asylum and angry parents

Hi all,


I am a disgruntled 20-year old who is engaged to a 19-year old Middle Eastern girl. I am not a Middle Eastern. In fact, I'm not Muslim (I'm SE Asian). Therefore, the idea of a non-Arab, non-Muslim boy trying to marry their only daughter was not a very hot idea with the parents. After much deliberation, me and my fiancee decided to "defect", if you will, to Guangzhou (where several of my close friends reside) via Hong Kong, and then to London after a month or two.


Does anyone know if my fiancee will be stopped at the HK airport or the Chinese border if her parents informed the authorities. This wouldn't normally be an issue since she is past the legal age (she's 19). However, there are a lot of things I simply do not know about laws regarding borders, entries, and asylum. Know that I am fully capable of financially supporting the both of us, and so is she.


I would be in debt to anyone who could give me advice on this issue. Are there lawyers in HK or GZ who can consult me with our entries (I can meet with them prior to her arrival)? Anything to ensure that she isn't detained or stopped anywhere .


Much Thanks

I agree, if she is a legal adult and hasn't broken any laws, I don't see any reason what-so-ever for her being detained at the HK border. Her parents would have to have extremely DEEP connections to make trouble for her.

This is not a "legal" answer but I think you need to think long and hard about doing anything rash. A marriage is a very, very long term commitment, and you are talking about your future in-laws, grandparents of your children, how to spend holidays and where to visit, etc etc., for maybe the next 40 or 50 years -- for as long as they are alive, hopefully. I know that at age 20 you are an adult, but you have so much time ahead of you in your life. Why rush? Is there any possible way you might be able to spend some time in HK trying to develop a relationship and rapport with your future in-laws, before doing embarking on a course of action that may do serious harm to their trust in you and their relationship with you? I am not middle eastern and so I really don't know how embedded their bias is, but the fact that they are in Asia at all may be an indication that they are at least a little bit open minded. Perhaps with time, and lots of effort and patience on your part, they could learn all the wonderful qualities you have and eventually accept you as worthy of being married to their daughter, even come to love you as their son in law? On the other hand, you mention asylum. Is there a possibility that they might try to kidnap her or place her in a forced marriage? Be honest with yourselves and make the best decisions you know how to make. Then, once you make them, be prepared to live with the consequences.

P.S. You say she is your fiance -- since you presumably would be getting married in a country that is not your country of origin, how would you arrange for that?

Oh, boy. You definitely haven't met an Arab family before. They are dead racist when it comes to marriage. Caucasians are a no no. Asians? Ha, forget about it. Even marrying other arabs from other countries are frowned upon. If this doesn't happen, its highly likely she will be forced into an arranged marriage as per the custom. She is already living a dystopian life right now, and I'm getting her outta there.


I've looked into other alternatives like South America or Southern Europe, so I haven't quite made up my mind yet. But Asia seems to be a more bureaucratic alternative. I;ve been given that "think about it" talk too many times by too many people. And I still know this is what I want to do. I;ve thought about it long and hard and outside the box, and inside it, sideways, until I eventually ate it. If anyone here has ever tried to marry an Arab, trust me, there's no other way.

Seems like you're between a rock and a hard place. Even though you're young, it's nice to see you're willing to go all out for love and don't be persuaded from what you truly feel. If you never try, you never know, right?


One quick thought: I'm not sure what your exact circumstances are, but most muslim families want 2 things from a marriage, security and religious commonality. If your family is financially secure, have you discussed converting to Islam? It seems rediculous, but then again so does asylum. I know her family may not like you because you're not from the same geographic location as the family, but this is just ignorant tribalist thought in a globalized world. Perhaps if you show that your love for their daughter will send you to extremes in faith, they'll reconsider. I know I'd be at least trying that even if it was a long shot to avoid the sh*t-storm created by running away.


P.S. - You should wait to get an education before launching yourself into a foreign country and a new life. An education will never fail you wherever you go. Without it, it's going to be a very difficult life.

^ You're absolutely right. I have thought about converting, and even scheduled a meeting with certain Imams. But its exactly like you said - there is so much tribal mentality in this part of the world. Religion aside, the issue is her parents want grandchildren that are of the nationality they are. They want Arab grandchildren and descendants. That's something I, unfortunately, can't help. If I could, I would for this girl.


In any case, we'll be fine. I'm a degree holder, got it when I was 19 (did I come close to breaking a record there? haha, surely not). And I am employed, so I'll just have to make constant trips back to the Middle East from Guangzhou, if we decide this is the place to go. In any case, its good to know there is a very warm and friendly expat community in HK and South China. That's always key in a great society.

It seems like you have your bases covered. I wish you the best of luck.

Yes, and being also aware that arranged and forced and young marriages are not unheard of . . . if you really decide to do this, don't show your cards ahead of time. I know of at least one Arab-Asian marriage that is very happy, and young people can be responsible enough to make these decisions too. It's just a big decision and you need to look well before you leap. You're right, I do NOT know Arab culture, but from what I've read and seen, I suspect that if the marriage doesn't work out, there would be very serious consequences for her in her own society, socially speaking. Think too about what kind of visa you and she could get and for how long in China. Are there other countries that are more hospitable where visas are concerned? Do you believe the in-laws could try to disrupt the marriage even after it occurs?