Posted by
scottsue
19 yrs ago
I wonder if anyone can relate to my tale. We have just returned to live at home(sydney) after 5 years in Singapore. My parents, 80 and 75 were obviously delighted as I am an only child and took their three grandchildren away from them. They are happy we are back but we are not! I have just been offered what I think is a great opportunity in HK and would need to leave in less than 2 months. I think this will break their hearts and there is no one to fall back on. My career is going no where here. Am I a selfish pratt to even consider this job in H.K?
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Do we all ask this question when living away from "home"?
Especially when kids are involved, my hubbies' folks are 70+ and our boy is now nearly 3. We have been away from home nearly 2 years. He is full time dad, is that harder for his folks (mentally.)
We are parents now too, we would miss our kid/s if it was us and we were 70+ but most of all we would want them no be happy and for us not be a burden.
No I don't think you are selfish, you have to be happy in yourself, happy parents = happy children = happy family.
Send stacks of photos, get them access to broadband and a camera on the computer (maybe a friend), they will love you for it. The kids will love to talk to them to.
Its hard thats for sure. We resolved it by our commitment (just between us) to return on a regular basis, send stack of photos, ring regularly and talk about them with our boy.
You know this already. You have been there before having lived in Singapore.
Give yourself a break and trust your instinct.
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Agree with Team NZ. If a move to HK will make you happier, it is probably going to make your children happier too. Much as your parents will miss you, they'll have your best interests at heart (as you put your children's needs first). The very fact that you are beating yourself up over a decision that clearly feels right to you means that you are not 'a selfish pratt'.
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Thanks Team NZ and Dora the Explorer. I love them both so much but I know that I need to take the job in HK.
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aemom
19 yrs ago
If this is a new job/employer, you might want to check about compassionate leave. Elderly parents do fall ill (or just fall). Could you leave to be with them on short notice? How much time would you be able to take? Could you use vacation time if necessary? Would you lose housing allowance, etc if you had to take leave without pay?
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Totty
19 yrs ago
Scottsue - you should do what YOU want to do.
Yes, your parents will be sad but they will want the best for you and they will want what makes you happy. Any parent will tell you that and if your kids were offered an opportunity you'd want them to take it wouldn't you. Do it and they'll give you their blessing.
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Agree with the above advice ... you have to do what's right for you and your kids. I first took my kids away from their grandparents at the age of 3 and 7, obviously it was very sad for all concerned. We returned to the UK a few years later and the grandparents were very happy that we were back 'home'. However, after a few months we realised that we had made a mistake going back to the UK ... it was not what we wanted. Hubby was offered another job in HK where we've been for a few years now. Obviously, our parents were very upset that we were leaving again ... and taking away their grandchildren ... but they did say that they understood why we were doing it, and wanted what was best for us and our children ... they realised that we have a better life overseas than back in UK. We go back every summer and they visit us regularly, and we are in constant contact via email and telephone ... my dad, who's now a pensioner, even went to college to learn how to use a computer!!
Go for it! If you don't you'll probably live to regret it and life's too short for regrets. All the best!
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