shall I continuing w/ a guy who has physical problems...

Psoriasis...that is a skin problems for which there is no known medically proven cure. We've been dated for comin 2 yrs and he is the type of guy which I m lookin for. Lately, his sickness is gettin more serious which does affects his "bottome part" that we can't have sex since it has a realli bad itching + painful sensation on his bottom part. I've told to my parents abt it, they definitely want me to have a healthy bf / husband in my future. I do luv him but wat can i do...if we get marry we can't have babies, I dun want it happen to my next generation, but there r no cure for the disease...i'm lost... For him, he does suffer alot not only physically but also mentally. Durin summer he needs to wear cap + long sleeves shirt in order to hide those flaky plaques, I feel soo bad abt it. Wat shall I do, dump him or being w/ him + support him? Or I just care on my own future..I'm comin 28th..still have a choice to choose am I right? Please advice

Well do you want to know what i think, I think leave him as if something like a skin condition is making you have these questions then yes leave him because you obviously do not love this man.

God, yes leave him if he was married to someone else, or cheating on you, or he become mentally or phisically disabled and you couldnt cope with the tie and the responsiblity of this, or if he beat you up and so on .........

But asking if you should leave him because of this because your family want a healthy man for you my GOD!!!.

You know what after childbirth i could not have sex for a while because i was sore, did my husband leave me? NO!!, Did my husband leave me when i got got postnatal depression that lasted 2 yrs?, NO.

Did i leave my husband when we moved from country to country with his job and i never see him only once a week? NO.

You know this is love and commitement that makes a relasionship work, the sh*t hits the fan and your still there for each other when the going gets rough, so a small and i mean small thing like this is making you have second thoughts then leave as its small minded and i feel sorry that your boyfriend has wasted 2 yrs with you.

hopebabe,

In her teens my eldest daughter used to suffer from psoriasis up on her forehead and into her hair. I repeat...my daughter USED to suffer from psoriasis. It CAN be cured. No doubt your b/f has sought treatment and that's why you've come to the conclusion that it cannot be cured. I can't recall exactly what course of treatment my daughter took but I think it involved steroids. Sounds like a bit more research and a few 2nd opinions are in order. Have hope, and good luck.

It seems that you have intended to leave him and try to seek further support for you to wrap up this relationship...WAIT, how much you love him I wonder?...Sorry to be blunt, but just want to wake u up and do ask yourself without anybody else where...would he be the one with you the rest of your life? Physical outlook can be changed...love & soul between you an him can't be changed, that gonna be stronger if changes. Of course, everyone selffish, but having your true heart to read thru once and answer your own raised topic....If you want to be with him; then go ahead to be with him...OR, you go get the new relationship at your age 28...well, it's not too late to find the other one and start a new relationship at your age...but I would say it can be too late while you return back while you're figuring out he's the one...THINK WISE for yourself! Good Luck!

hopebabe -


Don't know how many doctors and dermatologists you bf has been to, but as TC suggested, ask him to seek a few more second opinions. I also encourage him to try holisitic health care versus conventional medicine. There are many compassionate and experienced natural medicine practitioners in HK I can recommend, please PM me as I don't want to give unsolicited info here.


Meanwhile, please go to www.mercola.com and perform a search on psoriasis, it may give you info from a different perspective.


BTW, psoriasis is an auto immune disease, not a skin problem.

my opinion is you dont love him. I think you are only looking on the outside of the person and not what is in his heart.

Try put yourself in his sickling shoe, how would you feel if he was conteplating to leave you and even told his family about your sick bottom? some things family is not involved.. you are not worthy of his love.

Thats what I think...

I hope to god that you don't have any birtharks, scars or any other afflictions.


This guy is a person, a person who happens to love you i would think and all you can imagine is 'what will people think' and 'my family want me to have a helathy husband'.


This guy is healthy he just has psorasis, i think HE needs the love and support of a kind, generous, supportive, loyal person NOT someone who is obviously self centred and wrapped up in herself. I'm sorry but people like you, and i have been unfortunate to know a few, make me so angry, just for once look beyond what other people may say.

hopebabe -


Do a search on google or yahoo with the following keywords will give you lots of info:

"psoriasis and homeopathy"

"psoriasis natural treatment"

"psoriasis herbs"

"psoriasis spirituality"

"psoriasis psychology"

"psoriasis nutrition"

"psoriasis chiropractor"


And there is a must-read for you and your bf, "Healing Psoriasis" by Dr Pagano.

http://www.psoriasis-healing.com/


It is available at Green Concept Health Shop

http://www.naturalhealing.com.hk/shop.htm


I know it must have been very tough for you to see him suffer while there is absolutely nothing you can do to help him. It must have taken a big toll on you emotionally. Maybe it's time to seek some professional help yourself.


I wish you peace.


blessings

Sylvia

hopebabe,


I feel for you. It's unfortunate that he has this problem but it's not easy for you either. It takes A LOT OF LOVE to stand by him and you are being honest with yourself by asking whether or not you can go through this with him for the rest of your life. It's better to sort it out NOW, then years later when you're married. Then it would be harder.


Only you have the answer to your question. Only you know how deep your love is for him and whether or not you can handle this. After all, you're the one who has to help him in the end.


But like all the others have suggested, there may be a cure.


It's a big decision and a big responsibility and I pray that you'll find your answers.

My Mum has had psoriasis all her life and all I can say is it may not be totally curable but it is treatable and she's 100% better than she was. To be honest it's not something that's really been an issue in our family but it is attitudes like yours that HAVE effected her emotionally and mentally. (and is effecting your BF in the same way) For example she used to be admitted to wards where other patients would refuse to sleep next to her for fear of catching it.


It's just ignorance and lack of information. I know it must be very difficult for you really need to do more research. My Mum went onto have two children with absolutely no problems and none of us have inherited it. I even have children who are fine at the moment.


I hope you come to the right decision for both of you.

Thanks everyone, very much appreicated for all of your comments + support! Honestly, I'm just lost a week ago just becoz I have no clue what to do and being w/ him afterwards. Now, I know wat I shall do. That is by accepting him, love + cherish him from the rest of my life. sylvialili thank you for all the info that you provided. By the way, how to run PM??

go to "Control Panel", click on "Compose a Message", look for the first alphabet of the user name under "Range", and look up the name of the user you want to PM to under "Username", and the rest is obvious.

Hi HopeBabe,


I know that everyone has already given their comments. I just want to share my experience.


My husband had healthy skin while he was growing up and then something happened. On a trip to the Philippines he was doing some hiking and charity work there he came down with a rash on his skin. He returned to Hong Kong and was treated for it but then at the same time, before the rash had healed completely, he got a bad case of adult chicken pox which really damaged his skin. The combination of both meant that he had gruesome sores all over his body, including his face for a long long time.


He says that he felt so embarassed and ashamed that he didn't want to show his face in public. I've seen photos from that time and it looks so horrible and painful.


But he also says that the condition actually made him a better person in his heart. Before he was very concerned about his appearance. He felt very insecure and depended a lot on what people thought about how he looked. Then when his skin was in such bad condition he learned that the people that really loved him were the ones who didn't let his condition affect them. He gained more self confidence and became a stronger, healthier individual.


Now, it is several years later and he still has skin problems. When I first met him he had scars and thick blisters all over his body. I was a bit scared of this at first. But, y'know, over the past few years since we've been dating and have been married, actually things have improved. Some of the sores have healed up. He has changed his diet. He gets more sleep. He actually discovered that drinking a bit of red wine is helpful because of the enzymes that sort of heal his skin. He drinks more water. He has found new medicines that work when the problem is really bad.


And I think most importantly, because of our love and the happiness between us, his emotional state is a lot better than before. He actually has taken the chance to forgive people in his life and let go of bitterness--did you know that holding bitterness and anger in your life can make your body weak and sick? I'm not saying that your boyfriend is sick only because of this but if his emotional state improves so will his physical state.


If you are going to leave him, leave him now. No man likes to be "led along" believing that a woman likes or loves him when she really doesn't.


But, if you're going to stick with him, forget your selfishness and start supporting him 100% with his healing process. Do your part to help him. Help him research new ways to help himself. And always love him because love can be powerful medicine.


Hope things improve. Have hope, like your name says :0)