When to establish a routine?

My girl is 6 weeks old and we don't have a routine yet. I have been reading lots of baby books, including the Baby Whisper, but I have not read the Gina Ford books yet. I am not a fan of strict routine and I heard Gina Ford's stragegy is very strict. Anyway, just want to know when is a good time to establish a routine as some experts think it's best to wait after 3 months, some say 2 months, some say wait till baby is 12lbs, some say ASAP like from Day 1!! Am totally confused and also no idea how to start establishing one as well....@_@

It will be great if you can shed some light on this and share your experience, any advice is much appreciated!

Many thanks!

Actually, I tried to establish some sort of a routine for myself, and baby, and the nannies from the FIRST day baby arrived home. It's SO much easier to manage.... if you have some sort of a routine (with flexbility to a certain extent).... you will find baby to have better temperament, you will feel less tired, and less flustered, and the best of all, once you have some sort of a routine established, you can always have HELPERS (could be family members, hired nannies, your partner... )step in for a day, an afternoon, or a couple of days... so you can do your own things. If you are BF, you can express and store, at least there is a routine of WHEN to feed baby, bathe, change, play, read, take a walk...etc.


Your baby's routine is almost entirely based on how YOU decide to take care of her. For example, babies usually wake up in the morning approximately the same time (within 1-2 hours difference).... morning feed, then something for baby to do.... like a little Baby einstein, then play with her... then they are ready for nap. Then the next feed. Then bathtime maybe? Then play again, or go out for fresh air walk.... ...etc. Bedtime at what hour? middle of the night feed, what time? If baby decides to make the routine different, it will be an exception for that day/time. Then next day, try to stick with your routine again.... if you have a realistic routine, you will be a happier mother and your baby will also learn to adapt to your routine. It's much healthier too for baby's development.


This is entire JUST my opinion!

I wrote a long thread on this before:

http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/momsdads/threads/87886.asp

a lot depends on the mother's personality and parenting style. Some are more "attachment" types, and let the baby decide everything and don't really try and schedule anything. So no "routine" persay, but follows the baby's cues for when to do what.


Some are more strict routine - that's me. I need it. I work part time from home, have a husband who can't help during the week and so for me, having a routine made my own life easier. I also have a bit of a "controlling" personality - which means I myself am on a strict routine. I wake up at the same time everytime, eat the same time workout at the same time, work at the same time. (I'm a former HS teacher - I think it contributes a bit to my personality.) So for me, a baby on a routine really helps. I started trying from 2 weeks old - nothing too rigid or scary, but gently trying to see if I could get my baby to nap when Gina Ford recommends, and feed when she does, and if not, tomorrow was another day. nothing really happens in terms of routine until 3 months old. I was lucky and my second got on a pretty dependable routine by 2.5 months old. (10 weeks.) It also helped my helper to figure out what to do so that I didn't always have to give instructions. So that's why a routine worked for me.


Gina IS rigid, IF YOU make it rigid. If you look at the schedule and follow it loosely, it can still work. I don't have blackout curtains, and I had to feed a bit more often than she recommends and I didn't pump until I was good and ready to start doing it - but all in all is a very good routine as it takes into account the changes in your baby as it grows older. The schedule at 8 week is adapted and moves on until the baby is a year old. My daughter was on the schedule until she was 19 months old - and only changed because her school is on a slightly different schedule. (I prefer Gina's but that's another story.)


Don't pressure yourself into doing a routine because "everyone" is doing it. Figure out if you think it will work for you. If you're comfortable and happy without, and your baby is happy and comfortable without - no need. If you feel that you need some structure and routine -then - revisit the idea.

you do a routine only because you want to and you feel you need it, not because you hear of other people doing it.


i have one because i need structure in my life and because i am a one woman show all week except for weekends when hubby is at home, having a 7pm bedtime is critical for my own sanity and to allow me to do other household stuff - cooking my own food, batch cooking for baby, housework, pay bills, etc.


we managed the 7pm bedtime at about 3 months but the afternoon naps took a lot of work. but now i am happy to say that he does a regular 30-45 mins in the morning and 1.5-2.5 hours after lunch. this helps me to catch up on my own stuff, have a rest and erm...have a shower!


and hkcc is right about gina ford...she is rigid if you make it rigid. i like the way she schedules the routine (which we follow) but i disagree with finer details like how she insists on blackout curtains - my baby sleeps fine without it.


i feel, after 8 months of working on a routine and having one:


pros-

structure in your life: you can plan your day and if you have a helper and you work, this helps your helper manage too

a baby that sleeps through the night, or at the very least from the dream feed until next morning - critical for a new mum i feel.

you'll know when to feed your baby or put your baby down for a nap and not try a thousand different tactics because you don't know why your baby is suddenly fussing.

cons-

rigidity: e.g. lunchtime naps at home makes it difficult for you to go out say during weekends unless you have a babysitter.

say if one of the parent works, it might be hard for that parent to catch up with baby because baby is probably asleep by the time he/she returns.


if you do decide on a routine, take it slow....work on little bits and pieces and don't expect immediate 100% success. start small by ensuring that your baby always naps in her own cot at the same time, even if she doesn't always sleep for the desired amount of time.


good luck and enjoy your baby, whichever route you plan to take!

Thanks for sharing.

I am more flexible as I am taking a year off work to look after my baby, plus i have a full-time helper to take care of the household chores, and I also have a confinement lady to help out for the first 3 months. Just that many people have suggested me to start a routine soon to help baby to sleep through the night and I wonder if that will really make a difference? And many books and other moms also mention that a young baby should not be up for over 90 mins otherwise baby will be overtired; so with a rountine I can manage her day time nap better. True?

So far my day is like:


2:30am - Feed

3-5:30am - Sleep

5:30am - Feed

6-7am - Sleep

7:00am - Baby's up (somtimes require another feed)

7:30-8:30am - Cat Nap

9:30am - Feed

9:30am-2pm (Feed at around 11am)Baby won't take nap, may cat nap in my arms but won't sleep on her own

2pm - Bath

2:30pm - Feed

4:30 - Feed

5-7pm - Nap

7pm - Feed

7-10:30pm (Feed at 9pm) Baby stays up all the time!

10:30pm Feed

11:00pm Bed time


I am just curious if baby will start sleeping thru the night if I start a routine for her; or without a rountine she will also be able to sleep through the night when she's ready? I don't want to end up having a baby who keeps waking up even after 6-9 months! I am not expecting too much, just give me 5 hours sleep I am very happy already...@_@

Hi Ruth, I agree with you, guess I need to find out what works best for me and baby. Just that this is my first baby and a lot of the time I am not sure if I am doing the right thing.

When I look at the recommended rountine from all the books, most of them show a baby under 3 months should nap for 1.5 hours between feeds. That never happens to my baby - she's either not napping at all - or she naps for 2-3 hours - I don't know what people do when they try to impose a rountine, do they wake their babies up?? And what do u do when your baby just won't sleep??

Agree with Ruth, I never had a routine for my son and we both turned out just fine. I think the fundamental here is do a lot of research, talk to people and see what works best for you and your baby --- which is dependent on your lifestyle, your support system and whether you are working or not. Babies respond differently to routines too. So, do what you FEEL is best. You are the mother and you have to trust your insticts in the end.

I didn't introduce a routine with my son until he was about six months. He was a very happy baby, he fed very well and slept OK.

At 6 months I started with a bit more structure and he went from being happy to amazingly "content" - it really improved his sleeping patterns and of course was lovely for us to be getting good sleep as well.

He's now at school and still a wonderful sleeper.


For my daughter it would have been impossible to introduce a sleeping routine in those early weeks, I just concentrated on her feeding. I think we got her into a routine at about 13 weeks and like her brother she has become a great sleeper.


We still have nights when a child might wake for something, a drink, the loo but they settle back down very easily.


Like most areas of parenthood you must do what feels right for you, there isn't a right or wrong way.


For me I'm a much better parent if I've had a good nights sleep, as the routine helped my children sleep 12 hours a night it worked for us.

chrispy,


yes, you do what feels right for you. even if you have a routine, you should be flexible. try reading the baby whisperer, i found the advice from the book structured yet flexible to the needs of mother and child.


but i do caution that if as you say you don't want to have a baby not sleeping through at 6-9 months, you might want to slowly but surely introduce little routines into her little life. because i have a feeling that it will be difficult if at 6 months, after 6 months of being fed on demand and sleeping when she wants she is suddenly expected to feed only at certain times and sleep at certain times. your baby will have difficulties adapting because this is a complete change in her little life as she has come to experience!


as for the 90 mins thing, i don't buy that to be honest. my baby sleeps 12 hours at night but he needs his first nap less than 2 hours after waking up and then has another nap at lunchtime. but after waking up at 2/2.30pm, he will stay awake until his bedtime at 7pm. try to look out for signs that might show how tired your baby is and is ready for a nap..eyes rubbing, etc. for me i find that if i wait too long to put baby down, he won't sleep as long because he is overtired and tensed.

Hi,


My baby is now 8 weeks old. She is a good little sleeper and will go down at 7pm and sleep till 3am, feed for 15 mins then sleep till 7am. However, this is not a routine but her natural rythmn.


I am now back at work but during my maternity leave, was feeding on demand when my little one needed it. Some days she would nap well, others not at all. Over the past 8 weeks I have discovered that she sleeps better in the afternoon if she has a little excursion in the morning. She is an 'active' baby and enjoys company and stimulation.


I have come to learn what her different cries mean and recognize her behaviour when he is tired or hungry.


One invaluable piece of advice I recieved from my Mum is that 'there is no right way and no wrong way - you do what feels best for you and your baby'.


My advice would be to enjoy your baby, start to learn her little 'signs' and let her find her own rythymn. This doesn't mean that she dictates your schedule but it will be easier for you to find a routine later on if your babies needs are met.


Good luck!