Posted by
Chrispy06
19 yrs ago
We have a 3 months old baby and planning to try for Baby#2 but not sure if we should do it sooner or later. Hubby prefers to do it ASAP but I am thinking it may be better to have BB#2 born when BB#1 is at least 2 yrs old. I feel like if I get pregnant soon I won't be able to look after BB#1 100% as I may be suffering from morning sickness and I will be tired and need to sleep often and also not able to carry BB#1. I want to devote myself 100% to BB#1 for the first 2 years but if I get pregnant soon I worry that when BB#2 arrives my focus will have to be on the new baby.
For those of you whose babies have less than 2 years gap do you find it hard to divide your attention? Did you feel bad when you want to pick up your baby but you can't because you're pregnant?
Some of our friends believe it's best to have them close together so the kids can occupy each other and also you can sort of get your life back sooner (when they start going to school); but some of our friends think it's better to wait till the first one is 2-3 yrs old so it's easier to manage.
It'll be great if you can share your experience with us. Many thanks!
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We started to try to get pregnant with our second when our first was about 9 months old. Since it took us about 5 months to actually get preg, our babies were born about 2 years apart. they are now 5 and 3 and ply together very well. I would recommend having them close together but I wouldn't want them too closes since they are so needy when under about 2 yrs. At 2 they are a little more independent and can be occupied for short times. Younger than that would be more difficult. I can only help you as far as my experience allows me and we have 3 kids...5, 3 and 9 mos. I am so glad we spaced it out like we did...although if it was up to my husband, we would have had them closer.
Good Luck
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My son is 2 years and 2 months and I'm expecting no. 2 any minute now. While I think this will be a great age gap for children, I have to say it has been exhausting trying to keep up with a very active toddler while being pregnant. If you want a close age gap I might suggest asap, before No. 1 really starts becoming a handful.
And why can't you pick up No. 1 when you're pregnant with No. 2? I carry my son around all the time - I'm only pregnant, not sick...
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suze
19 yrs ago
I have 3 daughters, 7, 3 and 10 months. I personally love the age gap. The eldest was practically independent when I had No.2 and when the baby came she was a great help. No 2 was 2 yrs 8 months when No.3 came along and again was easy as she didnt need so much looking after etc and the eldest was like a mini mum to both of them.. If I had my time again tho I may have had them closer together as the big age gaps are sometimes obvious when they try to play together.
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Yes there are just so many things to consider - if I have them close together then perhaps I can go back to work in just a few years time (I am taking a year off to spend time with my baby and if I get pregnant soon I may consider quitting my job) - but meanwhile I want to maximize the quality time with BB#1 for her first 2 years. I have a full time helper but she needs to look after a big flat and hubby works long hours, so I am going to be one looking after my babies most of the time. I just worry I won't have enough energy to look after 2 young ones as I find it tiring enough just looking after my 3 months old baby.
And yes I am still breastfeeding but I plan to stop at 6 months. Is it true that you get very fertile right after you stop BFeeding? I keep hearing people getting pregnant right after they stopped BFeeding! ^_^
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Hi Chrispy -
mine are 21 months apart. I love the age gap - although it was hard on my older one. I feel in a few more months it will be an even greater time for the two of them, as my almost 11th month old is almost walking and so she can follow around her older sister.
But it WAS sheer hell the first few months - my older one was a bit jealous of her sister, and although I had stopped breastfeeding the older one at 13 months, she became a bit too interested in my breasts again. (since her sister was too.) She forgot about the whole nipple thing and sometimes would attack the side of my boob trying to get something out of it - all I got out of it was a hickey. HAHAH.
But after the inital scary first 3 months, it suddenly calmed down a lot and it became really wonderful having the two of them together close in age. My older one LOVES teaching her younger sister new things, and my younger loves her older sister. Of course there are times that the older is annoyed by the younger but they are few and far between. My older one now (she's 2.5) can help me with quite a few things. She' s great a getting diapers, grabbing toys that my baby has thrown off of the high chair, good at dancing in front of her sister to distract her while I shovel food in her mouth. She's even good at feeding her (this is messy at times) and can be counted on to give her a few baby cereal into her palm which my baby smiles and readily gobbles up. They take baths together (have since my baby was six months old) and the older loves rubbing soap on the belly, legs and feet of her sister.
It really is a very personal decision. Cara asks some really good questions. My second pregnancy more difficult than my first - and knowing that, it makes me a bit more hesistant to start trying for our third in the next two months or so. Three under the age of four- sounds a bit scary to me! But again, I love having the kids close in age (my own age constraints dont' help either - I'm 35.) so - we will be trying for #3 in a few more months. YIKES!
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Hi Chrispy,
Such an interesting discussion as my baby is almost 10 months and we have been seriously thinking about No. 2.
My plan is that we have our baby's entire first year just about him. I was very sick during the 1st 3 months of pregnancy so would hate to deprive my super active boy of an adult companion who can go crazy with him at this time when he is about to walk. So the decision is that once he hits one, we will try actively to get pregnant.
But at the same time, with hubby being 43 this year and it might not be as easy getting pregnant the 2nd round (you never know, my aunt took 8 years to get preggers with her no. 2)...we are also letting nature take its course to certain extent...so if I do get pregnant anytime now until baby hits one, it'll be great too!
agree with hkcc that it's such a personal decision and i think everyone is different.
good luck with your decision!
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crj
19 yrs ago
Our babies will be 15 months apart.
Baby one was born Jan 2006 (I was 34).
Baby two is due April 2007 (I am 35).
I do carry number one still, but I can't bend down to do the bath - this is just because my lower back and hips were bad first pregnancy and are bad again, so my husband or the helper gives him the bath while I sit and read and talk to him.
I have only breast fed, no formula.
My period came back in just under 3 months.
We got pregnant again when baby was about 6 months old.
I am still breast feeding while 6 months pregnant.
Baby #1 is almost a year, and I am going to stop breast feeding at end of January.
Originally, I only wanted one. But then when we decided to have two I knew that if I 'recovered' from the first one and got my body, healthy and sleep back I would never want to go through this again! So here we are, about to have two under two's.
Negative is that it will be a hard 3-4 years or so.
Positive is, after that it should get better and because they are so close in age it should help that they can play together. In addition, they will be so close that Baby#1 will never remember life without Baby#2. They can share a room, and baby two will learn a lot from baby one.
Also, now when I am done, I am done. Once I start getting back into shape and enjoying champagne again I won't need to stop again just as I start to enjoy it :)
Yes, I am dreading the first three months. I am even dreading being at hospital and how baby one is going to react... but I know now how fast time passes with a new baby and that no matter how awful it is, it will get better :)
And someone advised that 9 months / 2 years is hard too.
But that when they hit 3/4 it is brilliant, so lots and lots to look forward to.
For us, we just think about getting pregnant and we seem to. For others it takes longer, so also remember you don't have as much control over the timing as you would like to think you do.
Whatever you decide, and whatever happens, it will all be for the best.
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HK2
19 yrs ago
CRJ, loved your post!
We are three months pregnant - first baby girl is already 13 months old so we'll have a gap of 20 months.
We did not plan to get pregnant, we were still thinking about the costs and work entailed in having a second one but we also wanted a sibling for our daughter. We are not young parents - am
34 and hubby's 42. I come from a family of 4 sisters and love them to death!
The decision was taken out of our hands and we were surprised. For our first child, we tried for about 2 years, had recurrent miscarriages, took fertility boosting drugs, etc. And this was too easy to believe. (conceived without help, without timing it, etc)
I agree with many of you that the first few months and even 1-2 years will be difficult but the later years will be better. I also feel that had this not happened, we would have waited and thought about it more, i may not have wanted to go back to the sleepless nights (this is the HARDEST part for me). Like CRJ, i want to get back in shape and also i'd like to do stuff for me like part-time work or something and that will be easier once both are in school.
Let's see how things go . . .right now, i do feel guilty about not being able to do a lot with my kiddie - i am tired a lot and am queasy so much of the time. There will be time later to do things with hopefully, both of them and that should be more fun.
Wish everyone all the best. . .
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crj
19 yrs ago
HK2 - congratulations! That is great news I hadn't realised you were with #2 too!
I was really tired during month 2-3 as well, but it did pass and am completely enjoying #1 and if anything trying to really make more of an effort to spend time with him each day (especially as I do work full time so it has to be planned).
Saikunga - lucky you for starting early! You'll be having an empty home when the rest of us are dealing with teenagers :)
Totally agree with Cara above regarding getting a good helper, we just hired a new helper and are going to hire a second and I am being very picky about what we want etc... as this makes a huge difference. Also, we know we want night help the first 2 months, so that is what the second helper will do initially.
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Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts with us, very helpful, much appreciated.
Hubby is 40 and loves kids, so he would like to make #2 asap. I am 29 and I like kids too, I guess I think 2 is a good number but I don't mind to have just one. My pregnancy was okay, no major problems but I had morning sickness for 5 months and suffered from serious heartburn almost the entire time. But I am lucky to have a good baby, she's very well behaved and only cries when she's hungry. When I look at her sweet little face I just want to devote myself to her 100%; this is why I hesistate on making #2 soon as very likely I will be queasy and tired most of the time and can't do things with my daughter often.
In response to Cara's post, hubby does work long hours, 7am-9pm, only sees baby when we do the 11pm dream feed and on the weekend (so he has no clue what it's like to be with the baby all day). My family is in Toronto but fortunately I have a very good helper, she's great with the house and very good with baby; but I guess having 2 young ones will be a different story. I am lucky that I can stay home and don't need to work; so far I enjoy being a stay home mom but not sure if I will enjoy staying home for a few years (as I have always worked till I had my baby)! \O/
One question - when you put BB#2 in the same room with BB#1 - what happens in the early days when BB#2 wakes up in the middle of the night for feeds? When BB#2 cries BB#1 will wake up too right? I don't plan to put baby in my room as I am a very light sleeper and I just can't sleep with the little noise babies make when they are asleep.
Again, many thanks for sharing your thoughts and your experience. ^_^
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crj
19 yrs ago
There was a thread on the sleeping together thing earlier.
Most parents leave Baby 2 in a separate room until 3 or 4 months when they are sleeping through the night. Then put the babies in the same room when they are going to bed the same time and waking up the same time. Then just go in at 11pm for the night feed and take baby 2 out of the room for the feed, then put baby 2 back after.
HKCC wrote a long thread about this before and said that she was nervous at first, but that it worked out really well and sometimes her girls would 'talk' to each other, etc...
That is what we are planning on doing too.
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Nula
19 yrs ago
My gaps are 2y9mths and (soon to be) 4years. I found the first gap to be perfect for me. My first child was more independent, was able to play by himself and was also fully toilet trained by the time number 2 came along. I really was not ready to fall pregnant before my first was 2.
The only real problem was when number 2 started to interfere with older child's games/toys but after about 6 months this resolved and now they play really well together and share a room.
Our soon to be 3rd wasn't really meant to be such a large gap but it took us a year to fall pregnant. With hindsight the second probably would not have coped with having a sibling any sooner.
We had wonderful one on one time with our first and as he was older when number 2 came along my husband found it a joy (and very easy) to take him with him for errands/jobs on the weekend to give me a break.
The benefit also with a slightly larger gap is that as the older one goes off to school you get the one on one time with the 2nd. Also spreads the school fees out a bit ;-)
My eldest (7) is so excited about number 3 being born and has been fussing over me no end to make sure I am comfortable. It has been wonderful sharing the experience with him. No doubt he will be a great help.
I have friends that have 3 children each with close gaps (2years and under) and they have really struggled. I look at them and think I would have been on blue pills if I had done that! No doubt they are thinking now that their children are older "how can she go back to it all!".
My brother and I were only only 18months apart. I just remember a frazzled mum and fighting with my brother. We really only became closer as we hit our mid to late teens.
6months or 9months in a toddlers life is a huge difference in their development level. The main benefit of living in HK is that you have the help in the home so it would make it much more manageable for a closer gap. If you feel ready go for it. If not, wait a couple of more months.
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crj
19 yrs ago
This is another good thread on having a second baby:
http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/momsdads/threads/91783.asp
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Thanks Cri for letting me know the above thread, it was good. Looks like most of us agree the age gap best not to exceed 2 years; and perhaps having them closer is better as they share a smiliar schedule, tho it will be hard work for the first 1-2 years but in the long run the kids will be closer to each other, and when they all go to school mom will have more time to herself.
Have had many rounds of discussion with hubby and now we are down to:
Start trying for #2 when BB#1 reaches one (BB#1 was born in early Oct'06)
OR
Start trying now and see what happens; as I am still breastfeeding so it may not be so easy to get pregnant!
Again, thanks for your thoughts! Much appreciated! ^_^
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crj
19 yrs ago
I guess one of the main things to remember is you do NOT have control over this... it is partly up to nature to dictate. You might decide to wait 3 months and then it takes 3 years to get pregnant, or you might start now and get pregnant next week...
in both cases for us, we didn't try it just happened.... Yet for others they try and try and try and it doesn't... so you just don't know when...
So if you are both sure you want two, then you just need to pick a day to 'stop not trying' (ie, stop birth control methods) and see what happens. That day could be tomorrow or when baby turns one.
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totally agree with crj!
i wasn't confident of how long it would take to get pregnant so we actually started trying during our engagement.
guess who was 10 weeks pregnant at her own wedding and couldn't drink a drop of alcohol?
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Yes I agree too, we have no control over this and we should just try and be grateful when it happens! ^_^
Wheelymate - I wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible after the wedding so I stopped taking pills months before the wedding and stopped drinking - so I had no alcohol at all at my wedding too! =D It worked out well tho - wedding in Oct-05 and I got pregnant in Jan-06!
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crj
19 yrs ago
Wheelymate - Me Too!!!
We got engaged.
Then got pregnant.
Then got married... ha ha
We think we got pregnant when we were on holiday when we got engaged!
Very efficient of us :)
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crj
19 yrs ago
Wheelymate - Me Too!!!
We got engaged.
Then got pregnant.
Then got married... ha ha
We think we got pregnant when we were on holiday when we got engaged!
Very efficient of us :)
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I think it really depends on the character of your first child. If you think he is not that hard to deal with,then you may have a second one now, but if you think he still needs more attention especially in terms of behaviour and emotions, then you may need to wait and see. For some kids, they may be alright after going to school. Hope they are useful to u.
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