Posted by
adelaide
19 yrs ago
My secretary just lost her father and I would like to give her something to let her know I am thinking of her. I have read on previous posts to give money in a white envelope. Does anyone else have any other ideas? If I wanted to give her flowers, what should I avoid?
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I think a wreath for the wake would be more appreciated. The envelope with money is usually given at the wake as well, but if you can't attend the wake, then the wreath will still be there to show your respects. The date of the wake probably has not been set yet though. As for finding the location of the funeral home, you might want to ask another colleague if he/she has any information.
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would it be completely out of order to give her something just for her, just a small token so she knows people are thinking of her? Like a basket of fruit, biscuits and chocolates and maybe some flowers? It is what I would do at home. I have only known her for 2 months so not attending the wake.
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cd
19 yrs ago
In England it is usual just to send a condolence card, with a personal message, just to let the person know your thoughts are with them. I have recently lost both parents and its emotional but nice looking back at the cards we received but it really wouldn't have helped receiving a basket of fruit.
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dasia
19 yrs ago
I have just asked my Secretary your question and was told flowers in this instance are only for the dead, not the living. She said to give your Secretary a white envelope with an odd amount of $'s. e.g. $101.
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TC
19 yrs ago
In my opinion, even though you have known her for only a couple of months you are still her boss and it would be good form to attend the ceremony at the funeral home. Plus there's no real point comparing with what might or might not be done in one's home country because it's different here.
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altro
19 yrs ago
Local custom : details as tsui wah is right.
I was recently in the situation. If you are not attending the wake, sending a wreath as you are her boss, find out the details from your work colleagues. You can also asking HR what they are doing (re envelope with money). The card is also a good idea. NO basket of fruit/biscuit/flower to your secretary though. Respect is made directly to her father.
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altro
19 yrs ago
adelaide : hope you don't mind posting this message on your posting.
cd : if you are reading this, though I don't know you in person, but i am sorry to hear your lost. be strong !
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thanks for all your advice. I have checked and it the funeral will be held in China and is family only. I will look into sending a wreath.
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speak to other people in the office. Usually, the other staff organise a whip round.
If you are her boss, giving $101 is insulting.
Ask another secretary to organise sending a wreath to her family, in the name of the company to show your respects. You must get the wording for the family correct so it must be done by someone in chinese.
Do not give her gifts or anything.
Flowers are enough, but if you want,you can also give money $500 + since you are the boss.
DO NOT GIVE THE WHITE ENVELOPE TO ANYONE ELSE (NOT YOUR STAFF) to pass onto her. That is against protocol and the other person will be deeply offended since it is not their family.
Do not give money after the funeral. Once its over, its over and done.
Do not ask someone else to give the money on your behalf and then you will pay them back.
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