Move Back to US or Stay in HK?

We may have the opportunity to move to the US to a city on the East coast after several years in HK and we are really in a quandary. I think it may be difficult to go back to non-expat life and that we'll miss the opportunity for exotic travel and international friendships if we do this. Does anyone have advice?

Financially, we may be slightly better off returning to the US, because of the high cost of living in HK. Obviously, we wouldn't miss HK's air pollution, but we would miss how safe it is and the mix of cultures.

If you have a choice that will not be financially backward - then go for the US job. The pollution is going to get worse before it gets better - your health is important over any other benefits of HK.

Not sure how much longer I am going to be able to stand it here.

I understand what you are saying about the pollution, but I think we will miss all the god things about Hong Kong as well as the excitement of living in Asia.

Well it sounds like you have made your mind up anyway - you get used to what you get used to - I am sure your family would settle in quite nicely into a cleaner environment and Hong Kong would be a faint memory after about a week.

Hi Ukmom,


Sorry to hear you are not enjoying NYC... Did you know right away that you'd rather be in HK? What is it that you miss or prefer in HK compared with New York? One aspect of going back to the US that worries me, is that not many people will understand what it is like to live in another country.

ukmom> how about education? I mean if you stay in HK, you have to send your kids to international school and they are so expensive here. In US, it is almost free...


by the way, may i know which suburbs are you living now? i am not hk local nor am i american. my company is offering me a position in NYC and i need to make the decision by end of the year. i have a 7yrs old gal and am not too sure if i should make the move since bbsitter is almost impossible to afford. However, education maybe better in US. I am a little confused now. Any thoughts are welcome...

I was Brooklyn borned and raised, lived in California Bay Area and Las Vegas and came across this same decision a few years back. When I moved back to the US after 2 years here, I missed Hong Kong so much that I eventually moved back here and do not regret one bit. Although I gave up a better job in exchange. I dont know what is it, there is just something captivating about this city.

We are neither Brit, but UK was our base while in Europe for many years.

Leafy Surrey was our home then.


I did not want to go back to Japan(homebase), hubby was not too sure but he was recalled by the head office.

It was a decision he really regretted since he was seriously headhunted by several companies at that time.


Have a serious talk with your husband,it should be a mutual decision, no turning back.


I agree expat life is great, home helper and the perks(hubby is now posted here), but we still miss UK.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments everyone; these are exactly the kinds of things I wanted to hear. I think that once you are an expat, you will always be homesick for either your home country,-- or later after repatriation, the foreign country you were living in.


We are both American, and although we love many things about the US, we have loved living abroad too. It is actually more financially advantagsous for us to be in the US, as long as we are in an area of good public(free)schools. (Instyle: Keep in mind that this is not always the case, especially in big cities, where many families end up paying out for private schools because public schools are not even safe.)


However, there are many advantages to expat life: more travel, more opportunity to learn about other cultures, exposure to many different experiences. We feel that the personal growth for ourselves and our children has been tremendous.


I fear that suburban life will seem quite dull after Hong Kong. And I know it will be difficult to meet people. I empathize with your experience, UK Mom! That must have been tough. I think that most US communities do not go out of their way to welcome newcomers.

ukmom> may i know which school are you talking about? what is the exact location? kindly share...


thanks lots...

UKmom-

I just wanted to say that I totally agree with what you say about Americans in America in general being insular. (And by the way, I've heard Americans saying the same thing about the British when they are in their country). That is one of the wonderful things about living abroad; people tend to be more open to meeting others. Plus in Hong Kong, most women have much more free time to socialize or volunteer or whatever.


You sound like a really kind and interesting person...I'm glad to hear that you have been able to find close friends in your area. Do you think you will be there long?

: ) I think she meant insular in terms of being more to themselves socially as opposed to welcoming newcomers, etc., like we find here in hk. But I think ukmom hit the nail on the head, HK has a very big expat community and people tend to be very friendly and tend to forge new friendships quickly because many of us do not have our family and old friends from home nearby; in other words, we create a family...and one that fluctuates a lot with people often coming and going.


Babette, some things it sounds like you're considering....


1. If you'll be near any of the big cities, you're likely to find the 'international' people it sounds like you're looking for. It won't be as easy to do as it has been for you in HK, but it's doable. Your husband's company may even be able to help, or if not, other organizations could. If you're in DC, you have the Peace Corps and other international organizations that will have some of their 'international' people around. NYC has the U.N. and tons of good universities with international professors and graduate students to befriend. Some of these people are also living in the suburbs and commuting in to wherever they need to go. All of this being said, some people that haven't traveled or lived abroad as you have may like to hear of your experiences/perspective, etc. too, especially if you're not looking down on them for their lack of it. I have tons of friends at home who haven't been around as much as we have, but they love talking about it all, and we love hearing their stories as well.


2. Making friends (any kind :). Yes, won't be as easy if your in a new, non-expat-like, community, as people have their own lives and family etc. around. But it can be done. Stay open.


3. Will you be closer to family? Do you want to be? I think you mentioned schools above, but not sure how old your kids are. It's great to see young children getting to know their families, developing close bonds with them, etc..


4. Better off financially? Great! Definitely a plus for moving back, even if it's only temporary. Plus, with the new US tax law for expats, you may not be gaining as much here as you used to be anyway.


5. Do you work? Will you be working? If not, it's likely that in the suburbs you will feel a bit isolated...unless you have kids keeping you busy and bringing new friends to you...and certainly will be different than life in HK. Activities and memberships in various groups would help too. Also, if you been living the life of a tai tai here and loving it, it'll be hard to replicate that in the suburbs in the States. Maybe that's something you'll miss? If you've been into tea at high noon and shopping galore and just tons of free time to explore, yes, HK would be better. ;) Domestic help is obviously also more expensive in the States, but still very much around.


6. Travel. If you love Asia, then you certainly will miss it being in the States...flights back to this part of town are long as you know. But have you traveled around the States? Europe's not too far either.


7. What your kids will learn. Being exposed to all sorts of people and different places and cultures here is a great education in and of itself. But there's a lot to be learned even at home and if you give your kids the opportunity to grow and learn (whether it be through special schools, activities, the friends you keep, the places you visit, the converstaions you have, etc., etc.), they'll still be well-rounded and informed.


8. Safety. Have no idea which part of the east coast you'd be living in, but there are plenty of good neighborhoods around.


9. Childcare. Again, don't think you said the age of your kids, but if they are pre-school, cheaper here with help less-expensive. School-age, cheaper in the States, with less-expensive education available. How that plays into your calculation for financial advantage with the new job in the new place could be a factor in your decision.


All in all, I think you're in a win-win situation. Keep an open mind to the experiences that you can have; you and your family can make your lives very fulfilling in either place.


Good luck. Let us know where you end up. If we head back that way too, maybe we'll meet up. :)




PS - I left out pollution as it's an obvious negative here. Something that would have us say yes to leaving hk.

Babette, I'm a reporter for an American newspaper and I'm looking into a story on air pollution in Hong Kong. I'm curious whether the pollution issue is weighing heavily on you decision about moving. If you're interested in chatting, would you drop me a note at aldricher999@yahoo.com? I'll write you back with more information about my story and the newspaper I write for. I'm also open to hearing from anyone else on the site who has thoughts to share on the air pollution here. Please write me at the above e-mail. Thanks for your help!