Posted by
calamari
19 yrs ago
to all the moms and dads with 4 kids. i have 3 and am debating about the 4th. 3 is already a lot of work but is the 4th really "the easiest" as people say?
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Lime
19 yrs ago
Yes,I agree with Saikunga. The 4th child does just fit in and is easier in many respects. She is also very laid back and undemanding It does not feel like extra work as you are relatively well organised, have a rough idea of what to expect etc. By now you may have your people mover car, know to book restaurant tables in advance and already have an idea of the practicalities of larger families. It is also nice for my children to always have someone to sit with on planes and share hotel rooms with etc so none ever gets left out.
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Agree with Saikunga and Lime. Third is the hardest in adjusting to the increase in size logistically (cars, space etc.) Once sorted with the third it is an easy transition to fourth....fifth, sixth..............
Only have four, but would gladly have more - we love our big family.
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cd
19 yrs ago
Agree,going from 2 to 3 is the hardest. After that they just slot in. Would definately recommend a big family, its lovely seeing the kids all together on holidays and at christmas etc. The main disadvantage of having a big family in HK is the cost. Schooling especially. But also afterschool activities. Its tough sometimes when your kids friends do a different activity each day of the week and you have to tell your kids they can choose one or maybe 2 things to do. They also know they can't have the trendiest trainers, latest gadgets etc, if they want a new phone or toy, then they save up for it from their pocket money. But thats also a good thing, teaches them budgeting from an early age. We have 5 and I would have gladly gone for number 6.
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Wow 4 or 5 children... Lol i think ppl would flip if i totted around 5 kids here in China. They already do with my 2 girls haha. I cant imagine having a 4th or 5th. I am pregnant with 3rd and hopefully final child. How does ones body handle having so many kids? My aunt had 15 i just dont get how she had that many... My other aunt had 5 and i think thats just so amazing how someones body can do that. I have had issues with each pregnancy i just dont think i could do a 4th id probably fall apart afterwards if i dont already from having this 3rd one.
Well i think all the parents with +2 kids are amazing let alone you parents with 3,4,5,6 +!!!
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Have 5 myself and even in Hong Kong I find that people can't help staring in restaurants. Agree with the above posters, they pretty much just slot in at the end, in fact I found the hardest to be going from 0 kids to 1 !! You'll never have the flashiest car and hand-me-downs are the norm, but it's a laugh a minute and great fun.
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This post both frightens and scares me...
especially since people are saying the jump from 2 to 3 is harder than the jump from 3 to 4. I guess cars are the biggest logisical nightmare - we've already planned our next car as a minivan.
Any tips on making the transition from 2 to 3 easier? Now that I'm completely freaked out?
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sigh...
I'm tired already - and I keep reminding myself, if you're tired now, imagine life with THREE!! And I work parttime too! How will I manage to do this ALL!!!
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cd
19 yrs ago
Do you have a helper hkchoichoi? I think living in HK the jump from 2-3 would be a lot easier as most people have a helper so you don't have to worry about all the cleaning, ironing etc, and theres someone there to play with the other kids sometimes while you're feeding. I had my 3rd in the UK when my eldest was 5 1/2, 2nd was 3 1/3 (but severely disabled) with no helper and it was OK. You just have to put the kids first, it doesn't matter if the house isn't cleaned every day, or you have takeaways or ready meals somedays, or if the grass is a bit long in the garden. Just take all offers of help you can.
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I'm in Seoul - have a helper here who is wonderful, but will be having #3 back in the states - where there is no helper guarantee yet. My eldest will be 3.5 when the sister is born, and the second will be almost 2 - so I'm hoping it wont' be too horrible. My 2nd is fairly independent, and my first is really a great older sister to her younger sister. So their relationship is so good (I hope it stays that way) I have some confidence I can do this. But yes - the house being clean, having an extra set of hands around when you need to pee - all of these things are luxuries in ASia. when I get back - helpers are exhorbitant in price - and not as efficient as here - so it's a bit prohibitive. But we'll see how it goes.
Thanks for the encouragement. I guess I'll have to live with a messy house - I hope I can find it liveable!
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I had 2 girls 15 months apart in america and it was tough at first. I actually just moved to Vancouver, Canada right after having #2 which made it hard. I found having friends with kids helped the most. Somehow us north american women take care of eachother. I would care for friends kids and they would care for mine sometimes. Usually daily we would meet up let the kids play and help eachother around the house depending on whos house we were at. It worked out and helped out tons.
I always assumed it was the leap from 1 to 2 kids that was the hardest as mine were both in diapers and needed to be fed and taken care of in similar ways. I think if i didnt breastfeed my 2nd i would have gone insane. Having to hold a bottle and hold newborn baby and play with 15 month old would have been too hard. Now i live in Shanghai china and i have a helper but i find sometimes that in itself is such a pain having to make sure this or that is done or it not being my way. i found that it was easier to clean with 2 when they were younger then it is now that they put toys everywhere and spill stuff all the time.
Anyone with experience with having all 3 or more children under 4yrs old? I find my 4yr old is pretty independant but throws fits sometimes and alone she would be a tough kid. My 2nd is oblivious to everything at almost 3yrs old and needs alot of attention because she doesnt pay attention. Now 3rd one coming in june im worried how its all going to go with the 2 girls being so extremely different. However, the plus to this is that my 2 girls get along so very very well.
All this 2-3 is the hardest is scarring me cuz i thought it would be easier then 1-2.
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Saikunga - good point. I was the sole source of entertainment for my first (unless I was working) and she always needed it. Now that #2 is born they play really well with each other, and if #1 is in the room, #2 is generally really happy and they have loads of fun together. #1 also used to love giving #2 her bottle of expressed breastmilk. (under supervision of course.)
Maybe by the time #3 comes around, #1 can change her diaper and give the expressed milk as well!
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I went from 2 to 3 when my older two were older, but I had a lot of other responsibilities as well, like full time care for an elderly relative. The older children still need you just as much, but they also help you and entertain the baby. Plus, we learn with #3 or 4 that babies are more adaptable than we realized when we only had the "lonely only" and could cater to their every whim. For instance, baby #3 wore her PJ's in the car to take other kids to school (rather than getting fully dressed etc), she took her nap in the car seat on carpool days, and she learned to go to sleep on her own when necessary. Other moms (whom you meet at playground, library story time, LLL meetings, preschool, etc) can be a big help when you swap out -- e.g. carpools, preschools or mothers morning out, play dates, swap off for time to run errands. Nap a bit and clean house while baby naps (toddler does quiet time reading books in his room), let toddler entertain the baby in afternoon while you do house work or supper. It works out and I feel that life is incredibly rich for all the children in a larger family, as long as nobody is neglected. But the costs are also astronomical in today's economy. Think not only clothes, doctor bills, etc, but college, weddings, how this will affect your own retirement etc.. It really is something to consider.
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