Posted by
cat_ed
19 yrs ago
Our baby slept with us during our holiday last year. After returning to home, we cannot settle him in his cot. He is 15 months old now but still sleep with us everynight. Whenever I wanted to put him in his cot, he cries out really really loud. Any advice to get him back to his cot?
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I only have a 6mnth baby, but ever since he got sick at about 10wks, we had to rock him to sleep and then put him down. This killed our backs and was also very time consuming. Anyway a friend mentioned that their 8mth baby wouldn't go to sleep on their own either and they tried the controlled crying method and it worked for them. We moved to HK a month ago and I decided to go for it. It took 3 nights of terrible crying, we felt awful, but IT WORKED. Henry now goes to bed every night at the same time -7pm in his own bed. Put him to bed at the time you want and let him cry. Go in and let them know you are there every 10mins or so, but DON'T pick him up. It's painful for you and the neighbours, but hopefully it will work.
Good luck :0)
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Thanks very much for the message.
I heard about control crying but I feel hard to follow the strict rule. Also, I am not sure if my son is too old to be trained by controlled crying. Whenever I put him in his cot, he just stands up by the cot and cries. I think I have no choice. If we want to have a relaxing sleeping without my son sleeping next to us, we have to try control crying. Hopefully, my neighbourr will not complain. His crying is really terrible and loud.
thanks again.
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I have been told by other mothers that you will have to put up with the kicking and screaming for about a week or two. It will be rather difficult, but the only way to do it is to stick to it. Good luck!
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:-))
19 yrs ago
Sounds like you have 3 possible approaches:
1. Controlled crying techniques as recommended above, and variations.
2. More gradual approaches such as recommended in the Elizabeth Pantley book, The No Cry Sleep Solution.
3. Read one of the Sears' books about co-sleeping to feel more positive about the status quo. If you aren't happy about the difficulties that may be involved in changing the situation, don't feel you are doing something wrong but embrace it as a choice!
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cat, i am assuming that prior to your holiday your son slept in his own cot without fuss? If this is the case then i would be surprised if controlled crying takes more than a few nights!! just to share my experience (my son is now 4) ... i used to cuddle my son to sleep every night from day dot as he suffered from reflux so to prevent him throwing up his feed we held him upright after his final feed and of course he fell asleep. He fell asleep within 10 mins but would be a bad sleeper, waking several times a night. This carried on until he was 16 months, had been meaning to put controlled crying to the test (because it was getting ridiculous, I did not want to still be cuddling him to sleep when he turned 2!!!) Then quite by accident, one night got home late with him so his routine was out of sync, he woke as soon as I put him down and no amount of cuddling did the trick so I laid him down (still screaming) and left the room, blocked my ears, turned tv up, and waited 5 mins (seems like a life time), he was still crying, went back up to him and he is standing in the cot crying, did not pick him up but did cuddle and laid him back down and said night night again, of course he jumped back but I immediately left the room, waited 10 mins the next time, one more visit same routine cuddle, lay down leave the room. To my amazement he stopped crying before I had to go back for the 15 min check. This took only 3 nights, each night taking less time, to this day he goes to bed without much fuss. They are clever, even at 15 months, be consistent and they will know you both stand. Good luck.
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This too shall pass. You don't have to let your baby cry to make him sleep and he won't sleep with you forever. I recommend just going with the flow for longer till he is over his separation anxiety. It may be for just a little while. It sounds like he really needs you for now. When he is feeling better about being home again, you can slowly move him out of your bed again. Put the cot beside your bed. Start him in your bed, and move him over when you are ready. Then gradually move the cot out of your room.
What I like to say about 'crying' is that if you were unconsolably crying, and you had no otherway to communicate, would you like your partner to ignore you?
Have a look at info about co-sleeping as recommended by :-)) There has been a great deal of research by James McKenna and the Sears' www.askdrsears.com about the benefits of co-sleeping. And really, your baby WILL eventually sleep on his or her own. Before you know it, they'll be teens sleeping til noon on weekends!!
Hug your babies!
cheers from Ruth
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we also got similar problem, but for us is from cot to bed. My son is now 18 months old, he used to sleep on his cot since he was born but the cot is in our room beside our bed, now he is getting bigger and his cot becoming small for him, everytime he turn around he bumps his head to the sides, so we decided to train him to sleep on a bed, and for the meantime we tried to put two folded matress on the floor of our room for him to sleep surrounded by pillows,but the problems occured because when he saw the matress on the floor, he got so excited that he keep jumping on it, and he climb to our bed and jump over to the mattress and he dont want to sleep, and now he ended up sleeping on our bed with me, and hubby sleeps on the floor....and hubby is not very very happy.
Any advice on this? I dont want him to get back on his cot anymore.....
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cd
19 yrs ago
I wouldn't worry about it, my kids have always slept with us, I loved it, theres a lot to be said for bed sharing.
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Thats the thing, its only a problem if you see it as a problem. Not everyone are into co-sleeping with their kids, and if this is the case then its worth giving controlled crying a try to solve the "problem".
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I dont really regard sleeping with my baby as a problem, the problem is I can't let him sleep on his own bed, I love being with my son, but sooner or later I have to train him sleep alone thats my concern.
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My bubbs had very bad eczema and had very disturbed sleep because of the scratching. We kept him next to us in his arms reach co-sleeper and tapped him when he couldnt get back to sleep by himself. Also, because he was not on formula I breastfed during the night and many times he ended up sleeping in our bed.
Sometime during his 9th month we put him to sleep in his own room. He sleeps perfectly fine in his own cot during the day and in the evening from 7 to 11pm. However, after his night feed he will not go down that easy. We tried five nights of letting him cry it out. On the sixth day he started coughing and ended up getting very sick on account of waking and staying up crying for all those nights, even though we went in after every 5 minutes and hugged him, told him we loved him etc. Basically he didnt get a full nights sleep for a number of days, which I believe weakened his immunity and he got an opportunistic virus from his playgroup. His cough became so bad he had to be put on ventolin and a steroid to prevent him becoming asmatic.
End result: he now sleeps with us after his night feed.
To be honest, I actually LOVE sleeping with my baby, but stupidly decided to follow the rule that the best thing you can do is to help baby self soothe etc etc. Well, after his illness I decided letting him cry it out is not for us. When he is ready he'll sleep through the night without the midnight feed and that will be the day he'll stay in his room.
My quality of sleep right now is not wonderful, but this is a short time in my life and both hubby and myself love the little tyke in our bed. He sleeps so contentedly, and from time to time puts his little hand on my shoulder...
My mom said that we all co-slept when we were kids and when the time came (when we were about 2 I guess) we just graduated naturally to our own beds. Neither myself or siblings have a sleep problem or had bedwettings or are scared of the dark or any such thing, so I have to believe that having kids co-sleep with their parents is a fairly natural state and not a big issue like the books will have you believe!
I'm on the lookout for a bigger bed though!
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Fho
19 yrs ago
My son is turning 3 in Aug and he has been sleeping with us since 1. He will sleep through the night without waking up when he sleep with us, but will wake up 2-4 time a night if he sleep by himself. We just let him share our bed now as we would he to have better quality of sleep, plus, we enjoy being with him.
To be honest, why stick to the rules? When your kids grow bigger, I don't think they will want to share the bed with you anymore, even you ask them to. So, why not enjoy the time now?
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Thanks so much for all of your advice. I am a bit surprised that so many babies are co-sleeping with their parents. I decided to explore the positive of co-sleeping. Also, I don't want to upset my little boy. Thanks again for your advice.
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Okay I have to ask the question I have been dying to ask since I got to Hong Kong......
so many people here co sleep for years.
How does this effect your sex life?
I mean seriously I just can't picture what we would have to give up to have my boys in bed with me all night.
You can't exactly be completely unabandoned with a baby or especially a toddler in your bed, so when do you make love???
Co sleeping never worked with my boys except occasionally when I fell asleep with them breastfeeding in the night and that was ok but uncomfortable cause I was always half aware of them and not being able to move in case I woke him up.
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mumof2boys, there's always the couch...or the shower...or the kitchen table...or the spare room...just get creative in the middle of the night/when child is off at a playdate/when the neighbour takes him for a walk/when granny is happily stuffing him with food/when your helper takes him grocery shopping or to the park! The 10 second kiss can help get one in the mood too.
wink wink!
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@@
19 yrs ago
I think co-sleeping is fine if both parents are happy, my sisters marriage broke down partly because her husband felt pushed out of the family bed and marriage.
We have a balance, the children co-sleep when they are sick or unsettled and looking for comfort. Mostly the children sleep in their own rooms and very happily go off to bed at night.
Best of both worlds!
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Agree with Ruth... ways and ways! Bubbs sleeps in his own room from 7 to 11ish...
Luckily we both are in agreement about him co-sleeping.
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Thanks for the insights....hehehe. I did wonder cause we also have a helper so out in the lounge may not work for us. But this is a whole different topic. Am about to put on a disscussion about my early riser so please help me with ideas if you have any.
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