Weight issues at 6 - help!?

I have a gorgeous six year old daughter who is very big for her age. She is destined to be a tall adult - her father and aunt are 6ft 4 - her shoe size is already US 3. The issue is people here in Hong Kong love to tell HER how 'fat' and 'chubby' she is and naturally it is really starting to affect her. Before anyone asks, she is not overweight - just big in general. She has a balanced diet and is active enough and I am not about to make her more self conscious by counting her calories at her age! Of course I give her alot of positive reinforcement about how lovely and special she is but it is the comments from other people that stick in her mind more. My issue is what to do about the comments she is receiving from people in the street regardless of whether they realise they are being cruel and hurtful? I know I could tackle the people making the comments and explain to them they are being rude but don't want to make a bigger deal of the situation infront of my daughter. Just yesterday a boy of about the same age kept pointing to her saying 'so fat, so fat' and laughing. I felt like crying and my daughter did cry. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing with their children (I know some adults have experienced this but am really after any incidences with children) and have any helpful suggestions please?

Hi, I'm sorry I can't give you the specific advice as I'm a first time mom with a 7 mth old baby. However, your situation got my attention b/c I feel that could be me and my daughter a few years from now. She's always getting told by Filipinos and Chinese "what a fat baby" and they laugh (I haven't been able to find out yet if the laugh is b/c they think she's funny looking or that they think she is cute)! She's in the 95th percentile on the growth charts for height & weight. I got so paranoid recently about the comments, that I went to my baby's doctor with questions about her weight. She told me not to worry- she's not fat, just a healthy eater. There seems to be a perception here in HK that unless you are "delicate" like a lot of asian people appear to be, then you are automatically "fat", nothing in between. So, I now tell people "not fat, healthy and strong" with a smile! (Secretly I'm thinking what they can do with their comments though!) It will get tougher when the child starts to understand what is being said to her. I do hope someone here will give you some useful advice on how to tackle the problem as I too may need it in the future. However, I just want to let you know that I sympathize with your situation.

My advice is to ignore them or tell them politely that they are being rude.

But the most important advice I can give you (having lived through this myself) - if you are not bothered by the comments, Your child will not be bothered. It is amazing how much they pick up on how you react - much more then what is said to them.

Therefore,if you are supportive and loving to your child, and if your actions are about a healthy body image, they will have one too.

But if at the same time you are talking about having to get in shape or lack your own healthy self image, they will have trouble later in life.

My concern is that you are bothered by it and therefore your child may believe some of it by picking up on your reaction and emotion.

Good luck.

Thanks for your replies - Scuba Chick, I am only bothered when I see the look on her face as she is processing what they are saying to her. And I am also very, very careful that she does not pick up on how cross I feel. Up until now I have been ignoring the comments and brushing them off but for whatever reason this does not seem to be enough to protect her from them. She is pretty cluey and I can be full of positive feedback for her but if she is hearing these negative things - especially from other children it is hurtful. Children don't like to be seen as different or a stand out especially at this age, they want to be accepted. There is no issue here with my body image or me talking about getting in shape so that is irrelevant. Maybe I'll concentrate on the 'not fat but healthy and strong line' at this point.....

I'm sorry to report, it will probably get worse before it gets better! So, here's how we learned to cope:


My healthy kids (now semi-adult) are also "fat" by Asian standards (although "thin" by American standards). At a certain age, no matter how hard you try, it's impossible to shield adolescents from general attitudes about thin/fat which are shared by their peers in school.


I personally believe in focusing on health as a standard of beauty, and that's what we do at home. But I don't have control over what everyone else says or thinks or acts. I have witnessed how painful it can be for an adolescent be to be overweight compared to the societal norm and judged according to those norms. If they are perceived as "fat," like it or not they will suffer for it in the crucible of the adolescent social scene. Therefore, I support my children in their efforts at weight control.


I strive to steer them toward developing healthy eating and exercise habits as a way of life. I discourage them from "dieting," try to convince them to live in moderation rather than binging and purging or depriving themselves totally.


I confess, at first I resisted and insisted that they were fine and that they were NOT fat. But their peers said otherwise, so later I gave in and learned to support them in their own efforts to: eat moderate amounts of healthy food, skip the sugar, and exercise a lot in healthy ways (cross training). Though I don't like any focus on "weight" per se, my kids through their efforts have learned to balance exercise and diet in a healthy way. So now, they are quite fit, healthy, and not too terribly, morbidly fat by the standards set by their peer groups. I'm personally convinced that sports and exercise (healthy fitness) are the best way to do this. That way, they can eat and still burn calories.


I guess I see one of my main goals with teen daughters as being to keep them from becoming either fat or anorexic, striving to find a healthy balance for a lifetime. For what it's worth, I understand through reading that the only sure sign of anorexia is failing to join the family for meals. Since learning this, I've always tried to make sure we have healthy family meals together, and exercise in the gym is a great way of having mother-daughter time!

This is kind of a P.S., but you may wonder how any of this is relevant to a six year old. The answer is, the teen years are closer than you think! Enjoy your lovely daughter every bit as much as you can, for they don't stay little very long! ;-) The peer group things start young and, for girls, only intensify! It can also help if you consciously try to help your daughter find a peer group for herself that includes kind girls and not the kind of "material girls" who only focus on appearance and style to the exclusion of character and inner beauty.

why u think all this in hk most of kids r thin in indian our kids lo like little fat and chabby so wht if they r one good diet and they r heathly andactive i dont mind any one

Sunita, it's purely a cultural thing, but if you are in HK your children are going to be immersed in the material girl HK culture! Though, I observe that some cultural groups are better at holding the line on preserving their culture than others!