Posted by
Sunny_time
20 yrs ago
Hii ,
Would like to know if its necessary to be engaged before marriage? If decided to be engaged , is it prefered that couples live together durning the engagement times ? How long would be the engagment ? Thank you for the replies.
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Zeeke
20 yrs ago
Hmm, it really depends on your custom.
Engagement is just a formal announcement you guys are tying the knot soon.
Engagements do not have a "time limit" -- um, as far as I know.
You're getting engaged? If so, CONGRATULATIONS!
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Agree with the poster above, an engagement is only an announcement of a couples intentions to marry. It is not about the ring! As for whether to live together while engaged that is a decision that each couple needs to make for themselves. Even though it seems that couples who live together before marriage should have stronger marriages statistics show that couples who live together before marriage actually have a higher divorce rates than couples who have not lived together before marriage. Go figure.
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An engagement is only a cultural thing and is not necessary. Some women like to have a ring to flash, some couples like to throw an engagement party and ask for presents - also not necessary, especially a top-of-the-line home entertainment system. And some coules get engaged to "please" the parents and relatives.
An engagement is very informal and is not binding under UK law. Any ring given (again optional) doesn't even have to be returned unless the man says it must be returned if the engagement is called off when he gives it to the woman.
The longest engagement I have "suffered" through was a friend's which went on for five years - and I say suffered because the wedding took three years to plan. But I have heard that a friend of a friend's engagement is now in the twelfth year, the guy has a problem with commitment and knows an engagements isn't "worth the paper it's written on".
So Sunny, it really is up to the two of you. Get engaged or not. Live together first or not. It's not against the law but you may face cultural issues. Just do what's right for you.
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Hii ladies,
thanks so much for the advices . Well , I don't really like the idea of engagement nor living together before marriage. I felt that engagement is not necessary but my boyfriend would like me to move in with him once we are engaged . I felt that if I were to cohabit with him durning this engagement period , its not to my advantage.I would be like an " unoffical wife " . If things don't work out well, he and I could just easily say bye-bye . My family members are against such idea of living together eventhough we might be engaged. Anyway , if we ever got engaged , we can only marry after 3 years due to my studies.
I felt that my boyfriend is trying to use this engagement thing to make me move in with him. I don't want give my whole self and body to a man who hasn't give his 100% commitment. Its like why buy a cow and u can get the milk for free ? Most men are happy that they only need invested a little but reciving the everything from their female partner.
hope to hear good advices from you ladies . Thanks.
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Zeeke
20 yrs ago
You can get engaged without moving in. If he wants an engagement, you'll be definitely be planning for the wedding. If your wedding isn't that complex or big, a year would suffice.
If you guys want to live in together you need not be engaged anyway.
If you think he isn't giving his 100% commitment, then why get engaged at all? (or get married for that matter)
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To jay2004 ,
I like your reply. Would like it even more if you are saying from a guy's point of view.
I felt that no matter how much I try to discuss with my boyfriend that I don't like living together , HE DON'T UNDERSTAND . In fact, I felt that whatever I said to him , he would never understand. Somehow I have reach the extend that I rather not voice out my opinion , just to save my energy .
What with this engagement thingy ? To me its not important at all. I think any one who reads my questions would feel that I have so much questions regards to this relationships. If my boyfriend happens to read my post , all I want to say to him is that I don't want an engagement with cohabition. Please respect my decision. Doesn't mean that if I don't live or engaged with you , our relationship is doom. To me, living together AFTER marriage is a beautiful thing . Its special to me. I don't want to " try " out this beautiful thing BEFORE marriage. If I cohabite with you now , I will not feel any special at all next time after marriage.
I WANT TO KEEP THIS MAGICAL FEELING ALIVE AND WILL ONLY GIVE TO THE MAN WHOM I MARRY. DON'T TRY TO GRAB IT AWAY FROM ME.
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sunny time, you really have to find out what's his rationale of wanting you to move in, that's more important than anything. If the engagement is a ploy for you to move in, then, maybe it's time for you to relook at the relationship. Maybe there's something in his mind that he's not saying. I lived with my boyfriend for about 10 months, it wasn't all about sex. And we did end up getting married years later. We lived together at that time because we were both away in another country and it just made sense at that time to live together. Hope this helps
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