9 mos & falling to pieces!

Bubs was an absolute textbook angel for the first 9 months, but now, everything seems to be slowly unravelling!


First problem is FEEDING. Bubs started off being a leisurely feeder. It would take him about an hour for a full feed. Then, at four months, he started to get either more efficient or more easily distracted (probably both) and the feeds would take about half an hour. This coincided with a drop in his rate of weight gain but my health visitor assured me that it was normal at this age. He was plump and happy so that did not worry me too much.


When I introduced solids at 6 months, his BF time dropped to about 15 mins. I breast feed after his meals (around 8 tablespoons of food). If I am being truly honest, all the signs are there that bubs is ready to wean himself off the breast. He's just not that interested anymore. His best breast feed now is just before he goes to bed when his is quite drowsy (that can last up to half an hour - YAY). The other three he just takes about one letdown, even first thing in the morning when I would have thought he would be at his hungriest. I guess my question is: If he takes so little breast milk, should I be supplementing? I already give him lots of cheese, yoghurt and breastmilk mixed into his food but does he need even more than this? It would be a shame to introduce formula at such a late stage, but is this what I need to do? I already give him as much solids as he will eat before he turns his head away and refuses any more.


The more serious problem is SLEEP. Bubs started sleeping through from 10:30pm to 7am from 8 weeks and from 7 to 7 since about 20 weeks. He has never woken up earlier than 7, and sometimes we even had to wake him. But just in the last 10 days, he has been waking up earlier and earlier -- on a good day, it's 6am and on a bad day (like today) it's as early as 5am!


This has coincided with him learning to pull himself up in his cot. So in the morning we find him standing up in his cot screaming for us. We have tried putting him back down quietly and leaving him to see if he will settle back to sleep but he just stands on up again and works himself into a hysterical frenzy. He has never been like this, so I am really not sure what to do.


This is also affecting the rest of his naps. He used to go down for an hour between 9am and 10am but this has gone to pot in the last 10 days. He cries and cries and keeps getting to his feet when I try to put him down even if he is rubbing his eyes and looks really tired. I have been leaving him for 5 mins then 10 mins then 15 mins and then today for 20 mins to cry it out to no avail. Today, as soon as I picked him up after 20 minutes of hysterical crying, he fell asleep on my shoulder at 10:30am.


This is also what happened yesterday and it meant that even though I only let him sleep for 15 minutes, his lunchtime nap went to pieces (waking up after half an hour and then the same standing-up-hysterical-crying routine). Then, last night -horrors- he woke up screaming at 10pm which he hasn't done since he was tiny. As soon as I picked him up he hugged me super-tight and stopped crying. I tried feeding him in case he was hungry, but he only sucked half-heartedly for less than 5 minutes, so I put him back in his cot and then the standing-up-hysterical-crying started again. He eventually went back to sleep, exhausted, with me singing to him beside his cot (something that only works at night, unfortunately).


My instincts tell me that his behavior has something to do with separation anxiety. Perhaps when he wakes up and finds himself alone, he gets scared and cries for me? What is the best way to cope with this? Should I keep putting him down again and again until he gets the message? Should I abandon the whole routine and give him lots of cuddles and reassurance? He never really got attached to any transitional object even though I try and give him his teddy when he gets upset.


I know rationally that things are always going to shift and change as our little ones grow, but it has been a pretty grueling few days. It's heartbreaking to see bubs so upset and is even harder to cope when all of a sudden EVERYTHING is out of whack. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!

Is he teething? That can really make some babies miserable. You might want to try some baby Advil/Motrin to see if it is pain that he is experiencing.


I wouldn't let him cry. It sounds like he is truly distressed and needs someone! Can your partner or another family member or a helper soothe him? Keep being responsive to his needs and his needs will eventually go away.


It really must make you feel frustrated and off balance! Hope that this phase passes quickly!


cheers from Ruth

You asked a lot of questions, but on the issue of food, I personally would not supplement with formula. He's just telling you he's moving on to another stage in life, some babies just wean themselves quite early. Why add the complication of bottles and of weaning twice? OTOH, if he's an independent little chap and prefers to drink from a sippy cup, there's no reason to withhold one. Just make sure he has plenty of nutritious food and try to keep mealtimes pleasant and free from distractions. (E.g. I can't believe how many people have TV on at mealtimes here!)

Hi Maya -


each child is different for sure. For sleep, my second never went through what you're describing but my first did. And I remember clearly it was a crazed time as she would wake up shrieking at 5:30 in the morning - and she was still tired. Something was causing her to wakeup - and what I would do was go to her room, pick her up, and snuggle with her on the chair in her room and hold her until she slept. We had a few days of this and then somehow she got over it. She was a Gina Ford baby, but I just needed rest in the morning and this seemed to be a compromise -keep her in her room, but give her whatever reassurance she seemed to be needing.


I might try waiting by the bed so he can see you but not picking him up as a way for him to cope. If you want to maintain his independence at night (this is a personal choice of course) then trying to gently reinforce it is the way. So sit near him, pat him but don't pick him up. You could maybe even try some ferber - walk out of the room for different intervals, let him see you and then walk out again until he stops crying. He's old enough at 9 months to Ferber, but a lot of people find his methods really hard to deal with. (you have to listen to some amount of crying.)


good luck!

hmmm....lots of questions but the sleep bit, i replied to you before on another thread. we have good and bad days too so i feel for you the frustration and stress you must be experiencing now.


i mentioned darkening the room, which really helped. and no matter what time he woke up, i would not start the day until 7am. but if he was screaming the house down, i would go in, lay him down and say it's still sleepy time and leave the room.


i hope it is just a phase and he will get pass it soon. at the same time, do not despair, keep to your routine but be understanding about him being distressed - they can't talk, crying is the only way to communicate. could be something as simple as teething, perhaps you can give some teething gel before bed?


good luck and hope you all sleep better this weekend!

We went through the same sleeping dramas at about 7 months. There was no schedule, and things were getting out of hand. It might be worth enlisting professional help - it worked for us. We ended up doing controlled crying (terrible for the first 2 nights), but absolutely worth it. Had a happier and more contented baby almost immediately, and much more relaxed parents!!

Thanks so much for all your support. It has been a pretty upsetting few days. It's still ongoing, which kind of explains my radio silence. Just trying to spend all my time with bubs figuring this out.


I think there is definitely SOMETHING bothering him. If not teething then some other kind of developmental change. He's totally blossomed into crawling, cruising, standing -- and all since about 2 weeks ago so I do understand that this causes shifts in his body clock. Since I last posted, I really tried to go with the flow and give him lots of cuddles and reassurance.


A few days on, I’m noticing that he has fallen into a comfortable (for him!) pattern of waking between 5:00am and 5:30am and not being able to settle himself to sleep in his cot for his daytime naps (which he has always been able to do). In the morning, he starts off playing by himself at 5:00am, then starts to moan a bit 15 minutes later; and by 5:30 it’s usually full blown crying. I have to chain my husband to the bed to make him wait until 6am to get the baby, so not only do I feel knackered, I also feel like a bad mom AND a bad wife for ‘trying’ to get the baby back on track. For the daytime naps, I had resorted to going out with bubs at 9am and letting him sleep either in the carseat or in the baby bjorn. He usually falls asleep straight away and stays asleep for half an hour – so I know he needs the nap. At lunchtime, bubs falls asleep after his lunch and then sleeps for half an hour – which is not bad, but well shy of the 2 hours he slept through just a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully, the night-waking has stopped. He just wakes up impossibly early.


I think that while hubby and I are still working out what to do in the morning, I should focus my attention on making sure that at least his daytime naps are back on track. So today, bubs and I are starting back to basics baby bootcamp! I put him down to nap at 9am, but sleep did not happen. I let him cry for half an hour then made him stay in his cot for quiet time; then got him out of bed at 10am. We had a good hour and a half of play, but I could tell he was getting really sleepy. I gave him his lunch at 11:30am and he gobbled it down until about the last couple of spoonfuls -- he simply could not keep his eyes open any longer. I cleaned him up and put him down, but as soon as his head hit the cot he started screaming and standing up. So after a few minutes, I picked him back up for a breastfeed and again, he dropped off pretty quickly UNTIL I PUT HIM DOWN IN HIS COT! By now, I was pretty certain he was very full and very sleepy so I just let him cry. Oh my goodness, it took a full half hour before he stopped crying and now he has been asleep for 20 minutes. Fingers crossed he will last until at least 2pm…


OH NO! Famous last words – baby just woke up :-(

I'm curious...Does your baby know how to sit back down in his crib once he's in a standing position?


I've read that babies get quite fussy due to this. And it was mentioned to show him over & over how to get down from a standing position.


Just a thought since you mentioned he cried standing in bed...although it could be hunger, lonely, teething etc


Also, my 9 mth old (not walking or crawling...but is rocking on his knees) is teething right now.


The top two teeth...I bet that is painful! He also went from an easy going happy baby to cranky pants! Not all day...but he has his moments.


I give him baby ambesol to help, and when he's really fussy I give him a small dose of baby tylenol liquid to help ease the pain and any fever (dr. recommended this). It seems to help.


Is your baby chewing on everything? Drooling like crazy? Showing less interest in food?....these can all be signs of teething, and perhaps you can find things to ease the pain.


I know mine has showed less interest in food (and sometimes gets fussy while eating), which in turn can make for a cranky + hungry baby later in the day or night.


I've had my son on a routine/schedule for a long time, and things seem to be going well for us. But you never know when and if that could change...ha!


Best of luck to ya!

Thanks again for the reassurance girls. Day 3 of baby bootcamp and I am already seeing some difference. Since I last posted, I have bought some new cot toys to make his bed a fun and comfortable place to be (and to replace the ‘young baby’ accessories like the black/white/ red cloth pictures and other things he has probably got bored off after 9 months!). We have also been sticking to a pretty rigid schedule. This is what we have been doing:


7:30-8:00am: Breakfast.

I'll give bubs his breastfeed when the playing and chattering in his cot turns into proper crying, but I will always give breakfast at 7:30.


8:00-8:30am: Active play.

We'll put on fun music and do lots of crawling / walking around. This is when we get out all of his 'developmental' toys like activity boards and balls and musical instruments.


8:30-9:00am: Quiet play.

I'll put on the Baby Bach and we'll do quiet activities like reading and looking at the fish in the fishtank.


9:00-10:00am: Morning nap.

I'll let him sleep for as long as he wants to as long as it does not go past 10:00am. If he wakes before 9:45am (since it always takes him about 15 mins to wind down), I'll leave him to cry / play. If he wakes after 9:45am, I'll go in and we'll spend the rest of the hour doing quiet activities. He always stays in bed until 10am.


10:00-11:30am: Active play time / Outing


11:30-12:00pm: Lunch

12:00-12:30pm: Breastfeed.


12:30pm-2:00pm: Afternoon Nap.

This is the hardest one as bubs was waking after half an hour. So like the morning nap, I'll let him cry if he wakes up before 1:30pm but if he wakes after, I'll go in and have quiet time with him until 2:00pm.


2:00-2:30pm Quick pre-breastfeed play.


2:30pm: Breastfeed.

This usually only take about 5 minutes.


2:45-5:30pm: Outing.

This is when I go and meet friends, go on playdates, go to the park, go swimming etc.


5:30-6:00pm: Dinner.


6:00-6:15pm: Quiet play.


6:15-6:30pm: Bath.


6:30-7:00pm: Breastfeed & bed.


On the first day, bubs did not sleep at all in the morning; but on the second day he slept from 9:30-10:00am; and this morning he slept from 9:00-10am YEAH! The best thing was that whilst I had to let him cry for about half an hour on Day 2, he put himself to sleep by himself today after a few moans YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!


With the lunchtime nap, bubs eventually went back to sleep after he woke up (see my post above- hahah!) and woke up at around 2:00pm so that was good. Yesterday, he stuck perfectly to the schedule, and today, he slept for an hour and has been alternating between playing and quiet crying since he woke up (1:30pm). Right now (1:50pm), he is lying on his side playing with his cot toys whilst crying quietly. I am going to leave him until 2:00pm unless he gets more upset.


Bubs is still waking up earlier than 7:00am but closer to 6am or 6:30 am (rather than 5:00am!), which I can handle. Our biggest achievement so far is that he seems much happier playing by himself in his cot there is no longer any hysterical crying.


Della, STB, my baby knows how to get from his feet back to lying down by himself – I’ve seen the little monkey do it loads of times! I think he just loves being on his feet right now because it’s such a new thing and he is ever so proud of himself. I’m sure it’s partly my fault because I can’t help laughing out loud when I put him down and he scrambles back up -- he looks so cute and determined. I think you are both right about the teething though – he has 4 teeth already and two new side teeth are coming through. We’ll be ok. For sure this is not the last time we are going to run into tired-mommy crises!

Mayafox your routine sounds identical to ours ( except my son wakes around 7:30am)


Anyway, have you tried giving him a snack with the breastmilk in the afternoon? This might help him sleep closer to 7am.

Or increasing his feeds at other meals....just a thought, since that seemed to work for my baby.


Good luck! :)

Hi Della,


YES!~ On the days that bubs is taking very little breastmilk at 2:30pm, I am giving him a couple of tablespoons of yoghurt. I think this has made some difference to his sleep. Today, he woke up at 6:45am... Hoping my first Mother's Day present will be a 7am lie-in tomorrow.


What do you do if your baby only drops off to sleep at 1:30pm? Do you wake him at 2:00pm still? This is my dilemma today...


Happy Mother's Day, girls!

Thanks, stb -- that's what I did in the end. Couldn't face waking the little one after such a short sleep.

Hi,

good on you for keeping bubs in bed till 6am. It's so hard and we didn't do it and instead ended up giving our first born a bottle at 5 or 5.30am whenever he woke. He'd go back to sleep but now his morning wake up time is set for early early morning and he's two and a half!! He often wakes before 6 am wide awake ready to start the day and it's driving me crazy. His little brother is nothing like this and I wonder if I trained the older one into this wake up time because we fed him when he woke so early. As opposed to my second who woke in the night a lot longer, and had a bottle then instead or had one at 10.30pm till he was 8 months old. He's now 17 months and sleeps better than big brother now.

Did the dream feed with second child to stop night wake ups, but didn't need to with first child cause he happily slept through from 8 weeks old.


Makes me wonder....or is it just some are early birds and some are night owls??