Help! Advice needed

We will be relocating to Spore at the end of July. We have an absolutely wonderful helper. She's been with us less than a year but she's like family to us. My 13 month old adores her, and I too can focus on work knowing my baby is being cared for and loved deeply. Sometimes I am almost envious because she seems to know exactly what he wants - just from the way he cries or his expression or his silences. We don't want to lose her and asked her if she would come with us if we paid her the same salary as HK and kept the same contract as HK. She isn't able to decide and I don't want to pressurize her to come with us against her wishes coz I know she spent a lot of money in agency fees to find a contract in HK.

Now what I am worried about is this, I will be starting a new job and it involves a lot of long hours and even work on weekends/public holidays. My son is very comfortable with my helper and he doesn't warm up to outsiders too easily. My parents were here and although he would play with them he needs her when it comes to feeding, bathing, potty and even sleeping. When I am home he clings to me but she is the only other person he will allow to feed, bathe, change him. I know it will be an easier transition for all of us if she comes with us but I don't want to be selfish. But I am worried sick if he will adapt to a new helper, if she will be as kind hearted and gentle and patient as our present helper. I really am at my wits end and I know it's going to be worse with the pressures of a new job and this weighing upon my mind constantly.


Does anyone have any advice? Is there anything I can do to make the transition easier? I already told my husband that we need to spend more time with him and let him get used to us - especially him coz while he is happy to play with Daddy he needs me when it is bedtime (partly coz I'm breastfeeding) Also, how can I help him adjust to a new helper? Sometimes even I cannot make him sleep and I have to ask my helper to put him to bed. He is used to her in more ways than one. I don't know how difficult it is going to be for him I hope it's not going to be too traumatic. I am so worried it's driving me crazy :(

I agree -- been there, done that! IMO, if you want to be free to focus on your career with no worries about home, a good helper is worth more than her weight in gold. If she's as good as you say she is, and you get along and see eye to eye on child care issues, well, they're really hard to come by. Try and find out why she's on the fence about coming with you, and see if you can address the issues that are preventing her from coming with you? Hopefully, it may be something simple (as simple even as paying off her agency fee?) or that you could reassure her about.

Hi Cygnet. I had the same experience with you. I have a good helper that my children love. We just relocated from spore to bangkok few months ago and she was happily to come with us as she also love my children very2 much. With her help, our transition period moving from sg to bkk was not quite difficult. The first few weeks in bkk, my toddler kept asking to go back to our home in sg and my baby couldn't sleep at night. But my helper is really helpful. You can discuss with your helper whether she wants to come along with you. To get your helper a work permit in singapore is not a complicated issue. You just need to get help from a maid agency in singapore, and they will arrange everything.

Thank you for the replies. I feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one to obsess over this. As I said before we have offered to retain all terms of the Hk contract including the salary. She said that she hasn't been able to sleep and she too is worried about finding a bad employer. We think the only reason that is holding her back is that we mentioned that the Singapore govt requires the FDW to have completed 8 years of education and supporting documents thereof, at least this is my understanding. Ever since we mentioned that she asked why do they need that and she said her school name is different from the one on her passport etc. Now frankly, it does not matter to us what her educational background is, she is kind and patient and loves my child. But we have to go by S'pore laws and I think she is worried that her work permit may not be processed so wants to play it safe. I think the only solution is, as Meiquoren mentioned, to have an honest talk with her and ask her what exactly is holding her back.


Thanks again for the advice. Really appreciate it. I do so hope it works out.

if you really want, you can take her with you -

1. raise her salary 10% to 20%

2. agree to pay her agency fee, if she do wish to come back to hongkong, after two years in singapore.


it is not too much money, isn't it? and after two years the boy is in the kindergarten and everything gets easier.