Teenage Girl -single dad

excellent that you've thought of this before the event, kudos to you! She may well be embarassed talking to you too, is she quite open and chatty with you? My advice would be to get yourself down to Dymocks or Bookazine and see what literature is available. Pick something fairly straightforward, not too thick, that you and her can flick through together. You could read it first, then let her read it in the privacy of her room and come out to discuss it with you later. Good luck and let me know how it goes....

the book advice is a good way to go.


also, do you have any good female friends whom she is familiar and comfortable with? you do your bit but your friend can also have a girl talk with her and answer any queries that she might be too shy to ask her dad about.


good luck!

you want to make sure she is getting PROPER information.


girls are talking about it and they have SO MUCH misinformation it's crazy. (I used to teach high school and some of the stuff they thought of - WOW.) They've heard from so and so something and so on and so forth, so a woman who can present this ideas and the situation clearly, simply and comfortably would be ideal. I remember very clearly when I got mine, I begged my mother not to tell my father. (and he's an OBGYN so it was all "business" to him.) I remember asking her when I was 17 if she had told him and she said ,"yes" and I was devastated. So you're right to be sensitive about this.


ANy aunts? Female friends? Mothers of friends who might be able to do this? Perhaps a mother of a friend who could present it to the both of them clearly?

Hi GOD


I searched high and low for books about periods etc in Dymocks & bookazine but nothing seemed suitable as they all went into sex and lots of stuff I thought was too much info for my 10yr old daughter (she could be starting soon as we've monitored tummy aches every month). I ordered a book called PERIOD with another one still on order from Bookazine. It did take over 4wks so if you have anyone who can order them abroard and post them to you I would suggest doing so as it would be much quicker. Amazon can order quickly.


I plan on reading it in the next few days and then sitting down and talking to her about periods etc and letting her read the book for herself and then will talk to her again afterwards or during the read if she needs it explaining further.


I also got a book for my husband called Raising GIrls and it said to celebrate the arrival of her first period by going out for the day or buying something nice because it was celebrating being a woman. THere is a bigger explanation which I cant remember off hand but it seemed a great idea to me.


Hope this helps.

A lovely book to get which explains growing up, puberty et al is Babette Cole's Hair In Funny Places.


It deals with girls going thru puberty as well as boys and is great. I have a 6 year old that loves the book, understands a little of it but just likes looking at the pics too, it's great to have around and before anyone pounces on me, we don't explain everything to her!


GOD - good luck and you may find that she may know more and help YOU explain it.

I'm with Totty, that is a good book, I'd forgotten about that one. Whether she'll be open with you, depends a lot on her personality and circumstance, for example, does she have older brothers? Is her Mum still around? (sorry to pry, but if she is, you might need to compare notes). Some tweenies/teens these days may surprise you and you'll find them open to discussion and as saikunga says, can go into "too much detail!" :)

If she has been through primary school here, you'll probably find she knows all about it. My son had sex education in P6 here, and they went through everything from periods to wet dreams. Infact when I picked my son and his friends up from school after the lesson and asked them how it went, they all said that it was too much information and that they weren't ready to go into so much detail.

We used a book with my oldest daughter when she was 10, I asked her if she wanted us to read it together or whether she wanted to read it on her own and then ask questions about stuff she didn't understand. She chose the latter.

Its not going to be fun to talk about with her, but I think it will be better for your relationship with her if she knows your willing to talk about such things. Maybe you could buy her some sanitary products, give her a couple of towels to keep in a little bag in her school bag, so she's prepared when it happens.

I agree with Saikunga, girls are much more open about periods now, I used to buy sanitary products very furtively in the hope no one would see, whereas I've had several of my daughters friends over the years ask me if I have a spare tampon etc on me. I would never in a million years have asked my friends let alone their parents. When they're in a group they'll say if they've got cramps, apologise if they're moody because they came on that day etc, it was much more a taboo subject 30 years ago.

Hey God,


If it helps any when my parents explained it to me both my parents were there. Not just my mom. My dad had 2 sisters so he knew just about everything about what girls go through. When i did have my period i told my mom and mom told dad. I wasnt upset that he knew. Cuz later on if i needed pads or something i would call my dad on his cell and ask if he could pick up some pads on the way home.


Now a days its normal for dads to be apart of this too. Dads are usually married and their wife goes through it. Its not like they dont know. If you treat it like a normal human condition she might be less embarressed. I think it actually made my dad and i closer cuz girl stuff didnt phase him and i could talk to him about anything. Which later on when boys start popping in her head might be good for you!



Good Luck with all period talk. And remember try to not act nervous if she sees your comfortable with it (Even if you fake the comfortable) she will see that your not scared of girl stuff!!!

A little off the thread but i remember i was 17 and was about to go on holiday with my 19 year old boyfriend and 8 friends down the Thames.


Dad sat me down and told me 'i've made an appointment at the Dr's for you, if you're going on holiday with your boyfriend then you're to go on the Pill'. At the time i was shocked but looking back so, so grateful for that input on my well being, since those many years ago we've become the best of friends.


I don't think Dad's realise what a BIG part they play in their little girl's lifes and what a BIG deal it is to THEIR little girl when he takes time to helper her out on the important things in life.

GOD - it sounds as though she has Dad that thinks the world of her and that's just lovely and all she needs, and ever will do. Oh i just wanna give you a big hug.

You sound like you have a really close realtionship already, and you'll probably find this will bring you even closer! My husband finds it all really difficult to discuss, and it was actually me that had to give the talk to our (then) pre-teen son. Once he got over the initial emabarassment, he really opened up (and educated me!) and now, what I don't know about wet dreams, isn't worth knowing :) I realised in the end that it didn't matter what sex the adult was giving the talk, as long as it was informative, chatty and relaxed. Then treat yourself to a stiff brandy and a pat on the back afterwards........

I think you are a fantastic and loving father. You remind me very much of my Dad. My Mother died very suddenly when I was a teenager and by then my brothers had left home and married, so there was just me and him. Before she died my mum did all the talks etc. After that my Dad and I became very close and we now tell each other EVERYTHING (much to the dismay of my husband!)


My advice is to not hold back and be embarrassed about anything. It is for her benefit that you do this. Buy her a good book as mentioned above and let her view it in private. Ask her to tell you if you need to fill iin any gaps. Then go out and buy her a period kit!! Buy some pads, some chocolate and a hot water bottle. Make it fun and light hearted! As mentioned above, go out and celebrate in private that she is now a woman. Take her shopping and out for lunch!


One thing though. Don't tell anyone about her starting her periods as it can sometimes be embarrassing. I remember that my mum told everyone and I had kids I didn't even hang out with knocking on our door to see if I wanted to go swimming! I was mortified.

Well done!



I remember my father too was very open about the entire thing (though I was angry with mum for telling him ), what more him being a very traditional asian man. What made me comfortable with him is that he made it a very normal part of a girl's development, he wasn't awkward at all, he didn;'t hide anything and in a matter-of-fact manner he "congratulated me for turning into a woman and that being a woman, I now have to be responsible for myself and my body, and be adult in my decisions" and that anytime I need advice from a male's perspective or if mum cannot answer my questions, that I can approach him anytime to get his opinions. It is probably his indiect way to caution me that sex turns to pregnancy and that boys are only interested in sex. He then gave me money, and drove mum and myself to the supermarket to shop for "ladies" items whilst he stayed around discreetly at a distance, not peeping into my goodies bag cos it is such a private thing.


Incidentally, does your daughter have an aunty, perhaps even overseas, whom she can appraoch or call if she needs to? It would make things a little less awkward, I reckon.


good luck!

Wow Great job hun!!!! Now the next biggest thing is when she wants to date. And this one shes gonna hide from you hehe.


I am glad you got on here and found some help so that you could get over this with her.



If you ever have any questions feel free to ask us as will always try to help out anyway we can.



Not sure about everyone but alot of ppl on this site *parents* have mixed kids. My 2 girls are half chinese, half causian/american. Which is one reason why we came to China is so they knew and grew up with both. Mommy is causian and Daddy is chinese and since they spend more time with me at home its good that at school they are able to interact with chinese. LOL i wish i was in HK since hubby was born in HK. However, Shanghai has its perks hehe.



Oh and on a last note: Daughters are usually closer to dad then boys are. As you can see alot of women on this forum are close with their dads.



Wish you the best Hun!! ***HUGS***



Shantell

This is going to sound unrelated, but you'll see what I mean in a minute: one time, a teenager I was very close to died. Maybe six months later, I saw her mom out in a shopping mall. We were talking, when I suddenly just burst into tears and started sobbing. Then we held each other, and she sobbed too. I was so embarassed and felt that I hadn't been a good friend, because I hadn't been strong enough to maintain my composure and this had also resulted in her loss of composure. I apologized to her. She replied that actually, knowing how deeply I shared her loss was one of the most comforting things that had happened to her, because she knew it wasn't just her. Well, here's how I can relate this to your situation: sometimes those awkward moments bring us closer. Your girl knows you love her enough to figure out all that stuff and steel yourself to talk with her about it. She knows it takes some courage on your part, and she'll always appreciate it. And because of your action she'll know that she CAN talk with you if she needs to. In the meantime, just try to keep some good books on hand for her to look at, and keep her stocked up with feminine supplies in the cabinet. Occasionally notice if the supplies ever start to run low and replentish them as needed. Teenage girls are often embarassed to buy these things for themselves, and she may appreciate if they just miraculously appear. One time, when I was like 8 months pregnant, my young teenager sent me into the store to buy some feminine supplies for her, with express instructions that I was to tell the store clerk that they were for me, not for her. Which, if she had thought about it, was a rather hilarious request. But, it was that important to her to be "discrete." I also agree with Ruth about keeping some tampons on hand. It might be helpful for you to have some specific brand recommendations. I don't know the Chinese brands, maybe a Chinese friend can help there. But I do know the American brands which may be available in the large import shops like Olivers or City Super. If you can find them, I suggest Playtex brand "Gentle Glide" or Tampax brand "Pearl" tampons. As for pads, my family strongly prefers the brand "Always" pads which we actually bring from the USA. But in any brand of pad, look for terms "ultra thin," "wings" and "leak guard." Look for "wings" (side flaps) that preferably are several centimeters long, not just little t shaped things, because these help protect against embarassing incidents. It's nice to have several sizes to choose from, so consider buying a few different boxes for her to have on hand and experiment with. Pads come in about four different sizes, ranging from "mini" to "overnight." Try to keep some of each. You may also find that she miraculously comes up with them on her own. I actually was also once friends with a young teen in a similar situation as your daughter. (She was friends with one of my daughters and spent a lot of time at my house, during a time that was rather hard for her dad.) She got feminine supplies from me, and then I purchased more for her. I think I eventually alerted her dad and he broke the ice by talking with her, but in that case the daughter already did some grocery shopping and she preferred to buy her own supplies, once she knew what to get.

GOD, just another little bit of info regarding the tampons ... most girls I believe tend to use pads at first, not necessarily by choice, but because they can't actually insert a tampon (sorry if this is too much info!). I myself, desperately wanted to use them, but until I'd acutally ... what shall I say? ... been with a man ... they just wouldn't go in there!


Just thought that might be a little bit of extra info for your daughter ... just so that she knows it's quite normal not to be able to use tampons straight away.


By the way, I think you're doing a great job ... What a great dad!!

Hi GOD


You are such a great father! Your daughter is so blessed to have you...


you might want to get some smaller packs for your daughter to experiment first cos she may not know what to do with it when it's time to use! Also, you might want to offer your services to get the pads for her cos teenagers might be too embarassed to get it themselves...i was always red in the face during my teenage days when i have to buy it and will ask for 3 bags to cover up my purchase !

So, how did ur date go Dad? hehe let us know!