Returning to work after 1st baby

Hi,



We had our first child 5 weeks ago and I still have 2 montjs to spend with her. I love my job and before going on maternity leave I was adament that I would be more than happy to return to the office. I honestly never expected to fall so in love with every minute I spend with my little girl and now I am struggling with the thought of leaving her.


We have a lovely amah - who is wonderful with the baby. I know she will look after our little babe - but I am almost jealous and resentful of this (irrationally so). My husband is used to my being so independant and a career type and doesn't understand the dramatic turn - I cry at the prospect of leaving the baby.


My question is how do I try to rationalise my thoughts? Has anyone else felt this way and how did you work it through?


I know our babe will be well looked after when I return to work. I also know that it is practical for me to work - we have a mortgage (which will be a lot for my husband to carry on his own). Also as a role model surely it's good for my babe to see me as independant.


I feel a little mixed up as my husband does not understand and I can't seem to articulate this to anyone else. Sitting at home with the baby all day at the moment I have a lot of time to think about this and I spend quite a lot of time crying.


Any advise or guidance from the experienced moms and dads?

Hi Gabriella

Try not to be too hard on yourself, the more you think you "should be strong and independent" the harder it will be emotionally.


9 months in and 9 months out.... that was the advice I was given. Not to negate your very real feelings, bear in mind your hormones will be out of kilter for a while, and well, life will never be the same again. It can take some time to get you "head around" this new life and new responsibility, I know it took me a while.


Best of luck. Praise yourself, you are doing great.

Hi Gabriella, you are not alone - I've been in the same situation too. My baby is now 7 mos old and I'm back to work for two months. I was lucky to have taken a 5 months no-pay maternity leave. People told me the longer I spend time with the baby the more reluctant I'd be when I get back to work. It IS true...


Though not as career type as you are, I was also certain (before the maternity leave) that I'd return to work after giving birth. I didn't know I'd love him THAT much that I couldn't be away even for a sec. When it's getting closer to the end of the maternity leave, I did seriously think about not getting back to work any more. Hubby was actually supportive but I know I can't lose a job in a longer run. Like you, I sat at home all day trying to get myself mentally prepared for this coming dramatic change. I also tried sneaking out couple hours once a day for a workout or so just to get myself used to leaving him behind.


I also has a great helper who loves my baby so dearly. And O, how jealous and miserable I was - just thinking that SHE is the one who will be playing with my baby during his most active hours every day; She may also be the first one to see my baby meeting different milestones. I knew I would miss a lot. What I did - get as involved as I can to take care of baby whenever I'm present, making up for the time that I'll miss spending with him in the near future.


And finally the day has arrived and I had to get back to work. The final few days right before work was hard. But when work started, I found myself adapt to it surprisingly fast and smooth. Of course I still miss him a lot during the day, but knowing that he's in good hands with a great amah made a whole lot of difference. Work does keep my mind busy and it wasn't as miserable as I thought it'd be.


I can't give you much concrete advice... but just wish to let you know that you aren't alone to go through this. You won't know how lucky to have a good amah at home until you are at work. But no matter how good the caregiver is, no one can take over your place as her Mom. So try to put aside the jealousy and enjoy ever min with your little girl. It will be less tough than you ever imagine it'd be :)

me too, I returned to work when my boy turns 5 months old (bless I also have no-pay leave after the maternity leave). It is really hard to me at the very first, miss my boy every minute at the office, rush to home whenever it is time to go. I try my best to involve in his life whenever I can. Wake up earlier to feed him before I go to work, feed him, play with him and take him for a bath when I returned home. I understand I cannot take him for a walk during his active hours or play with him, but I do keep myself to be his closest pal. It is really hard to me at first (lack of sleep and lack of your own time)but I also adapt to this new schedule very soon. Bless that I can see my boy "big big smile" whenever he sees me home. Your baby will definitely love you as always.


To make this transition smooth, I also told myself be rational, I cant be "jobless" in the long run, the boy will grow up and be more and more independant, the baby can still feel your love. Just be strong, you can be pround of yourself being workingmom.


btw, my hubby also doesnt understand my change, but I guess men are born to be rational!

I returned to work after 3.5 months and boy, it was hard and I was very emotional. I am an emotional person even at the hospital when my baby had to be wheeled off for his phototherapy session because of jaudice and I had to go home without bringing my baby home. Thankfully, my baby only stayed away from me overnight.


We did not have a maid then and fortunately my husband works from home so he looked after bubs. My mother-in-law helps out here and there but she had already told us that she is incapable of looking after a baby full-time and we understood as she is 70 years old.


I do my share when I return home from work and in the weekends to give my husband a break. The thing I like now is coming home to my smiley baby who always reaches his little arms to me to carry him and I give him a big hug and kiss. So no matter how long you are away at work, your baby will always know that you are his mummy.

Thank you everyone - I was feeling very alone this morning and your comments have made me feel a bit more normal.


bbvv I would have been the same as you as I am a pretty emotional person also. It must have been hard to come home without the baby.


My husband is also home a lot during the day and our helper is a lovely lady who really does adore our little girl. Our babe is surrounded by love with everyone doting on her - so there isn't too much more I can ask for.


I am going to try to come to terms with not being there all day every day over the next couple of months so hopefully I should be good by the end of July to return to work.


It's hard though - I am jealous even when our amah tries to help by changing the baby or getting the bath ready. My husband and I had to leave the house the day to run an errand (first time outside for me in 5 weeks, apart from the pediatrician visit). I left expressed milk and even told the amah to give it to the babe if she woke up hungry. When I came home our helper was indeed feeding her. I burst in to tears and cried to my husband that that was my job. Hubby soothed me but naturally thinks I am irrational :)


I tried hard today to let the amah in a little more and feel a bit better for it. I guess small breaks from now on will help me prepare for the return to work. I hope I come home to smiles and kisses also - I will miss her so much during the day that she will have to give me an extra tight cuddle.

Aiyaaah, I do so feel your pain! I was back at work after 3 months and worked flexible hours, 9-2:30 at the office and 4 onwards from home for the next three months. There are times at work I just want to shut everything down and rush home and cuddle my bubbs. As it is I call and talk to him and he chats back! I'm jealous of the amah, for sure, anyone who spends a whole day of excitement with my lovely bubbs who is a pure delight has me greeeeeen with envy, while pore me is slogging at the office. Life is not fair.


Funny, we work so hard to give the bubbs a good life and if you ask them what a good life is, the answer will be loads of time with you mom!

well said...is a really dilemma...sometime I cant figure out what is the best for all of us...but when I look into the reality, all the family member will be better off if I have income as well. Bigger house for my bub to crawl, going to a better school, even we can more siblings for him. I wish I can have more options for our works, like my hub who is also working at home...