School dilemma for December born child

My son was born on the end of December so he's always the youngest in his class and lately we suspect that he may be a bit hyperactive or even have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder)We have a doctor's appointment to assess this later in the month but is it true that children, especially boys who are born later in the year will find it harder to learn in a class environment where he is the youngest? I have friends who advised that I should let my son stay another year in kindergarten as 4 years and 9 months will be too young for a boy to start Primary Year One and that will be the case for my boy come this September. At the same time, I also have friends whose kids were hyperactive and they told me not to assess my boy at this age (he just turned 4) as sometimes doctors tend to just label kids as ADHD when in fact they are just merely 'active'. They felt that i should wait till he turns 5 as a wrong diagnosis may hinder the child's 'normal' development.


I'm concerned and feel a bit lost as to how I should approach this. If there are parents out there who have experience with children who were either hyperactive or had ADHD, I would love to hear your opinion and story. My son is a bright child and learn things pretty fast but he is 'active'. I also don't want to deprive him of a 'normal' school life if he's just merely a boy with lots of energy.


Lastly, does anyone have any good doctors to recommend who specializes in ADHD? At the moment, we have an appointment with a doctor at the Sanatorium Hospital but we would certainly get a second opinion as well.


Thank you so much for reading this and hope some parents out there could help me.

Are you kidding me? I'd run as fast as I could from any doctor or anyone else who told me my 4-year-old son was ADHD! You say you feel a bit lost as to how you should approach this, but from your post it does seem that you feel that your little boy is just a bundle of energy and that school at this age is not the right environment for him. I'd say talk to your husband and other close family/friends that really know your son (not some doctor that's going to assess him in an unnatural environment) and rely on your instincts. Also, think about if you were in a country where it was more the norm to start school at 6 or 7 -- a country like Finland that consistently places high on academic achievement. Think about what your son, himself, would want -- after all, kids are little people and deserve respect. After all this, if you still think that your son has a 'problem' and needs to be drugged at the young age of 4 -- just when he's on his way to exploring and enjoying this wonderful world in his own way -- then see your doctor, knowing that she/he will most likely confirm the suspicions that society has placed on our children after only a short appointment and a series of potentially misleading questions. But if you decide to give your son more time - while guiding him in the social and behavioural rights and wrongs expected of a four year old -- then your son will thank you for it later, I can guarantee.

Saikunge, thank you for your insight. Ever since I suspect that my son is more 'active' that those around him, I have made the effort to do more research through the internet and I realize that diet may be a contributing factor and I have started to cut down, if not elimate on those food of potentially giving him those extra energy. It has helped but I still see symptoms indicating otherwise and recent chat with his kindy teacher (he's already in kindergarten year 2)reveals that he is rather 'active' in class but the teacher was not really able to give me a clearer picture when I asked for specific details (yes, not a very good teacher one might say which I don't disagree). That's why I'm 'desperate' to find out more from parents out there as personal experience will speak the best.


Saikunga, mind if I ask how old are your kids now and has their conditions improved. Apart from delaying school for another year, what can a mother like me do to help 'support' an active child. I know that it's beyond his control and I am trying to be patient and loving as much as I could but at times, it can be pretty draining to have to constantly remind him and not receiving his corporation. I do not wish to resort to harsh punishment as I know this will not work on a child who does not even know why he has this extra 'energy' in him. Internet info suggested 'behavourial theraphy' and did not eleborate on that, do you know what it means (that's why I want to see a specialist to get the insight as I do want to help and support my child)


Even with doctor visit pending, I would never give my son any drug at this stage even if it's suggested so as I know there will be side-effects and I'm not going to compromise that at all.


I'm writing this thread hoping to get some construcitve advise so please critise and judge a parent. All parents love their children and will do their very best to give them a healthy, loving and safe environment to grow up and I'm no exception.


Thanks.

In my last paragraph, I meants '...please DON"T critise and judge a parent" Just a typo error

Saikunga, thank you so much for your useful information. My husband and I just came home from dinner with a close friend whose son was also diagnosed with ADHD and what she shared with us were very similar to what you have said. We now feel more at ease knowing more and understand better how to approach things in a more positive manner going forward in order to help our son.


In your opinion, do you think it is necessary to share with the teacher/s in kindergarten that we think our son is on the hyperactive side. I just worry that if we do, they might just label him such and not give the proper support. On the other hand, if I don't, I am also concerned that teachers will think that he is 'naughty'.


Thank you very much once again.

There are TOO many kids being diagnosed (mis-diagnosed) with ADHD in HK. Most of them are just really healthy, active, and normal young children. If you have a really active child, as a parent, many occasions, we will think "my child must be ADHD". You bring your child to a psychologist/counsellor to assess your child... most of the time, they will say they are ADHD or BORDERLINE ADHD..... it's silly, really. Children are supposed to be active!!! unless the "activeness" is interfering with basic daily necessary routines like eating, bathing, and sleeping... I can't see why any child should be diagnosed with ADHD at 4 years old. At 6 years old maybe, but at 4... it's almost impossible to diagnose b/c the child 's behaviours can be a result of many things and other factors.


If I was a doctor, and you brought your child to me as a potential patient, business speaking wise.... I would say your child is possibly ADHD too.


Sorry, I am just really tired of hearing little children being labelled ADHD all the time in HK now. It's a new trend or something....

Thanks green, I'd love to have that brochure. This may sound silly but I've always wondered what does 'PM' stands for in a thread and how do I 'PM' someone.


After gathering everyone's opinion, I have decided to defer the doctor appointment for another year and reassess my son's situation again then.


I too recently started my boys (I have another younger son) on Omega 3 supplements after I read much about its benefits to brain developments. Hopefully it will help a bit.

SeeYen,


We also have a son with aspergers syndrome and adhd, he was diagnosed just before his 5th birthday and we had been having him investigated for a year previously to that. The improvements we have seen from early intervention strategies have been imence. We found the dietary restrictions and omega 3 very helpful but also sensory integration therapy helped his motor and impulse control.


We also thought our son had adhd but when he was diagnosed that was his secondary diagnosis. We feel that having him diagnosed has been really beneficial in helping us to meet his needs and working with his teachers to ensure he is being educated in the correct way. He's a visual learner and a "picture paints a thousand words" for him.


I feel if you have concerns about you're child the earlier you know the more you can do about, by approaching their learning in the correct manner.

Fiftrixabel, may I ask which doctor do you go to? You can send me a PM. We are still having doubts whether or not to bring our son to see a doctor. Part of me think that I should but my husband thinks that it can wait another year. I don't know whether to follow my instincts or to follow other parents and friends advise..sigh.

Fiftrixable, I forgot to ask, what is 'sensory intergration therapy'? Thank you.

Have sent you a pm.....

To Seeyen,

I would seriously consider starting him a year later. The English schools here do not follow the same cut off dates as in England, (UK is sep 1st to Aug 31st), so anybody here born between Sep and Dec end up a year ahead than they would in the UK. My daughter is Nov born and we refused to let her miss a year of primary school when we arrived here, they wanted her to miss P4 and go straight into P5 at 8. in the UK even if you are the youngest in the class (as I was) you are still 11 when you start secondary school, here many children start at 10, which emotionally is just too young. And if you look further ahead, I know several teenagers that started University this year at 17, and missed out on several months of the initial parties and social gatherings (very important when trying to make new friends and get infomation) as you had to have ID proving you were 18 as alcohol was available.

Also agree with diet. Nothing to do with ADHD, but I have a disabled son who in the first 2 years of his life was constantly sick, chest infections, bronchitis, diarrhoea, contsipation, stomach problems etc. We found out he was intolerant (not allergic) to many foods, a change in his diet meant he had no illnessess even minor ones for the next 4 years. He still doesn't eat sweets/ pudding, fizzy drinks, limited dairy and despite his severe disabilites visits the GP less than once a year.

So if you think your son has problems definately look at the diet, the change in our son was immediate.

Also agree with the sports. Not all children are academic, some are sporty. Let him keep at them. I hate the fact here that primary schools are into non competitive sports. They give out many awards for academic achievements, and are always praising good school work, but the one day a year when sporty kids get to show off their skills and to show that they can excel at something they're not allowed to compete in case it upsets someone who is not sporty.

I think it would be much better to do an extra year at a younger age than to wait until towards the end of primary.

My wife and I made the decision to hold our december born son back a year before he started P1 and his experience has been completely different from the one that saikunga's child experienced.


We did a great deal of research and spoke with many teachers, both overseas based and here in Hong Kong and many had made the decision to hold their own children back. Based on his late birthdate, that he is the firstborn and has hearing issues, we chose to hold him back a year. His tight knit kindy class was splitting up as every one was heading off to their primary schools, and we changed schools for him as well.


No longer is our son the shortest and the youngest. He has gained SO much self confidence, asks questions, initiates conversations and contact. The difference we have seen in him socially is heartwarming, and his academic progress has been impressive too, according to his teachers, although academics at kindergarten is not a concern for us. Happiness IS and he is happier than we could have imagined. He is beginning to read and we know this confidence will be a wonderful gift for him to enter primary school with.


Daddy Long Legs - No one has teased my child. The kids he goes to kindy with know he is the oldest in the class by five weeks, and they just nodded, and accepted it. A couple from his old kindy have asked why he isn't at their primary school, and we simply respond, "he goes to a different school, like anna does." that's a good enough answer. Next year it might be different when they're all at primary together, but they will be separate, and while they're still friends, they will each have their own classes.


Good luck with your decision.

Dear moms and dads,


Firstly, I want to thank you all for responding to my thread and all of you have given me some very useful advice but now I have another question in mind.


When most of you said 'hold him off school for another year', what do you mean? Do you mean keep him completely away from school?


My son is already in kindergarten year 2, due to go to Primary one in September so if we stop him from school for another year, wouldn't that destroy his self-esteem too? He would be asking why other children is going to school and he isn't.


My husband and I spoke to his kindergarten principal a few days ago and it turned out that we just cannot simply 'request' to keep him in kindergarten for another year, we need to have 'support' as to why we feel he needs to stay for another year. This would mean that if he fails in the interview for Primary one, then only we have enough 'support' to keep him in kindergarten for another year since he will be considered 'not ready'.


I then made a few inquiries to other international stream kindergartens and when I told them that he was born in 2002, they all said that I should apply for primary year one and not K2 despite me explaining that he is a very late December boy. I was given the answer that the 'system' is such that they would accept application based on the year the child was born and not calculating his actual age. Even if we let him attend a different kindergarten for another year at K2, these kindy were telling me that they are not sure if the primary school would accept my son into P1 when he should be in P2 the following year based on the year he was born and that I have to check each school individually. This is really disappointing to know and know I feel a bit stuck again as to what to do.


We cannot send our son to a local stream kindergarten which has kindergarten year 3 (kids who attend local school start primary 1 at 6 years old)because I cannot read nor write Chinese.


CBDC, did you son attended kindergarten in HK before he moved to Primary One? At what age did he attended kindergarten?


I was under the impression that it would easier for him to 'repeat' in kindergarten when he is still younger rather than do so when he starts primary years and issues like self-esteem is what I worry most. We think that if his current kindergarten lets him stay for another year, then he can go to school together with his younger brother who will be attending the same kindergarten this September and hopefully this will not let him feel as if he's 'left out' where all his current classmates will go to primary year one in September. Although I'm concerned too but being 'socially seperated' from his current school friends isn't my biggest concern for now as most of them go to seperate primary school anyway.


Maybe I have not done enough research on kindergartens and schools in Hong Kong but if any of you know of any international kindy that would still accept my son to year 2 at 4 years and 9 months old this September, I would greatly appreciate the names of these kindergartens.


My husband and I would really like to keep him in kindergarten for another year but it looks like the 'system' is not making it any easy for us.


Any views from parents out there would really be greatly appreciated. This issue has made me feel so stressed out for the past week as I fear that if I 'force' my son to year one when we clearly feel that he's not ready, he will suffer eventually (and this seemed to be the case from all postings received thus far) but if we can't get that 'support', then he has no kindergarten to go to that would accept application for him to enter Primary 1 the following year.


Help!

See Yen have sent you a PM

Dear SeeYen,

The cut-off date is June 30 for GSIS, August 31 for CIS and Oct 31 for HKIS. For these schools, your son will have to wait for another year to attend primary school. However, all these schools have reception year(s). So, you do need to apply now for entering the reception level in September 2007.

There is countless evidence to show that boys do better if they are held back till they are EMOTIONALLY ready for school. Some will be five but a lot are not ready until 6 or 7. So your child is not abnormal and you should feel no shame in holding him back. This culture is obsessed with pushing children and I see the damage it can do with kids that continuously get moved up grades but haven't grasped even the basics.

Don't be ashamed to do what is best for your child and not what others say is a normal!

What people do here for school, at least up here where I am, is so NOT normal compared to other countries.

What is sensory integration therapy? Fifitrixabel, can you explain what it is and how it helped your son? thanks!!