
I recently popped back to my home country for a short stint and I found that tough.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Very true ladies, very true. I am winding down the school year and although I am busy, it is not as busy as before. Add to that a small spat after which he rudely logged out and left me fuming and it did not help matters. Also, I spent time with a very happy couple this weekend and it made me miss him that much more.
46 days.... I need a holiday!
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Oh i hate that! When there is mis-communication in chat form, and one person logs out.. leaving the other person fuming! 46 days to go hun.. not too long now. I've been busy running around HK this wkend that I haven't had a huge amount of time to talk to him.. wonder if that's why he's considering of coming over (?). If so, I've got to get out more often... haha
VOR - I can't agree with you more abt the girlfriends part... Definitely can't live life with my girlfriends...
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Hi to all,
Been following this thread for some time... but this is my first contribution though. Havent seen my BF for nearly 3 months now and I absolutely agree with Pumpkin...after 1 month things start getting more difficult. Additionally my man has been partically busy over the last month so communication has just dwindled. This has only made it more infuriating for me thinking he doesn't care...doesn't even have a spare moment for me. Luckily I will be seeing him in 3 weeks though so hope to sort things out then.
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hey everyone
how are you all today! I hope you all are doing well! is it me or does the weather change your mood? the last week or so it has been raining none stop and it is making me miss my boy so much more thinking of what we could be doing together! and it sucks that i am under a great deal of work pressure and missing him makes it harder! Do your friends relate to you in how you feel sometimes? or do they just don't understand and give you that pity look! I still have like another 3 months to go before i will see him again! but starting to revaluate and trying to get home earlier!! ahhhh why can't it just be easy hehe
have a great day ya all
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tia
20 yrs ago
I think that some of my friends understand...like the ones who are going through something similar. Some people don't get it and wonder why we don't find someone closer.
YEs, the weather is making me cranky as well. :P
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Pumpkin> Thanks for the advice. He will be less busy this month...in fact I know he will have loads of spare time so I will definitely have more opportunities for online and phone chats with him... :)
What the?>I think that unless my friends have experienced a LDR its hard for them to realise just how difficult it can be. But I do value their time and effort in hearing me out with my LDR problems.
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Hey ladies,
Only my friends who have been through it or going through it understand. As there aren't too many of them... this thread has been my saviour!
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tia
20 yrs ago
I imagine the same could be said about anyone in an odd situation...unless you have been there, done that, you don't really know.
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hmm... I'm starting to get annoyed & frustrated at him when I speak to him. He was telling me about how he thinks he'll come over (this was over a week ago) but hasn't done anything about it... just kinda dilly dally's around... ggrrrrr - I just want him to get his visa and head over.. ASAP! Am I being too pushy?
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hi Red_gal - one of the valuable features of an LDR is that it really forces you to see how your partner functions when you're NOT around. <:-)
my bf makes tons of plans and long to-do lists, but implementation is another matter - that's where we differ.
this early on in your LDR you can start managing expectations. you don't want to stop him from speculating out loud when he makes future plans, like visits, but you do want to help him see them through. it helps to say things positively (and often in question form) so you pull him towards the goal rather than push, i.e. "i'm so excited to see you again, have you applied for your visa?" and not "why haven't you gotten your visa yet?" or "i want to clear my calendar for when you get here, when do you think you might arrive?" and not "haven't you booked your flight yet?"
in other words: same question, nicer delivery. as our grandmas use to say, in one form or another, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" ;-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Red_Gal: I hear YA! Oh do I...
The last time the boy was to come here, he was planning it, excited to come, BUT...had not booked a ticket yet. When I was with him at Xmas, I asked him if he managed to find a cheap flight deal, bc I noticed that the flights were going up in price. He said he had not booked yet and I gently but firnly pointed out that the longer he waits, the more likely the price will shoot through the roof.
I agree with VOR that if you word it in a slightly less confrontational way "Hey honey, can I get your flight details so I can make sure I am free to come meet you at the airport?" rather than "When are you getting off your Ar$e and buying your tickets?" works better.
I am beginning to think that my partner forgets that he has someone else to think about when I am not around bc of late, it certainly seems like I am the LAST thing on his mind. TV, PC games and napping seems to taking precedence. I can't do this anymore. I am sick of feeling like I am the only one putting effort into this relationship.
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
Tia I had that too and i seemed to be forever saying the 'balance' word to my LDR. He would put preference over having a drink or watching sport to calling me even if we hadn't spoken in a while. Then when we were together it was completly different and i became much more the centre of his life. I just don't think some men are great at communication and some men don't know how to balance and they are soooooooooooooo different to the way we think. It will all be fine when you are with your man again.
Believe me its all worth it in the end.
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argh! the planets must be misaligning for all of us...i too have been feeling less-than-top priority these past several weeks /:-( what is so ironic is that HE loves throwing the b-word ('balance') around, much more than i do! the situation is exacerbated by the fact that we STILL do not know when we will see each other again.
i really felt the distance this week.
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yeah, I feel the distance too this week. When we speak, it's about him coming over (or procrastinating coming over) but then other than that, I'm just kinda frustrated...
It's this bloody weather!!!
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tia
20 yrs ago
6 weeks today, I leave to see him and right now, I could cheerfully cash in my ticket for a trip to Manilla, VOR!!! Yes, I am THAT peeved off with him. FED UP!
I am feeling like I am the only person he ever says NO to, that the one who can keep on being ignored, keep being pushed back. SICK OF IT!!
We talk every night..unless something major happens. I would like to think that this is something that we BOTH look forward to. When he logs in and starts whinging that he is tired, that he needs to go to sleep earlier, I have to bite my tongue from barking that he should have bloody well been online earlier. DO NOT make me feel guilty for wanting to talk to you. I am trying to do the next best thing to being there....
He also just left for the weekend to see a friend. Boy, he really can not say no to them...ever. One more incommicado weekend.
GRUMP!
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grrrr... do you know what I think it may be? Sometimes, when boys know that you're always around... they just put everything in the slow lane. I could be wrong - but last wkend I was out.. ALOT. So I didn't get a chance to speak to him much. But once I told him that I went out, met loads of ppl.. he was 'ok, I'll come over'... guess he missed the attention I was giving him.
But obviously during the weeks, things slow down a bit - so I've had more times to speak to him.. pay attention.. he's gone back to 'yeah, I'll try and get the visa sorted out this week.'
Does this happen to you guys?
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
It used to frustrate the hell out of me, the phone call would start I am tired....................so I tried to explain that by starting with a negative vibe the conversation would not work. This is all rings so true........we should all meet up and I do undertstand! I won't be one of those people who gives a pitying look for LDR as I too used to be on the receiving end of them!
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tia
20 yrs ago
I do think that is the case sometimes, Red_gal. On the HK day off, I went out with friends and had said I *should* be home early enough to speak to him, but too many drinks made that impossible. I emailed and said I was worry I was not around. Last night, the dork logs in, full of excuses and crap about where he was. I pointedly said that I made sure I was home, as I was not the night before and was sorry I missed him, that I was hoping for a good time to chat. Yeah...right.
Today, I get an SMS asking me if I am in a better mood. I MIGHT be....when I finish and sent this scathing email. I am sick of it.
I can be hardnosed enough to not contact him all weekend.
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i hear you gf... I hear you...
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i totally agree with both of you - you have make them miss you sometimes! we are all guilty of it: taking a mate, a friend, a job...for granted, especially when they seem to be available all the time. so make yourself scarce from time to time.
meantime, tia (and any other thoroughly fed-up LDR ladies!) you are most welcome to fume here in manila! ;-)
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But if and when we do meet up, I'd say - let's forget the boys for one night (cos i'm sure they're on our minds enough as it is...) and have a jolly good old girls night out!
Cosmo's anyone??
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tia
20 yrs ago
You want me in Manilla for 6 weeks? ;-)
VOR: I sent you a PM.
Red_gal: We *WILL* meet up. Boys? We don't need no stinking boys!
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Hi Tia, Red_gal and VOR>
You girls are expressing pretty much exactly how I felt nearly all of last month...but as I have since replied on this thread things have become slightly better with my BF. Just hoping it stays this way long enough until I see him.
The problem I had in the past with my BF regarding the purchase of tickets is that when I was using upbeat questions to get an answer he just shrugs it off with a vague answer. So it gets me so pissed off sometimes that I just end up giving him ultimatums which I don't like to do. But at least it urges him to do something.
Btw I would like to see up too and NOT think about the SO for a change!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Anyone in HK up for drinks tomorrow night? Even if you are out of HK, you can have a drink with us...same time, same drink, meeting via SMS or some such thing.
Ok...Red Rain Warning and my arsehat school is still keeping the kids in. I need to go HOME.
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if you gals do meet up, i shall be with you in spirit ;-)
tia, i've PM'd you back :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
THANKS! You have the level head I am lacking at the moment. :)
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isn't it funny how we can keep a level head for others but never ourselves? i shall need to vent MY spleen this weekend, no doubt, so i will be counting on YOUR level head. ;-)
for today though, am about to get very UN-level-headed later, as i intend to enjoy copious amounts of vino over a celebratory dinner with my son and my parents (the perfect antidote to negative thoughts - indeed, any thoughts at all! - about the bf) ;-p
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yep - I'm up for having a couple of cheeky ones tomorrow night with everyone - wherever you are ;)
Hope this downpour lifts...
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tia
20 yrs ago
We shall be carousing in Lan kwai Fong. I have your mobile so will SMS ya.
My level head is VERy good for others...the scales are greatly tipped for my own sake at the moment.
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hey you all
I know how you are all feeling to ! but being a guy my advice is that to try to slacken off on the calls emails etc and tell him that you are to busy having fun with your friends and meeting new people! in time he will miss you and will start to make more of an effort! one drunken night out i was out with my friends in a bar table hoping talking to lots of different people and most of them know that I am in a LDR and they were cool about it until one of my friends commented that i shouldn't be having such a great time and if any thing happens it will be on my concience (nothing would ever happen)! Then i get all upset call the bf and explains and then he starts to tell me that i must be giving off the single vibes to everyone other wise they won't come and talk to me!! I am a naturally flirty person and like to have fun and meet new people but that is all , to me my boy is number one, him and i are so different i am a social one and he is the quiet one! which is cool ying and yang blah blah,
It can get so frustrating but in the end it is going to all work out . this weather gets you down !!!!
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hey you all
I know how you are all feeling to ! but being a guy my advice is that to try to slacken off on the calls emails etc and tell him that you are to busy having fun with your friends and meeting new people! in time he will miss you and will start to make more of an effort! one drunken night out i was out with my friends in a bar table hoping talking to lots of different people and most of them know that I am in a LDR and they were cool about it until one of my friends commented that i shouldn't be having such a great time and if any thing happens it will be on my concience (nothing would ever happen)! Then i get all upset call the bf and explains and then he starts to tell me that i must be giving off the single vibes to everyone other wise they won't come and talk to me!! I am a naturally flirty person and like to have fun and meet new people but that is all , to me my boy is number one, him and i are so different i am a social one and he is the quiet one! which is cool ying and yang blah blah,
It can get so frustrating but in the end it is going to all work out . this weather gets you down !!!! ps started applying for jobs so i can move back earlier
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hmm.. I don't really agree to what your friend said to you. Why shouldn't you have as a good time as anyone else?? Cos you're in a relationship? That's bullocks... Having fun (so long as it's harmless) should be had by all.
If you cheated on your bf, then different story but it just sounds like you were out and about having fun with friends and meeting new people - nothing wrong about that at all!
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tia
20 yrs ago
I think your friend's comment was a little off as well, but I have had people comment that I should not be as social as I can be with the b/f not with me. I am definately the more social of the 2 of us.
So long as your conscience can live with what you did/do when out with your friends, it is all good. I got kissed once by a VERY drunk man in a bar and fessed up the next day to the b/f. I did not kiss the guy back and I think that b/f could tell by the revulsion in my voice that I was NOT keen on this man pashing me.
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oh dear hehe
my friend was telling me that there is nothing wrong with a pash and run ! hehe
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tia.. how did the boy take it? good chuckle?
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rats
20 yrs ago
Hi ladies and what the ??
I hear you all...it MUST be the bad weather's fault. Here the weather is nice; sunshine till 8pm and really make me feel better.
it MUST be god's fault by making men and women differently (cliche but true) I always have the feeling that I am the only one who keep putting effort to maintain the LDR, probably because we are more sensitive, esp when it comes to romance:relationship. When you step back, you probably reallise that your partner is giving effort too, just not up to our expectations, but it may already be a big step for him. It seems they tend to be more lazy and will take action at the last minute. (or just my boy) As long as they are doing it, maybe we should learn to forget how they do it but try to focus on the fact that they do have it done. :D
It is also important to maintain a healthy social life and not to have boys in our mind 24/7.
Anyways, hope you all feel better and get everything on the right track again.
And I will take the plane to go back to HK tomorrow when you girls (and guy for what the ??)enjoying the drinks at LKF.
cheers
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hi rats, great to hear from you again, and so true what you wrote about appreciating what IS there instead of hoping for what ISN'T there.
hope you are well - looking forward to your update, should you feel like sharing :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Red_gal: Surprisingly, when I tell him about the strange nights out, the odd drunk slobbering freak who hits on me, he just laughs and asks me if I hit them. :P He knows I would never cheat.
Thanks for the SMS. Was not too late...was just heading to bed. Will SMS ya later and let you know where we are.
Rats!! Good to hear from you. Yes, you are right. I know that as well (being level headed and all). It is not that he does NOTHING...I am just tired of an 11th hour effort.
vOR: I did SMS him later...took him 3 hours to reply. Am not going to bother today. Too busy and just have nothing to say at this point. *sigh*
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Hi Tia and Red_Gal:
Hope you both have a great time tonight and manage to forget all the boy issues...I had wanted to join but have already got plans made. Hope there will be another time! :)
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tia
20 yrs ago
There is always another time...most Fridays, some Saturdays.
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i swore i would never again reply to your posts but i must tell you now: LEAVE HER ALONE! you have NO right to ruin her happiness, the past is past, you played your role in contributing to this present situation, and now your relationship is OVER. move on. you will only prove how psycho you are if you do something so foolish as contacting her bf and colleagues. if you do that, it will only prove that she was perfectly justified in leaving you. enough already. MOVE ON. LEAVE HER ALONE.
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If I was this girl, and you told the bf and colleagues - i'd be SO peeved off and would never want to speak to you.
When you wished for her happiness.. did you really mean it? Or are you just saying it to 'act' nice so she'll want you back.
As VOR said - LEAVE HER ALONE.. She's obviously happy with her new guy and there isn't anything you can do about it. Sorry jay, but I do think it's well and truly over. I think we may have been telling you for a couple of weeks now.
tia - sorry hon for not meeting you tonight... feeling sorry for myself today after last night's drunken debauchery.. te he he.. ouch! I promise sooner than later and hope the others can join!
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Ed
20 yrs ago
In case its not clear enough, this is the Women ONLY forum... any men on here will be banned (jay2 is gone)
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tia
20 yrs ago
So, LA was good?
Someone has been being a complete boy. We talked this weekend when he got home and he admits he is losing focus. He spend part of the weekend speaking with a mate who is also in an LDR and there was some whinging on the part of the boys. This *losing focus* phenomenon seems to be very male oriented. Outta sight, outta mind sort of thing.
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pumpkin - am so glad for you, you lucky duck! and soooo jealous too! ;-)
that is excellent advice re the "everydayness of it"...i must keep an eye on that, as i recently felt, for the first time, that the bf might be slipping into "out of sight, out of mind" mode, which is related to "taking one's beloved for granted" mode.
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heya
i totally agree with pumpkin!! go and have fun!! become the one they love you for again!!!
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia and vor, are you ladies feeling better today?
pumpkin, glad to hear that you have a great time.
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hi rats! are you back in hk? how are you doing?
i'm feeling all right...just following some good advice from the comrades, and enjoying the company of an old friend who is in town. actually he's an ex from years ago, and we've become the best of friends now but that's another story ;-) suffice it to say he has always been one of my favorite eating/drinking partners - he has excellent taste and really knows how to enjoy his food and wine. we'll hopefully be having some legendary meals this week :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Me? Yeah...had a nice little chat Sunday. (ok, not very nice, but it was air-clearing and helpful) Am meeting friends tonight for dinner and that will be wonderful. Had a good weekend with other folks and that helped me clear my own head. I owe VOR a huge THANKS for her kind and helpful words as well.
Rats: Are you back? Is your mobile Number the same?
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rats
20 yrs ago
Hi Tia,
got your SMS this early morning. Since it is long, I'd better answer your question here. I came back so fast cos I realised that my fiance and I are not ready to start our life together,i.e. getting married. The last month with him was less pleasant than I thought and I just could not imagine staying there longer. I need to back off and come back, try to pull myself back together.
Though my finance and I have a really bad time for quite awhile (with some brief happy moments from time to time), one thing is still clear to me after last month - if I am ready and ever wanna marry someone, it must be him.
Meanwhile, we both are trying hard to be a better person for each other and hope we both will soon be strong and good enough for having a happy life together.
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hi rats...so you two are still in the LDR together, and have just postponed your marriage indefinitely?
whatever the case, it's nice to know that you two have have left the door open to future progress <:-)
may i ask what was the trigger(s)/event(s) which led you to your conclusion that you two weren't ready for marriage yet?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Well, it is good that you know what your plan is. I hope it works for you.
Will let you know when we are out and about again.
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Hey Rats,
I'm just curious... are you guys still together? My fiance and I have just decided to postpone our wedding too cos we're so unsure of where we will be etc - and I wsn't that fussed by that.. not sure if that's saying something.
I may have said this to you girls before, but anyone keen to meet up - even for a coffee during the day or a c*cktail at night? It's hard being able to talk to my friends about it as they're not in the same boat as me so they kinda look at me with sympathy or blank looks...
Tia - promise I won't bail this time x
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:-O argh! envy! wish i was there - as always, i am with you all in spirit, if you do get together for spirits ;-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Perhaps beingnon-fussed about going through with a proper ceremony is not such a big thing. I for one do not see the real need to have it all legal and on paper if you are secure in your committment. You know you will be together for a long time. You know you are in love, committed and faithful.
Red_gal: will SMS when out and about and in Central area. This weekend is INSANE crazy, so I know I will be a good girl. :P
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indeed i will be enjoying myself, Pumpkin! having a fab dinner tonight with the friendly ex to celebrate another friend's birthday, at a recently re-opened favorite restaurant. i shall toast each and every one of you :-)
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I guess it's different. I haven't lived without this boy before for 3.5 years. Now it's the first time... and I'm doing ok on my own. This is not to say that I don't miss him or need him or want him by my side. But I must admit that I am enjoying this time on my own, for now.
Just of late - whenever I speak to him, he just can't seem to get his sh!t together with anything, so it's just frustrating...
As for the marraige thing - well we don't even know if we'll be in the same countries so we thought we'd sort out that part of our lives first.. no point getting married and then going seperate ways again.
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btw - how long have each of you been doing this LDR for?
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17 months now, and like Pumpkin, never been anything but LDR as yet. first time in my life to do this.
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19 months now like you most of you we have only done LDRs and this is also my first time in a serious relationship~!
is everyone in the same cultural partner or different! my bf is chinese and i am Aussie
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tia
20 yrs ago
Since Jan 2004...been nothing but LDR the whole time...so, 2.5 years? YEEP! Where did the time go?
Red_gal: Since you were with him for 3.5 years before hand, this may be a bit more of an eye-opener for you. It's good that you are enjoying the time and not simply pining away for him.
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i agree with Tia - you've got a very good attitude about the whole situation, Red_gal :-)
hi what_the - my bf is northern european, i'm southeast asian. he has traveled but never lived anywhere outside europe. i grew up all over the world (u.s., asia, europe), but now i love asia so much that i don't want to leave (not permanently anyway). i think that issue could ultimately make or break my LDR: how he and i are going to work with or around that.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I am with you VOR! I lurve HK. Sure, I may come to a point where I loathe it, but now, I am still in love with it...and not wanting to leave. The tug-of-war between stay-go, now-later rages on. On a bad day, I just want to buy the first ticket outta here and worry about the rest later. On a good day, I keep wondering what it would take to get him to move here...aside from his beloved country disappearing into the ocean.
There *is* something about Asia, isn't there?
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor- yes, we are still together, just instead of ending the LDR with me moving to his country. we are in LDR again...
pumpkin- dunno if it is natural. It is probably all about expectation. I was, am and will be realistic, but maybe the distance between us still gives chance for illusion/unrealistic expectation to lurk in. As you all kindly adviced me before, it is normal to have some adjustment phase, afterall we had't been physically present at the same place together for a long time. While some may be strong enough to stick with the problem and confront it upright, I may be one of those weak ones who just cannot deal with it. I just understand we are now not strong and good enough, and something must be planned/done before we start our life together. If I am just stubborn and stay with him in his country blindly now, we are just torturing each other. Call me wilful and selfish, I just cannot stand it and I know well that if I stay, I will be suffocated, hurting him, soon getting sick of the relationship and eventually finding my fiance/this relationship unbearable. Since it is the last thing in the world I want it happen, I come back to HK. I still love him and want our relationship have happy end which it deserves.
Red girl- my fiance and I started with 'mild' LDR, lived together and in real LRD since 15 months ago. We have been together for slight more than 4 years now.
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Rats, I think you've done the right thing. If you're already aware how you feel and how it may affect the relationship - then it's good that you've done something about it.
I had a friend once who was so unsure during the time of the engagement - but she went through with it anyway because she thought it was too late to change her mind. 3 months into the marriage - they seperated and now they're divorced. They're on good terms, but she knows that she could have saved all the hassle and she was so unhappy with herself.
Maybe the timing is just not right. You do deserve a happy ending... giving yourself sometime on your own to clear your head is a good move. I don't think you should ever get married unless you're both 100% sure it's the right thing to do.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I agree that if you have serious doubts, it is time to step back and really think about it. It may hurt to end a long-term relationship, but in the long run, it may be the best choice.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Red gal- thanks. So it there a 'deadline' regarding the pospontment of the wedding?
Tia- I am not having doubts and we still want it work as said. But we do have some communication problems and difficulities adjusting to our co-hibitant life at the moment...
Pumpkin- there is no conflict between the fact that I want to be with him and yet I can't stand to be together after being spearate from each other geograhpically for quite some time. Isn't love/relathionship all about? love/hate relationship. If I could afford that, I would definitly either renting a place with two bedrooms or renting a small studio near our 'home' (he is still living in the same apartment since the day we moved in together back then). Don't the marry couples have conflicts and need chill-out zone/space at times? Unfortunately I do have that option...yet.
I used to think it is indeed great that two persons in love being 'trapped' at the same space, so that they must confront with each other and solove the problem, they may also have chance to look pass the mean and evil swearing of their partner by 'observing' the real reation and true emotions of their partner. BUT this time it does not apply to my situtaion. My fiance and I need to solve some of our own issues before we can be together. So I came back and revert to LDR. Why can't we plan to be together? 'Not the right timing' is not an excuse but a fact.
If not, the ladies here, you included, pumpkin, won't be here talking about their LDRs.
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Rats - nah no deadline at this stage. We're just going to wait until we know where we will both be next year. It could still be early next year, but it's not definite. Us not getting married when we had originally planned to is not because of 'wrong timing'... it's because of the uncertainty of our situation. We both still want to get married, just unsure when.
So once you guys solve your own issues, do you plan on moving back together? Is it issues that can be fixed quite quickly?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Rats: My doubts comment was to Red_gal and her friend. Sorry if you thought I meant you had doubts.
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oh rub it in why don't you!?!
haha :-D just kidding Pumpkin, i am just green with envy, that's all - am very happy for you.
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No guessing what you'll be up to for your 1 night together.. ;)
ENJOY!
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Drink lots of Gatorade...
What is with this bloody weather???
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rats
20 yrs ago
tia- no problem
red gal- thought u wanna hang out with us? arrange sth ;) hehee, back to your question, yes, we will be back together one things are solved. But it may take quite some time.
pumpkin- well, guess you must having a great time now :P
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Woohooop..! Go the aussies! yay.. I just came back from watching the football...
alrightly lasses.. what is everyone doing this Friday! Let's make it LDR's at LKF this Friday night! who's in??
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tia
20 yrs ago
I have Friday plans. How is Saturday?
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Sure - Saturday works well with me too. What shall we do? dinner & drinks? or just drinks?
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whoops... sorry - I can't do Sat.. I just remembered I'm heading up to Shenzhen.
Thursday?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Off to Singapore? :)
Thursday night would be ok.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Count me in for thursday night?
when and where are you ladies going to meet?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Dunno. Was just thinking about that myself.
Red_gal? Suggestions? Are we doing just drinks or dinner and drinks? Anyone up for Vietnamese?
I am also off to SZ this weekend...must be a popular place. :)
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Hey ladies..
Viet sounds great. Where can we get that?
Shall we meet at LKF? say 7:30- 8ish? Pls PM for mine/your number!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Good place on Wellington, near bottom of Escalators.
730 is good. Can meet at Stormy Weather in LKF first, at top of the street first. That's easy to find.
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Sounds good. i think they have happy hour til 9pm...
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tia
20 yrs ago
Well, that could be dangerous! :)
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and fun!
ok - I won't be on the net all day but tia you have my number so call me if you have any problemos. Otherwise I'll see you girls around 7:30ish at Stormies...
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cheers to you gals! am with you in spirit.
can't give details here, but a trip to hk is in the offing ;-)
wishing you a great time tonight!
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Yes! It would be great to meet ALL of you... hopefully at the same time - next time :)
Pumpkin, are you able to make it tonight?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Again??? :P Bangkok or Singapore?
VOR, it would be AWESOME if you could make it to HK. Shall toast you this evening. What is your potion of choice?
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tia
20 yrs ago
58 hours! Well done!
Again...as you said, you *just* saw him Tuesday.
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hey ladies! did you have a good time?! :-)
yesterday must have been Girl Friend Day everywhere - i played hooky from work and spent the day at a spa with two of my friends ;-) shhh
am partial to vodka or wine myself. what did everyone have? ;-)
pumpkin, have a great weekend AGAIN!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Last night was lovely, yeah.
Beer, wine and juices were the potions last night. Had it not been work night, I think it could have been worse...will have to hook up on a weekend night.
A day of hooky! :-O Well done VOR! We all need those every so often.
28 days. 4 weeks today... :D
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it sounds like you ladies had a great time!! I spent my night at home watching sex and the city ! hehehe and this weekend i have to work !!! aghhhh
only 11weeks to go
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tia
20 yrs ago
What the ??: You should venture out to HK one weekend...come join the girls. :)
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WElcome!
nah it's tough - my boyfried has to deal with me calling him drunk at 2am!
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tia
20 yrs ago
I don't ring...but I have been guilty of drunken SMSs of late...
Nuovavita: nothing is easy..LDRs require more patience sometimes than I am even prepared to give...but in so many ways, it is worth it. We had a tough patch through May and I am not entirely sure why it seemed so rough...but it was.
You battle on...you talk it out and eventually, it works itself out one way or the other. I just know that I love this boy loads and I want this to work.
Hang in there. It will get better.
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hehehe i am a drunk dialler! i will admit it! he has become accustomed to it now!
nuova- you need to have have faith and trust in him! if not it isn't going to work out ! even if he is out with his friends or another woman it is ok as they are his friends! and trust me we need our friends specially when we are in a LDR.
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tia
20 yrs ago
what the?: Good to your your partner deals with your drunk dailing late at night! :) Last time I went out, my b/f even saked me if I would be sending nasty SMSs later. hehe
Nuova: Trust is essential. But so is communication. If he says he will call and does not, you need to talk about that. Since we can not see them daily, we need to talk daily in one way or form.
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nuova what do you mean by actions and not words??
you can blame the alcohol only a little and the rest is what you want to do
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tia
20 yrs ago
Tis true. You can flirt and say what you want...but DOING it is a different mind set. Are YOU worried you will be unfaithful?
So long as you tell him the words and give him the action, it's all good.
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Yeah my friends and I are considering a new concept...
Don't drink & dial.. haha
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HUH?? what is the fun in that!! I have had some great conversations with the bf ( I think )
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tia
20 yrs ago
Drink driving is ok but drink dailing is DANGEROUS!?? :P
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hey everyone. just over 2mths to go !yay!! till i move .was thinking today about doing a summer camp job in hk for a few weeks! as the money there is so much better than in china. and want to a change., so if anyone has any recommendations of camps please feel free to let me know!
What does everyone do when you start to feel bored! you know that feeling that you feel like you are in a rut with your bf and life etc
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yes drinking and dialling is dangerous! dangerous to my bank account - especially since it's normally from my mobile in a random bar... haha - it's all good.
Hey wt?? - what type of camps are you looking for?
As for the boredom part - go out with friends and meet new ppl - that way, your life can never be too boring!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Sounds like we all had decent weekends. Drunk dailing or not. :)
Just over 3 weeks. I'd like to not be so excited to go, but I'll just have to keep busy busy busy til then.
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Hey Red
at the moment just having a look for summer camps teaching english!
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GEES
20 yrs ago
Just out of interest pumpkin are you having an affair??????? Its just I have read your threads and you never seem to have more than a couple of snatched days together. Then you talk about how you nearly lost sometime together........just an observation! PLease don't take it the wrong way, its just when you are on a public forum people are bound to form opinions.
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Well good to know you had a couple of days with him?
Any chance the next time you guys can spend more time together? PErhaps he come to HK for a holiday or you go to his home place for a holiday?
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hey everyone
what you all doing for the weekend?? I will have to work !ughhhh
I need to keep my mind busy other wise i start to become bored and then start to think of the what if,s........
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hi all, i have been absent from this thread - am sooooo busy with work, plus i had a bout of drama with my family that is indirectly related to my LDR, but - fortunately or unfortunately - things have been just to hectic for me to deal with it too deeply. the honey is otherwise fine, and i think plans to see each other next month are firming up (fingers crossed).
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tia
20 yrs ago
Start of a new week...I am counting down to the end of the year and all that it entails. 18 days til I leave to see the boy for 5 weeks. Whee!
How is everyone else doing? Pumpkin, did he pass his exams? I am waiting to see if my boy got his permanent status at work as well. *fingers crossed*
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(aaargh! am retyping this, as my server died the first time i posted)
hi pumpkin - i had been a casual smoker for years (two packs a month, only when drinking, could go without for days), so i decided to finally stop after the april visit.
then this weekend whilst whinging to a friend over some very large vodkas, i decided to "just have one" - big mistake! the next day my throat felt raw, and i couldn't stop gagging.
it's been a very difficult several days, to tell you the truth...i am on the verge of making a decision whether or not to continue my LDR. it all boils down to this: do i love him enough to continue? or is it time for me to move on?
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Hey Vor,
Well only you can answer that question... is there a possible chance that you guys can end up together in the same place at the same time for a long time and that it could potentially go somewhere other than what it is now?
At the end of the day, that's why we're all in LDR's right? Cos we hope that there is that possibility that it can be more than just an LDR one day.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Big decision time!! WOW!
My week is good. Things are trucking along well and both anxious to get me in Australia.
No word but I am VERY confident that he will get his permanent status. I have complete faith in that boy. Also, he sure can pile on the bullpucky when he wants to. :)
Miffed my dear girl? Why ever for?
To all you quitters of smoking, I support your choices and I wish you all the best of luck. If either of you could get my darling b/f to stop, I would give you anything you wanted. :)
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Good luck to your boy tia! and yours too Pumpkin!
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tia you lucky girl! for all my world traveling, i have yet to visit australia and new zealand, and some of my dearest friends are from there. maybe next year.
Red_gal, thanks...unfortunately it will be some time - 3 to 5 years i would say - before i could permanently move to be with him. in the meantime, we need more frequent, and longer, stretches of time together. we have spoken many times about how we will maintain this LDR, we've mapped out the milestones and benchmarks, but it's just not happening.
then there is the natural passage of time, over which you get to know each other, when expectations get put to the test of reality, and the rose-colored glasses finally come off, and you're looking at a human being. hence my decision: do i truly love him, warts and all, enough to continue, or do i accept that he may not be the one to stay this particular course after all, and move on?
my red flag is that the thought of him has gone from being a source of peaceful, loving happiness, to one of frustration and sadness.
i'm the kind of person who regularly cleans out her closet, literally and figuratively, every year, sometimes more often, like clockwork. i only keep keepers. i don't keep debris, clutter, baggage.
for some reason i woke up today thinking of that line from that clive owen film Croupier: "hold on tightly, let go lightly" :,-(
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tia
20 yrs ago
I have admire you if you can do that VOR. Cleaning out one's closet, luterally and figuratively, is a tough thing to do.
Only you can know how you feel and if it is a source of frustration and saddness, that perhaps it is time.
MMMmmmmm...Clive Owen. (Sorry...my brain is a little one-track at the moment!)
Red_gal: If I thought for ONE MINUTE he would quit smoking, I would be thrilled...but I know this is the ONE thing to not bring up. I do admire people who can quit, as I know it is a tough tough thing to do.
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you're right, pumpkin, i don't think i ever had the rose-colored glasses on. we're both adults, i've been married before, in fact i rather pride myself on being extremely clear about what is in front of my eyes vs what is wishful and imaginary in my head, almost to the point of cynicism (which I don't want to fall prey to either).
what has changed is exactly what you mentioned about the book you read - i now have doubts he will ever "get it", i.e. the part you mentioned about showing love "in a way they [i] understand, and on a regular basis that perpetuates the 'in love' honeymoon feeling". and now that i've observed his work style, i think he's great at starting projects, but terrible at maintenance.
i have never doubted his love or intentions, but as the song goes, i've lost that loving feeling. it's not the first time i've felt that. now i don't know if i'm too chicken or too weary or too stubborn and still hanging on to a shred of hope, to break up.
wow, you had a heavy smoking habit! all the more applause for quitting! cold turkey is the way to go.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Football? Sure, ok. Head firmly in the sand. Don't care.
I am not bringing up Allan Carr for fear of having my lovely head ripped off. He has to do it on his own.
I agree that Pumpkin's latest read sound interesting enough to check out.
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a long time ago another poster in another thread posted a link to an online version of the test. i've just dug out my results from that test - my five languages in order of importance, are:
#1 Physical Touch
#2 Acts of Service
#3 Quality Time
#4 Receiving Gifts
#5 Words of Affirmation
so you can see that i am an intensely physical person, concerned with what is tangible and real and perceivable through my five senses...which makes this LDR so challenging for me. but since we are in an LDR, the physical touch requirement becomes represented by that all-important daily contact, and believe me pumpkin, it is something i have insisted on since day 1.
he has said he thinks his #1 language would likely be quality time, but he hasn't taken that test yet. i'll ask him to.
i guess "momma" is just tired of repeating herself! <:-)
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by the way, in case anyone is interested in taking the test, it's here: http://selectsmart.com/FREE/select.php?client=5lovelanguages :-)
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;-D good man, your bf...consults one of the gurus of vitamin Oh! *clap*clap*clap*
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pumpkin - lol lol lol! ;-D
so yesterday i said "my red flag is that the thought of him has gone from being a source of peaceful, loving happiness, to one of frustration and sadness."
...last night, as usual, the moment we start communicating and understanding each other, all bad thoughts vanish, and i regain my positive outlook again. we still have a lot to talk about, but i feel optimistic once more, like i've stepped back from the brink (of breaking up).
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STUCK
20 yrs ago
Pumpkin
Did you buy the book out here? If so where?
Thanks in advance.
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tia
20 yrs ago
WHAT? I am not a sports fan. Leave me be.....
Good to hear that you are back from the edge VOR. I hope it works out for the best for you..whatever that is.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Did the quiz....
SHOCKING! (no, not really) I got PHYSICAL TOUCH and QUALITY TIME as tied for first.
I am not surprised....
16 days....
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hahaha! hmm, seems like here in the LDR thread, we covet most that which we cannot have ;-)
i wonder if the love-language priorities would change once you finally live with your beloved?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Well, I fear mine would still be the same, given the propensity my darling boy has for NOT having sex. Perhaps, after a bit, Acts of Service would become more important if we were living together.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Ah.ha.ha.ha. :P
Really....laughing on the inside.
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OH man i got physical touch and quality time as my top to!! the only 2 things that i miss from the relationship! starting toget a bit concerned about things . it is only 10weeks to go and i haven't even started packing yet! also started to feel abit outcasted by some of my friends as they know that i won't be back
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tia
20 yrs ago
I think we all would at the moment get those as the top 2. It is the ONE thing we are missing most.
You are moving for good!!?? WOW! I am envious.
15 days....
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yup be moving back for good!!
He wouldn't be able to move back here for quite some time so i will just move back there for him! I would have moved back to new zealand or australia even if we weren't together . you know how you have that feeling of it is time to leave!
15 days you are luckier! hehe
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dear LDR comrades, one of my favorite people on planet earth just sent this to me:
What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
By AMY SUTHERLAND
The New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fashion/25love.html?ex=1308888000&en=f3a9c33e07612db0&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss
perhaps you, like me, will experience an epiphany, or at least be reminded of wisdom you used to have but have not practiced recently... :-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor- nice to hear that you are into positive mood again :)
As to cleaning out the closet, be careful and don't throw away things that you will miss one day and realise that no replacement can be found. ;)
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that is so true, rats! ;-) hey nice to hear from you again, how is everything going?
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor- you got PM. sorry for the late reply ;)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Hey Rats...surprising to see you out and about Friday night. :)
10 days..... Lemme outta here!
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rats
20 yrs ago
tia, it was a surprise for me as well, it seemed you ladies were having great fun. I actually did not expect to be out at all , the ending? --it gave me a very good excuse to buy a new pair of high heels :)
10days? good for you, enjoy the sun, sea and s...surely, the quality time with your boy in OZ ;)
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rats, sent you a PM back :-)
am still in the middle of sorting my july travel plans - will be transiting through hk actually! - and there is a small chance that the honey can meet me in the u.s. at some point.
btw the honey took that online love languages test and - surprise, surprise - got he exact same results as i did. hmmm! yeah RIGHT! i think maybe the REAL test (in pumpkin's gary chapman book) is the one worth taking ;-) still - it was good for a chuckle and he seemed very pleased.
tia! i can imagine you must be climbing the walls, raring to go. :-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
Yes...well, tis winter there...so the sun and surf may wait. Ss.....surely is more important.
Next time you are fancying a drink Rats, let us know.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Bit quiet around here...either we are all doing amazingly well or we don't want to talk about it.
4 days til I leave. :)
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hahahahaha! spot on, tia. for me, it's both. some days are great, some days i get really depressed about the future (especially when i read the relationships threads - ugh!).
four days will fly by but am sure you feel like time has slowed to a crawl ;-)
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Hey ladies,
it's been awhile but that's what working does to ya! It has taken me awhile to adjust to getting up early and working til late...
Anyhow yay Tia... you must be SO excited!
my ldr is going to be a lot longer than I intended which sux immensely...
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tia
20 yrs ago
Welcome to the working week, Red_gal! :)
3 days now....craaawwwlllling. GAH!
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have a great time tia and don't do anything that we wouldn't do ! hehehe
i don't like this working thing!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Working is HIGHLY over-rated, I agree...especially when you have been coming in for the last 2 weeks with next to nothing to do. Ack!
ANY you would not do? Geee...that leaves it pretty open! ;-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor- reply ur PM
red gal- get busy right away with your new job? why do you have to stay longer?
Tia, good for you, have fun and send us an SMS when you are back! (will you be back? :P)
Pumpkin, where are you?? hope everything's doing great!
what the??, any update?
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tia
20 yrs ago
I will be back. Yes. August sometime.
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rats
20 yrs ago
tia- yeah, i know you will be back, just teasing you. just wondering if you will be so happy there and decide spontaneously that you aren't coming back :P
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tia, bon voyage and have a wonderful time. may your bond with your beloved grow stronger :-)
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dear LDR friends...i've been doing a lot of thinking, which is why i haven't been posting much in this thread.
please bear with me - i really just need to vent now, and sorry if this bums anyone out. i am not generalizing, i'm just going to blather on about my particular situation.
i don't think i can do it any more. be in this LDR, i mean. it's not anything he or i have done, it's just not a normal state for me. i can't maintain it - or rather i can't maintain it with this particular person.
i also think i may have chosen someone who is too much like my ex-husband in certain ways...and maybe there is something about me that makes men like them go for me. whatever it is, the bottom line is that we do not share the same blueprint for what constitutes a happy and lasting relationship.
my ex and i were from polar opposite emotional backgrounds. i've posted elsewhere that he comes from a very complicated, broken and dysfunctional family. sadly, i wasn't equipped to deal with that - it's certainly one of the reasons we divorced.
my bf now is from a similar background, although i don't think the dysfunctions run as deeply - his family seems to have a greater capacity for loving and happy relations.
nevertheless - the fact remains that very few of us are so special as to be able to break the lessons that we have grown up learning.
i'm certainly no exception, and i grew up in what many may call the most plain-vanilla, boring and mundane of blueprints: a small and close family unit, with parents intact. believe me it was not without its travails, but it's what i know, and it's the only thing i'm capable of maintaining.
and it's what i want. to be together with my beloved, or to be alone. i am not capable of anything in between, i'm just not.
i think couples should be together, not apart.
there can be the odd jobs or missions away, but this long a period? i can't do it.
my bf is a wonderful guy, who has the best intentions in the world. (just like my ex was!) it's not him, it's me.
(please, no jokers referring me to the "dating language" thread...)
ok, vent over.
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR: I wish you all the best of luck in whatever you choose to do. I hope you find someone closer who deserves someone as wonderful as you. Good on you for knowing what you need to do.
You still have to come to Hong Kong. :)
In 24 hours, I will be there. I fear that this last stretch will seem the longest. I have a feeling that this time together will either strengthen bonds or snap them in a million pieces. I know that I love him and that he loves me, but like you, I do believe that couples should be together and I don't see anyone making the big leap anytime soon. However, I shall see what happens and I do hope I have the courage to make the right choices.
I hope everyone else has a great summer.
Red_gal: Anything you want from Aussie (aside from the boyfriend) that you are missing?
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rats
20 yrs ago
VOR- sent you another PM.~
Tia- best of luck.
Red_gal: how are you? if you wanna hang out, please drop me a PM ;)
Tia and vor- I guess if it is meant to be, it will work out on its own somehow (of course also involves lots of work) My ex-best-friend survived a FIVE-YEAR LDR with her bf, visiting each other only twice a year maximum and they are happily married in a 3rd country since May. I am not saying that I can hang on as long as she did. Just want to let you guys know love/hope is there and our on average ~2 year long LDR is not that bad after all ;)
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tia
20 yrs ago
I know it can work. I have seen it. I am prepared to do what it takes as well and I know I can put forth the effort.
I am very much looking forward to having this amount of time with the boy. I think it will help tremendously. I am excited. 22 hours til I see him.
I'll send you all postcards. :)
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thanks everyone. rats, i'll send you a PM later :-)
Pumpkin, i couldn't agree with you more - if he's not The One, then what am i doing in this LDR? i THINK he's the one, i WANT him to be the one, but...maybe he's not. i now have to decide if it's worth the risk, and the time.
speaking purely on logistics: no, i cannot go be with him at this point in time. my son is still with me and i will not uproot him or take him far away from our extended family or his dad. i will not leave him here either, although frankly i probably could - my ex and my family would be supportive. it is i that will not do it. he won't be off to university for another five years. meantime i don't think i can last that long in this LDR.
BUT seeing all these examples of LDRs that DO work...it gives me hope. but is it false hope, in my case? i don't know.
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don't be sorry, i know exactly where you're coming from and i know it's not an easy place. i greatly admire your total commitment to working things out against some very tough odds.
yes i most definitely spoke with my son about it.
because he is such a sweet and considerate child, of course he said "whatever you want, whatever makes you happy, i'll be fine" but in the end, i am the adult and he is my child, and it is my decision. it would make me very unhappy indeed to leave him behind to go be with my bf. i don't think i could live with myself.
the happiness of being with my bf (or anyone else for that matter) is something that perhaps still has a chance of coming true, whereas these remaining years with my son before he leaves for university can never be recovered. my job as his mother is by no means over.
i would hope that the message i give to my son is that love comes in many forms, that in life one must make choices and have priorities, and that one is entirely accountable for one's choices and actions.
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as i posted before, i couldn't do that to him, or to his dad. my son's life here is ideal, and frankly so is mine...except for the LDR.
to uproot him and take him with me to live with my bf: change in educational system, wresting him away from father and friends. for me: leaving a terrific job - i do still have to work - and a better place to live, quality-of-lifewise -again, except for the LDR bit.
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once again - i couldn't agree with your more regarding trade-offs.
so to sum up a LOT of blathering on from my end (thanks again for listening/reading): i really have two dilemmas. one is: is my bf worth this LDR - is he the right guy, is he worth the effort and distance, am i up to the task. the other is: of course i want to be with my bf but i will not leave, nor uproot, my son in order to accomplish this.
looking forward to reading that PM... <:-)
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Pumpkin, what an illuminating essay - i wonder if you shouldn't go ahead and post it in a Relationships thread. i bet it would help a lot of people on both sides of the equation to understand and empathize more with each other.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Can you email me a copy as well?
Thanks.
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thanks rats! me too :-)
hope everyone has a nice weekend. here in manila the typhoon is going on four days now - it's still cloudy and grey with patches of sunshine, but the air is cleeeeean and cool, and all my plants plumped up and sprouted more leaves.
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hey pumpkin that is great news!! i can imagine how happy you must be!!
my bf was really sick on the weekend and i feel really bad for not being there to help him! what can i do ?
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tia
20 yrs ago
not much, sadly, but let him know you are there for him and that you wish him well.
Brisbane is LOVELY and the time, I fear, is flying.
Pumpkin, so glad he made it into town. :)
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hey tia
I love brisbane to !!! love going to sunnybank restaurants the river side markets and the valley markets!!
pumpkin that is great that you had a lot of fun!!
have a great weekend ya all
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Hey yah ladies..
How has everyone been? I've been SOOO out of contact with everyone. THa'ts what working 8 to 8 does to a person. I just flake it at night.
Anyhw Tia! hun.. Hope you're having a fabULOUSo time... Brissy is great fun! Thanks for the offer but I'm cool - no treats needed on this end. xx
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rats
20 yrs ago
the post has been really quiet lately. :)
probably everyone is doing great.
Tia-bet you are having great fun! hope everything turns out the way you want it.
Red gal- enjoy your work life? how are you?
Pumkpin- seems everthing is under your control, having any big move soon?
vor- now your situation is clear to me. hope you can strong enough to hold on if your bf is the one.
for me, my fiance ('d better call him 'my bf') is coming in Aug for 2 weeks. I am looking forward to see him but not excited. I still fancy him but sth's just not right. Will see when we come face-to-face again. :)
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Hi Pumpkin, appreciate if you could PM me the message that you send to vor. I need to do some deep thinking and sort things out as I am in some sort of a confusion.
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hello dearest LDR comrades - no exciting update here except to say it's been a very weird tough couple of weeks, and now i am in limbo...i THINK.
last week the boy and i had a bad exchange of sms and email messages, which to me signalled The End. i stayed offline and inaccessible for several days, because i am a big believer in going cold turkey.
however, this weekend he sent several emails which, while muted and innocuous (i.e. here's an interesting weblink, a funny article, some photos, etc), were sent under the assumption that we are still In Our Relationship (complete with terms of endearment, flourishes, sign-offs, kisses, etc.).
i think.
what does this mean? what is he trying to do/say? is he really that clueless? why haven't i read him the riot act and made it clear it is OVER? IS it over?! or not?
these are all rhetorical questions because...i really cannot deal with any of it at the moment. i've replied only in the briefest, most neutral manner possible. the most i will venture to guess is that perhaps we are each in our own ways still trying to keep the door open.
fortunately, work has been outrageously busy, AND i have been the lucky recipient of much wisdom, comfort, distraction, food and drink from various friends, the best advice of which has been "sometimes no action is the best action" and "enough with the control-freakishness already and let life happen to you for once".
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well, here's me actively saying "i don't have a clue" and actively being passive for once.
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Hey VOR, been a while bye22ca from Toronto.. Hope things are working out with LDR issues. Well I think ,one thing that always work is "listening to your heart and Gut feeling" if something smell funny, it probably is. relationship is strange. I met my BF ( gay couple) 9 years ago and we are still together, well trust me! we have our issues... but problems are meant to be solved, it is a matter of have you're solving it. no matter how difficult it is, that day will pass, present problems/issues will ALWAYS become Pass problems/issues. look beyond what you do normally, i never thought i would meet my BF from an introduction agency!! go figure, internet was not popular then.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Hey all;
BNE is WONDERFUL. Lovely weather and so good to be with the boy.
VOR:I hope you are ok with all that is happening. You have our total support.
Pssstt Pumpkin: Can I get a copy of that article as well? good to talk to you the other day. Things are interesting here, to say the least. :)
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hello bye22ca, i was thinking of you yesterday, you recently posted something in another thread, right? :-) those are two keys you mentioned: solving problems together and listening to your gut. i don't feel that "togetherness" anymore, that we-are-a-team bond which i think is crucial in any relationship, not just LDRs (although perhaps even more important during the LD part).
and my gut? it's hard to trust your gut when you're thinking and analyzing too much, which is my tendency, so that's why i have decided to be more passive and less action-oriented than i normally am. my gut has been telling me for a long time that it is over (i've lost that loving feeling, you know the song). but i can't seem to deal the final death blow.
nine years! congratulations :-) my two "uncles" - dear family friends - have been together for 30+ years. they'll be retiring here soon. it will be great to have them near. they've known me since i was a baby (and they met the bf last december).
pumpkin, thanks for your thoughts. but just so we're clear: it's not that i'd be "happy" with every single outcome - of course not - i'd just deal with whatever happens. every outcome will present something i will have to come to terms with. i still have my moments when i feel free and sure that moving on is the right thing and that i'll be fine; then i see a happy couple, or i think of the future trips i'll be making alone or with other people now, and i get sad and start to question myself again. so...am most definitely still in limbo.
tia! very happy for you, you sound very "up" - so if you don't mind, do send some of that sunshine this way (doesn't help that we've got a raging typhoon going on here and i haven't see the sky in days!) :-)
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yes i did get that. i just like to be clear. i'm no good at sarcasm - i tend to take people at their face and their word, because that's what people can do with me.
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I hv always been reading this thread ever since LDR-part 1, and I do not expected one day.. I am in the same boat
its extremely hard.. too many unexpected tregedies happened and I though I am always a strong person who can deal with all these... but deep in side my heart I feel I am weak.. and I think the best solution of all these is to see him, and i made the best of my effort and planned a trip this weekend (its hard for busy woman like us to "planned" a trip nowadays)... then.. some bad thing came up to his family just a couple of days ago and he has to stand-by and take care of it.Apparently its too late to cancel my trip, so I will still go and he wants to introduce me to his family. I have feeling that I had hit the worst timing and they may think why the hell am I visiting their son in this critical moment, at the same time I feel so bad I couldnt help my boy out a bit and I had a feeling that I am just an outsider who sticking my nose in in the past few days.. I really dunno what to do..
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exactly right - you'll be there to support him, and you never know, you might provide a welcome distraction and a sense of perspective for the family. stay in the background but be positive and supportive when called upon.
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thank you pumpkin n VOR. I became more positive yesterday after reading ur posts, but well.. my bf didnt contact me for 2 days (and he promise to call last night),, and I will be flying tomorrow morning but he still doesnt know what time is my flight.. can i be more positive?
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Hey all
how are you all doing ?? I have been crazy busy with work !!
Jade have a great and don't worry you will be fine ! guys are terrible with explaining how we really feel!!
Lately i have been discovering how difficutlt being in a ldr is !all we seemed to do is fight and try to annoy each other more and more ! I have been under a lot of pressure with my work and he has been pretty sick . I think what makes it harder is that we need eacher to try to help each other but we can't ! He keeps complaining that i don't express to him how much he means to me and i am not working hard enough in the relationship! I am packing up my life to be with him is there more i could show how much he means to me ? We are very different people cultural and thinking and sometimes it is just to much.I do care about him but sometimes i just don't know how to express it to him so he understands! agghh
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rats
20 yrs ago
it seems july is really not our month! everyone seems reach to their limit and ready to burst!
luckily august is coming, hope things will be more smooth with you guys, LDR really need lots of effort to maintain. esp we all know how powerful physical touches (kiss/hug etc) can ease the tension or show our affection which is totally blocked by our geographical distance.
What the ?? I sometime feel the same frustation. like i felt like my bf/fiance does not express how much I mean to him and stuff. and how much he complain I do not express how much I appreacite his great effort.
Well he is coming to visit in Aug. it is like our 'make or break' moment. I still want it works, but dunno because I do love him so much or I am just hanging on the 'good old days'...am nervous, stressed and a bit lost.
sigh..............
Vor- things are getting better?
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor- i know your reasons and difficulties, but for once don't take everythin on your shoulder and just be selfish once. talk to your son openly and see if he is willing to move to where your bf is/or anywhere the three of us can live together happily. if he is willing to do so, why do you have to care so much about what other think?
but the critical point, as always is- do you really lost all your affection and love to your bf?
*good luck*
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hi rats :-)
actually things have taken a turn for the better - i am quite happy now that i took a little break from trying to always deal with things. there have been some really good developments over the past several days, including a long overdue "reset" talk with the bf.
i still love my bf, but i think with a little more detachment and more realistic expectations. that's not such a bad thing - reading some of the other threads, it is quite scary how easily one can lose one's perspective, and lose all sense of proportion, by getting over-emotional.
let's just say i feel "unstuck" from my rut and am moving forward again - still optimistic about our future but also not putting my life on hold until we can be together.
as for my son - it is really my decision not to move him. as i posted some weeks ago i will not remove him from our life here, and even if he says it is ok for me to go, i will not. i am not willing or prepared to leave my son, my job, and this place at this time to be with my bf. the time and the circumstances aren't right.
also - *I* don't necessarily want to live where my bf is! i love it HERE, in asia. but i'll cross (or burn!) that bridge when I get to it. ;-) hahaha
rats, how long will your bf be here in august? try to relax till then, do what i did and take a completely different approach, stop worrying about it all. :-)
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor, good to hear that things are getting better with you.
my bf will be here for 2 weeks, too bad that I still have to work everyday. am trying to take things easy and stop worrying. but I had such a weird feeling - much as i love him, i suddenly lose the interest to talk to him/have any contact with him before his arrival.
Somehow, i guess, I will be happy when i see him again.
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hi gals, i am back! thank you for ur advice.. things went well in past few days but he brough of the issue on when i will be moving to his country... should i leave my job, my friends n my family here and pack my stuff n move?!~ I really dont have a clue, but well, at this stage I dont really want to over-think too much yet.
My life now is far more miserable after I got back. I guess it take some time for me to get use to my life alone here again.
rats, glad to hear that u are gonna see your bf soon, make the most of it in that 2 weeks time..! and i totally feel you that LDR is really hard to maintain esp we miss all the "physical touches" thingee which we all women need so much to ease of pressure a bit from day-to-day. But I am sure we can all get through it! right?
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rats
20 yrs ago
jade- glad to hear that you are doing great. Yes, take your time before you decide to move over there. does it mean you guys are going to get married? Will you have problem finding a job there?
As to me, honestly, I am not sure what has been missing...it is more than physical affection, but love in general...will see, try to stay positive.
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Finding a job there is my greatest obstacle,I am currently working in the best international firm of my field here, we had offices almost everywhere in the world except his country.And you can see how hard for me to think about moving (thats y its so hard for me just even to think about moving). If I quit here, basically I am quiting my career. Is that sacrifacing way too much? will you girls willing to do that too?
rats, as you said, stay positive, I am sure things will smooth out once you see him again. Sometimes I guess without the physical affection for a certain period of time, it also affecting our feeling towards the relationship too. I guess what you have been missing is just simply he is not around in a daily basis. Let us all stay positive!~
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hey all
Rats stay positive you can do this ! it is hard but the good times will be soon! and think just of that ! that is what i have to do to !
A
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR: glad to hear that you are more unstuck than before. I am sure you will make the right choice.
Rats: Enjoy your time with the bf. I hope it works out well for you.
I am still enjoying my time with the boy here in Aus. This is the longest we have spent together and it just seems to get better. We are buggering off for a weekend to Byron Bay, partly bc the flatmate has a cousin coming for the weekend and partly bc we can. :)
Hope you are all doing well.
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gals, I need your help. Ever since I came back from his country, the way he treat me was so differently. I cannot feel that he needs me anymore. I talk to him about this today and he said he is suffering in depression due to his family and job. And he feel like he is a loser these days, keep complaining, plus he feel that he cannot help me much too. He said he is frustrating and he think that he shouldnt be with anyone at this stage while he is suffering from all these. He was asking me whether I wanna end this relationship, and I told him that if he really loves me I will stay with him during this hard time but its strange that he ask me I should think whether its worth doing it but not just totally depends on how he think. I told him that his love give me strength to deal with all these etc. well.. he drawn the conclusion that he will take care of his problem first then we both take a break and think about it.
I cannot be postivie no more... is that it? do we just end like this?
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sorry to hear it, jade butterfly. i know you won't like to read this but here's my two cents' worth...
he said two things: he asked you if you wanted to end the relationship - in my opinion he was giving you an out; and he said "take a break", which to me really means "break up".
he doesn't sound like he can handle a relationship at all at the moment, let alone an LDR.
as for you, i would strongly advise against moving to his country - you yourself said your company doesn't have offices there, so you would be jobless at first.
sorry but the cons outweigh the pros.
maybe you can just be a sympathetic and supportive friend for now, but if i were you i'd move on with my life.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I have to agree with VOR. He is giving you an out and it may be in your best interest to take it.
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tia! :-) nice to see you again - how is your loooooong holiday with the boy?
and Pumpkin, when are you seeing your man again? :-)
am gearing up for some heavy-duty traveling - one quickie for work within the region (alas not HK), then 10 days in europe just pour moi. i cannot wait!
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rats, when does your honey arrive?
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rats
20 yrs ago
vor- he arrived on Sat. was excited seeing him but all the happniess was gone at the time I saw him. Honestly, I dont know how long can I hold on to all these. Don't want to give up yet but it's tough.
how do I feel now? as if attending other's funeral when it is actually your own...
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Pumpkin, the days will indeed fly by. i'm jealous of the sheer frequency with which you and your honey manage to get together! makes up for the brevity of the visits.
my 10 days away is truly just for me. school has started again for my son, who was quite the traveller this summer, whilst i slaved away here at work <:-) (he spent a month in the u.k. visiting family and friends, and two weeks in the u.s. travelling with his dad)
throughout my upcoming trip i'll be visiting and meeting up with old friends (some go as far back as grade school), but for a good part of it i intend to travel alone. it's been a long time since i did that - having the luxury of my own itinerary, without anyone else's agenda or needs to worry about.
gee can you tell i am feeling just a TAD self-indulgent these days?!? ;-) all i can say is: i need it! :-O
rats, i am so sad to hear it - have you two been talking things through? does he have a clue as to how you feel (or rather, don't feel?)
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR: I hope you have a lovely time on your own. Self-indulgence is necessary at times.
The time in BNE with the boy has been BEYOND wonderful. I hate to gloat (well, a little) but it has been possibly the best time together we have spent. It's been a truly relaxing time for us and I feel closer to him than ever before. I leave to return to HK in 2 weeks and I fear the departure this time will be more tearful than others.
I am back here at the start of October for his flatmate's wedding...so it's not all bad. :)
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Hey all
Vor I to hope you have a great time of spending me time!!
Tia I am so jealous of you being back in my home town!
I will be moving back next month to be with my bf and to finally start life together ,as excited as i am in going i am still have concerns and worries? is this just normal??
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tia
20 yrs ago
I think it is completly normal. How could you not be worried and concerned about massive changes to your life? If you are completely negative about it all, I would be more concerned, but having normal cares and worries about a big move is natural.
I had concerns about spending 5 weeks with the boy in BNE. I really did. All this has done is convince me that I love him more than ever and I wish I could be here fulltime.
BNE is LOVELY. The winter is nice this year...not cold at all (says the Canuck). If you are in BNE in October Whatthe??, we should get together for a drink! :)
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heya Tia
If i can make it there then defiently we will meet up ! either at the casino as they have $3 mango daqs or a nice glass of wine in south banks sitting outside enjoying the sun!!
do you guy fight alot??
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tia
20 yrs ago
We don't fight so much no. We get quiet with each other, a bit snippy. Lately, we have been VERY good at just getting things out and dealing with them, rather than letting them fester. I find I tend to get more snippy and cranky with him when I do not see him for a bit.
What I love most about the boy is that he lets me get away with NOTHING. If I am cranky at something/someone else and I take it out on him (because he is there) he calls me on it. We glare at each other for a bit and then say SORRY.
We have never had a HUGE fight yet...no. I do wonder what will happen when we do.
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hello Pumpkin - if it is any consolation, i have had THE most intense weekend dealing with the bf. in fact...my finger is hooked through the grenade pin and i am literally about to pull it any minute now.
negatives far outweigh the positives now - there is no denying it in our case.
i have offered one last olive branch - but am now regretting it, because i feel i have been bullied into it. i am ready to chase it with the final, ending message.
the sad thing is that i have gone numb - my eyes don't tear up when i contemplate the end, my throat doesn't close, my heart doesn't sink. not a good sign at all. i'm sorry i don't have cheerier news! <:-(
hope everyone else is the opposite.
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Yes that's my point exactly - he was never the be-all end-all, but alas...he is no longer a complement to my life. i meant i am on the verge of pulling the pin on the relationship, and i don't feel particularly bad about it. this means i have already accepted it and am ready to be free again. i'm just trying to follow my rule of waiting 24 hours before implementing a big decision.
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rats
20 yrs ago
Pumpkin, you are always the strong, brave and rational one. How's your 'disjointed' situation doing? Things are getting better?
Tia, I am so happy for you. At least you have a wonderful month and you are going back to your boy soon in Oct ;)
Vor- seems have less than 24 hours left. admire your strength and determined decision. Good luck and hope you make the right decision. or at least or decision truly following your heart/gut feeling.
And me? I still think I am too naive (for I won't admit my stupidity :p) in a way. so many things happen. I will try to PM all of you once I have more time and have a clearer picture.
Good news(?) is, I am no longer in funeral mood. But I am on the emotional 'roller-coaster' which really wears me out. Bf/fiance knows 100% what I think/how I feel (how much he can sympathise/understand is another issue)
He is leaving HK in less than 5 days and we fall back to the old track -knowing he is about to leave makes us feeling sentimential, put all the big issues/problems aside and spend time together as if there were no problem. I know it's not a good thing, but we keep stumbling in it. well, will try to work it out.
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my dear LDR comrades - i owe you all a big update, and i will do so once things have settled down. i pulled the pin very shortly after my last post, and spent the week dealing with residual fallout. things are calming down now. i am at peace with my decision.
fortunately i've had work to distract me, and a business trip coming up. i'll be back. meantime, sending you all hugs of gratitude for just being here in this thread - it's been such a great comfort throughout.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Just getting caught up...
VOR: I hope you are doing ok...although you sound like this was the right time and right thing to do for you. Big hugs to you and I hope that you are ok.
Pumpkin: Hope you guys can get to see each other sooner than end of Sept! See you SOON!
Rats: All is VERY well here and I am going to be heartbroken to leave here in a day. The past 1.5 months have been exactly what we needed and I am glad I did not let Bridezilla scare me off.
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VOR - Big Big hugs to you too!~ Hope everthing is going to be all right for you!!
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thank you all so very much for your good wishes. as usual i am dashing between meetings on a trip so this will be brief.
am feeling all right, and most importantly i haven't felt one twinge of regret. that is not to say i was not feeling sad and heartache-y - i most definitely was, especially last week! - but rather that i still believe i made the right decision.
i think the key is to cut cleanly, and to be absolutely sure of your reasons for ending things. there was one moment when i almost capitulated and nearly replied back to an email thread he was trying to keep alive - but now i am glad i didn't. i also made myself inform mutual friends about our break-up, especially the person at whose wedding we met - he's a dear friend of mine - and that helped close the book.
more later. meantime...tia, looking forward to reading all about your fantastically long visit, you lucky duck!!!
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hey ya all
VOR it is great to hear that you are going stronge!!
I am packing up my life here and moving back home to be with my bf! next month! to start a new life together! it was just getting to hard on each other to continue an LDR ,
I am looking at flights now and not to sure what i should do ! should i am going to get a return ticket but should i get a 30day return or a 3month return ticket! The reason why i want a return ticket is just in case anything happens and we don't work out , then i have a ticket back here. it is a quite bit more expensive for the 3month ticket
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hi what_the...get the longer ticket. you've got to give it more than a month, don't you think? what does your bf say about you getting a return ticket vs a one-way ticket? have you got a job lined up when you move back?
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howdy ! mmm bf not to sure on why i should need a return ticket! i think it is a good idea to get the longer ticket, i have got a job lined up yet but have being looking around and there seems to be plenty in what i want to do ! I was offered a very good job proposal today but had to decline it here!!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Go for the longer ticket!
Back in HK now. *sniff* I hate leaving. After over a month together, it was hellish to leave him at the airport.
In better news, we are getting married October 4th. Everyone else shocked? I am. Still trying to let it sink in....
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tia
20 yrs ago
Ah but we are not at the married stage yet....poor boy is not aware what he is in for! ;-)
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tia, CONGRATULATIONS!!! whoohoooooo! yay! yippee skippee! that is WONDERFUL news! the boy is VERY LUCKY indeed, to be marrying such a wise and understanding woman. :-) you go girl
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tia
Congrats to you and hope you have many years of happyness !!!
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rats
20 yrs ago
Tia, what a surprise and it's.....GREAT!!
you mean Oct this year? and you are going to move to OZ? or He finally willing to make the move and try to get a job in HK?
I am so happy for you...
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tia
20 yrs ago
Thanks everyone. Yes, THIS October.
Not sure who is moving first yet. I am going to start Aussie paperwork as soon as I can. I would like him to check out HK for more than 2 weeks though....
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tia
20 yrs ago
My dear C.A. A question like that could get you killed. Tread lightly, my Safari Friend.
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tia
20 yrs ago
Can we assume that no news is good news, ladies?
Everyone still alive and breathing? :)
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Tell us, Pumpkin. See if we can help.
Have something to share and seek your advice as well.
A good friend of mine just stepped into a LDR. The problem is she just received a call from his bf telling her that he is starting a business with his ex gf. My friend is really upset over it and her bf has made up his mind on the business partnership.
What should she do?
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tia
20 yrs ago
A special someone or a business someone?
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tia
20 yrs ago
Point out that you have a boyfriend. Make sure he KNOWS. A drink may not be a horrible, but he needs to know the 411 before you go out.
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He claimed that it is strictly business. But she is his ex girlfriend. So my friend is extremely upset over it especially since she is not in the same land as them.
Pumpkin - Just tell him that you want to be alone and do not feel like going out. He should get the message.
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hey you all
well tomorrow is the day that i am leaving !! to start my new life ! so wish me all the best ! I am sad to be leaving my life here but also looking forwards to my new one!
I hope you are all doing well and everyoneis happy!
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rats
20 yrs ago
What the ?? Congratulation!!
Wish you all the best and keep us posted regarding your new advanture with your partner :)
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tia
20 yrs ago
What the ??: CONGRATS!!! Yes, making the move is a bit scary but I am sure you will do well. Please keep us posted on the adjustments to being Short Distance.
Pumpkin: I am glad you 2 have found a time to be together. 2 months is too long to go without some contact from the other half.
I do agree that the support we offer is invaluable. It really helps to know that others can understand our position and empathize if necessary.
I get the odd twinge of *OMG! Less than a month!* and having to be someone's 'wife'. I am sure that will pass. We'll still be LDR til at least July 2007.
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tia
20 yrs ago
"..contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..."
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tia
20 yrs ago
Well, ladies, it is getting closer to crunch time for me. 13 days of *freedom* left. 8 days til I get to see the boy. Getting pretty excited, I am.
How is everyone else doing?
Pumpkin, as always, I am hoping for only the best fo you guys.
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I came across this quite by accident and find it really interesting. I'm embarking on a so-call "LDR" and am beginning to find this really straining. I admire those of you who have last for so long! I met my bf a year ago via online and we haven't even meet yet (ya, I can't believe it too). We do the usual email, msn, webcam, skype...etc. I dun know, I'm beginning to doubt as we can't seem to tie down a date to meet up. I definitely have the feeling for him as we develop friendship and went deeper but the doubt is always there. I dun even know if I make any sense here...
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Hi Pumpkin, thanks. I'm glad you've a great wkend. How long you've been in a LDR? Sori, I didn't read the whole thread... the size of it, wow!
He's in Aus. Thrice, our plans went bust. Now, I dun even want to bring it up cause I feel like I'm pestering him.
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tia
20 yrs ago
3 in January for me.
It is a long thread, I admit. Loads of helpful hints though. Tis tough when you have never met someone face to face. I have known a few people who met via internet and that first meeting is always the hardest to pin down and make happen.
Good luck and I hope that you meet up soon.
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dear LDR comrades - i've missed this thread so much! :-)
it's been a month and a half of emotional extremes since i broke up with the bf. the trip to europe was a welcome distraction and absolutely necessary and therapeutic, but naturally i had many melancholy moments missing him, and questioning my decision.
but i try not to whinge nor dwell too much - you choose a path, you stay on it. every time i felt weak and wanting desperately to contact him and take it all back, i also remembered the reasons i ended our relationship.
it's not too hard to stay the course - at the moment he is being incredibly petty about one item which i left at his place last visit - he won't send it back, and neither will he give it to the one mutual friend i asked him to.
(this is when it's good to be buddhist about material things and repeat to onself "it's just an object, a replaceable, non-essential object..." but damn it i want it back! >:-O argh!)
anyway, on a happier note am off again for a short weekend trip with my family to a nearby country and guess what: i will be stuck in hk airport for several hours tomorrow (daytime) before the onward flight! of only it were friday or saturday night - i'd find a way to duck out and meet up with you all, as i have always wanted to do. :-)
pumpkin, nice to hear about your great weekend.
tia, sending you positive and happy vibes as your big day approaches.
fruity, this is a great thread - no matter what the outcome of your LDR (best of luck!), you'll generally find a lot of support and positive advice here. :-) unlike other threads, here we share the same kind of lunacy ;-)
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tia
20 yrs ago
VOR: Good to hear from you. Too bad you were not in HK longer...or at a weekend. Will send you good vibes for a nice weekend as well.
It's true. No matter what path you choose, staying or going, you have to make it work. Never wonder what went wrong. Second chances do not come along all the time. Look out for number one first.
Can we go to his place and get your item back? We offer knee-cap removal services and mild threats! :) (j/k)
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rats
20 yrs ago
@Tia-you guys are going to make it in HK, right? Will there be hens party? ;)
What about your parents? Will they attend the wedding or you guys will keep things simple?
Still can't believe that you are getting married. Such a sudden and brave move!! :D
@Pumpkin-nice to hear that you have a wonderful wk with your man. yes, here is getting quiet, probably it's good news? like everyone is happy and contend :)
Me? I am doing ok. It seems a bit strange that I start to enjoy the LDR. Of course I still miss him dearly. Good news, remember I have mentioned that we both have our OWN issues to deal with? It seems he is going to have his issues solved soon.
So, we are half-way to our fairy tale :D
@VOR, Great to hear that you have things under control. But ppl tend to say if you break up and make up (after serious thoughts), the relationship will be the strongest one. ;) Of course, if you are really 100% certain of the decision of the break-up. Stick to it! wish you all the best, you are such a wonderful lady! Just...maybe you can sometimes take things less serious and on your own shoulder ;)
@fruity- Gd luck to everything. What important is to meet each other in person ASAP before making the LDR offical. now, everything is a bit surreal in you guys' situation, i guess. Hope you have a happy end ;)
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tia
20 yrs ago
My folks are not coming, no. I am hoping to have lovely pictures to show them. I am coming back here at least til I get Visa and working things sorted out. I have another year here...and I like it here. I am not too worried. It will work out.
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Tia, thks! Nice to meet u. Ya, the problem seem more than juz the distance for me now. The problem is even though he said he love me, I do wonder sometimes cause I've not meet him yet. I wish we could meet soon so at least I know how we relate to each other person to person. Although I have to admit the connection between us has been amazing. And a bit surreal at times. Do u ever feel tat before?
Pumpkin, ur man n tia's r both from Au too! Is there something abt Au men? :p
Voiceofreason, hi hi. Ya, I read some of the posts (yet to finish...) and I can see the amazing connection and support with all the ppl in the same situation.
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Rats, hi there. Sori I miss ur post juz now. Ya, I know we've got to get a date n venue nail down... and soon!
Pumpkin, I know wat u mean. I try not to think too much cause it would juz lead to more negative tots. Thks for the support, I think I will need tat. I'm ok so far but really, wkend is usually the killer, especially if I see couples around, makes me .... But other than tat, life is beautiful!
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tia
20 yrs ago
Fruity: I know a few people who had very intense online relationships who, when they met face to face, were married within months. there is no shame in meeting someone online. I do think it is possible to love someone you have never met.
Pumpkin is right that the relationship is between you two and no one else. YOU know how you feel. YOU know if it is real...long distance, short distance or internet. You know in your heart what is right.
it is tough to see happy couples together when you are not partnered up. I miss my boy when I see my best mates with their spouses. It hurts. But when I see him (A week tomorrow..YEAH!) I know it will be all better.
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Hello gals! How's everyone weekend?
Hi tia, thks. It is nice to know I am not the only one facing it. I am wary. You know how it is that one get uncertain? Especially the fact that we've yet to meet. I would doubt at our feelings but when we "meet" (webcam), everything would be great. He's definitely more certain about us than I do. I guess I want to meet up. But hey! other than tat, we are gg fine. You must be real excited to see your man! :-D
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tia
20 yrs ago
I get to see him in 4 days. We are to be married in 8. Shocking. Still taking some time to sink in,. I fear. :)
When you meet him, I think you will know..one way or the other.
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tia
20 yrs ago
I would not say that I knew within 10 mins of meeting my FH, but I knew he was worth getting to know. I knew after a couple of nights of long talks that I was keen to get to know him more.
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hey all
just letting you all know that my bf and i are still going stronge after nearly 3 weeks of living with each other it is still working hehehe it is a completley different lifestyle and it is difficult but worth it !
i hope everyone is doing fine!!
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rats
20 yrs ago
Hi what the ??- glad to know that you are doing good.
What is the biggest challenge? and how do you cope with it?
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the biggest challenge is trying to learn and handle all the little different things that they do ! also readjusting to western culture life again! it is just as hard as it was when i first moved to china
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rats
20 yrs ago
What the ?? - besides re-adjusting, what about job-wise? or you had already landed a job before you went there?
Pumpkin - Lost all contact no(s)!!! stupid phone!! Will be be attending Tia's 'registration' process? pls PM me her phone no, again so that I can send her a greeting sms. This is really crazy!! (in positive way...)
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Tia - congrats to you !!!!!
Rats apart from re-adjusting the other problem was work ! even thou i did have a few job interviews lined up, everything here just takes so long to reply !! i have applied for a few jobs and then you have to go through so many interviews and then they will get back to you in a week or so! this is all in the hospitality industry! so i recommned just be prepared to wait!
I am happy to be back here ! I have noticed the huge difference in my health! I am eating healthy normal food again( I am on a gluten free diet! there is so much variety now !) I have a tan again and loving it! have lost some of my self confidence in talking to some people and trying to catch up on what has been happening with neighbours and music channels ! hehe
being with my bf is great but i believe that you need to work ! as it is huge adjustment from not seeing each other to seeing each other every minute can become frustrating !
anyway if you are having second thoughts of packing up life and moving to be with your man ! dont! just do it!!! but have a return ticket just incase!!
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IMNRG
20 yrs ago
Wow, been reading this entire thread and feel like I know all of you now! I'm not currently in a relationship divorced for 12 years) but have experience and thought I'd offer my 2 cents worth.
First met my ex-husband at work, only one month before I was leaving to go to college (He was 20, I was 21, had been going to community college and working full-time to save money for a 4 year school). We had that one month and then I was 100 miles away. Not too bad, saw each other most weekends. For 2 months. Then he got laid off his job and moved to Chicago (300 miles away). Saw each other at Thanksgiving (he met the family) then I went to Chicago for Christmas and he came to my place for New Year's . . and we got engaged. And then he went into the Navy! And for the next 5 years we had an on again/off again engagement. Now this is the mid-70's. No Internet. No mobiles and sms. Rare phone calls. Just letters. He spent the last year on Midway Island, which is the northern most island in the Hawaiian Islands chain. At one point we went for a year and 10 months without seeing each other. By the time we actually got married, I figured out that we'd actually only spent about 4 months in each other's physical presence.
Fast forward. We get married, spend a year working our asses off to save money so he can go to school, move to Florida and get him a degree. We have 4 years, then he graduates, and gets a job mapping oil fields under the ocean. The pay is fantastic, who can turn it down? But he's gone for 2 months at a time. What would happen, he would get a call, and within the next 24-48 hours he'd be on a plane. No warning on when he'd come home, either. It was usually about 2 months, but a lot of the time I'd get a call saying he would be arriving (or had arrived) and I'd have to figure out how soon I could get to get to the airport, over 2 hours away. And now, although it's the mid-80's, it's still no Internet, no mobile phones and he's at sea, no phone calls. One trip to the North Sea. Several at Prudhoe Bay, Alaska (north of the arctic circle) and more in the Aleutian Islands. His ship would be out for a month, then come in to get supplies and drop off and pick up mail. First they had to load the ship. If there was time, he might get to make a call. Or not. So he'd get a month's worth of letters from me all at once, and a week later, I'd het his. And if we were lucky, and he got to call, maybe I'd be home. Because while he was gone I was working full-time and going to school at night, trying to keep busy and forget that I was having to do everything by myself. Yeah, I became real independent. I can change the oil on a car and a flat tire, and do all the basic change the filters maintenance. I've even changed out the solenoid. I did remodeling on the house that we picked out and bought while he was home one month, and then he got the call and we moved everythin in only one day but I unpacked us. I can do electrical wiring to code and install a toilet, etc., etc. You get the idea. And pay the bills.
One of the problems? He worked 12 hour days, 7 days a week. He had to spend 4 hours wandering the ship, until it was his turn in the sleeping hammock he shared with 2 other guys. They each got it for 8 hours. So when he came home, all he wanted to do for a month was vacation. But I couldn't just drop everything to spend all my time with him. And the one thing we didn't do, was talk about our problems, our goals, anything. We were both so besotted with actually being physically in each other's presence that we'd put off anything else.
Thank heavens, from reading your entrys here, I'm not seeing you gals (and guy) doing that. We spent far too much time fantasizing about how great it would be to be together, and all the things we'd do to each other *wink, wink* that we glossed over any other problems. And we had a lot. We met when we were young, got engaged in a moment of passion, spent years apart dreaming out what marriage would be like, and then only a few years into the marriage were apart again and dreaming about how great it would be to be together.
We had other problems. And in retrospect, it wasn't only the time apart that killed our marriage. What was bad about our time apart was our failure to talk openly about what we wanted when we'd be together. You're so lucky it's so much cheaper to talk internationally now. I remember one phone call he made from Midway, I think it was an hour, cost $100 USD. This is when the minimum wage in the States was $2.00/hour. All of you keep saying this, but it's so true. You've got to work at it, and talk to each other about what's bugging you. You can make it work! Just don't make my mistakes.
By the way, when I started reading this, it was Tia's wedding day. Congratulations!!! By the way, this is also my sister's 37th wedding anniversary. And her marriage has survived his doing a 2 year tour in Viet Nam during the height of the conflict (and he shipped out one month after the wedding. Now that's a LDR).
Bless you all, sounds like most of you are making it work. Hope you don't mind if a middle-aged gal who's not in a relationship weighs in once a while on the advice side.
By the way, I go to HK about once a month and will be down there at the end of Oct. to do a certification exam and help teach a 4 day class, if anyone wants to do a girl's night out. I am of an age to remember CHIPS!
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hi all, am back! :-)
dearest Tia, congratulations! i raised a glass to you in bordeaux on your wedding day.
what_the, good for you - keep at it, you and your bf seem to be doing very well.
IMNRG - wow, thanks for the wisdom and advice - your experience really puts our current struggles in perspective. please do keep me in the loop next time you go to HK, who knows, i may be able to join you all. :-)
as for my update, well it's a bittersweet one: sweet because the ex-honey finally returned my stuff to our mutual friend...but he also sent a bitter little email to me after he did it. it made me sad.
at the moment i am trying to hold off on impulsively communicating with him - i must speak with our mutual friend first and get my head on straight. i know that i am in the worst part of the aftermath of a break-up, when you second-guess yourself because you miss all the good stuff, to the point where you are in danger of fogetting the bad stuff that mad eyou break up in the first place.
anyway, hugs to everyone especially Mrs Tia!
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tia
19 yrs ago
Hey all.
I tried to post after all the hub-bub died down, but AX was not letting me. Grump.
The day was, in a word, perfect. Truly. Great weather, great people, great pictures.
Good to see that we have newbies on board. We welcome all advice.
What_the: I am glad to have you input on how the LDR goes when it becomes local. Keep the updates coming.
IMNRG: Welcome! Thanks for sharing and we look forward to hearing from you in the future.
VOR: Hang in there, girl. Take it easy and I know you will do what is best all around.
Wow. Back in HK and the sweetie is still in Brisbane. MUCH harder to leave this time. MUCH. *weep*
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wb tia! it is great to hear that everything was perfect!
how long should you give it to know if this is what you really want! I have been back for nearly a month now and still trying to get used to it all again! The bf has been great and doing his best, but sometimes i feel that he loves me way more than i do to him(if that makes sense) and i feel guilty about it . we are so different and sometimes i think that he would be better off with someone whom he can relate more with . I am working and joined a gym , maybe i am just home sick and thinking to much.
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tia
19 yrs ago
No, I understand the loving someone more feeling. I do. There are times at the start when I felt that with G. I did. A lot. Sometimes, I do now as well. Not as much as before. Sometimes, I think he loves me more as well. The balance is becoming more apparent.
I look at G and wonder how we will make it. We are SOOO different in some ways. SOOO different. Yet, this works. Funny that. I think that the differences are what make us work. We are forced to deal with them, overcome them and find ways around it all.
It's adjustments. I think you will be fine and dandy in the end. Keep us posted.
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IMNRG
19 yrs ago
Glad everything was wonderful, tia! Still apart though! That's tough. Good thing you have your friends here to keep helping!
What the . . in an earlier post didn't you say you became an item only 3 days after you'd actually met? And despite it's being an LDR from the start you're still trying. And you gave up your life here and moved to be with him? Don't judge yourself too harshly. Sure he's dealing with you moving in, but you're dealing with moving to another country, back into your old culture (and you'd obviously been here a while, and the longer you stay away from your own culture the harder it can be to go back), being unemployed and trying to find a job, etc., etc., etc. (Sorry, watched The King and I the other day, couldn't resist that). There will be days when no matter what he does, you'll feel like it's not enough to make up for what you've gone through to be with him. There'll be days when you feel like you can never live up to being the person that he loves so much! But he loves you, and he would not be better off with someone else. You're who he wants to be with.
Like tia said, it's adjustments and they never stop. Welcome to the world of being in a loving relationship. Give yourself time. Even if you hadn't been in a LDR moving in together is a big step. Doing it from a LDR is huge! Having a lot in common is not always a marker for success . . my ex and I had tons of stuff in common (including our middle names, Joseph and Jo) and that may have been one of our biggest problems . . . we both came from families where you don't talk about your problems, you just bottle it up.
So keep on keepin' on, and give it time. Be gentle with yourself. It's only been a month . . you've got the rest of your life to discover the joy of getting to know him (ok, that's enough King and I, I'm outta here).
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tia
19 yrs ago
I agree with IMNRG. Having loads in common is not always a good thing. I dated a guy with whom I had possibly more in common than I have with the hubby and it did NOT NOT NOT work out. Opposite attract? Who knows?
And yes, we can doubt if we are a good couple in many ways. Thing is, our partner is with you bc he/she wants to be with you...NOT because they have to be with you.
My aunt said to me once "Do not marry the one you can live with...marry the one you can't live without."
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aaargh! server problems, anyone? i posted, then it vanished and i have to re-type this all again. }:-( grmph
all true re having things in common vs not - the balance is different for every couple. in my ex-honey's case, there were a few things i decided i couldn't live with. <:-( but i still miss him terribly.
anybody in singapore on nov 3rd? i will be - it's the tail end of a work trip, and it would be nice to meet up. i have lunch with a friend but am free for coffee/dessert afterward, before i leave for the airport around 4pm. let me know if you are free to meet - send me a PM :-)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Sadly, I will be working then. :(
I just back and I feel like I need another holiday. Xmas can not come soon enough.
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tia
19 yrs ago
Kelly: If you are not 100% sure about being with someone, you should not be with them. There is no reason to stay with someone that makes you miserable.
A prenup is not the worst thing on the planet. Depends on the reasons for them. It is not the same as getting a divorce before hand. It may protect both parties in the end.
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sorry to hear of your break-up, Kelly K. i have to agree with tia here...when the cons outweighed the pros on a regular basis in my LDR, i ended it. and as pumpkin has said before, if you are not 110% sure about your LDR partner being The One, don't do it - it's not for the faint of heart, especially with the added complication of long distance.
will go to your pre-nup forum now and post there. <:-)
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tia
19 yrs ago
AM guessing we are either all doing super well or hiding. :)
If anyone is interested, you can see wedding pics at my website on Flickr. PM me for the details.
I am done uploading for now. I think 167 are enough. :P
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Congratulations tia!~~~ you look stunning! Wishing you happy ever after!~ BIG hug...
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TIA!!! congratulations all over again, you gorgeous redhead you! what beautiful photos. and i LOVE your tags! "happily ever after" indeed - you go, girl! :-) biiiiiig hug from the philippines!
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IMNRG
19 yrs ago
Hey Ladies. I'm going to be in HK for business this week, Wed thru Sat afternoon. Anyone up for a get together either Thurs or Fri evening? I'd love to meet some of you lovely ladies.
And Tia. Great photos! You're just radiant! Congrats again girl!
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tia
19 yrs ago
Thanks all.
IMNRG, we usually get together on Friday nights. This weekend is a friend's birthday party, so I assume we will be out and about.
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rats
19 yrs ago
Tia, a pity that can't get hold of you last weekend. Want to congratulate you and buy you a drink for your big day ;)
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tia
19 yrs ago
We have been moving around a lot at night! :) We are out again this weekend for a bday and possibly next weekend for mine.
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rats
19 yrs ago
Ok, see if we have chance to meet then...
I need help here. I feel emotionally very weak and lonely lately, esp bf is so far away and not around. That's probably why I go out every weekend (even weekdays). And as you can tell, those party/drinking really can't fill the void and emptiness. I feel like I am getting a bit out of control lately and am depressed as well.
How can I be emotionally strong and need no affection? (Actually I could have a very busy schedule having differet kind of activities or things to do, but it is not affection.)
Thanks for the advice!
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hi all
how are you all doing ?? seems like we have been so busy with everything!!
i need some advice! ok i have been here with my bf for the past 2 months and nothing is happening! we have had a few arguements which were pretty bad and a few times i just wanted to walk out and go back home to china. I am currently working in this pretty good job but the hours are so long and aparently they are going to get longer for the christmas time! and the pay is ok but i realised that i could be making alot more money in china and doing half the hours and having a great lifestyle again. lately i have started thinking that i should come back to china and then continue travelling , i love him but i don't have those strong feelings anymore! we have just started noticing how different we both are and it is starting to worry me , annoy me! i am a morning person and he can sleep day , i come home from work late at night and want to sleep and he watches tv or reads. I am so bored with livin in this city , there is nothing to do and i don't see myself with a future here and the opportunities aren't here. i don't know if i am being to selfish but i am not happy and don't know how to make myself happy! i have tried to talk to him but he seems to go on the negative path and makes it even more difficult to talk to and then he gets angry and doesn't want to talk about it and walks off. i can't talk to him about my problems! i asked him for some advice and he got angry , I asked him if i didn't get my job that i really want i will try and stay for a few more months keep looking around and if nothing happens i might consider goign back to china, i got a phone call from one job saying that i wasn't successfull and i was pretty down about it and i told him and all he said was so fine you are going to back now and then walked off on me! we seem to lack alot of communication aghhh what to do
thanks
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tia
19 yrs ago
Oh dear....
Whatthe.... I fear you may be experiencing growing/changing pains. You've been there 2 months. That is a decent amount of time for the *honeymoon* period to wear off and for reality to set in. You made a BIG leap and I can see why you would miss a lot of the cool things that you had before. (I worry about that bit too).
I bet that your boyfriend is looking at this as HIS fault because he asked/wanted you to move there. His getting mad at you may be more of a reflection of how he is feeling about it all.
Make a date to talk. Tell him, BEFORE you talk, that this is not about BLAMING anyone, that this is NO ONE'S FAULT, but that you want to talk about this before it hits a point where it is irreparable. Make it clear that you want to work on this TOGETHER and be TOGETHER. Make sure he understands that you are NOT BLAMING him...men get REALLY tetchy when they think that they are being blamed for all of the problems.
Keep in mind, with all the big changes you made, 2 months may not be enough time to suss out if this is good or not. I have the SAME fears about moving to Australia. I really do.
Good luck. Thanks for checking back in! I hope you are ok. *hugs*
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it's prolly late to post this coz i just ended my LDR..my bf-now ex came to hk to visit me last month...he was jetlagged for the whole stay as it was his first time in asia and missed his bed (?!) and i did give him proper tlc..even took days off from work to look after him..everything was good until he returned to uk..he started saying that i should move back to uk for him coz there is no way that he was gonna move to hk or oz (as we had earlier planned)...i said that i would think about it...then he stopped coming online...stopped replying to my emails..stopped picking up my calls...*just like that*...i manage to catch him on msn for a bit and he finally said that he cant do LDR anymore...(fair enough! neither could i but i was trying!!)..but then he said that he still wants me so we just have "fun" till i move back to uk, which is next sept...and we'll pick up from where we left...wtf??...so yeah, i told him where to go!..did i make a good decision or a bad one?..i know that it's late now but i would still love to hear on how you would have dealt with this situation?
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tia
19 yrs ago
@kissy.missy: some people can do the LDr, some can not. there is nothing wrong with being one of those who can not...and it sounds like your b/f is one who can not.
I think, in your case, leaving is the best thing...no fun on the side..just leave. He is not very deserving of a g/f at the moment
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hello LDR ladies and what_the ;-)
glad to see that Pumpkin and tia are fine and dandy and still dispensing words of wisdom.
rats - are you there? are you feeling better? have you worked things out with your bf?
what_the, hang in there - you and the bf sound stressed out and tense, and you need a rebonding period, just as tia and Pumpkin said. your moving there, as wonderful as it was, inevitably comes with a lot of changes in the dynamic of the relationship - it's no longer the LDR with its highlights and treasured brief moments...now it's the day-to-day presence, and naturally both of you have to get used to it. any update?
kissy.missy, you made the right decision. best of luck moving on. :-)
am slowly getting over the ex but it isn't easy, and all this technology has complicated matters a bit! i have photo albums up on one site...he put up albums there too. i participate in another travel site...he just opened a page there as well! cyberstalking? i don't know, because on the one hand it annoys me, BUT on the other hand i admit that i want to cling to these tenuous threads in order to stay connected. <:,-( i still love him and miss him.
however, this weekend i am leaving town again to distract myself with good friends, good food and good wine. thank god there are so many bl**dy islands in this country.
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tia
19 yrs ago
It's HARD just cutting them out completely, isn't it? I know... and it's an odd feeling to want to be rid of them and yet, not entirely rid of them. Bl**dy men! :)
What_the? How are you doing? Maybe no news is good news...
39 days til I see the hubby. HUBBY? What an odd word to be saying. Still get tripped up and say boyfriend the odd time.
Thankfully, THIS birthday, he was more on the ball. No DVDs THIS year. :) Heh.
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hahahahooohooheeheehee :-D i remember that thread - too hilarious! possibly the most unromantic gift ever and yet...oddly touching. now you've got the hubby well-trained, good for you ;-)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Trained? I think not. I would like for dear darling hubby to get off his lazy Ar$e and get his application filled out for the sponsorship form. He has YET to do that. I can understand not enjoying form filling out stuff, but this is IMPORTANT!
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Hey ya all
how are you all doing ??
Things are going ok with us for the moment. but nothing is happening or growing. I am deciding to go back overseas to continue teaching and exploring the world, as i didn't get the dream job that i wanted and i can't see a future in this city
VOR very jealous heheheh
Tia why is it so hard to train someone hehehe i am still trying to train mine !
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tia
19 yrs ago
I do not actually WANT mine trained, but a little bit of get-off-yer-butt movement would be nice. :)
How much longer will you stay there?
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hey all
how are you all doing ??
well i am in the process of applying for a new passport as i have used up all my pages and my return ticket is early next month! so i have started to look around at jobs or i could take back my old job! aghh so many decissions and things to do !
how is everyone
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hi what_the...so does that mean you and your bf will go back to being in an LDR?
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rats
19 yrs ago
What the ?? Are you going to being in LDR again? Do you guys still want to be together at the end. Though our stories may be different, I can totally understand what you are feeling and thinking and for I felt the same when I spent a month with my then-fiance.
VOR- I am doing better, getting out from the lows and trying to be more positive. I am looking forward to Christmas so that I can visit my bf and see how thing will be. I am now switching to 'wait & see' strategy now. Meanwhile, I try to go out less for pointless drinking/partying and focus on my intellectual/spiritual side :)
p.s. though I will still go out and have some fun from time to time lol
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hi Pumpkin, am happy for you and the greater frequency of your bf's visits. :-)
i can now say that i am well and truly over the ex. cold turkey is the only way to go: travel, work, loads of great meals and drinks with the girl friends, plus one long lovely therapeutic ego-boosting weekend away with a good (male) friend. ;-)
actually, "good male friend" is of the LDR variety too (oh nooooo! not again!), but only 3 hours away (as opposed to the ex who was 15+ hours away).
HOWEVER i am not rushing into anything. i'm quite enjoying this hiatus from boy problems. for that, i shall live vicariously in the meantime though my girl friends, guy friends, and the good denizens of these threads. ;-)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Things are better on this end. I got hubby's paper work in the mail FINALLY which makes me VERY happy. I can go see the lawyer sometime super soon.
VOR, I wish you luck with this possible date.
Pumpkin: Have a super time with the man!
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Hey you all
sounds like everyone is doing great!!
pumpkin take your time in deciding! Even if i am not the best one to give advice! hehehe I have decided to go back to have christmas with my family and not to sure if the bf is coming or not ! i have invited him but who knows. then next year I am going to go and get my degree in management in America so it is either we stay together or seperate. i asked him if i left what would happen and he said if we break up i don't want to hear from you again and we won't be friends. at least this time he is finally being honest and i have to accept that .oh well hope everyone has a great week
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tia
19 yrs ago
WOW what the??! That sounds pretty serious. I hope it all works out for you. At least you know where you stand, which is good.
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actually, tia, i've been and gone on said therapeutic weekend. ;-)
since you were kind enough to share the photos of your Big Day, i will send you a link...for your eyes only, ok? (will mail you from my gmail to your yahoo)
meantime, glad to hear your hubby has finally moved on the documents!
what_the, as long as you have definite plans for yourself, you'll weather any storm with your bf. further education is always a good thing.
Pumpkin, any update? have you passed verdict on your honey?
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hey guys
how are you all doing? i think i need to get out and walk away and start fresh. you know how you get that feeling that nothing is happening and you aren't going anywhere in your life? and nothing good or exciting has happened to you in ages. I am at that stage now. i want to come back to China but i need a degree so I am looking around thinking of doing an online course and then i can also travel at the same time.
what do you guys do when you feel like you are stuck in a rut?
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tia
19 yrs ago
When stuck in a rut? Well, last time I left that bad, I moved from Canada to Japan. :)
Do what is best for you, whatthe???, and the rest will take care of itself.
Good luck!
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Hello all - Have scanned through many of these postings. I'm off to Australia in 3 weeks to spend the holidays with my best (male) friend. Yes another Hong Kong-Australia LDR in the making. We've known each other a few years and have gotten very close in the past year.
Our relationship has been totally platonic until recently. Since then we've been trying to figure out what to do about it. We both tried dating others in our respective locations and realised that dating (or shagging) others was not an option.
We know a LDR will not be easy - but I also see it could be positive for us. With all the collective wisdom here, I figured I ought to ask: what should we be sure to discuss in person during this critical point in our relationship???
The discussion is going to start with: do we see our long-term goals as compatible (and thus a life together a real thing)? If yes - then how do we end up in the same place in the near future? And what do we do in the interim (living full lives apart but maintaining intimacy, plus schedule for seeing each other)?
Thank you in advance for any advice, words of wisdom, etc.
LME
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hi LME - even though my own LDR didn't work out, i still believe it can be done.
i think the most important elements are a date (doesn't have to be exact) in the future when you two plan to be together, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to make your partner feel happy, loved, and secure whilst you are apart.
every LDR couple is different but i think the relationship itself is not very different at all from most other realtionships, save for the distance. you will have the same issues as anyone else: communication, trust, shared values, life goals, etc.
i think you have an advantage...your honey is your best male friend. good for you!
best of luck to you and your bf - hope your story has a very happy ending (like tia's!) :-)
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Pumpkin, wishing you strength and luck, whatever you decide.
what_the, last time i was in a rut...i broke up with it! not that i am encouraging you to do that AT ALL - just saying that it's best to address the rut directly, whatever it is. (did the same thing when i hit a job rut - spoke directly with my boss about it and solved the problem.) make whatever change you need to in order to get out of your rut. i think your plan of getting your management degree is a terrific one - only good can come of it.
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tia
19 yrs ago
Busy getting on with the flu over here. So desperately need a holiday.
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i posted a while ago abt my situation..i was doing fine until my ex recently emailed me out of the blue and said that he is coming to hk in feb to see me...wtf??!!..he goes all silent on me then starts saying that he wants to see me again!!..i dont mind seeing him as he's making an effort but he reels me in and leaves me totally confused!!..the proper scenario is that he says that he wants me then goes silent on me then pops back into the scene after few weeks and says the same thing and goes silent again!!..what does HE want??..any clue, ladies?
(recap: he came to see me in sept and we'd a great time but he couldn't cope with the LDR so he suggested taking a break and getting back together when i move back to uk which will be in a year...hopefully!)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Sounds a little to me like he is using you. Sorry.
Tell him what you want from him. If he can't give you that, then he does not get to see you.
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yeah! i thought that he was using me but he cant use me if we are 1000s of miles away..?!...he's making an effort to come to see me again..after his jetlag for the whole two weeks in sept, he swore that he will never visit asia again...see! why im soooo confused??...aiyaaaaaa
ok, i should see him when he comes in feb but not be emotionally involved like before...when he goes silent on me after he returns to uk in feb then atleast i'll be ready for it this time... :(
hmmm or any other suggestions? thanks!
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lastnight, i told him how he does my head in because he goes silent on me every now and then and he said that he is a man and that's how men cope with their feelings...they go into hiding!!!
true! we'll see how it goes in feb..he also said that he's expecting me to stay in the hotel with him for the whole 4 days...aiyaaaa!!...need to keep my distance (online) from him...he's killing me!!
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Hey ya all . how are you all doing?? it has been along time.
Kissy as a guy i can kinda understand abit. I think that he is using you but he still has feelings towards you and he doesn't know what to do with them. so maybe it is up to you to tell him what you want. if you don't want to be with him then tell him so but don't leed him on and give him hope. he is expecting you to stay in his hotel for the 4 days?? if you want to then do it but it sounds like you don't then defiently don't give him any idea that you could be interested in staying. As guys we are terrible with expressing our feelings. So you need to decide what YOU want. when you see him next make your self up and show him that you don't need him anymore and you have moved on and your a strong confident beatiful person.
Now my situation.
OMG
I am now going home to see my family for christmas. i was talking to my family and they suggested that i should stay over the holidays work and save some more money then come and visit them then go travelling again. so i told my bf this and then he got all upset saying that he can't do this anymore.I suggested that i stay for chrissy and so we can spend more time together and see what happens after that . but he didn't want to as he knew that eventually i would be leaving and the longer i stayed the harder it would be for him! i do understand what he means but i need to think of what i want aswell. i hate it here! i am so unhappy. and our relationship is not what it was like before. it just seems like we both have given up. i asked him to come home for christmas but he doesn't want to . I think that the differences are slowly catching up and they are to big to work out. I want to go and do things , go out for a drink, go for a walk etc and i want him to come with me but he never does and if i go out with a friend he gets really angry. Also being here i don't have many friends which makes it harder to.
So it looks like that i will be leaving next week to my family and then work out what i should be doing.
The thing is that i feel like I have all this freedom again to do what i want and travel where ever in the world i like. am I being to selfish??
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hey ya all
how are you doing ??
ok now i am even more confussed!
the past week has been really good for us together, we have seemed to have a great time and relax like it was before? so what does this mean!
my job is wanting me to return with a higher salary, and i need to save some extra money and i can continue studying!
i don't know what to do ! i think i will work it out when i get home .
but the desire to travel is very strong, but i need my experience on a piece of paper,so i should take off a year or so to study.
So i hope everyone is well and you are getting ready for chrissy!! i know i can't wait hehe
have a great day
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tia
19 yrs ago
Whatthe? I think you need to do what is best for YOU. If you do, the rest will fall into place.
I leave in 4 days to see the hubby. Getting more and more excited.
How is everyone else?
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hey you all
just want to wish you all a very merry christmas and a party hard new years eve!!
have a great time !!!
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tia
19 yrs ago
Hope everyone had a GREAT Xmas! All the best to all in the New Year.
Today is my last AM in Brisbane and sadly, my sweetie had to go to work this AM, leaving me here at his house alone til 1130 when I leave for the flight. *sniff*
I am dangerously close to bawling my eyes out.
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tia! sending you virtual tissue paper to dry your tears. <:-)
happy new year to everyone. the christmas holidays were very hectic for me, as they usually are - i need a vacation from my vacation! am actually a bit relieved to be back at work - i have a legitimate reason to bow out of yet another holiday feeding frenzy ;-) am wearing my "fat" clothes now - happens every xmas, those few extra pounds.
hope everyone's LDR is going well. tia, when do you see your sweetie again?
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tia
19 yrs ago
Thanks...it's better now. Home and trying to sort through everything here.
Next time? Hard to say...waiting to see what happens with the house that hell built and if all that is evil is leaving the house. Easter is possible...if things change.
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heya all
just seeing how you all are doing? great i am hoping! hoped everyone had an awesome christmas and partied wayyy to hard for new years eve!
mine was ok quiet one with my family on the beach
i decided to go home for a holiday to visit my family and to think about a lot of things in what i want in my life and where i want to be and where i want to go .
after a lot of thinking and changing minds i have decided that i should go back to my bf and give it one more try. and start to fully listen to him and don't have such high expectations of him at the beginning.
i was torn between two choices. one return to my old life in china be single but not alone(friends) and have a fun easy lifestyle . or return to new zealand to be with the bf and have my old job back work pretty hard start to get into my study life and try to work it out again
but if worse comes to worse i know i can just come back .
so here is to a new year
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tia
19 yrs ago
There are always options. Never feel that you are STUCK doing something you do not want to do.
It's good that you are trying again.
Keep us posted.
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tia
19 yrs ago
Filed my paperwork on Monday. Now almost $9K poorer, but it's started.....
I wondered why you were so quiet... :)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Sent off the last of my paperwork to Canada. Now, it's the thrill of waiting.
How is everyone else doing?
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hi tia & Pumpkin, sent you both a PM :-)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Got it! Replied!
How is everyone else doing??? Are we all dead???
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tia
19 yrs ago
http://ezinearticles.com/?Long-Distance-Relationship---Advice-on-Dos-and-Donts&id=83590
http://ezinearticles.com/?8-Ways-to-Improve-Your-Long-Distance-Relationship&id=55616
http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Matter-of-Choice-in-Long-Distance-Relationships&id=224587
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tia
19 yrs ago
OY! Over a month of a neglected LDR thread! HULLO? Where is everyone???
2 more weeks til Easter and I can go see the hubby. There is a good chance that the horrible flatmate will be gone very soon. Fingers and toes crossed.
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tia
19 yrs ago
You will? AWESOME! For how long?
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tia
19 yrs ago
I got my Aussie Visa! No, no plans yet to leave the country, but I can if I want to. Moving is a big step and it will happen.
How's everyone else???
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I have an LDR story too!!
I met my darling in England at university and we hit it off straight away. We dated for a while, but I went to Oxford for university and so our relationship became exclusive and long distance. This was the longest distance I'd ever experienced at the time.
Then his mum got sick and off he went back to Hong Kong. I eventually saved up some money and 3 months later came out to see him. I didn't plan on getting a visa though, and so had to go back to England 4 months later. This time, a 9 month gap of me saving up my GBP so I could have enough money to live on while I got a job. A year and a half later, I live and work in Hong Kong with my boyfriend.
I hate long distance relationships. I've told him if he makes me do it again, then forget it.
I'm all for moving to the other country as soon and as fast as you possibly can. I don't think moving is a big step, I think it's easy as quitting your job and packing your suitcase.
I call my parents every week if not every day during school holidays, and I have a good bond with my friends in England. I don't think moving is difficult, I did it twice (the first time I came to Hong Kong) and it's all worked out fine!
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tia
19 yrs ago
I've done 2 big country moves as well. It's not that it's hard, but the longer you stay put in one place, the more things you have to get tied up.
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rats
19 yrs ago
Pupalicious, it is not difficult to move to other countries, but it also depends on WHERE. From UK to HK it's not that harsh, at least you have less degree of cultural shock and almost no language barrier. With your background (from your post), getting a job in HK won’t be that difficult as well (not saying that it’s easy).
Tia, and dear ladies, it has been a long time since my last update! Hope you are doing well and maybe meet up for a drink again soon.
I suggested a break-up to my bf/ex-fiance 4 weeks ago, though I still have this small hope that things may eventually work out ok - I can’t tell if I am naïve or just plain stubborn. I still have feelings for this guy and can’t just let go. And yet…he doesn’t give me enough strength and faith to move to a country where I can barely speak the language, know no one and dare not even dream to get a job there (in short-term). Gosh…keeping this LDR is harsh and I feel like I am reaching my limits.
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tia
19 yrs ago
If you have reached you limits, then it is possibly best to end it now before too many people get hurt.
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rats! long time no "see" :-)
sorry to hear about how things are going.
i agree with tia...if this is really it, best not to prolong the agony.
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ljj
19 yrs ago
Hi Everyone,
Just about to take the plunge and enter a LDR relationship with some trepidation for the first time. How much difficult are they to maintain to normal relationships. Do they normally succeed and is communication the name of the game?
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tia
19 yrs ago
How difficult depends on you and the situation. Some are easier than others. How often will you get to see each other can influence how hard they are sometimes. There are other factors in play when in an LDR that may not as obvious in a local relationship.
Trust, honesty, true open and honest communication are key...but that is true for any good relationship. You have to know that he is not out with other women and he has to know the same for you.
The effort put into an LDR is somewhat different in that you can't see the other person all the time but you shouldn't let that mean you let the relationship take a back to anything. You need to find ways to connect daily (preferably) or as often as possible.
I'm going on 4 years (in Jan) in an LDR. Its hard. It's rough. It's not ideal at times, but he is worth it. WE as a couple are worth it.
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ljj
19 yrs ago
Thanks Tia. Do you make a date for instant messaging or telephone with your partner or do you play it a lot more loosely in regards to contact with your partner?
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tia
19 yrs ago
We're kinda lucky because he is in Australia and I am in Hong Kong, so the time difference is only 2 hours. We'll SMS during the day at work and let each other know what the plan is for the night, if one of us won't be around or the like. Usually, we hook up after dinner and chat for a while.
For the phone,however, if I want to have a decent talk, I will ask him when a good time to ring is, as I have a HORRIBLE sense of timing when it comes to ringing and always manage to wake him up/get him when eating/other bad times.
I think, as your relationship develops, you will know how to set up your contact times. If you have a big time difference, best to set things up in advance and be sure that each party knows WHOSE time zone you are talking about. Lots of girls I know who were upset bc they thought the guy would be online at 8pm THEIR time zone, but he meant HIS time zone. Oops.
It's taken awhile, but my hubby and I are pretty in sync with our contact times now. If something changes, it's great to have SMS to let the other know you are not going to be around/late/etc.
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metax
19 yrs ago
Hi Guys,
I've just stumbled across this site. I've also just entered a LDR. I can't believe how long this thread is. I must admit to having a lot of doubts. Do you guys apart from Tia have any success stories to keep my morale up. :-(
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Pumpkin, thank you so much for letting me know about this thread. I would have been forever mumbling to myself at the other thread.
Wow, It's great to see we are not alone in this adventure. I have read about 50 posts so far. You guys are so warm and supportive. It's nice to be here.
A little about myself... (cut & paste)
"I'm starting a LDR with my partner. I'm in London and she is in Malaysia. We have been together for for two and a half years. We met when she came to London to study for 2 years.
I followed her back to Malaysia and ended up staying there for 6 months. Now I'm back in London and starting the next chapter of our lives...a LDR.
It's only been a month so far. We are finding it tough but we are in good spirit most of the time. We keep in touch everyday, we talk on the phone, email, SMS and Skype. I have started sending her pictures of things I see. Things I want to share with her and things I know she misses. I create online crosswords for her to play...words from our relationship. This LDR business has making me into a hopeless romantic :O) although I miss her intensely, I am enjoying discovering this new way of relating.
I am trying to look at LDR in a broader view... Historically, thousands of couples have had these relationships... immigrants, seafearing workers, military officers...etc. Many of which have laid the foundations to our societies and nations.
I remember when I was a child in Hong Kong, my grandmother pointed out a hill to me. It overlooked the South China Sea. It looked like a woman carrying her child on her back, looking out on the sea waiting for her husband to return from the seas. She waited day and night, rain or shine, and in the end, she became immortalised.
I enjoyed hearing more examples of sucessful LDRs for inspirations...myths, tales, historical...etc.
And to hear ideas og what hobbies we can share together whilst apart...(7hrs time difference)."
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hey ladies
how are you all ?? we must have all been pretty busy ! unfortuantely my bf and i have decided not to be together anymore. after moving to be with him , changing my life completely we weren't ready for each other yet. due to a lot of problems on both sides. So after a long consideration i moved back to china and try to restart mylife again! it has been very very difficult. but thanks to my great friends they have helped get through the hard times. but it still hurts . I miss all the long phone calls that we had. he was my best friend and i think for him to make it easier on him was to try to cut me out of his life for a while. I was in contact with him a few days ago and he was telling me that he has now started to see someone else. so only after a short time he has moved on! I am happy for him and i hope that it does work out .
Doing LDRs are hard work but they do work and can be good. I would do it all over again if i had the chance. enjoy the time that you have together .
so i have decided to treat myself and have a little holiday in bangkok this weekend!!!
A
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Hi what the??
I'm sorry to hear that you and your bf no longer together. I've been reading this thread and can see that you have been through so much together... meeting parents, moving to be with him etc. Being Chinese and gay myself, I can appreciate how much you have done.
You are a couragous man and it's great to hear that you are moving on and starting anew. I believe everything happens for a reason.
It's good to hear that you remain optimistic about LDR's despite the break up. With your optimism and strength, I'm sure you will continue to be happy in life.
Enjoy Bangkok!
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tia
19 yrs ago
@PinkPanda: WELCOME!! I wish you and your lady love all the best.
My husband and I sometimes watch TV together...or at least share an interesting show on TV that one of us is watching and talk about it online. But we do silly things online, like send each othercrazy links. Do you have stumble upon? Get it. It's COOL!
@ what the??: AH, honey, I am sorry to hear that your relationship didn't work out. I hope you have a great time in BKK!
My hubby is here in 5 weeks. WHOOT!! Then off to Canada to meet the folks. Yeah...wish us luck!
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Hi Tia,
Thanks for the warm welcome. I love being able to share tv shows ( www.tv-links.co.uk )and especially online radio. She listens whilst finishing her day at work and I have it playing when I'm getting ready for work in the morning. It's lovely to do that! :O)
Hahaha... the count down... I'm starting my count down too... She told me today she will be here in London in 7 weeks!
I'm sure you will have a great time in Canada anyway!
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Lots of Things
Lots of things
can be laughable
such as
kissing my phone
when I have heard
your voice in it.
Not to kiss my phone
when I cannot kiss you
would be
still more laughable
and sadder.
By Erich Fried
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tia
19 yrs ago
That's sweet. May I borrow that?
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Yes of course, Tia. Glad you like it too.
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Dear All
Just need your advice in here... I used to be living here two years ago, and having a LDR but got back home. We spent alot of time together (My GF and I)....we had the best times... of course there were ups and downs... i stayed home for a year and they transferred me back to hong kong. This time i can see there is alot of difference in the relationship. We are not talking as much as before.... Too busy at work... she is too busy at work.... we used to do all these sweet stuff like watching tv together on the phone, sleeping on the phone together, writing mails all the time, sms, chatting... camera on myself all night to see me sleeping... i did my best and she did her best too... but now... we do talk once a day or something... that doesnt last for more than 5-10 minutes..... Love is still there of course... we are geting married in a year... and she will be here with me.. I asked her why are we like this unlike the last experience ... she said honestly the last one was very painful so she is trying to forget my physical presence so that it can be less painful... when i look at it... i am doing the same thing... she is in my heart... but physically we are not... Are we in the wrong track? I can see there alot of you have a good experience in LDR,...
Note: The day i arrived back home last time... after a month we broke up ... i dated someone else... she dated someone else... There was a lot of frustrations... but we got back together and things got better till i left... now i dont argue whatsoever... we are lovey duvvy but sometimes i can see it is a bit fake. what i mean by fake is we dont show our frustration anymore to avoid any problems... i think i wrote too much... so appreciate your input...
Cheers!
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tia
19 yrs ago
Hummmm...at first, I would have said it sounds like you settled into a pattern of being together that just didn't require the lovey dovey upkeep at first. When I talk to the hubby, I don't focus on the physical things I am missing usually, but they do crop up from time to time. I can understand why you would want to not focus on the physical when you are not able to have that with each other.
THEN, you said it all seems fake, like you do it avoid arguing. This worries me. You should be able to have little problems and for these problems to not take over. I don't recommend that you argue all the time, but a little conflict is normal in every relationship.
I'd think, at the moment, you need to take a look at what you both want and take this time apart to really think about if you want to be together. Breaking up is not always a sign that you should be apart, but if things have been strained since then, you might want to look, REALLY look, at WHY.
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Hey All,
I am new to this LDR, it's only been 3 months. I'm in London and my partner is in Malaysia.
So far we are doing ok. We talk almost everyday on Skype and we find ways to do things together online, like crosswords, share photos, listen to music, read newspapers etc.
She was here in London for 2 weeks and returned home a few days ago. Because of money, we will be unlikely to be able to be together again for at least 6 months. It seems like an impossibly long time. I try to keep myself busy and taking a day at a time, as I did in the last 3 months. But I feel so pathetic. Although I know this separation is not going to be forever (perhaps for 3 years), I feel as if I am living my life in a state of longing and waiting. Waiting for the time of day to call each other, waiting for the time when we get to see each other, waiting to live in the same place. As we did for over 2 years.
Does anyone has any tips and advice for me to get my mind / heart back on track?
There are lots of positive things about being apart. We are growing stronger and more matual becuase of it. We are getting to know each other again in new ways. We are generally happy but I hate feeling that I'm waiting.
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Thanks Pumpkin for your words of encouragement.
I was lucky enough to see my partner 3 weeks ago. We had been looking forward to it for months. We had a wonderful time, doing ordinary things and meeting up with friends. Time flies when you're having fun. Soon it was time to part. Saying goodbye was as tough as the first time.
Hopefully, we will see each other many times in the next few years. But how do we cope with saying goodbye over and over again?? The thought of it is putting a damper on us enjoying the 'now'.
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Hi Chiki,
In short, neither of us are coping very well with the emptiness of being apart. Especially at the moment, because of work, we cannot fix a time to travel to see each other. It may be 6 to 9 months before we get to see each other again. So it feels like endless waiting.
We both have busy social calendars but it does not making coping with loneliness any easier. I hope in time, we will learn to cope better.
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Hi everyone. I am new to this thread, and like all of you I am in a LDR too. He and I have been together for about 6 months now. We met a month before we got together here in HK and have kept in touch thru the net. We were together during the summer, and just recently for a few days. I know to feel lonely is inevitable because your other half is not with you. Lately I have been feeling very weak and just emotionally unstable. He is a really good man, with a great big heart and I love him. He has shown me what love really is, but I don't know if I can handle the distance. It is really the only thing killing me. I don't know what exactly I'm getting to now, but this thread is giving me some understanding that I don't exactly get from my friends here in HK. Thank you to you all. At least I know that he and I are not the only one in this kind of set up. It is comforting to know in a way (and please no offense meant) that there are people who are going thru the same rollercoaster of emotions as I am. Thanks heaps.
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Pumpkin & tia, please check your mail! : )
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tia
18 yrs ago
4 years in a couple of week for me. Jeez! Where does the time go!?
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